Genders

[Titan Arum]

Titan, how does twin sense work? Can you guess what the other is thinkingn or what? I've always been curious.

As lord Claincy said, this mostly manifests when we play games because we know the way each other thinks. For example, when we play Cranium together, we know the other's drawing more or less from the beginning. One time, my sister pulled the clay out of the tin, literally set it down on the table, and I knew somehow it was a gravestone without her doing anything to it. This does't necessarily mean we know what the other is thinking. Instead we are very good at guessing what the other is thinking or will do because we just know each other so well. When you grow up as babies together, you get really close. I don't know if you've ever seen the youtube videos of the twin babies who have their own language? It's like that. You just get each other and can anticipate what the other one may do. 

 

For the experience that I shared before...that's the only time we've ever had a connection where it seemed almost telepathic. I don't know why or how I knew something was wrong, but something was indeed off.  

[A Joe in the Bush]

Late to the party as always.

Personally, I'm completely male, but have feminine tendancies. I don't actualy know anyone who identifies as anything other than the binary genders, but I've always seen gender as something you choose. There have been times in my past where I've chosen to be seen as another gender, and I got pretty good at changing how people viewed me online.

[the winter system]

I'm a girl and on special occasions I like wearing a dress. Most of the time I don't because I find them impractical. So?

For the longest time I've claimed I don't like wearing dresses because of the pressure to. In that way, I was buying into the very act of gender bias even though I was trying to defy it. I don't feel any particular urge to like makeup or do my hair up. I just don't like it, it's not because I think people who do are stupid or less valuable to society. In many ways, I can act like a 'boy.' Then I met a friend, who is very much similar to the idea of the stereotypical boy even though she's a girl. Just because a person is a certain gender doesn't mean it's bad that they like the same things as a majority of boys. It's annoying and frustrating that when that person who usually acts like a boy does something randomly not that people start acting weird around them.

That's my 2 cents, anyway

[king of nowhere]

I'm wondering if the result of the poll means that 75% of the people in this forum are male, or that males are more inclined to answer that poll. or that females are more inclined to answer, and there are even less of them. Whatever. Numbers are not an opinion, but how you interpret them is the trick.

 

I just discovered this thread and I'm sad I missed the chance to participate earlier, there were some interesting discussions. Anyway, I see many people are confusing "being genderqueer" with "not fitting in gender stereotypes", which are completely different things. The way I understand it, you are straight if you are a man, feeling a man, and attracted both sexually and romantically only by women, or a woman feeling a woman and attracted both romantically and sexually only by men. Anything else falls under the "genderqueer" umbrella. If you look closely, very few people fit the gender stereotypes, and most who do are actively trying to because they feel they must be that way to be respected or to have self-esteem. also, according to gender stereotyes men are morons and girls are silly, I don't see how someone would  want to conform to that.

Sometimes I think my life would have been easier if I had been born a straight girl with the same exact personality. I have three or four good friends who are single and of whom I think "if I were a girl, or he was one, I'd hit on him/her". While it is very rare that I find a girl with the right personality to fit me, and each one of those I found are already taken. And I would like, if it was possible, to get a female body for a while, explore how it feels. But ultimately, I feel male, i like girls, i'm not attracted to men, so I am a straight guy.

[Kasimir]

this thread and I'm sad I missed the chance to participate earlier, there were some interesting discussions. Anyway, I see many people are confusing "being genderqueer" with "not fitting in gender stereotypes", which are completely different things.

I would say that the problem is that many people express their lived experience of being genderqueer in ways like, "I was interested in an early age in things the typical boy/girl isn't." or in talk about how they were drawn to some of the stereotypical behaviours associated with the other gender. I would generally consider that a legitimate way to express this experience; in our heads, gender can often be tightly linked with performance and expression, after all. And talking about experiences--especially for something as personal as gender!--is rather hermeneutically challenging. Hence the unsurprising tendency for that to overlap a little.

Edited August 14, 2015 by Kasimir

[maxal]

 

I'm wondering if the result of the poll means that 75% of the people in this forum are male, or that males are more inclined to answer that poll. or that females are more inclined to answer, and there are even less of them. Whatever. Numbers are not an opinion, but how you interpret them is the trick.

