The Battle for the Sandwich

[Vyzkel He/Him]

I’m so done with this
I slice you in half using my giant sword.

[strmblsd he/him]

He doesn't have it look at my post

[Vyzkel He/Him]

1 minute ago, strmblsd said:

He doesn't have it look at my post

First of all, Lunamor is a she, second of all, I DONT GIVE A CRAP.

[Lunamor she/her]

5 minutes ago, Vyzkel Willbender said:

I’m so done with this
I slice you in half using my giant sword.

I have built up an immunity to swords by slicing myself a tiny bit with a sword each day a la The Princess Bride, so I am unaffected by the attack.

[Vyzkel He/Him]

Fine

I run over and take the Sandwich from strmblsd and then I jump across the world to Australia where I give the Sandwich to @Scars of Hathsin.

[Pineap-spider Pineapple/Spider]

I applaud Luna for their wonderful performance against Vyz

[Lunamor she/her]

1 minute ago, Pineap-spider said:

I applaud Luna for their wonderful performance against Vyz

I bow, then transform into a kangaroo to hop to Australia and take the sandwich from Scars.

[The Bookwyrm he/him]

@Lunamor, you have my undying respect for those grammar interpretations. Truly ruthless; a grammar critic after my own heart.

Australia has been conquered by the emus, and they refuse to let you through customs.

[Lunamor she/her]

Just now, The Bookwyrm said:

@Lunamor, you have my undying respect for those grammar interpretations. Truly ruthless; a grammar critic after my own heart.

Australia has been conquered by the emus, and they refuse to let you through customs.

*bows again*

I bribe them with emuralds and they let me through.

[strmblsd he/him]

I cry

[Through The Living Glass She/They]

"Vyz, you spelled Australia wrong."

I comfort Strmblsd with a hug and steal all the emuralds.

[Pineap-spider Pineapple/Spider]

Does Luna or Scars have the sandwich? 
regardless, I recruit an army of penguins (the superior flightless birds) and conquer Australia. I have my secret penguin police kidnap the sandwich and give it to me.

[Vyzkel He/Him]

You are now under arrest for kidnapping a US official because the Sandwich got elected for president. I take the Sandwich to my safe house so no malicious parties can take it again.

[Unintelligenius he/him]

I become president and order the entire U.S. army, marine corp, navy, air force, & cost gaurd to attack the safe house and bring me the sandwich.

[BlueWildRye he/him]

I tell the aliens about how they should attack Earth, they do, and in the chaos I grab the sandwich.

[Lunamor she/her]

I teach the aliens the ways of peace and they give me the sandwich out of gratitude.

[Vyzkel He/Him]

I teach the aliens the ways of betrayal and they take the Sandwich from Luna, and head back to their home planet so they can relish in the power of this strange object.

[Pineap-spider Pineapple/Spider]

I use my laser dog named George who I stole a while ago to shoot down the aliens. They crash land in Nevada, with the sandwich unharmed.

[Vyzkel He/Him]

I come up and take the Sandwich from the crash site and give George a treat. We walk happily into the sunset.

[BlueWildRye he/him]

I possess George and take the Sandwich, then jump into my usual body and run away.

[Vyzkel He/Him]

I make George shoot Rye with his lasers.

[Pineap-spider Pineapple/Spider]

George then remembers that you tried to shut him off, and shoots a laser at Vyz too. He runs back to me and gives me the sandwich 

[Lunamor she/her]

I tell George that he’s a good boy, and he takes the sandwich back and gives it to me in appreciation for his achievements being validated.

[Unintelligenius he/him]

I order Jerome the monkey to order George the laser dog to order Luna to give the sandwich to me. He generously hands it over.

[Lunamor she/her]

42 minutes ago, Unintelligenius said:

I order Jerome the monkey to order George the laser dog to order Luna to give the sandwich to me. He generously hands it over.

Luna the Sharder isn’t a he, so a random man also named Luna hands over a random sandwich.