Autism/neurodivergence club

[KnightSkye Reforged They/Them]

14 minutes ago, Through the Living Ink said:

I very nearly had a mental breakdown at school today! I was so understimulated I almost started crying because there was literally nothing anywhere and my mental state deteriorated to the second worst it has been so for this year and I was stuck in a lesson! Then I hid the the bathroom for all of lunch! I also went on the Shard briefly so I have, like, two posts from about 5 hours ago, but genuinely thank you so much everyone because that really helped me get back to enough sanity to survive the day.

Does anyone have any advice about understimulation? Because nearly all the Internet advice is for overstimulation and googling it comes up with a load of stuff for schoolteachers and parents. On the plus side, I did figure out that talking to people greatly helps for me, but I couldn't do that in class.

Oof. Im sorry. *hug* 

My methods for dealing with that are usually physical activity or loud complex music (I listen to a blend of Vivaldi and heavy metal/rock) or talking with people, reading a book, just generally cramming as much stuff into what I'm doing at once till I feel normal again. 

But yeah the understimulation fricken sucks.

[Usseewa ✾ She♡Her ✾]

2 minutes ago, KnightSkye Reforged said:

Oof. Im sorry. *hug* 

My methods for dealing with that are usually physical activity or loud complex music (I listen to a blend of Vivaldi and heavy metal/rock) or talking with people, reading a book, just generally cramming as much stuff into what I'm doing at once till I feel normal again. 

But yeah the understimulation fricken sucks.

oh wait is understimulation when your extremely bored and stuf?

that's basically me all the time in most of my classes oops

 

 

i just "take notes" and doodle, scribble, write my name or something else dozens of times, or write poems about how bored i am

Edited March 13 by Through The Living Girl

[Verdance he/him]

4 minutes ago, KnightSkye Reforged said:

Oof. Im sorry. *hug* 

My methods for dealing with that are usually physical activity or loud complex music (I listen to a blend of Vivaldi and heavy metal/rock) or talking with people, reading a book, just generally cramming as much stuff into what I'm doing at once till I feel normal again. 

But yeah the understimulation fricken sucks.

Yes, yes, yes, and yes. 
——
in school, it’s difficult. I recommend if you have a 504 use it as an excuse to draw or write or bring in like a rubik’s cube, but honestly under stimulation in school is a bit of a nightmare. @Through the Living Ink

Edited March 13 by Through The Living Grass

[Ink and Embers Any pronouns]

8 minutes ago, Through The Living Girl said:

I think I may struggle with this sometimes actually. I've never thought about it, what's it like?

Maybe "think happy thoughts" like maybe anything you're looking forward to, anything good that happened recently, or doodle if you can, listen to music if you can (maybe not allowed on the classroom.) Just no dark sarcasm in the classroom /lyrics.

Thank you very much for the advice; I vaguely began scribbling and I will try to do it sooner next time if I can! 

For me, understimulation is kind of like really really extreme boredom, to the extent that the world might as well not exist and neither does your brain. It's like I need to do basically anything but can't, and everything, including thinking, is about as helpful as reciting the alphabet backwards eight thousand times. I get bored often but normally deal with it by daydreaming; when I'm understimulated I can't even do that because my own thoughts are being dragged along like lead and nothing quite exists like it usually does.

1 minute ago, KnightSkye Reforged said:

Oof. Im sorry. *hug* 

My methods for dealing with that are usually physical activity or loud complex music (I listen to a blend of Vivaldi and heavy metal/rock) or talking with people, reading a book, just generally cramming as much stuff into what I'm doing at once till I feel normal again. 

But yeah the understimulation fricken sucks.

*hugs back*

Thank you very much!! I will try and do as much as I can. I really appreciate the advice.

[Akimikoisthecutest]

42 minutes ago, Through The Living Grass said:

in school, it’s difficult. I recommend if you have a 504 use it as an excuse to draw or write or bring in like a rubik’s cube, but honestly under stimulation in school is a bit of a nightmare. @Through the Living Ink

Wait, do they not let you bring fidgets to school?