 

I think it likely the majority of forumers indeed are male. Not that fantasy is not appealing to women, but the demography still seems to be mostly geared towards the male audience. Not there is anything wrong about that, it simply is an observation.

 

However, I also do think there is significant number of women on the site, but women usually tend to have different interests, even when they chat about books. I know, for my part, I am heavily invested into character development whereas I feel my male counter parts are more invested into world-building. One is not better than the other, just different. I also noticed on talk about shipping, female forumers have a different take on events than male forumers, on average. There is just a difference, it is not huge, but it is there. I tend to be able to tell if a forumer is male or female without having to click on its profile, thought I have been wrong on a few occasions.

 

 

I just discovered this thread and I'm sad I missed the chance to participate earlier, there were some interesting discussions. Anyway, I see many people are confusing "being genderqueer" with "not fitting in gender stereotypes", which are completely different things. The way I understand it, you are straight if you are a man, feeling a man, and attracted both sexually and romantically only by women, or a woman feeling a woman and attracted both romantically and sexually only by men. Anything else falls under the "genderqueer" umbrella. If you look closely, very few people fit the gender stereotypes, and most who do are actively trying to because they feel they must be that way to be respected or to have self-esteem. also, according to gender stereotyes men are morons and girls are silly, I don't see how someone would  want to conform to that.

Sometimes I think my life would have been easier if I had been born a straight girl with the same exact personality. I have three or four good friends who are single and of whom I think "if I were a girl, or he was one, I'd hit on him/her". While it is very rare that I find a girl with the right personality to fit me, and each one of those I found are already taken. And I would like, if it was possible, to get a female body for a while, explore how it feels. But ultimately, I feel male, i like girls, i'm not attracted to men, so I am a straight guy.

 

I agree there is a difference between being queer and simply not fitting within was we conceived are the traditional gender roles. However, I feel many people seem to have grown in a heavily polarized environment as I never felt such a pressure to conform myself to such standard. My man surely is not the poster boy for the perfect male: he hates team sports, every single one of them and has always felt left out due to this lack of interest in... ice hockey or football. I sure am not the poster girl for the perfect female: I talk a lot and I read fantasy instead of Eat, Pray, Love or the Secret which does not mean I cannot enjoy such books from time to time, but my main interest is not there.

 

Still we found ourselves, so do not despair 

[The Honor Spren]

I've inserted opinions here and there, but haven't actually replied yet.

I am female. No debate about that for me.

I am slightly different from my friends, at the age of nine, I played with nerf swords much more than Barbie dolls. And I have yet to experience this phenomena of "crushing on a guy". So far, I have only liked anyone as a person and not romantically. I used to where makeup a lot, but then got too lazy to put it on every morning or to be super careful when wiping my eye. I like the feeling of skirts and the way they swish around my legs, but I don't wear them a lot, because they aren't all that great for longing around and reading books. I enjoy cooking sometimes, but hate cleaning and find small children kind of annoying. I've also never understood cooing over babies, yes it is wonderful a new child has been brought into this world, but I won't rush to be the first in line to hold it. I detest both puppy and horse stories.

[Kaymyth]

I've inserted opinions here and there, but haven't actually replied yet.

I am female. No debate about that for me.

I am slightly different from my friends, at the age of nine, I played with nerf swords much more than Barbie dolls. And I have yet to experience this phenomena of "crushing on a guy". So far, I have only liked anyone as a person and not romantically. I used to where makeup a lot, but then got too lazy to put it on every morning or to be super careful when wiping my eye. I like the feeling of skirts and the way they swish around my legs, but I don't wear them a lot, because they aren't all that great for longing around and reading books. I enjoy cooking sometimes, but hate cleaning and find small children kind of annoying. I've also never understood cooing over babies, yes it is wonderful a new child has been brought into this world, but I won't rush to be the first in line to hold it. I detest both puppy and horse stories.

 

Asexuality/aromanticism is a legitimate thing.

[maxal]

I've inserted opinions here and there, but haven't actually replied yet.

