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Posted (edited)
18 hours ago, Assassin in Burgundy said:

I wish for a golem servant to do my bidding.

Granted, you have a golem servant who does your bidding, your bane is that the govenment imposes a new golem tax

 

I want another season of FireFly, directed by Joss Whedon who has complete creative and financial control over the project, with all the original cast

Edited by Arcoss
Posted

Granted. However, you become of the 10th Heightening with no ability to give your Breaths to anyone or anything. You can't watch TV, since the pixels become refracted.

I wish for Epic powers.

Posted

Granted. The village sandwich maker makes you a  sandwich (too many references:P).

I wish for Wayne to ascend to shardholder of honor. And since he is ascended and no longer has a physical body, I'll also ask for his lucky hat.

Posted (edited)

You get both.  Wayne however invests his hat with a ton of power, creating the Hat of Mourning.  You keep it, and become Hateyes, (The hat is too big and hangs over your eyes.) Ironeyes' Assistant Financial Manager.

 

I wish for a Perfectly Normal Beast. (All the references. :D)

Edited by Magestar
HGTTG
Posted

And thus the legend spreads of the dread hateyes, death's assistant, and his legendary lucky hat of mourning:P

Hm...Granted. You may have a Perfectly Normal Beast... Hm... For a fitting bane... Lets say you also get a small swarm of matresses invading your home.

I wish that all existing raccoons in the world became sentient.

Posted

Granted. They become sentient, and steal all of the cat food. You have doomed us all.

I wish Shallan wasn't so boring in her earlier chapters.

Posted

Granted. Shallan engages in an epic fight sequence, but because she can't fight, she dies an early and painful death. It won't be boring anymore, just rather short lived  

I wish that I can have a pet baby seal.

 

Posted
13 minutes ago, CalypsoDreaming said:

Granted. Shallan engages in an epic fight sequence, but because she can't fight, she dies an early and painful death. It won't be boring anymore, just rather short lived  

I wish that I can have a pet baby seal.

Granted. The pet baby seal is so cute that all you can do is spend time with it. It eventually waddles back to the ocean. You follow and almost drown.

I wish for a flying cow covered in ketchup packets. (Make of that what you will).

Posted

Well, this place changed... 

Granted. The cow falls on you (from orbit) as cows can't fly. Everyone ignores your injuries (i.e. slight "splattered-ness") because they now have fresh steak. With free storming ketchup!

I wish for someone I knew from the Shard to pop up...

Posted

Granted, except that person is the guy who constantly downvotes your posts. 

I wish for the ability to control time completely

Posted

Granted. Unfortunately, in a vaguely relativistic tradeoff, you lose the ability to control space completely. You can observe the entire history of your current location, but you can't move around or interact with the world in any way. I'm afraid you are also still more or less a living human being, so pretty soon you might starve...

I wish for a clearchip.

Posted
34 minutes ago, Drake Marshall said:

Granted. Unfortunately, in a vaguely relativistic tradeoff, you lose the ability to control space completely. You can observe the entire history of your current location, but you can't move around or interact with the world in any way. I'm afraid you are also still more or less a living human being, so pretty soon you might starve...

I wish for a clearchip.

Granted. As you don't live on Roshar, it will soon grow dun, without a chance of infusing it. And as there are few trusting people in this world, you will now have a keepsake from Roshar that no one will ever believe is genuine. I see you looking at it every day, wistfully...

(Feeling gracious today and not in the mood to come up with a really frightening curse...)

I wish for a chasmfiend gemheart. (Also not in the mood to be as moderate as you...)

Posted

Granted. A gemheart appeared in front of you. Momentarily. You are now being digested. (What? We don't know the specifics of chasmfiend anatomy...)

I wish I could die. (Immortality sucks...)

 

 

Posted

Granted. You can now die, at the end of the world, a few seconds before everything ends. 

I wish that I have a notebook that never runs out of pages.

Posted (edited)

Hm... Granted. You get such a notebook... It magically creates paper whenever you need it. However, due to the law of conservation of energy, the paper has to come from somewhere. Whenever you draw out a new sheaf, the notebook devours a random tree somewhere in the world to make the paper. You make a handful of gardeners really, really confused, and if you use the pages persistently enough, you might even singlehandedly become a deforestation concern. Also, in exchange for this artifact the nightwatcher steals all your pens and pencils.