[Usseewa ✾ She♡Her ✾]

2 minutes ago, Akimikoisthecutest said:

Wait, do they not let you bring fidgets to school?

Use a pencil/pen as fidget

Use anything and everything

use your fingers as fidgets

 

[Verdance he/him]

8 minutes ago, Akimikoisthecutest said:

Wait, do they not let you bring fidgets to school?

They did back when i went to public charter, but you were supposed to have a 504 plan so that teachers knew you were paying attention. 

5 minutes ago, Through The Living Girl said:

Use anything and everything

Do not use a pocketknife as a fidget :3

[Usseewa ✾ She♡Her ✾]

Just now, Through The Living Grass said:

Do not use a pocketknife as a fidget :3

why not?

[Verdance he/him]

Just now, Through The Living Girl said:

why not?

Because knives aren’t allowed in school 

[Usseewa ✾ She♡Her ✾]

Just now, Through The Living Grass said:

Because knives aren’t allowed in school 

precisely

[Akimikoisthecutest]

1 minute ago, Through The Living Grass said:

They did back when i went to public charter, but you were supposed to have a 504 plan so that teachers knew you were paying attention. 

7 minutes ago, Through The Living Girl said:

Oh, our teachers don't really care

[Usseewa ✾ She♡Her ✾]

Just now, Akimikoisthecutest said:

Oh, our teachers don't really care

lol that gave me a quote ping

nice

Spoiler

 

Edited March 13 by Through The Living Girl

[Ink and Embers Any pronouns]

12 hours ago, Through The Living Grass said:

Yes, yes, yes, and yes. 
——
in school, it’s difficult. I recommend if you have a 504 use it as an excuse to draw or write or bring in like a rubik’s cube, but honestly under stimulation in school is a bit of a nightmare. @Through the Living Ink

Thank you very much! I have a string friendship bracelet that I use as a fidget (because technically undiagnosed with anything so I don't have any permissions; I take hairbands into exams because those are generic enough to not be banned despite the fact my hair is really short). I sit fairly out of the way in most of my classes so I can hopefully draw next time. 

12 hours ago, Akimikoisthecutest said:

Wait, do they not let you bring fidgets to school?

At my school, yes, though only in lessons if you have permission (that's why I use bracelets) and you need a legal paperwork thing to have them in exams

12 hours ago, Through The Living Girl said:

Use a pencil/pen as fidget

Use anything and everything

use your fingers as fidgets

 

Thank you! I have figured out how to take apart all my pens and reconstruct them, so I do that sometimes! Can I also recommend shredding paper? I find it useful. 

Spoiler

Sometimes I end up twisting my fingers together when I don't have anything else, but not around my parents because it "makes me look autistic". They also say the same about the string, but I do that so much they've given up arguing. You'd ... think they'd start to notice...

 

[Verdance he/him]

6 hours ago, Through the Living Ink said:

Thank you very much! I have a string friendship bracelet that I use as a fidget (because technically undiagnosed with anything so I don't have any permissions; I take hairbands into exams because those are generic enough to not be banned despite the fact my hair is really short). I sit fairly out of the way in most of my classes so I can hopefully draw next time. 

At my school, yes, though only in lessons if you have permission (that's why I use bracelets) and you need a legal paperwork thing to have them in exams

Thank you! I have figured out how to take apart all my pens and reconstruct them, so I do that sometimes! Can I also recommend shredding paper? I find it useful. 

  Hide contents

Sometimes I end up twisting my fingers together when I don't have anything else, but not around my parents because it "makes me look autistic". They also say the same about the string, but I do that so much they've given up arguing. You'd ... think they'd start to notice...

 

“Makes me look autistic” 

you can tell them that someone with an autism diagnosis thinks that is the stupidest crem on planet earth. 

[Ink and Embers Any pronouns]

23 minutes ago, Through The Living Grass said:

“Makes me look autistic” 

you can tell them that someone with an autism diagnosis thinks that is the stupidest crem on planet earth. 

Yea, I know quite a few autistic people IRL and it's like .... no .... not how that works at all.....