I am female. No debate about that for me.

I am slightly different from my friends, at the age of nine, I played with nerf swords much more than Barbie dolls. And I have yet to experience this phenomena of "crushing on a guy". So far, I have only liked anyone as a person and not romantically. I used to where makeup a lot, but then got too lazy to put it on every morning or to be super careful when wiping my eye. I like the feeling of skirts and the way they swish around my legs, but I don't wear them a lot, because they aren't all that great for longing around and reading books. I enjoy cooking sometimes, but hate cleaning and find small children kind of annoying. I've also never understood cooing over babies, yes it is wonderful a new child has been brought into this world, but I won't rush to be the first in line to hold it. I detest both puppy and horse stories.

 

These are perfectly normal... I never liked Barbie dolls either and to this day I still do not wear make-up on a regular basis: too much trouble. I haven't had my first "crush" until I was 17 years old.... I got to a point where I thought I was the most abnormal person in the entire universe due to my lack of interest in boys... not that I had an interest in girls or whatever, I was just not ready to experience "love" and "crushes" and it's perfectly fine and VERY normal. 

 

Not everyone is ready to have a boyfriend/girlfriend in their young teens. In fact, most people aren't, but peer pressure makes it sound as if you should. Absolutely do not worry over not crushing on anyone right now, trust me, it'll come.

 

And it's OK not to like children or babies... I never cared all that much about them until I had my own... and even then, I care about mine and mine, not so much about others, though I will now coo over babies now (a by-product of actually having had babies)....       but I had hardly pick up a child until I had my first.

 

However, I am puzzled at you hating horse stories....         I used to LOVE horse stories...      Who does not like a good horse story??? 

 

 

Asexuality/aromanticism is a legitimate thing.

 

 

I am reluctant to give it a name... It is perfectly normal for teenagers to not be ready for relationships... it does not need to have a label. I am puzzled by those. I knew I pondered a lot about my inability to have a crush on guys as a teenager until I actually had one... while nearing my late teens. From my point-of-vue, not everyone is ready for such things at the same age. 

 

I was a perfectly normal person, I was just not ready for the whole romance, drawing names in a heart thing at 15 years old.

Edited August 23, 2015 by maxal

[Kestrel]

I'm wondering if the result of the poll means that 75% of the people in this forum are male, or that males are more inclined to answer that poll. or that females are more inclined to answer, and there are even less of them. Whatever. Numbers are not an opinion, but how you interpret them is the trick.

I just discovered this thread and I'm sad I missed the chance to participate earlier, there were some interesting discussions. Anyway, I see many people are confusing "being genderqueer" with "not fitting in gender stereotypes", which are completely different things. The way I understand it, you are straight if you are a man, feeling a man, and attracted both sexually and romantically only by women, or a woman feeling a woman and attracted both romantically and sexually only by men. Anything else falls under the "genderqueer" umbrella. If you look closely, very few people fit the gender stereotypes, and most who do are actively trying to because they feel they must be that way to be respected or to have self-esteem. also, according to gender stereotyes men are morons and girls are silly, I don't see how someone would want to conform to that.

Sometimes I think my life would have been easier if I had been born a straight girl with the same exact personality. I have three or four good friends who are single and of whom I think "if I were a girl, or he was one, I'd hit on him/her". While it is very rare that I find a girl with the right personality to fit me, and each one of those I found are already taken. And I would like, if it was possible, to get a female body for a while, explore how it feels. But ultimately, I feel male, i like girls, i'm not attracted to men, so I am a straight guy.

(in reply to first paragraph-) I think that is an interesting observation. I've noticed that, in past experiences, when a woman likes something "a guy should like" they're harassed online. Either by men who are like "you shouldn't like that!" or "you're taking my fun away!" to even being harassed sexually. That leads to women lying about their gender in order to avoid the negative comments and backlash they could get. Now, not saying that the community here would do this, but I have seen this happen before.

