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Anguished_One

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Anguished_One last won the day on June 8

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About Anguished_One

  • Birthday January 22

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Profile Information

  • Member Title
    THE BLOOD OF THE MARTYRS WILL WATER THE MEADOWS OF FRANCE!!!!
  • Pronouns
    she/her
  • Location
    With @SmilingPanda19 and @Part of The Narative in our Walmart dumpster
  • Interests
    I love books, books, books, Brandon Sanderson books, God, asking questions, my cats, my family, my friends, my house, buying expensive Stormlight Archive t shirts from Etsy, writing my own stories with my writing group ( aka my three best friends and me) making valiant attempts at writing romance, writing "juicy" scenes, avidly hating math, being socially awkward, drawing, memes, nightblood, singing songs from various musicals (HAMILTON! LES MIS!!! IN THE HEIGHTS! NEWSIES! THE GREATEST SHOWMAN!!) and movies, country music, gardening, animals, foreign cultures, the beach, the mountains, geeking out with my friends about all kinds of junk, eating gummy bears, exercising. POETRY! PHOTOGRAPHY!! PHILOSOPHY!! QUESTIONS!! ECONOMICS!! DEBATE! cOnSpIrAcY!!!!! oh, and did I mention reading? ( This is NOT in order of importance)

    *AHAHAHAHAHAHA* ~Hermes at all times

    IF YOU READ THIS YOU JUST LOST THE GAME!!!
    :DDD

    Quotes formerly in "Contact Methods":

    I imagine death so much it feels more like a memory; this is where it gets me, on my feet, the enemy ahead of me, if this is the end of me, at least I have a friend with me, weapon in my hand, a command, and my men with me. ~ Hamilton

    I don't think that anyone gets it So I don't wanna tell anybody what really goin' on in my head I just wanna be alone and listen to the music and let it tell me the way I need to feel So I don't think I'm defective ~ Hurt Myself, Ekoh

    I need a break from my brain From the doubt, from the stress, from the pain This anxiety is killing me and keeping me awake I need a break from my temper It's exhausting to live with the anger It weighs me down and it holds me back ~ Take Me Away, New Medicine


    I see you Crying in a gown that's blue Screaming through a breathing tube "How'd I get to this place?" I see you Wondering how you came unglued Feeling like your whole life's screwed "Who could love me this way?" ~ ICU, Citizen Soldier

    All my life I had to keep fighting And I'm a prove 'em wrong or I'm a die trying Head like a stone, heart like a lion I'm a prove 'em wrong or I'm a die trying ~ Die Trying, New Medicine

    Used to pull down my sleeves Used to put makeup on So everyone would think I'm fine and nothing's wrong I buried all the pain, used to feel so ashamed Of all the things I wrote about myself with razor blades ~ Tattoos Citizen, Soldier


    Broken legs, but I chase perfection These walls are my blank expression My mind is a home I'm trapped in And it's lonely inside this mansion ~ Mansion, NF

    THIS IS SO LONG WTC

    SONG THAT IS SO RELATABLE IT'S SCARY:
    I'm there when anyone needs me
    Just picking up broken pieces
    When you're shattered on the floor and you're bleeding
    I'll stay around, I'm not leaving
    Somehow I still don't belong
    I feel stupid when I talk
    Cause I can't tell if you're listening
    I need, I need, I need somebody
    More than just a
    Weight leaning on me
    Everyone opening up
    Bout their dark side
    What about mine?
    What about mine?
    Guess I'm an
    Outsider
    I keep it all on the inside
    Nobody sees it, silent when I cry
    Just throw everyone's issues on top of mine
    Worry bout both at the same time
    Somehow I still don't belong
    I feel stupid when I talk
    Cause I can't tell if you're listening
    I need, I need, I need somebody
    More than just a
    Weight leaning on me
    Everyone opening up
    Bout their dark side
    What about mine?
    What about mine?
    Guess I'm an
    Outsider
    I need, I need, I need somebody
    More than just a
    Weight leaning on me
    Everyone opening up
    Bout their dark side
    What about mine?
    What about mine?
    Guess I'm an
    Outsider
    ~ Outsider by Rachel Grae

Anguished_One's Achievements

2.4k

Reputation

  1. Poem

    Spoiler

    Identity

     
    “You’d be nothing without her, you know?”
     
