PiedPiper

Your connection between the Truthwatchers, Edgedancers, and Windrunners makes perfect sense to me, but I'd also like to propose -- for the sake of argument, if nothing else -- that there's some Skybreaker in their alloy of ideals (for lack of a better phrase). Both are very focused on institutions and their rules -- although the Truthwatchers would air toward the "spirit of the law" while Skybreakers would be more likely to follow the "letter of the law". I've quoted the quiz here; their phrasing is convenient, and I think it's because this specifically is one of the main distinctions between Truthwatchers and Skybreakers. The big idea here is that both orders pursue justice, although I'd bet money that they fought often over how to go about it before the Recreance.

I was a little lost coming in on chapter 8, but that's to be expected -- I just wanted to give a precursory warning so you can take my reactions with a grain of salt. I might have feedback on something that would be much more relevant if I'd been there for the previous chapters. Here we go: In the beginning (about pgs 1-3), there are a lot of internal thoughts. I didn't mind them too much because you broke them up with dialogue, but I did mind that some of the things M ruminated on seemed shoehorned in -- like her thoughts about intimacy or her feeling like a pirate. They were loosely connected to what was going on, and I get that it builds character, but it wasn't really relevant, and it pulled me away from the story a little bit. Also, you refer to M's mom as Mom, which feels a little off to me. Mom isn't a name, it's a title. Would you refer to a king as just King when you thought of him? I don't know if the comparison helped. Point is -- and maybe this is something that bothers only me -- when you use someone's title, you think of them in relation to you (e.g. my mom, or, since this is in third person, her mom). Also, M's mom is being attacked! I didn't really get a sense of urgency from M that most people would probably feel when their mom is in danger. For all my criticism, I thought it was an engaging chapter. Excited to read the next one.

@Turin Turambar I've actually been working to get rid of the stream of consciousness feeling, because people always mention it as something they had to get over or accept as part of my writing style, and I'd rather they enjoyed it and didn't make excuses for me. (I have gotten rid of the parentheses, by the way, and am putting this comment inside them just for the irony.) I'm happy to know that you enjoyed the sequences on pages 3 and 8 -- reaction seems pretty mixed, so I think it's just one of those things I'll have to balance carefully from here on out. Regarding power lines -- I end up starting a lot of sections with them and have been trying to cut out a couple so there's more variety -- especially when I'm in the heads of different characters.

@kais and @TheDwarfyOne, I've started doing serious restructuring -- now that you've pointed it out, there are several unnecessary parts. It also sounds like some of my sections need a lot of clarification. Thank you for the critiques and suggestions. Some of the parts I thought were problematic turned out to be fine, and certain parts that I thought were good are apparently confusing and/or boring.

@killersquid thanks for the feedback and compliments. Your advice was clear and concise; I now have a good idea about what to work on. @kais it sounds like I really need to tweak the way I've structured the beginning. Thank you for your suggestions on which things to cut. I'm confused -- are you saying I didn't rely to the reader's default assumptions about the main character's race? I feel like I'm missing something here. Sorry about the grammar/spelling! I'd imagine it's a little jarring.

Shouldn't that be indicative of a general agreement among philosophical authorities? Shallan disagreed with Jasnah and the scholars, so she of all people would be more motivated to try to find texts that agreed with her -- and she should be able to in a place like the Palanaeum. The fact that she acknowledged the conclusion of the scholars (even if she didn't agree with them) leads me to believe that that there's a general consensus among Vorins about this, and that according to their philosophies, Jasnah was in the right.

Not entirely true. Chull meat is rather common, and I'd bet soulcast meat is pretty cheap, considering it's used in chouta.

Hi, Irene! Welcome to the Shard! What genre of music do you play? I'm a pianist, and I do classical and some jazz. Also, I believe the term is Marvellite. It's possible I just pulled that out of my hat, but I could swear it was a thing. What do you teach, and are you writing anything right now?