(In reply to second paragraph-) I think we've been over this point, several times actually. Gender stereotypes are very.. Fake. Nobody really fits them. Agender/bigender/trans refers to someone who doesn't feel right in their own body. I have a friend who's more manly than most men I know. She is female. She feels good in her female body. If a trans guy still wears and likes dresses and flowers and "girly" things, he is still a guy. Gender has nothing to do with how you look or what you like, it has to do with who you feel like inside.

[maxal]

(in reply to first paragraph-) I think that is an interesting observation. I've noticed that, in past experiences, when a woman likes something "a guy should like" they're harassed online. Either by men who are like "you shouldn't like that!" or "you're taking my fun away!" to even being harassed sexually. That leads to women lying about their gender in order to avoid the negative comments and backlash they could get. Now, not saying that the community here would do this, but I have seen this happen before.

 

Where have you been??? I have never been called down for being a woman ever in my life, not that I remember... If people ever expressed thoughts as to my tastes, it was more surprise than anything else. I have never been sexually harassed or ever feel I was being sexually harassed.... Anyway if someone wants to use that argument with me, they may as well try, but they will rise the anger-filled dragon. It may be best they don't 

 

I am not saying these things do not happen (I know they do), but it never happened to me, so I am puzzled. I have never lied about my gender, but I have not necessarily been forthcoming with it. I don't scream I am a woman when I come to a new place, but I will answer truthfully if asked. I have no idea if people picked up my gender right away, but since I am rather good at picking up others, I figure out they must. The reason I try not to bring it forward is to avoid having it being weighted within the argumentation, so this may be what you are referring to... It could also be there are communities who are more sexist than others and it may be I have never tried those.

 

 

I can say thought I do not feel I was ever bashed for being a woman. I am sad to hear you have had so many negative experiences, especially at your age.

[Kestrel]

Its not with me, its with... Other people. I hear so many stories, from friends and others online about this. I tend to avoid the gaming community because of it. Sadly enough, sexual harassment is a big issue in the gaming community. So is sexism. "Girls won't be playing our game so we won't make any playable female characters" or "women are hard to animate!!"

And then you have to deal with those guys who are like "I bet you only like (nerdy thing) because men like it and you want a man" or "wow I hate fake nerdy girls like you haven't read every single issue of this comic? fake fangirl" I never see men get this treatment, even if they like "girly" shows like My Little Pony.

Its just... Ugh.

[maxal]

Its not with me, its with... Other people. I hear so many stories, from friends and others online about this. I tend to avoid the gaming community because of it. Sadly enough, sexual harassment is a big issue in the gaming community. So is sexism. "Girls won't be playing our game so we won't make any playable female characters" or "women are hard to animate!!"

And then you have to deal with those guys who are like "I bet you only like (nerdy thing) because men like it and you want a man" or "wow I hate fake nerdy girls like you haven't read every single issue of this comic? fake fangirl" I never see men get this treatment, even if they like "girly" shows like My Little Pony.

Its just... Ugh.

 

Oh I get it. I was never a gamer, so I am completely clueless about those communities. I am sadden to know they would behave this way. You would think nerdy people would know how to treat others more fairly, but it seems the world does not work this way.

 

For my part, I go mostly on places talking about books or parenting, little chances of me being called out for being a woman on my mothers facebook group       

[Kaymyth]

Its not with me, its with... Other people. I hear so many stories, from friends and others online about this. I tend to avoid the gaming community because of it. Sadly enough, sexual harassment is a big issue in the gaming community. So is sexism. "Girls won't be playing our game so we won't make any playable female characters" or "women are hard to animate!!"

And then you have to deal with those guys who are like "I bet you only like (nerdy thing) because men like it and you want a man" or "wow I hate fake nerdy girls like you haven't read every single issue of this comic? fake fangirl" I never see men get this treatment, even if they like "girly" shows like My Little Pony.

Its just... Ugh.

 

I'm familiar with the issue, though I have yet to meet a male who is foolish enough to call me a "fake geek girl" to my face.  Which is a pity, because most of the morons who buy into that trope are whippersnappers who are younger than many of my fandom obsessions, and I would wind up completely destroying them.

Edited August 24, 2015 by Kaymyth

[Claincy]

 

I never see men get this treatment, even if they like "girly" shows like My Little Pony.
Its just... Ugh.

