lizbusby

Obviously, we're starting with new characters, so that confused me as a new reader, but nothing to be done about that. But this chapter didn't do much to give me characterization of them. Most of the lines are really generic, not revealing much about the characters or their relationships to each other. I didn't get a clear picture of anyone. Again, I felt like some of the exposition was placed strangely in the middle of action scenes. It made things seem slow and clunky to explain some background about politics or the magic system when they are supposed to be fighting something. I agree with everyone else about being confused as to why they just sat there and let the creatures escape. I'm not sure about the background of the group, but it seemed like they should have been more organized. Also, I wasn't sure whether or not the two people who chased the slugs kept chasing them out the door (which, it makes sense to me that they would) or just stopped when they didn't overtake them immediately. It seems that even if you can't immediately catch them, you could at least see where they go. This felt amateur and passive. I also thought it strange that they never came up with a name for the creatures, simply calling them "it" or "the orange and black creatures." Most people would come up with a shorthand to refer to them pretty quickly, especially since they are a main topic of conversation. I liked the description of them as a "land predatory fish" but you've used that very distinctive phrase at the beginning and also the end of the chapter. It felt repetitive to me. On page 8 & 9, the group refer to things the Eff said to them. It felt confusing to me, as they hadn't talked to the Eff on screen. I assume maybe it was from the previous book? Anyway, I found it confusing as we were just talking to a (different?) Eff in the previous chapter and these characters weren't there. All in all, this chapter was kind of a slog for me as a new reader. I wasn't sure what was motivating the characters to move from one place to another. It seemed like they were wandering around, just following whatever idea crossed their minds. Surely they came here with a purpose; that purpose should be more evident.

My thoughts on this chapter: This chapter felt very flip-floppy to me, making me mad at the plot decisions. I felt like the things that happened weren't really being driven by character so much as plot necessity, and so they felt empty. The beginning of the chapter essentially reverses the decision made last chapter as they decide to stay. Then the decision reverses again when Sa is suddenly willing to leave on his own. I don't understand what makes him willing to leave so suddenly. Wouldn't he want to stay and learn about the culture of his girl/boyfriends as well? I know I would. But he expresses no desire or curiosity to do this, just says, "Ok, I'll go." Is it forbidden in some way? I'm not sure what makes him suddenly okay with splitting up, which is exactly what was proposed in the last chapter and made him freak out. I enjoyed seeing how the symphony worked, but I felt that it could use less technical explanation of what was possible and not possible. The flow of the description kept being interrupted by hypotheticals ("if she left these notes here, this would happen. If not, this would happen.") Having it happen once is fine, but there were several descriptions like this and it pulled me out of the moment. The characters all feel very same-y to me too. Everyone talks in the same reasonably polite way of conveying information. I don't get different emotional reactions from anyone. Even M is able to quickly dismiss his amazement at finding two maji, something that was literally thought impossible. This should have a longer emotional impact. I also thought the sudden collapse of the leader at the end should have been foreshadowed by her behavior in the scene.

Interesting that you say memoir-like. My writing background is definitely in memoir, and I leaned heavily on that here. It's definitely more of a dreamy, magical realism type of feel I'm going for. Thanks for the comments, everyone!