I think we need to consider the cultural context: we all agree, as members of our Earthen society, that Jasnah should have arrested them or at least should only have killed the one. Of course, then we deal with the dilemma of choosing which one to kill, and who is Jasnah to decide which man deserves to die? So, if this happened on Earth, I would definitely prosecute Jasnah, seeing as only the first could have been interpreted as self-defense. However, Vorin sensibilities are very different from ours, and it seems from Shallan's research that scholars and ardents think about this differently than we do: as long as the actions of the aggressor can be viewed as righteous, the result is worth it. It's a very interesting way to interpret Journey Before Destination -- which, before the Hierocracy, was a Vorin tenet, and it could easily be argued that it still is (see example about Jasnah's actions being justified), even if they hadn't used similar words in thousands of years. It's also important to remember here that Vorinism is a culture as much as a religion, and the rules of her society apply to Jasnah regardless of whether she believes in the Almighty. Think about why she covers her safehand -- it's a social construct as much as a religious one, similar to how laws can be based in religion but still apply to everyone who lives in the places where they take effect. My conclusion: it would definitely be wrong on Earth, and many individuals on Roshar (e.g. Shallan) might also feel that Jasnah acted immorally, but the location is the only thing that really matters here, and Jasnah did it in Kharbranth, a Vorin city.

Gore for descriptions of blood, L for strong language. My first submission; contains prologue and first chapter of an ongoing novel tentatively titled These Shattered Worlds.

I'd like to submit Monday 6/22. It's the very beginning of a novel I'm working on (tentatively titled These Shattered Worlds) and would be a little over 2800 words.

Is Roshar as old as Yolen? Because while humans migrated from Yolen to other planets -- meaning those new planets could theoretically have been new, or just created like Scadrial -- Roshar was actually home to the Singers, which could definitely have been around during the Shattering. So I'm curious as to how long it's been around. Is there a WoB for this?

Does anyone have speculation as to what oath Jasnah might be up to?

I've been playing for seven years now, and I do mostly classical (although I've been branching into jazz recently -- having lots of fun). I compose too, and am just finishing up a piece. Funnily enough, I planned my next one to be a sort of collection of motifs for certain characters in SA. My favorite period is Romantic for its drama and grandiose, and my favorite composer is Tchaikovsky for his long and graceful phrases. My favorite piece by him is April (Snowdrop), although my favorite pieces overall are Rachmaninoff's preludes in G major and g minor. Funny how that works out. Currently playing: Debussy Reverie, Chopin Grande Valse Brillante, and Kabalevsky Concerto Op. 50. No. 3 in D major. What genres do you guys specialize in? What are you working on? What are your favorite composers, time periods, pieces, etc? This is going to be fun!

48, actually.

When you're doing ear training (darn violinists!) and you think: this would be so much easier if I just had more breaths... When a male friend wants you to see this funny news article, so he asks you to read it... and you read it out loud, because you thought he needed you to read it to him. When your first thought on a smoggy day isn't: the way it obscures the tops of the skyscrapers is so cool! (that was my second thought), but: wow... so much Investiture, just readily available! Why aren't people doing anything with it? When you start accidentally taking notes in Alethi script and then have to rewrite them later in English because other people need to read them. Similarly, when you accidentally say a sentence in High Imperial and everyone looks at you really strangely, so you want to Push out of the room, but there's no metal, and you're not an allomancer.

What if Fleet's story was about Gavilar? Hear me out: 1) It's a very well-known story, and Wit is surprised that Kaladin hadn't heard it -- and we all know that Wit isn't always literal. 2) Wit doesn't see far into the future, but he almost definitely would know what's going on behind the scenes in the past. Remember, he wasn't Wit then yet, so he could been anyone at the feast. 3) How Fleet's story matches Gavilar's: Gavilar has been trying to bring about the Everstorm -- probably a great act of hubris, seeing as the Voidbringers are ancient beings -- and was killed for trying. This seems similar to how Fleet tried to race the highstorm and died before he could reach the end. However, his goal was achieved even after death by the people working in his name -- most notably the Sons of Honor. However, it's also important to remember that Gavilar's (and his organization's) ultimate goal was to bring back the Knights Radiant, who would theoretically return if the Voidbringers attacked. Thus, the argument could be made that Kaladin -- by saying the Oaths both as a soldier in Gavilar's (former) army and also right as he was needed to protect Gavilar's brother and nephew against the Voidbringers -- also played a role in completing Gavilar's vision Jasnah could also fit this role, as becoming an elsecaller helped in figuring out why her father died. (Ironically, Jasnah was the reason.) This could be seen as parallel with Fleet's ghost getting up and completing the race. Maybe I'm right, maybe this is a huge stretch. Let me know what your opinions are.