I know it happens, though I haven't experienced that particular thing myself and I don't know if it is less common for guys. It's completely unacceptable regardless of who it is targeted at.

 

Asexuality/aromanticism is a legitimate thing.

I hadn't actually heard of aromanticism before. (There's just sooooo many terms out there :/)

So I spent a while looking it up and reading about it and then I had to spend some time looking up alloromanticism to try to understand that Intellectually I get it (alloromanticism that is), or at least I think I do. But it's a bit difficult for me to understand it emotionally. I also found it interesting, and a little strange, to read posts talking about coming out about being on the aromantic spectrum. I understand it, it's just that I've been aware of, and not shy about, my limited interest in romance for years now and I knew nothing about the term or community until today.

[Kaymyth]

I hadn't actually heard of aromanticism before. (There's just sooooo many terms out there :/)

So I spent a while looking it up and reading about it and then I had to spend some time looking up alloromanticism to try to understand that Intellectually I get it (alloromanticism that is), or at least I think I do. But it's a bit difficult for me to understand it emotionally. I also found it interesting, and a little strange, to read posts talking about coming out about being on the aromantic spectrum. I understand it, it's just that I've been aware of, and not shy about, my limited interest in romance for years now and I knew nothing about the term or community until today.

 

 

That's one of the reasons I brought it up - it's not well-known, or well-understood by a lot of people.  People on that spectrum tend to get a lot of flak for it, because there's an annoyingly vocal minority who flat-out don't believe that it's possible.  There's a distinct societal pressure to pair off, which is hard enough for those of us who DO have those feelings and desires. 

 

Sometimes for some folks, that light bulb of, "Wait, there are other people like me?" is a major turning point in their lives.

[Claincy]

That's one of the reasons I brought it up - it's not well-known, or well-understood by a lot of people.  People on that spectrum tend to get a lot of flak for it, because there's an annoyingly vocal minority who flat-out don't believe that it's possible.  There's a distinct societal pressure to pair off, which is hard enough for those of us who DO have those feelings and desires. 

 

Sometimes for some folks, that light bulb of, "Wait, there are other people like me?" is a major turning point in their lives.

I knew there had to be others, and actually one of my best friends has a somewhat similar mindset, well at least close enough to readily understand mine. I think it'd be fair to say I'm grey-aromantic, I don't think I'm fully aromantic. High school sucked a bit, but there were plenty of other reasons for that too and by University I found most people don't ask too often. Most find the "I'm not that interested and I'd have to give up too much time and other commitments" explanation a bit strange but they accept it. (That isn't a full explanation of course, but it is true all the same and it's much easier to say than to go into social anxiety details etc ) I s'pose most of them probably think sooner or later I'll find "the one". It's possible, but I wouldn't count on it.

 

And thankyou, it is nice to know

Edited August 24, 2015 by lord Claincy Ffnord

[the winter system]

 I never see men get this treatment, even if they like "girly" shows like My Little Pony.

Its just... Ugh.

It does happen, actually. In Youtube comments. I seriously hate the people who frequent Youtube comments for the purpose of getting into fights... And it's so ridiculous. It's just a show, yeesh. 

[king of nowhere]

Asexuality/aromanticism is a legitimate thing.

 

I wonder: how do you figure out whether you're aromantic or you're never found the right person?

 

Its not with me, its with... Other people. I hear so many stories, from friends and others online about this. I tend to avoid the gaming community because of it. Sadly enough, sexual harassment is a big issue in the gaming community. So is sexism. "Girls won't be playing our game so we won't make any playable female characters" or "women are hard to animate!!"

And then you have to deal with those guys who are like "I bet you only like (nerdy thing) because men like it and you want a man" or "wow I hate fake nerdy girls like you haven't read every single issue of this comic? fake fangirl" I never see men get this treatment, even if they like "girly" shows like My Little Pony.

Its just... Ugh.

 

I am into online gaming, and I have other friends who do, so I should add my own metaphorical two cents.

