PiedPiper

Yes, but keep in mind that if you wanted to (traditionally) publish this you wouldn't control the font. No, you don't need to make it more clear. I just didn't pay attention. I thought N was his cousin, not T's daughter, so I was convinced this couldn't possibly be flirting even though it definitely seemed like it. On reread, it's really not a problem. I, personally, would never have thought of this if you didn't point it out. Ask other people too, because I might be unique in this, but I would be less confused if you either explained it more or found a different way to illustrate that there are a bunch of birds. Show is better than tell only if people understand what you're showing.

Chapter 2: Pg. 1: Minor thing, but why is H calling A "desert boy?" She's in the desert too. Pg. 1: Okay, I know A thinks they're close to Birdrock, but I think it's still unrealistic that his two companions would decide it was alright to traverse the desert in the daytime just because Amin said so. Pg. 2: Again, A is just telling his companions to stand still in the middle of the day in the desert? I'm beginning to wonder if they're alright upstairs. Pg. 3: "Do either of you know a better way to get out of here?" Not a rational reason to think a bird a) knows what you want and is trying to help you get it. If this is foreshadowing for some big reveal at the end, it needs to be framed differently. If I were traveling with A, I'd think he was getting sunsick. The fact that he internally dismisses the religion hypothesis not a page later just makes this even more befuddling. I think the problem here is that we don't have enough background; why are A's companions willing to follow him blindly? Why is he willing to follow a bird blindly? The question you then have to ask is: is it worth putting in all this backstory? What is this section trying to accomplish? Pg. 3: That last part about A resenting his father sounds like it could be important, but you could easily put that in chapter three, and it would be more cohesive -- and probably solve some of the issues Mandamon brought up. Chapter 3: Pg. 1: I like the architecture details. But mentioning that there are bits of cloth tied to the stalagmites without explaining why seems kind of pointless to me. Do they signify something? If so, what? Also, why are the building roofs stained white? Is it from the dove feathers? Because that doesn't seem like something that actually happens. If you want to illustrate that there are a lot of doves and that they come to Birdrock often, maybe try mentioning that they leave (insert large quantity here) of feathers on the streets, roofs, etc. Pg. 2: Why does A assume that this Mother T will keep this from his family? We learn later that she, in fact, doesn't, and this seems relatively in character based on the short scene we've had so far. Shouldn't A, after growing up near her, know better? Up until page 4 I kept reading "lyaman" as "layman," and I was super confused. Unless this fits some sort of pre-designed linguistic pattern, consider changing another letter so the words aren't so close? Maybe this issue is unique to me -- thoughts, everyone? Pg. 4: "how did she water them all?" -- nice desert-dweller detail. Pg. 5: I need more context to understand A's weird interaction with his cousin. It seems to me that these two chapters have been building to A's confrontation with his father -- why not include that here? As is, the whole thing feels pretty anticlimactic. Edit: I'm so sorry, I forgot to abbreviate the names! Another edit: stupid b) always changes to

I like your castings as fantasy castings, but there are a few practical problems with them. I disagree with you about Teft -- Teft is super old, and probably hasn't aged well since he's a drug addict. Idris Elba doesn't look old enough for the role. Beyond that, Brandon has said before that the closest human race to Alethi are the Polynesians, and you cast a lot of white actors in roles that ideally would have more of an Asian/Pacific Islander look to them. Although Hiddleston as Wit is kind of perfect.

Congratulations! It looks like you have a really interesting topic. Edit: with the genre crossover and flexibility, I mean.

Here are some really bad ones (they're not corny, they're just bad): I'm a Drab, unfortunately. I lost my Breath when I first saw you. I'm burning electrum right now, and I can see my future with you. If you were words on a page, you'd be fine print.

Hi there, @Stevent. How are you liking Eye of the World? Do you think you'll read all 15 books? Also, congrats on being almost dome with your novel. I absolutely love editing. It's my personal favorite part of the writing process [sarcasm]. Welcome to Reading Excuses!

The smaller sticker isn't always the spren. They could decide to not do Glys or a normal Truthwatcher spren and just put someone like Adolin there instead, similar to how Navani isn't Dalinar's spren but still is part of his sticker sheet.

