the most useless uses for useful powers

[Cstryon he/him]

Awaken my working alarm clock with "don't wake me up".

Awaken an object with "stay inanimate".

Hmmm... Could awakeners make objects that way that can't be awakened by others?

[Ashiok]

Awaken a book with the command "No spoilers"

[Fatebreaker he/him]

Awaken a book with the command "No spoilers"

 

How would that work?  It wouldn't let you read key chapters, or it wouldn't let you skip ahead? Or it might not let you finish the book at all.

[king of nowhere]

How would that work?  It wouldn't let you read key chapters, or it wouldn't let you skip ahead? Or it might not let you finish the book at all.

I guess it depends on how you think the command. if you do things right, the book will shut itself if you try to skip ahead. if you do them wrong, the book will try to kill you when you read the epilogue.

[Fatebreaker he/him]

I guess it depends on how you think the command. if you do things right, the book will shut itself if you try to skip ahead. if you do them wrong, the book will try to kill you when you read the epilogue.

 

Man, that'd be a unique way to go, death by epilogue 

Edited September 6, 2014 by Fatebreaker

[kinxer he/him]

Awaken a Furby with the command "Destroy."

Spray a Full Lashing on a slip'n'slide.

Oh, and hemalurgically spike an elephant with awareness, Feruchemical iron, and Feruchemical steel.

[Screwloose]

Spend years mastering pushes and pulls so you can unlock your front door with your arms full.

Use metal dice and Allomancy to cheat in games- and play against a group of Seekers.

Awaken a coin (or sphere) to "Roll away" and leave it on the ground in a busy area, then wait for someone to try picking it up.

[happyman he/him]

Awaken a coin (or sphere) to "Roll away" and leave it on the ground in a busy area, then wait for someone to try picking it up.

 

I'd totally watch a reality show around this idea.

[killersquirrel59 he/him]

Use a Bendalloy bubble to finish the last chapter of your book before your lunch break runs out.

 

Lash one corner of a poster to the wall to check if it's crooked.

 

Contract a Kandra to eat you after you die just to sit up and freak everyone out at your open casket funeral.

 

Using a Cadmium bubble over the stands to turn tortoise races into a spectator sport.

 

Store the memory of reading Words of Radiance in a Coppermind because it was so good that you want to read it again right away and not have spoilers.

Edited September 11, 2014 by killersquirrel59

[mail-mi he/him]

Use a Bendalloy bubble to finish the last chapter of your book before your lunch break runs out.

On the contrary: use a Cadmium bubble to make Brandon Sanderson's books last longer.

[Fatebreaker he/him]

Awaken a hat with the command "Sort."

Find out what Radiant order you're in.

Edited September 11, 2014 by Fatebreaker

[kinxer he/him]

Awaken a hat with the command "Sort."

 

Awaken a stick with the command "Be a focus for Investiture."

[Titan Arum]

1) Awaken my dog leash to walk my dog for me.

2) Awaken my cat litter scoop to scoop and throw away the kitty roca for me (when my dog is taking the day off).

3) Lash a 40 to each of my hands so that I can play Edward 40's Hands without duct tape. 

Edited September 18, 2014 by Titan Arum

[Pathfinder]

1) Awaken my dog leash to walk my dog for me.

2) Awaken my cat litter scoop to scoop and throw away the kitty roca for me (when my dog is taking the day off).

3) Lash a 40 to each of my hands so that I can play Edward 40's Hands without duct tape. (And now that I think about it, we can make duct tape, the best product ever invented, pretty useless!). 

Or awaken duct tape and make it EVEN BETTER

[king of nowhere]

Become a Knight Radiant on a world without stormlight. 

If I get the spren, it would still be a good deal. even without stormlight, pattern can pick locks and solve mathematic problems, syl can find objeccts around... not to mention that I'd like to interact with them anyway.

so, too useful for this thread.

[hoidhunter he/him]

Using Feruchemy to store age in order to go as old you for Halloween party.

 

Edit: Awaken a fried chicken with command "feed yourself to me."

 

Edit2: Constantly draw in stormlight to stay cool in hot weather. (It frosts your skin)

 

Edit3: Use lightweaving to make the illusion of a bench in a park. Then watch people fall down when they try to sit.

Create a lifeless goldfish so you never need to replace it.

If you are bald...shave someone else's head and awaken their hair with the command...become my hair.

Edited December 8, 2014 by Ookla the Ensconced
PLEASE do not double post (or quadruple post) there's an edit button for a reason

[Kobold King he/him]

Without a spren. In otherwords, find an honorblade on a world without Investurite. 

 

You've still got a big ol' sword that you could sell on eBay or something.

[Fallen Rope he/him]

Find Nightblood on a world without a shard, maybe in your house.

[Pathfinder]

Be an iron misting, with Lift's awesomeness, so anytime you eat you have "metal" to burn, but also have a nervous tick that results in you flaring iron at inopportune times. have fun meeting your significant other's family!

[kinxer he/him]

Store Feruchemical zinc for years, then compound it while sitting in a doctor's office waiting room in order to do a crossword puzzle.

 

Embed a corpse (robbed from a recent grave, of course) with bits of metal and somehow preserve it, then use Allomantic steel and Allomantic iron to "bring it back to life."

 

Use Feruchemical iron to increase and decrease the speed of a merry-go-'round while on it without pushing. Actually, that sounds kind of fun. Oh, well.

 

Awaken bagpipes with ANY command.

 

Awaken a wheel with the command "Roll upward." (Would this work? How much can Awakened sense their surroundings, and what happens when an Awakened is physically unable to accomplish its goal?)

 

Edit:

Be an iron misting, with Lift's awesomeness, so anytime you eat you have "metal" to burn, but also have a nervous tick that results in you flaring iron at inopportune times. have fun meeting your significant other's family!

 

 

That's wonderful. It would almost be like having a Smedry talent.

Edited December 10, 2014 by kinxer

[Kurkistan he/him]

Awaken bagpipes with ANY command.

 

Well that just earned you an upvote.

[Kobold King he/him]

Awaken bagpipes with ANY command.

 

"Quote Braveheart."

[hoidhunter he/him]

If you use cadmium to store breath while smoking pot...would you also store the buzz??? (this is actually not useless...I'm just curious)

[Voidus]

Half lash yourself upwards while tapping your Ironminds of all the weight you've ever stored.

[kinxer he/him]

Half lash yourself upwards while tapping your Ironminds of all the weight you've ever stored.

 

Who needs reverse lashings when you can do this?