 

1) most gamers are ok. while it may seem to the casual gamer that those communities are full of trolls, in fact they are a minority. Unfortunately, if you are playing with ten people, you are going to notice the one or two who flame instead of all the other ones.

 

2) communities for different games are very different. I've seen plenty of angst in League of Legends, while there are a few problematic people in civilization IV and I've never seen anythhing but politness in widelands. Unfortunately the latter two games are only played by a few dozen individuals. I have a friend who plays starcraft, and he says he only found one bad guy in months of playing. So, it depends.

 

3) there are also strong differences in the same game among different skill levels. In League of Legends, bronze games are full of people who will harrass or misbehave, in silver they are frequent, but I have a friend who rose as high as diamond and he said it was very different there and people were nice. they realize you must be a good player to have gone so high, and if you're ahving a bad game they'll support you instead of bashing you.

In ogame I never found any toxic player ammong the skilled ones, while there are many among the unexperienced (mostly people who did not read how to play the game, did not try to listen to explanations, and then are blaming other people if they are defeated).

 

4)

"I bet you only like (nerdy thing) because men like it and you want a man" or "wow I hate fake nerdy girls like you haven't read every single issue of this comic? fake fangirl"

 

I have seen the second applied to men. Many times. The "you're not good enough" is a common argument especially in team games, where there are people always ready to blame the team when they are losing. or, in community, the accusation of being a poser. I've never seen the first being used on a girl. Never seen people making that assuption. I think the worst I've ever seen as sexual harrasment is "you're a girl playing videogames, you must be hot". Which is not all that bad.

 

5) many men will poke at each other in jest, for fun. we do that a lot in civilization. I do it even more with my real life chess buddies. Again, it's something that depends heavily on the community. However, the written language of a chat is humorless. So, sometimes people who are not experienced with those communities may take as offensive something that was intended as a joke.

 

To sum it up, gaming communities are very different environments, do not despair on finding the right one because of a few bad experiences.

[Kaymyth]

I wonder: how do you figure out whether you're aromantic or you're never found the right person?

 

 

It's a matter of knowing oneself, I suppose. 

[Kasimir]

It's a matter of knowing oneself, I suppose.

This, and probably the same way one finds out that one's heterosexual rather than homosexual or bisexual: I mean, it's possible you just haven't yet found the right person, right?

[Claincy]

I wonder: how do you figure out whether you're aromantic or you're never found the right person?

I'm no expert, but a few points:

-People change over time. Having had romantic feelings for someone in the past or finding someone in the future doesn't mean you aren't on the aromantic spectrum now.

-Being on the aromantic spectrum doesn't necessarily mean you never experience any romantic feelings for anyone. But that you get those feelings less often and or less strongly than alloromantic people.

-Aromantic is a label and not a rigid definition, if it helps you to identify as aromantic than great, if it doesn't don't use it

-Taking a look at this list might help

[king of nowhere]

This, and probably the same way one finds out that one's heterosexual rather than homosexual or bisexual: I mean, it's possible you just haven't yet found the right person, right?

not really, that's my point. For homosexuality there is a clear discriminating factor: you find people of a certain sex to be attactive, or not. You see dozens such people on a daily basis just by walking out of home. You can't think "well, maybe I never found an attractive girl (keeping with one gender for simplicity)", because you have seen literally thousands of them, and you can tell a girl is attractive at first glance. If you like girls, you certainly will see several you find beautiful.

On the other hand, in order to find someone romantically attractive, you need to know them. If you're a loner, you may have known enough to judge only a couple dozen girls. It is fully possible that you never found an attractive one in such a small sample, especially if you are a person that doesn't fit the mold.

Then there is the fact that aromanticis is a continuum. there are people less romantic than others, and you can find gradually less romantic ones until you reach aromanticism. But where do you draw the line? I don't feel aromantic at all, but a good third of the points in lord claincy's list do apply to me anyway. Some of those because I don't have much interest in a quick fling but I rather look for something stable, some because I am very affectionate towards my female friends, some because I befriend very few people, some because I am generally a rational, as opposed to emotional, kind of person, and some because I'm just terrible at reading body language.

