Guys I'm so sorry I know this is like my 3rd SU today

BUT LOOK

I MADE A SNOWMAN THIS MORNING

AND I THINK HE'S BEAUTIFUL AND I WANT TO SHARE HIM WITH THE WORLD

HI.

I'm gonna post something kind of similar to Kajsa's SU.

Also gonna be about show choir.

And the same competition.

But we go to different schools so... yeah.

First of all I saw @Kajsa's show. And she's talked it down a lot for this week. It was INCREDIBLE. If that was their vocals at like half power as she says then... Hearing them at full voice would be insane. They were awesome.

I got to watch other groups.

And then I had a panic attack and then I performed and it went pretty well. And then critique and the judge was our choreographer's wife and she was super sweet and made us all cry (in a good way).

We placed first in daytime. Which was incredible. It felt good to know that even our "bad" performances can be considered good. 

Then finals. Which was fun but also we performed at 10pm. And I pushed myself to the limit. So much so that I kind of died at the very end. But I wasn't the only one. Then I was still dying and I watched the host group. And then awards and we were the grand champs. Which was insane.

I still think that the varsity group from Kajsa's school should have won. They were amazing and I love them. I owe being in show choir to someone in that group.

I'm still drained. And I'm also sick.

Guys I'm so sorry I know this is like my 3rd SU today

BUT LOOK

I MADE A SNOWMAN THIS MORNING

AND I THINK HE'S BEAUTIFUL AND I WANT TO SHARE HIM WITH THE WORLD

Miracle

Stars

I Wish

There you go  

I found out today I may have a chance to a return to proselyting mission again. 

I am equally extremely hopeful and terrified.

HEYYYY

I'm back!

Hi!

I MISSED YOU GUYS SO MUCH!!! T-T

AND AKDKHFAKHFLKAE!!!!!!!!!!

I'M READING WARBREAKER!!!!!!!!!!

I LOVE IT SOOO SOOO SOOO MUCHHH!!!

AND I'M A LIL HYPER IF YOU COULN'T TELL!

*inhale*

Okay, that's better!

I'll prolly poetry dump tomorrow, and I might have to kill some RP characters... I don't think I can keep up with all of everything anymore...  

Anyway! Mental health isn't good really... umm... had a panic attack earlier cause of a dumb hallucination that someone pulled a gun on me... it was extremely scary and now I'm afraid to go outside...

ummmmmmmm.....

I have fish in my fish tank now! Added them today  they are adorable and I'll prolly show a pic sometime  

I really hate math... BUT THE CIVIL WAR! OMG I'M SUCH A NERRDDDD!!!!

Heh... I'm kinda everywhere right now, so that's um...

I can sing a song REALLY well and I'm so proud of myself!! I can match the guys voice  p e r f e c t l y!!!

23 by Chayce Beckham!!!!!

 I love ittttt :3 

UmmMMMm

I think I was gonna say something else, but I can't rememberrrrr  

OH OHOHOHOH

HAPPY BIRTHDAY HALLYYYY!!!! 

AND WHOEVER ELSE I MISSED  

That's all for now  

Love y'all,

You're all special, don't forget that  

~ Stick  

Happy birthday dearest Haly <333

I am... tired. Very tired. Things have been better, but they might get worse soon.

@Kajsa.

....we beat the chicken little show....

We won and we beat the chicken little show.I

They hadn't lost until yesterday.

That felt so so good.

Yesterday was a roller coaster.

In the morning I listened watched the guys play a 2 HOUR game of poker. Like... They all stayed in as long as they could. It was really funny. They were very loud.

I missed the costume change during daytime because my dress for stuck and I couldn't get it off. And then my knees died.

So I ate dinner (which was actually good and I should probably do that more at comps) took painkillers. Which helped but the adrenaline was actually what killed the pain.

We then did finals which was so fun and felt so good. We've actually started saying a prayer in my side of the stage right before we go on and it is so comforting and really nice and the thing is that everyone is there it not just a few people it's everyone. Its very nice.

And then yeah. We WON!!! 

We beat chicken little and another really good group and got best vocals. We have now won that comp 3 years in a row. Its very nice. 

And I'll be in the same place as Kajsa's school next week and I am so excited!!

Oh my chasms. Oh my scudding gilded chasming scud stars. WE GOT THIRD OVERALL. FRIGGING THIRD PLACE OUT OF ALL THE GROUPS. LIKE WHAT? My brain has stopped functioning, and so has my voice. Goodnight.

We won the JV division AND MADE FINALSSSS!!!!!!! We just got back from performing our second time, and it felt INCREDIBLE. I feel dead, but I’m drinking orange juice to help my lightheadedness and stuff. I literally started jumping up and down and screaming crying when they announced we’d made finals. 

I’ll update y’all after final awards!!! I predict we’ll get 6th or MAYBE 5th/4th. 

Comp day one is over! My little sister’s group (varsity) won grand champs, and their JV group got 1st in their division as well!! Awards ended at a godly hour tonight, bless the stars, so I’ll get some sleep tonight! Super excited to compete tomorrow, and I’ll post another update at the end of the day

I wanna rip my face off lol.

I hate everything right now, I’m so tired.