    Yeah, I know…
     
    “You’re lucky she’s your friend, or you’d still have no style.”
     
    Yeah… very lucky…
     
    “You’re just trying to be like her.”
     
    I know…
     
     
    “You’re such a good writer!
    You’re so pretty!
    You’re so kind!
    So gentle!
    You’re a good person.”
     
    Is that really who I am?
    Or am I just the one
    Who stumbles along,
    Stealing pieces of
    Other people and
    Calling them mine.
     
    I pretend I know how to act
    Pretend I have a style
    Pretend I actually know what
    I’m doing
     
    Pretend I understand your jokes
    Because ignorance might make
    Me stupid
     
    I have no identity other than
    This mask
     
    My ever-shifting,
    Reflecting mask
    Turning tightly to keep
    The wounds inside
    And invisible
     
    But underneath,
    Inside,
    There’s just a lonely
    Shadow
    An emptiness
    A ghost,
    Watching the outside world,
    Trying to be normal
    Trying to fit in,
    Yet slowly realizing,
    She never actually has
    Anywhere.
     
    She’s scared to adopt any identity,
    Even the things she tells herself.
    Because, if her entire identity
    Is Worthless,
    Is there any hope at all?
     
    Does she have an identity
    Away from her insecurities?
     
    Who is she, if not Broken?
    If not Lost?
    If not Hurting?
    Scarred?
    Ugly?
    Fearful?
    A Liar?
    Stupid,
    Not good enough,
    Fat,
    A burden,
    Messed up,
    Abandoned,
    Selfish,
    A mistake,
    A shadow?
     
    Not fully dead,
    But not alive,
    Either.
     
    Halfway here,
    Halfway gone.
     
    A failure.
    A stranger.
    Different,
    Strange,
    Weird,
    Creepy…
     
    One who doesn’t fully belong
    Anywhere,
    So why is she still here?
     
    One who selfishly
    Needs to be needed,
    Who wishes that someone
    Expressed their love for her
    The way she does for others,
    Who’s clingy and scared,
    But supposed to be strong,
    Who’s covered in wounds,
    Some visible, some not,
    She loses herself in stories,
    Because maybe there,
    She can find herself.
    She won’t be such
    A burden,
    Such a mistake,
    So needy,
    Helpless.
     
    Even if she only finds
    A few fragments,
    It’s maybe better than
    Nothing.
    Because she,
    Is nothing.
     
     
    ~ Stick 6-18-24

     

  2. I looked at your profile and it was listed that you posted here.
  3. @Edema Rue made me lose can I have your opinions on chicken?
  4. "If you aren't fine, would you consider checking yourself into a hospital?"
  5. Ashton's head jerked up at the sound of the scream, and her body jolted as if preparing to bolt in the opposite direction. @Wierdo
  6. *sighs in has no henna skills*

    😭😭

    I NEED BODIES!!!!!

    @Edema Rue CAN YOU GET ME BODIES?!!!!???

    1. Show previous comments  8 more
    2. Through The Living Glass

      Through The Living Glass

      "Oh, Bookwyrm, do you need a-" *pulls severed arm out of closet* "-hand?"

      *maniacal laughter*

    3. Anguished_One

      Anguished_One

      @Edema Rue like... 5... 4 human, 1 elven, and preferably still breathing?