I don't think you understand the point I was trying to make when I took it apart. You claimed that the invention of butcher knives did not lead to killing of people, and I extended the analogy to show that it, in fact, did. All it proved was that your "slippery slope" argument was not specific enough. Exactly. The Spanish crown had no idea how that first voyage would affect the course of history (Columbus must have been extremely Ta'veerin), but they went with it anyway, similar to how, as you pointed out, the first artifabrians had no way of knowing that their fabrials would lend premise to the making of half-shards. We're not arguing about what should have been done long in the past; we're arguing about if what they did was right to begin with. Neither do I buy your point that there's no causal link between the trapping of minor spren and the trapping of major spren. 1) How much did the Jah Keved scholars really know about the intelligence of these spren? For all we're given, we have no idea if they started with malicious intent or if all they knew was that certain spren were more powerful than others, and the more powerful spren could create more powerful fabrials. 2) The fact that no one (as far as we know) had voiced concerns about trapping minor spren really should have been a giant warning as to how they would have treated major spren. When the parshmen slaves became the Listeners, many Brightlords argued that the Parshendi should be enslaved anyway so they could have their free labor back. Do you really think the same mentality would not apply to spren?

I disagree. Your analogy is not applicable in the way you thin it is, because butcher knives aren't useful in practicality when it comes to killing humans. That's why humans developed things like bows and swords and guns to kill each other, both of which were results of a culture, instigated by the butcher knife, where weapons are commonplace. You might think this is far-fetched, but remember humankind's earliest sharp rocks, and how they later became knives and arrowheads, and how from there we realized that if you make the blade longer it will have farther reach, making it better for fighting, and once violence is an ingrained part of society, no one bats an eye at the first gun. So let's say that, for the sake of argument, trapping non-sapient spren is humane (which I don't believe it is -- you've obviously read the post where I compared it to mistreatment of animals). The potential that it creates for wide-scale unjust imprisonment of thinking beings should definitely factor into the decision of the artifabrian. Here's another analogy: would you have sent Columbus on that first trade voyage because there was no nefarious intent if you had known that it would eventually lead to the torture and massacre of millions?

That's not what I'm saying, actually. Sure, you might not make a half-shard (although I disagree that it's humane as long as the spren is not sapient), but other scholars would use your already-established precedent to make a half-shard (and there's no way one could argue that's unrealistic, because it's exacly what happened in Jah Keved).

Trust me, I’ve also seen the livestream. I’m not sure this was so important to point out weeks after it was posted, though. Besides which, many might argue that the slippery slope point has evolved from its original meaning precisely because everyone uses it that way. As long as it’s widely understood, the original intent is less important than its modern use.

Try a music app that can transcribe it.

Well, you're incorrect that Allomancy's "natural form" creates a misting rather than a mistborn. Remember the end of WoA where Elend burned Lerasium and became mistborn? That's how all the noble houses got their powers originally, and through the generations it got weaker and we saw more and more mistings. Even modern mistborns (with the exception of Elend, or course) are much less powerful than they were in the earlier days of the Final Empire.

The Sunnydale High School class of '99 10-year reunion was killer for the introverts. Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar and doesn't. A wanted poster for Schrodinger's cat reads "dead and alive." Little known failure: Schrodinger's dog. It freaked out and started barking. When life gives you lemons, squirt them into life's mouth and see how life likes it. Ending with a preposition is where it's at. NOBODY EXPECTS THE STEEL INQUISITION!

This, from a WoK prime reading, all describing the same room but giving a lot of helpful details. Much of the book is non-cannonical now, but I can't imagine he's made a lot of big changes regarding architecture: Also, @I Am A Fish I'm not sure Kharbranthian architecture will be comparable, because while they're both Vorin cities, they still have very different cultures -- e.g. Alethi are more war-like and Kharbranth is an academic city. That might not necessarily affect architecture, but it's an example of a major, very obvious difference and I'd be surprised if there weren't many more. As for being semi-European in design -- not sure I agree with that either, seeing as he's set precedent for cultural influence by pulling more from the Middle East/eastern Asia in terms of influence. I do agree about them being low down to protect from highstorms, but I'll add to that: most tall buildings will probably have slanted sides facing toward the origin. For example, we know the palace is absolutely huge, so it probably incorporates some of these safeguards.