[Usseewa ✾ She♡Her ✾]

Guyyysssssssss

So I have ADHD yadayada and never really thought about/knew about "masking" until recently so yeah? but I feel like I've been masking less maybe if I'm understanding correctly is that good or bad.

Also can someone explain masking so I don't have the wrong understandinggg

[Ink and Embers Any pronouns]

8 hours ago, Through The Living Girl said:

Guyyysssssssss

So I have ADHD yadayada and never really thought about/knew about "masking" until recently so yeah? but I feel like I've been masking less maybe if I'm understanding correctly is that good or bad.

Also can someone explain masking so I don't have the wrong understandinggg

Yayayayay!!! That's good!!!!

I am not an expert but my understanding of masking is that it's performing at being neurotypical, like scripting your interactions? It's trying to hide neurodivergent traits so that you're not "othered" for them, but it isn't great for your mental health, so if you're doing it less, horray!!!

[Throw TheLiving Silverware he/him/il/lui]

12 hours ago, Through The Living Girl said:

Guyyysssssssss

So I have ADHD yadayada and never really thought about/knew about "masking" until recently so yeah? but I feel like I've been masking less maybe if I'm understanding correctly is that good or bad.

Also can someone explain masking so I don't have the wrong understandinggg

Basically, you try (often unconsciously) to suppress your ND-looking traits so that others don't feel weirded out by those traits

Only issues are that it's absolutely freaking draining to do this all the time, that feeling like you have to hide yourself from others for acceptance feels awful, and that after a while you can start feeling like you don't know what's the mask and what's the "real you" anymore

All in all, a perfectly functional habit to have

[Usseewa ✾ She♡Her ✾]

5 hours ago, Through the Living Ink said:

Yayayayay!!! That's good!!!!

I am not an expert but my understanding of masking is that it's performing at being neurotypical, like scripting your interactions? It's trying to hide neurodivergent traits so that you're not "othered" for them, but it isn't great for your mental health, so if you're doing it less, horray!!!

Ah okay, thanks.

Now I'm basically like "wait. It's okay that I'm masking less?" Is it? I don't wanna be seen as weird or ND though. I mean... I've never seen things like fidgeting as "bad" except sometimes when I'm doing it and then notice it probably looks weird and causes secondhand embarrassment or something and then I stop or lessen or whatever.

1 hour ago, Throw TheLiving Silverware said:

Basically, you try (often unconsciously) to suppress your ND-looking traits so that others don't feel weirded out by those traits

Only issues are that it's absolutely freaking draining to do this all the time, that feeling like you have to hide yourself from others for acceptance feels awful, and that after a while you can start feeling like you don't know what's the mask and what's the "real you" anymore

All in all, a perfectly functional habit to have

... that last line is sarcastic, right?

 

I never really noticed it, but I probably did it a lot. But now I've been noticing that I literally am thinking like "that would be/is an ADHD/ND thing to say... but I just don't care and like I'm tired I'll just say/do it."

Tbh I can't give many specific examples, but kinda just stuff... like I know it probably sounds very neurodivergent-ey but why bother filtering it and coming up with a different/"better" thing to say I just don't want to I'm mentally tired.

Yeah.

I guess it's good to know masking isn't necessarily a good thing.

[Verdance he/him]

Okay what’s really funny is I don’t see myself quite as much as “oh I have autism and ADHD and therefore I have to suppress those traits” but more of “the way my personality and behaviors manifest could be interpreted using the logic of autism and ADHD”, since both of them appear quite subtly, around a 2/10 for both being the diagnosis. 

[Usseewa ✾ She♡Her ✾]

12 minutes ago, Through The Living Grass said:

Okay what’s really funny is I don’t see myself quite as much as “oh I have autism and ADHD and therefore I have to suppress those traits” but more of “the way my personality and behaviors manifest could be interpreted using the logic of autism and ADHD”, since both of them appear quite subtly, around a 2/10 for both being the diagnosis. 

I don't quite follow?