      @Kajsa I don't think so, but maybe tomorrow.... (i already drank enough blood for today 😋)

      @The cheeseman not necessarily, but it's preferred 

      @Through The Living Glass- Hands are preferred, but I know @shortcake has been... collecting those all day :ph34r:

       

      @The Bookwyrm- There is no help for you here... unless you're good at body disposal 

    4. The Bookwyrm

      The Bookwyrm

      I still need mine!

      Ask me again in like 80 years.

  7. "I don't think any of that is relevant right now." Iris glanced at the small clock on the wall. "I'm afraid our session is almost over... will you be safe and okay until our next visit?"
  8. HA!! 2018 THE YEAR I WAS BORN!!! BECUZ PEOPLE TELL ME I'M 6 AND I WIN YOU HOOMANS!!! AND YOU ALL LOST THE GAME SO THERE
  9. I have no identity. Congratulations, you now have no idea who you are or where you're going.
  10. Her brow creased in thought. "Hmm... Monster is a strong word, my friend."
  11. I wish I could post something good for Father's Day, but this is all I have.

     

    Dad...

    Spoiler

    Dad…

     
    I don’t know who you are.
    I don’t know if I ever did.
    We have wounds that maybe
    You don’t know about.
    But I do.
    I see them.
    I feel them.
    I’m still here.
     
    I don’t understand you.
    I don’t begin to understand.
    You don’t know what you did,
    Do you?
    I tried to tell you, but you
    Probably don’t remember that
    Either.
     
    When will you learn
    That I am not
    Who my brother is?
    That I actually hear
    What you’re yelling.
    I don’t need your heavy hand.
    I wish I could talk to you.
    But I can’t.
     
    I’ve had enough of your
    Fake apologies.
    Enough of your “serious talks”.
    More than enough comparisons.
     
    I don’t know you!
    You’re leaving.
    Again.
    What is this?
    I know it’s not my fault.
    I know it’s yours.
    But why couldn’t you
    Just
    Do
    Better?
     
    Maybe mom forgave you,
    But I don’t know if I can.
     
    You left so many times.
    You weren’t there for me
    When I was little.
    Maybe, what you don’t realize,
    Is that I saw things.
    I heard things.
     
    Maybe you thought you hid that,
    But I saw it.
    You abandoned me.
    You should know that you can’t
    Rely on Ty to be the bigger person!
    So where does that leave us?!
    When Mom is sobbing
    Where she thinks nobody sees,
    When Ty is in a yelling match
    With you,
    When the younger ones
    Are crying because they’re scared,
    I am the one.
     
    I’m the one who has to be
    Brave.
    The comforter.
    “Everything is going to be okay.”
    Just repeating,
    Over and over as it happens
    Again and again.
     
    Where were you?!
     
    You didn’t just hurt Mom.
    You hurt me.
    You hurt Ty.
    You hurt the younger ones.
     
    I’m done with those empty
    Apologies.
    Done with those stupid
    Words you toss around
    Like garbage.
     
    I don’t need your compliments.
    I don’t need you to try and
    Micromanage my life.
    You don’t know anything about me!
    You try to help and you wipe out
    My only confidence.
     
    I have other fathers.
    I don’t trust you.
    I don’t believe your words.
    Good, or bad.
     
    You’re a ghost to me.
    Someone who flickers
    In and out,
    Twisting thoughts and words,
    Until everything is a mess.
     
    Dad…
    I don’t know you.
    You’re a stranger.
    One who’s leaving.
     
    And all I have to say, is
    Goodbye.
     
    ~ Stick 6-15-24

     

  12. So, I'm going to find all of my poems from everywhere and put them all in one place for your convenience. I'll try to get them in the order they were written, so that the further you read, the better they get? (in theory) The first one I wrote: As far as I know, that's the first? I'm not sure if the date is exactly right, but it's as close as possible. And now I'll just keep going, one per box Note: A few don't have dates Okay, formatting is a bit messed up, I'll fix it at some point and post the other 20+ poems too. ~ Stick It's not letting me edit, so it'll prolly merge (more later)
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