I wanna rip my face off lol.

I hate everything right now, I’m so tired.

Human squishiness quotient M-Bot reminds me of that one droid from Star Wars Rebels. The tall blue one in the later seasons. Crap I forgot his name… AP-5! lol. 

Guys I don’t think I have the energy to go through 50 notifs. I’ll check them in the morning. I’m gunna try and get some sleep.

Just a little update for the fam, we are making progress. I started some medication and my therapy is going kinda well. I’m feeling a little better, still some huge swings, but…

I’ll try to keep you guys updated, life’s been busy so sorry I haven’t been around a lot. Love you all

*throws chocolate chip muffins*

*throws chocolate chip muffins*

You need to hear this.

Whoever the storms you are, regardless of your race, gender, pronouns, religion, political standing, or any of the other ways we choose to divide ourselves. You, yes, you need to hear this.

   Life is hard. Living hurts. I'm hurting too. We all are, in our own ways... I'm getting stronger. Read that again. Say it out loud. I'm getting stronger. It hurts now, it's hell now, I don't want to go on... But I'm standing here, choosing to go on. I am strong enough. I'm good enough. I can feel my feelings. I can let the tears fall. I can not be okay. 

   It will be okay, eventually... It might not be today, true... It might not be tomorrow, next week, a month from now... It might take years. I'm sorry for the wait. I'm sorry that healing hurts. I'm sorry that it's like this... You don't deserve this pain. It's not your fault.... I want to hug you, to hold you and tell you it's going to be okay. I need you to trust me on this. It will get better. Just keep breathing. 

    I have panic attacks, where it feels like my lungs are single-handedly trying to kill me. Like I'm being constricted. I can't breathe, so I panic more. My mind races. I can't think straight. I had a fairly intense one the other day. I thought I was dying I couldn't see the other side of the attack... My closest friend laid beside me, as the tears were almost coming, as my chest was heaving. She just held my hand. When I was at my weakest, when I thought I was a goner. She held me tightly. She told me to breathe. She didn't try to convince me of anything. All she said was "Please, breathe for me. It's okay... it's going to be okay... it's going to get better..." Over and over, her voice and her touch the only thing I could focus on. She just held me, told me over and over, softly in my ear, "I love you, It's okay... it won't last forever... just breathe..." She breathed with me, showing me how. Her grip on my hand never faltered, not for a second. 

   Where am I going with this? Well, I know that not all of you have someone like that. I'm sure a lot of you could use someone like that. When that happens. Breathe for me? If no one else would care if you stopped, I care. Breathe for me. PM me, ask for my email, breathe for me. If you stop, you'll never get to see everything get better. You'll never get to find that thing you're searching for, you'll never get to see the life that was designed for you by a loving hand. You have dreams, I know you do. You really want to leave those behind? Just... give up on those plans you made? I don't think you do... 

   Guys, life is scary sometimes. This coming from the girl who just spent the night in the emergency room because of another suicide attempt. I was scared. I am scared. But, I'm also taking steps toward healing. Yes, they are hard! Yes, they hurt! But, that is healing. That is falling and getting back up. That is stumbling along your path in life. Please, I cannot stress to you enough how important it is for you to talk to someone- anyone- about what you are feeling. I'm here, if you have no one else. I'll be your friend. I'll hold you, as best as I can. 

   Broken. What a hopeless word. I know some of you- who I won't mention- think you are to broken to find help. This is a lie. This isn't true. I don't know what your situation is, but you aren't hopeless. Say that out loud. I'm not hopeless. I'm not beyond help. See? It's true. I am here. I can be a lil chaotic at times- you guys know this. But I'm here, all the same. Let me- or someone else- hold you. You don't have to carry it alone anymore. This is not your burden. It's NOT. Okay? I want you to believe that.

     If you aren't religious, aren't a Christian like I am, then you may ignore this part.

     Guys, Jesus... he died so that he could carry all this for you. All this died on the cross, only it didn't rise again. You don't struggle alone. Please, the strongest lie you can tell yourself is that you're alone.

Say that for me. I am not alone. People care about you. I care about you. Please, just take that next breath. Take that next step and tell someone. Tell me, talk to someone you trust, write it down, process the feelings, but don't plan anything. Think, but don't dwell. I love you, whoever you are. I'm right here. I'm hanging on. It will be worth it, when I turn around and look at the journey. I'm getting stronger. Like a friend said to me.

                                                   "God doesn't call the equipped, he equips the called."

        You are getting stronger. I believe you can do this. I love you. I care. I'm here. Take a breath. 

                                                                                 ~Stick 2-20-24

Oh no...

I forgot that you left.

This is saddening.

We miss you, muffin cat!

Heh.

Heh.

60,000 words    IM SO CLOSE GUYS AND I JUST KILLED OFF A CHARACTER MMY FIRST ONE ACTUALLY AND IT WAS SO EMOTIONAL AND AWESOME AND ONCE I POLISH IT UP IS GON BE SO GREATTTTT

Oh no...

I forgot that you left.

This is saddening.

We miss you, muffin cat!

Oh no...

I forgot that you left.

This is saddening.

We miss you, muffin cat!