Yeah, ok, I realize that also for identifying with a gender it is impossible to draw a line. realizing your sexual attractions is easy, the romantical ones are more difficult, in general. I suppose aromantic gradually merges with straight, and there's no way to draw a clear line. In the end it all boils down to what do you feel you are. But you can recognize you are homo- or bi- as young as thirteen, while you would not realize you're aromantic before your early twenties.

[RenegadeShroom]

I disagree that you need to know someone to be romantically attracted to them. Granted, I have literally no experience here, but my understanding is that that's exactly what a crush is. You don't have to know them well at all. If that's all it was, then demiromanticism (not a seperate thing, just a subset of aromanticism) wouldn't be a thing. Demiromanticism/demisexuality is when you don't feel any romantic/sexual attraction to someone until you've already formed a strong emotional bond with them. 

 

You can't think "well, maybe I never found an attractive girl (keeping with one gender for simplicity)", because you have seen literally thousands of them, and you can tell a girl is attractive at first glance. If you like girls, you certainly will see several you find beautiful.

 

Surely this applies to aromanticism and asexuality, no? If you've never been romantically or sexually attracted to anyone in your life, when you've met plenty of people, that's kind of a big tip off, especially when others around you have been, and they talk about it plenty. It's telling that aromantic people will often feel like we're broken before we find a label for ourselves and realise that there are other people like us. It's easy to realise when others are experiencing things that you are not, especially something that's so pervasive in our society.

 

I am reluctant to give it a name... It is perfectly normal for teenagers to not be ready for relationships... it does not need to have a label. I am puzzled by those. I knew I pondered a lot about my inability to have a crush on guys as a teenager until I actually had one... while nearing my late teens. From my point-of-vue, not everyone is ready for such things at the same age. 

 

I know this post was a while ago in the discussion, but it's really not just a teenage thing. And it's not about being ready for a relationship. It's just not having those feelings at all. Sometimes it is just a phase -- though that doesn't mean that you should ever tell someone who comes out as ace/aro to you that, because that's really not a pleasant thing to say to someone, and it's even a big fear for many of us that our identity will turn out to just be a phase -- but I'd encourage you not to treat it that way, and definitely not just as a teenage thing.

[maxal]

I know this post was a while ago in the discussion, but it's really not just a teenage thing. And it's not about being ready for a relationship. It's just not having those feelings at all. Sometimes it is just a phase -- though that doesn't mean that you should ever tell someone who comes out as ace/aro to you that, because that's really not a pleasant thing to say to someone, and it's even a big fear for many of us that our identity will turn out to just be a phase -- but I'd encourage you not to treat it that way, and definitely not just as a teenage thing.

 

Huh, yeah. Demiromantic, aromantic and all of these terms are a teenage thing. Most grown-ups have absolutely no idea what these means and would simply frown on them. Why? Because they describe what we consider to be normal behavior and we fail to grasp why people would want to put a label on it. It is a very teenage phenomenon and one found specifically on tumblr which is very teenage oriented. 

 

I dare you to walk in the street and to ask anyone above the age of 30 to see if they ever heard of ace/aro... You'd be lucky to find one. So it is essentially a phenomenon linked towards a younger generation. 

 

As for not being ready for a relationship, it is very common among teenagers to not be ready, though they will often use terms and labels to describe it. However, not being ready at 16 does not mean you will not be ready at 20. It differs for all people which is why I dislike putting labels on: they seem fix in time. People do change as they age and yeah, if a teenager comes forward and tells me these things, I'll just nod and think: "We'll talk in a few years". However, if someone reaches their 30s and he still has not changed his mind about it, then it really is not a phase.

 

For my part, I don't get why someone needs to come out as "ace or aro or demi"... You treat your relationships as you want and if you need more connection to feel attach, then you don't need to put a label on it: tons of people are like that. If you don't want a relationship, you don't need to come out with a label either: tons of people are like that.

 

These labels, I fail to see what they add and seriously most grown-ups, in the real world not on the Internet (those dwelling on the Internet may have heard of it, but trust me, most grown-ups don't do that), they don't get it and even when you explain, they still don't get it. Call it a generation gap.