Trying to catch up on old submissions here. Overall Impressions: As a new reader, I started to get a hold of what was going on after a while in spite of all the jargon. There's clearly a lot of backstory and it would be helpful to have a more clear summary of what happened. As it is, you refer to what happened but don't really tell it. At the top of page 10, the summary of all the events and who summarized them was really boring. I would maybe have them retire somewhere with the promise to tell everything to the ruler, then jump-cut and have the ruler summarize everything she heard in a clear paragraph that sets them up for decision making. The dialogue doesn't read with a lot of realism. People would say "Slow down" when someone had hardly said anything, or seem to change sides in an argument. The argument about what to do needs to be extended into more back and forth. I felt like each option was brought up in one line and then immediately dismissed in the next. I wanted more back and forth on it, especialy before En blows up at her brother. It seemed to come out of nowhere when they'd barely started talking. Speaking of that, I felt a bit confused by the characterization. Everyone seemed to get shouting angry and subside very quickly. Maybe you need a less strong emotion word than "angry." And Sa seemed unreasonably possessive, like creepy. Who gets mad at twins whispering to each other? Maybe tone it down? Or maybe they just need to have a DTR talk before they decide on their course of action.I was also confused by the power dynamics. Why does Sa and his friends, all of whom seem to be random kids if my impression is correct, have the authority to decide on the plan for saving the world over the teacher and the apparent ruler? Why don't they need to listen to them? The decision ends up being a compromise between Sa and E and I, with almost no input from those in charge. Either they should have this conversation somewhere away from authority figures or the authorities should push back a bit more.As others have noted, visual descriptions of things beside people need to be enhanced as well. Everyone was just talking in blank boxes the whole scene. I wasn't sure either if this was a place they had been before or somewhere new.Also, my impression is that En is suspicious as all get out. Because all of her comments and Sa's view of them seem to point to her being a double agent/traitor in my mind. But maybe I'm lacking in background, so take that for what it's worth.

This opening scene actually happened to me and was the inspiration for this story, but I do admit that my kids are advanced speakers. Haha.

How do you mail a pie? Do tell.

My Christmas baking and construction efforts. Eclairs are a Christmas Eve tradition in my family, though this is my first time making from scratch. Surprisingly doable. The plus plus Santa--not so much. It's hard to make a pointy hat with those shapes.

I didn't receive either.

I read this last week but was intimidated by everyone's thorough comments, but I figured I better go ahead and write what I thought. I thought the tension leading up to turning on the radio was really well done. I was very uneasy about what would happen at that point. Like others, I noticed the shifts in time perspective and I was thinking there was going to be some big reveal about when the narrator was actually talking from, but it seemed to kind of peter out. I feel like framing it this way did contribute to the tension at the beginning, but you needed to come back to it later. I assume it was supposed to be from the time right before they head to the final meeting point, but I didn't catch it or the switch into present tense that should follow. Like others, I was confused when the crew was setting up the cables as I couldn't get a picture in my head of what they looked like or what they were for. I read the paragraph over and over trying to figure it out. From the later statement that they were all inside it, I gathered that it was some sort of cage, but couldn't decide whether it was supposed to help with radio reception (or something) or serve as protection. I only figured that out right when the attack happened. I also wondered why they never went back to get the cables. If this happened in the past, did they retrieve the cables before? I enjoyed the strong relationship between L and J established at the beginning of the story and felt that it kind of got lost towards the end. A little reminder of it later on might be nice. I was confused by the final reveal. I didn't understand what was happening until a few paragraphs later when you explain it. I felt like that was a lost opportunity, as I would like to feel the horror as the characters realize they are just being exterminated like rats. Maybe somehow seed the explanation earlier? Have them bring up the idea of exterminating something else earlier so that it clicks? I don't have a lot of comments on grammar, but the misspelling of cable/cabel was very distracting.

Another newbie here, and a new fiction writer too. This is a random Christmas ghost story that popped into my head a few weeks ago, inspired by something my daughter said and some Victorian ghost stories. (Apparently, telling ghost stories at Christmas used to be a thing, and not just something Dickens made up.) Mainly looking for a few things: 1. Is it interesting to anyone beside me? 2. Did you guess what was going to happen too soon/too late? Is it too obvious or too non-obvious? 3. General thoughts on character and description - do they fit the scope of the story? 4. Anything else you notice *5. Forgot to mention I could also use title ideas, as this title is more of a place holder. * Thanks in advance, Happy Christmas, Liz Busby

I just finished my Christmas ghost story. Can I send it out next Monday (12/23)?