 

Also is this ADHD, OCD, or just smth else: I... basically look up everything before I use it, especially in the online context, to make sure I'm using it right and not embarrassing myself. For instance, a word a rarely use, a punctuation (*cough* — *cough* ; *cough*), a term/phrase/idiom/word pronunciation/company/song/lyrics (like when I'm posting lyrics or a quote, I make sure I got it exactly right. No mondegreens, mandela effects, missed unimportant words, make sure it's the correct song/artist/movie, etc.!!)

It's like when someone is trying to sound smart and then makes a fool of themselves. I don't wanna be that girl.

 

Edit: oh, another thing relating to my previous post (or posts? How many did I make?) is when I realize that something I do that seems natural and "normal"/neurotypical is actually... not and is ND. Then sigh. I wonder if people see me as a weirdo...

 

Edit2: Wait a second. Does everyone not do this: have the expected/"rational"/"correct"/"obvious"/"stereotypical/cliched" response to everything that's so painfully obvious to you that you think if you say it, you'll sound like you're just reading from the textbook? Like if someone asks how something made me feel (no, not just a therapist lol), I know exactly (or think I do) what they "want" me to say, but idek if that's true to me or not. I know what my automatic response should be, but will they notice it's fake? Like if someone says "oh, what symptoms of ADHD do you have" and I say "yeah, I procrastinate and fidget blah blah" and they're like "yep, that's ADHD for ya" and I'm like .. idk maybe that wasn't the best example but it's kinda similar. Also, I'll mention that I literally just looked up ADHD masking to see what I relate to, and scripted actions was one of them, so yada yada. I've still felt/noticed it, and sometimes even literally said like "I know my response should be X, but idk tbh", which is that kinda unmasking? Also I usually struggle with a response, and am indecisive in general. This (scripting or whatever) is probably part of that issue, because I gotta decide between/craft a response that represents all of: what sounds normal or expected and what I actually feel. I usually end up with something cliche but a lot of the time I actually just end up with lame responses like "good," "fine," "better," "a bit anxious," "sure," "I guess," "I don't know," "probably," oh yeah another thought popped up that is I basically say sure/probably/idk/iguess a lot, but for probably, I've been using it to... describe how I felt/thought? Like "yeah, I was probably a bit sad." Or, "yeah, I probably was thinking that." "Yeah, I probably didn't want to." Idk if that makes sense or is representative of what I'm trying to say, but yeah..

Edited March 16 by Through The Living Girl

[Verdance he/him]

6 minutes ago, Through The Living Girl said:

I don't quite follow?

 

Also is this ADHD, OCD, or just smth else: I... basically look up everything before I use it, especially in the online context, to make sure I'm using it right and not embarrassing myself. For instance, a word a rarely use, a punctuation (*cough* — *cough* ; *cough*), a term/phrase/idiom/word pronunciation/company/song/lyrics (like when I'm posting lyrics or a quote, I make sure I got it exactly right. No mondegreens, mandela effects, missed unimportant words, make sure it's the correct song/artist/movie, etc.!!)

It's like when someone is trying to sound smart and then makes a fool of themselves. I don't wanna be that girl.

Like, less that i want to accept that my brain is wired differently and more that i want to overcome those differences by assimilating them into my personality and then changing that personality. Like, i was born with autism, which means I’m socially uncomfortable and would be mostly okay living alone, but I don’t do that cause that’s kind of letting it win, right?

I dont know nothing about OCD, that is not a question i can answer. Ask the god of knowledge, Youtube

Edited March 16 by Through The Living Grass

[Usseewa ✾ She♡Her ✾]

17 minutes ago, Through The Living Grass said:

Like, less that i want to accept that my brain is wired differently and more that i want to overcome those differences by assimilating them into my personality and then changing that personality. Like, i was born with autism, which means I’m socially uncomfortable and would be mostly okay living alone, but I don’t do that cause that’s kind of letting it win, right?

I dont know nothing about OCD, that is not a question i can answer. Ask the god of knowledge, Youtube

Yeah, I kinda get that I think. Most of the time I've just seen ADHD as not a problem and kinda something I have to live with but not in a bad way, like it's there but it's not impairing me (only it kinda is hehe). Actually maybe this os different from what you're sayin'.