When three of Brandon's characters are named Timbre, Tindwyl, and Wyndle. I get them mixed up ALL THE TIME.

That's actually what I meant to ask, thanks. I was rereading Shadows of Self and wondered if Bleeder had to fill up her own metalmind or if she could use the one from whomever she killed.

My second Metallic Arts question of the hour. Could a Kandra use the metalminds belonging to a feruchemist they just ingested, or would they have to fill up their own?

Can someone's Allomantic power be passed on through Hemalurgy before they Snap?

I bet he's an ardent, and his wife is too. Theoretically, a female ardent shouldn't have to cover her safehand because ardents aren't supposed to be seen as male or female. Of course, that wouldn't account for how he's a Truthwatcher too -- only retired ardents can bond spren. @Winter, your story is getting fishier by the moment.

Welcome to the Shard. Favorite Brando book? Favorite non-Brando book? Favorite magic system? Order? US or UK covers? Favorite character? Have you been keeping up with the RoW sample chapters or are you waiting for the release?

We know that Shallan had made progress in her oaths when she was young but then regressed and had to basically start over at the beginning of The Way of Kings. Pattern theoretically could have left in that time, but I doubt a different type of spren would have taken his place if he had. We know a little bit about spren politics, but it seems to me that there's some antagonism between all the different varieties. Even if two groups are allies, it's possible they already have agreements about bonding Radiants. Based on what we know so far, it is theoretically possible that someone could start bonding a Cryptic but end up an Elsecaller in the end, I just don't think it's likely.

A couple more similarities between Ashurbanipal and Dalinar: - They were both younger sons who weren't meant to be king - The heir next in line was passed over in their favor and and given a lesser title - for Dalinar this is Elhokar and the Highking business, even if that did happen later - for Ashurbanipal this is Shamash-shum-ukin, his older brother, who was given Babylon instead There are other things too, but they're not particularly relevant to the point I want to make. Assyria fell from within after it got too big to control and Babylon, ruled by Ashurbanipal's brother, rose up and took control, which I feel supports your Ishar theory: someone from the royal family -- or, in SA, one of the Heralds -- eventually betrays the rest after allying with opposing forces (in SA, Odium and Unmade; in Assyria, recently conquered territories like Iran, Anatolia, etc.) Also, the main entrance to the city of Babylonia was the Ishtar Gate. Tell me that doesn't seem suspicious -- almost-Ishar was the entrance to the city we're using as a parallel for Odium's forces. Babylon soon fell to the Persian empire, which occupied basically the same territory as Assyria. My guess is that this is what will happen to Alethkar. It falls in SA4 (we know it's already at the end of its rope from the Lirin chapter in the newsletter), and it's reconquered by not quite the same people some time in the back 5. Possibly the kids of our main characters now, thus the time jump. During this time, many of the Jews were taken and held captive in Babylon. The Diaspora took place shortly after as the land changed hands a bunch of times in a couple decades. This, in the books, could be the equivalent of Vorin forces being captured (and possibly corrupted) by Odium, and Vorinism becoming a minority religion as its major tenets are proven wrong (not that I'm implying that Judaism's tenets are wrong, just theorizing that Vorinism will end up becoming a minority religion like Judaism).

Callsign: Pandacat, flightleader of Supidanimals Flight.

So I won't be submitting for a while because my schedule just got crazy busy, and when I do have free time, I usually don't have the bandwidth to write (still keeping up with submissions, will offer crits when I can). Also, doing major edits on the 35k words I do have right now. I wanted to ask, though: the biggest change I want to make is putting all the parts of a character's arc in one place rather than interspersing separate scenes throughout the chapters. Right now, you're thinking: "why wasn't it like that before? That makes no sense, it's really confusing, and it was the reason your last submission was a train wreck, Piper!" The problem, though, is that if I put the story line all in one place, the timeline has to go WAY out of order. Is it worth it to constantly be jumping back in time so you can have a coherent picture of what's going on? If so, should I also put dates at the start of each chapter so you can keep things straight? Hope you could follow my train of thought.