Someone in the fandom needs to major in molecular chemistry so they can discover a new element and name it Atium. Do you think that Cadmium is less intelligent than Bendalloy? (i'm sorry, that's so bad.)

I'm just joining in ch 7, so I don't have any notes on consistency, etc. That being said, here's my twopence of advice (I'm experimenting with different currencies; next time, it could be rupees): I've really come to like Ir in the last 2000 words, I think the side effects of the magic were really interesting, and I think you did a good job subtly conveying that P was much creepier than Ir was made to think. That said, there were a couple lines that I thought kind of seemed awkward with the rest of your narration, e.g. beginning of pg 8 where P brought Ir snacks. I also felt that Ir's conflict about not knowing what to feel about P was a little on the nose. I really like your premise, and can't wait to continue reading!

I don't know how helpful my opinion will be, but here we go: As a musician myself, I thought your music-based magic was interesting, and I liked how two of your magic systems seemed related (at least in that both had to do with emotions). Some of the phrases you used, like "all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy," were a little jarring to hear, since this is obviously not an Earth setting, and you'd already set precedent for different culture-based vocabulary like "leech's apprentice." I also felt a bit lost for the first eight or so pages, which I normally wouldn't mind, but with short stories I always feel like there's more of a rush to get to know everything. I really liked your end, though; it's an excellent transition to your next part. I'm sorry I can't do an in-depth break-down; unfortunately, I'm pressed for time. I hope this helped -- or at least gave you something to think about. Good luck continuing!

When you're rereading the Count of Monte Cristo, get to the part where Edmond mentions the Almighty, and think: I could swear I thought he was Catholic! When you watch TV and, instead of paying attention to what's going on, try to decide which actors would play which Cosmere characters the best. When a family member has an injury and your first thought (after, you know, sympathy) is: if only he had a set of Plate... When you see an adorable picture of a baby goat (OH MY GOD, SO CUTE) and wonder immediately if they have goats on Roshar, and then feel really sad when you realize they probably don't.

Shallan mentioned in WoR that Jasnah's havah was a body-hugging garment, so I imagine that there aren't many layers in the underskirt. The closure it has probably depends on the type -- if you remember the folio page from OB, it shows that the Liafor elites design all types of different havahs with ties, buttons, etc. It's like how we have sweater dresses, but there are infinite ways to design such a dress that still qualify it as a sweater-dress. As far as I know, the only elements a havah absolutely must have are the safehand sleeve, the long skirts, and the high neckline. Everything else is subject to the whims of the designer, which really means that there's no standard for this.

How about this: Jezrien is in his mid-to-late thirties, and he had Ash when he was twenty. It's on the young side, but there are many cultures -- especially ancient ones -- where people marry very young. Even if the Heralds didn't age or mature after they became Heralds, Ash would be in her late teens. If she looks like a mature teenager, that explains the age issue.

Now that I think of it, I do remember Alex -- but I read Magnus Chase so long ago that I completely forgot about them.I stopped reading Rick Riordan' books a while ago, and although I mean no disrespect to the middle grade genre, at some point they just stopped interesting me. I also think Nico being gay was disappointing in execution, although I have seen better depiction of gay and lesbian characters, so it bothered me less. By the way, @Chaos, I've read Full Fathom Five and thought it was very excellent. I'm continuing with the rest of the Craft Sequence now.

If Honor made the Oathpact, the Fused in Damnation with the Heralds, does that mean the Oathpact is a Sliver of Honor -- or maybe that the Heralds are Slivers of Honor?