 

— ("Assimilating cultural norms? Whaaaattt, nooo, me?" [if that don't make sense, basically I'm saying that I've seen you and others use a hyphen or em dash to, like, separate different parts of the post like stuff idk how to explain but YK WHAT I MEANNNNNn])

 

btw guys I added substantial edits to my post above.

 

 

Edit: oh ig i might overly explain every layer of thinking so I don't seem like I didn't consider it just because I didn't do it or fall for it or ignore it or think of it. Basically I wanna seem like I didn't ignore or not think of anything. Because I didn't. Except when I do.

Edited March 16 by Through The Living Girl

[Verdance he/him]

23 minutes ago, Through The Living Girl said:

I don't quite follow?

 

Also is this ADHD, OCD, or just smth else: I... basically look up everything before I use it, especially in the online context, to make sure I'm using it right and not embarrassing myself. For instance, a word a rarely use, a punctuation (*cough* — *cough* ; *cough*), a term/phrase/idiom/word pronunciation/company/song/lyrics (like when I'm posting lyrics or a quote, I make sure I got it exactly right. No mondegreens, mandela effects, missed unimportant words, make sure it's the correct song/artist/movie, etc.!!)

It's like when someone is trying to sound smart and then makes a fool of themselves. I don't wanna be that girl.

 

Edit: oh, another thing relating to my previous post (or posts? How many did I make?) is when I realize that something I do that seems natural and "normal"/neurotypical is actually... not and is ND. Then sigh. I wonder if people see me as a weirdo...

 

Edit2: Wait a second. Does everyone not do this: have the expected/"rational"/"correct"/"obvious"/"stereotypical/cliched" response to everything that's so painfully obvious to you that you think if you say it, you'll sound like you're just reading from the textbook? Like if someone asks how something made me feel (no, not just a therapist lol), I know exactly (or think I do) what they "want" me to say, but idek if that's true to me or not. I know what my automatic response should be, but will they notice it's fake? Like if someone says "oh, what symptoms of ADHD do you have" and I say "yeah, I procrastinate and fidget blah blah" and they're like "yep, that's ADHD for ya" and I'm like .. idk maybe that wasn't the best example but it's kinda similar. Also, I'll mention that I literally just looked up ADHD masking to see what I relate to, and scripted actions was one of them, so yada yada. I've still felt/noticed it, and sometimes even literally said like "I know my response should be X, but idk tbh", which is that kinda unmasking? Also I usually struggle with a response, and am indecisive in general. This (scripting or whatever) is probably part of that issue, because I gotta decide between/craft a response that represents all of: what sounds normal or expected and what I actually feel. I usually end up with something cliche but a lot of the time I actually just end up with lame responses like "good," "fine," "better," "a bit anxious," "sure," "I guess," "I don't know," "probably," oh yeah another thought popped up that is I basically say sure/probably/idk/iguess a lot, but for probably, I've been using it to... describe how I felt/thought? Like "yeah, I was probably a bit sad." Or, "yeah, I probably was thinking that." "Yeah, I probably didn't want to." Idk if that makes sense or is representative of what I'm trying to say, but yeah..

Shouldn’t you be relieved your problems are nothing unique or new or unusual? 
part of this is choosing to not overthink things and to just be yourself. Cause you know, thats okay.

It makes sense, probably

[Usseewa ✾ She♡Her ✾]

Just now, Through The Living Grass said:

Shouldn’t you be relieved your problems are nothing unique or new or unusual? 
part of this is choosing to not overthink things and to just be yourself. Cause you know, thats okay.

It makes sense, probably

BHAHAJWIWWIW

I always overthink everything, because if I don't then I'll miss stuff and risk sounding stupid but also I'll know less than everyone else!!!

Yes I probably should. Idk what you mean (<- this is one of those times I could explain this sentence but I really don't want to. Might not necessarily be unmasking but yeah anyway ask if u need explanation. Oh wait I just did it again facepalm.)