I wish for a hemalurgically imbued earing.

Edited by Drake Marshall
Posted

Granted. The nightwatcher gives you a large amber glass bottle full of chloroform with directions on the side for falling asleep. For your bane, the nightwatcher decides to give you narcolepsy because she finds it ironic.

I wish for a surprise.

Posted
3 hours ago, KnightRadiant said:

Granted. You explode while flying in a private jet that the Nightwatcher gave you.

I wish for signed copy of Words of Radiance.

Granted, but it is signed by a random person.

I wish I had a pet chasmfiend completely under my control. 

Posted

Granted. The chasmfiend is lovely and will live as long as you do. You even ride it to work/school/wherever you happen to be going. 

As your bane, everything you touch from now on will bleed into grayscale, including your skin but not anybody else's. You look scary. It's kind of cool though so hey. 

I wish for a perfect ability to play instruments. 

Posted

Perfection you say, hm? Granted.

Did you know that all pianos are tuned to be slightly off? This is because, if they were tuned to be perfect in one key, they would be horrible in another key. So we sort of compromise when we tune them, and have them off in all keys just a little bit. Otherwise, the piano will sound unnatural.

Similarly, did you know that, while people tend to value symmetry in a human face, if somebody mirrored an image of half a face to make a perfectly symmetric face... People would say it looks quite uncanny?

Perhaps you see where I am getting at... Your bane is that your instrument playing is so perfect, it sounds unnatural. The pitches you play are exactly mathematically correct, and your timing is accurate to the femtosecond, but this doesn't seem quite right to normal humans.

 

I wish to be able to store feruchemical awakeness.

Posted
3 hours ago, Drake Marshall said:

Perfection you say, hm? Granted.

Did you know that all pianos are tuned to be slightly off? This is because, if they were tuned to be perfect in one key, they would be horrible in another key. So we sort of compromise when we tune them, and have them off in all keys just a little bit. Otherwise, the piano will sound unnatural.

Similarly, did you know that, while people tend to value symmetry in a human face, if somebody mirrored an image of half a face to make a perfectly symmetric face... People would say it looks quite uncanny?

Perhaps you see where I am getting at... Your bane is that your instrument playing is so perfect, it sounds unnatural. The pitches you play are exactly mathematically correct, and your timing is accurate to the femtosecond, but this doesn't seem quite right to normal humans.

 

I wish to be able to store feruchemical awakeness.

That was way scientific...
Anyway, granted. You can now store Feruchemical wakefulness. Your bane is whenever you walk through a doorway, you hear a scream. The screams slowly drive you crazy.

I wish to be a Windrunner.

Posted

@Drake Marshall... Wow. Was not expecting that. It's awesome! Kudos to you for thinking that hard. 

Anyway, @KnightRadiant: wish granted. You are a Windrunner on Earth and the Nightwatcher even throws in Lift's ability to metabolize food into Stormlight, to avoid the "powerful but no batteries" thing some may have given to you instead. 

However, since she technically gave you two boons she will take two banes as well. Now, whenever you write on paper, the words disappear as soon as you forget about them. In addition, any words on paper you read fade each time you read them. It will take six readings to make them disappear completely. Libraries hate you if they could only figure out it was you doing it. 

I wish that I could change my clothing by snapping my fingers. 

Posted

 

3 minutes ago, Brightness Enna said:

@Drake Marshall... Wow. Was not expecting that. It's awesome! Kudos to you for thinking that hard. 

Anyway, @KnightRadiant: wish granted. You are a Windrunner on Earth and the Nightwatcher even throws in Lift's ability to metabolize food into Stormlight, to avoid the "powerful but no batteries" thing some may have given to you instead. 

However, since she technically gave you two boons she will take two banes as well. Now, whenever you write on paper, the words disappear as soon as you forget about them. In addition, any words on paper you read fade each time you read them. It will take six readings to make them disappear completely. Libraries hate you if they could only figure out it was you doing it. 

I wish that I could change my clothing by snapping my fingers. 

Granted but the new clothes are for the opposite gender (so if you wanted shorts you get a mini-skirt instead)

I wish i was a sliver of any of the shards.

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