Edema Rue

1. Adrenaline is a natural painkiller: if you keep riding, it won’t hurt as much.

2. If you don’t get back on now, you never will.

3. It’s the best way to find out what’s injured! Can you get on your bike? Yes? You’re probably ok. Is something crunching? Maybe sit down. Is the world spinning and are you vomiting? Yeah, you have a concussion. Sorry about that.

4. You’re usually in a place where the only way off the mountain is on your bike. No car, 4-wheeler, helicopter, or anything else can get up to you.

5. It’s what we do.

6. Perspective; when you’re in a life or death situation, it’s hard to be stressed about anything else. Somehow it all seems more manageable when you’re fighting just to survive.

7. You will never look cooler than when you’re biking down a mountain, covered in blood and dust and sweat.

The album Lamb of God is absolutely beautiful. It’s some of the most wonderful music I’ve ever heard, and it’s telling such a beautiful story of our Savior. If you’re not religious, maybe you won’t be as interested in this, but it’s beautiful, powerful music. It’s the kind of thing you listen to when you’re up in the mountains, writing and pondering life and preparing for the future.

Anyway, it’s awesome. You can’t really get the full experience unless you listen to it all together, but that takes a long time, so some of my favorite songs are Make Me Whole, Lord Is It I, Peter’s Denial and then I Cannot Watch Them, and Here is Hope.

Okay, I couldn’t remember if I’d posted this here before or not, but I edited it a bit, so it’s ok .
 

Hey. 

You there?

That’s okay. I know it’s late.

We’ll talk tomorrow.

Good morning.

I know you don’t want to listen to me.

I just…I’m sorry.

I’m so sorry. 

I screwed up. 

Are you there?

Hey. It’s been a few days. Is your phone working?

Are you seeing these?

I saw you today. You said your phone’s been weird. Let me know when it gets better. We didn’t have time to really talk today, and there are things I need to tell you.

I don’t know why I keep trying. It’s obvious you don’t care. 

But I miss you.

If you looked at my texts, would you care that I’m alone?

I miss my best friend.

We haven’t talked in weeks. I see you, sometimes.

You’re always surrounded by people, now.

You once told me you liked being alone.

You said you liked having the time to think.

Is it naive for me to hope you’re trying to avoid thinking about me?

I screwed up.

I made a mistake. 

Can you forgive me?

No?

Fine. Fine!

Then tell me. What did I do?

I made a mistake.

You made more.

I screwed up.

You did too.

So maybe stop hiding like a petty brat and just…just let it go. Yeah?

I take it that’s a no.

I don’t know why I expected anything different of you. No, I do. Because I thought I knew you. 

I DID know you. 

But not anymore.

Hello. I was cleaning out my contacts and found this number. I don’t know why I’m texting you. I’m sure this number isn’t even yours anymore. It’s been years since we were friends. It’s obvious that, even if this is the right number, you blocked my contact. 

I guess I just need to write some things out in a place where I know no one will read them.

It’s been a hard few years, Sister. Do your new friends call you that? I’m sure they do. 

I’m not jealous. I need you to understand that before anything else. 

I’m happy. I have friends. You have friends. We aren’t together the way we always planned, but we’re each exactly where we need to be.

But I do miss you.

Sometimes.

I just…

I don’t know.

I think about you.

I remember you.

But maybe it’s not you I remember. It could just as easily be just the good bits, all assembled to make a perfect best friend.

It doesn’t matter. Life got harder. I keep breathing. I keep living.

But you aren’t here to help.

I don’t ever see you anymore. 

I don’t know if you’re okay.

You could be dead by your own hand and I would have no idea.

I hope I didn’t fail you too badly. 

I wish… I wish things had worked out differently. 

We used to call and talk for hours. We would sit and cry together. I have new friends to cry with. I have people I can talk to for hours.

But none of them are you. 

And I don’t know if you have people who are always there for you.

I wasn’t there when you needed me to be.

I’m so sorry. 

If I hadn’t screwed things up, would you still be here? 

Is it better that I did, so that we didn’t grow apart naturally?

Which hurts more?

It doesn’t matter. 

I don’t think of you as much anymore.

And when I do, it’s prayers that you are well.

It’s hope that life has brought you bliss and joy. 

It’s a little wish that someday, I’ll see you.

And that you’ll be happy.

Even if you don’t know me. 

And I don’t know you.

Keep breathing. 

Don’t let your anger tear you apart. I know you have a lot of it. And I know there are reasons for it. 

But it will burn you up inside.

I don’t want you to hurt alone. But I’m not there for you anymore.

I hope you’ve found someone who will always be there.

I hope this life treats you well, dear friend.

Thank you for sharing parts of it with me.

Bye.