Hello! I'm Liz Busby. I'm a stay-at-home mom of four kids (11, 9, 6, 3) whose youngest has just started preschool and finally given me time (and brain space) to start writing again. I graduated with a BA in English 11 years ago and worked at the writing center while I was in college. Most of my past writing has been in creative non-fiction (personal essays, etc), but I do most of my reading in SFF so I decided to give writing fiction a shot. I participated in and won NaNoWriMo this year with my first ever novel. It was a train wreck and proved that I have a long way to go with learning how to write fiction, but there were a couple of scenes I liked so that's good. My current writing goal is to write a short story in each of the elemental genres from WE season 11, then try another novel in the spring. I'm looking to build some good writing friends here, so I'm excited to meet you all. Outside of writing, I love long distance running and yoga, though I've been sidelined with chronic back pain for which I had surgery last year. I'm working hard in physical therapy to get back out there. Other hobbies my kids have sidelined are knitting and video games. I also over-organize everything. I have spreadsheets for every aspect of being a stay-at-home parent and spend way too much time taking care of them. I also love reading SFF and non-fiction. Just finished The Sixth Extinction and the Murderbot Diaries.

My 3rd grade son came home from school proclaiming that he had to make a shoebox diorama by tomorrow. The assignment is to make a diorama of a scene from a favorite book using Peeps. My boys are obsessed with the Reckoners, and so this is the result: the prologue of Steelheart with Peeps. We now challenge you to recreate your favorite Sanderson scene using Peeps and/or other candy.

Looks like someone's masters thesis.

Here's a more direct link for tickets: https://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/3618557 I'm planning on going and bringing two friends. Sanderfans forever!

So tell us what this favorite comic series is so we can investigate! I must do my due diligence on this pair.

So in the latest episode, Brandon says he's writing a book series where the main character is from Idaho and uses Mormon swears. Do you guys think this is about Skyward? Or was this recorded back when he was working on Apocalypse Guard? Not sure where to post this (I cross posted it in the Writing Excuses forum) so point me in the correct direction and forgive my lurking.

So in this episode, Brandon says he's writing a book series where the main character is from Idaho and uses Mormon swears. Do you guys think this is about Skyward? Or was this recorded back when he was working on Apocalypse Guard? Not sure where to post this, so point me in the correct direction and forgive my lurking.

All I have to say about this is that Cosmere fandom is still the best fandom . Congrats to Brandon! Interesting to have Brandon and Joshua on as Executive producers . . . . I'm pretty certain that's not normal for book-to-movie adaptations .

Agree with the recommendation of Lois McMaster Bujold. Her fantasy series as mentioned above is great (three books now), but where she really shines is her Miles Vorkosigan series. Space pirates, mysteries, and a lot of interesting questions about cloning and other reproductive technologies. The sense of humor in them reminds me of Warbreaker. As to the Orson Scott Card controversy, yes his latest two series are poorly done and basically philosophical dialogues in the mouths of some nominal plot. Remember, he had a stroke recently and is getting on in years. However, a lot of his back catalog is worth a look. The Ender series and early Shadow series are good. I recommend the Worthing Saga (which is just one book) as similar to Brandon for its exploration of religious questions in a scifi fantasy way. It's a bit Dune-ish. Tales of Alvin Maker is pretty unique, being an American folk fantasy. I just don't see much like it. And Enchantment is serious fun as well.

Marasi assumes that they are a Rioter and Soother, but I think the hand-holding thing is probably a hint from Brandon that something else is going on. Since the Set seems to have better than average knowledge about the metallic arts, it seems logical that something unexpected is going on.

Anyone get the feeling that Steris is supposed to be autistic/aspie? All of her planning, her feeling that her social interactions are fake and formulaic. . . .

He posted on Twitter and Facebook today that there will be an announcement tomorrow at 4:30 PM EST. Is it the SotS2? Who knows.

Yes, I remember that one. Definitely a Mormon-ism.

All true, Jerish. However, no matter how many commonalities all religions have, they are, in the end, different from each other. As an English major, I find it interesting to look for hints of the author's specific background in books. I'm not saying the books are secretly trying to convert everyone; I'm just saying that growing up in a strong religious environment has an impact on the stories you choose to write. Another thought on the spren thing: Mormons believe we existed first as intelligences, then we're molded by God into spiritual beings, and finally given physical bodies. I feel like we've heard very little about the spiritual realm in Brandon's books. (Correct me if I'm wrong.) I wonder if this gives us any hint about the interaction between it and the other realms. Maybe the reason spren have such a hard time understanding people is because they pass straight from cognitive to physical, lacking a spiritual component even though the have a slight physical component.