Snakenaps

Okay, I definitely have one chapter ready for Monday, but I was wondering if I could submit two for a total word count somewhere around 6,000??? I might be able to get it to 5,000, but I am not sure.

I going to trepidatiously as for a slot for Monday, September 14th. Figuring out this new teaching position may suck up my writing time for this week, but if I am able to submit, then I want to.

Speaking from experience at a party school... YES. In fact, that's why Pioneer Days got banned in this city. And why Halloween pulls in at least three to five different towns' police forces. Kids - *hem* young adults - will legit drive from my hometown an hour and twenty minutes south just to come to my city to party on days that aren't Labor Day/Halloween/Saint Patrick's/Caesar Chavez Day. Party central is literally nicknamed "The Zoo." So I found this to be perfectly realistic.

Thoughts as I go: The entire first page is absolutely killing me. I want to be like, "Dudes, sit down, talk this out, talk about boundaries and being ready and that revoking consent is okay." Except for the fact, I have seen enough friends going through stupid relationship awkwardness to know this is so completely realistic. Doesn't mean I don't want to bonk their heads together. Pg 2, " he was staying with a friend and not sleeping in a lab or office" Or under a bridge. Pg 6, "It’s like I’m tripping, but I swear I didn’t do any drugs." Katie doesn't like. This is already better than Mom, because while M might have an emotional connection to her mother, I don't have much of one. So this makes a stronger emotional punch right out the gate. Pg 6, "Somewhere near BC." Me: British Columbia??? Legit have no clue what BC is. If it was mentioned earlier, I forgot. Pg 7, "Boston College was halfway across the city." And ShatteredSmooth swoops in to save the day in the very next sentence. Now I know! Pg 7, "It’s big and white and smelly." Polar bear escapes from zoo, terrorizes local girls. Pg 9, "wearing a threadbare suit and tie with a bowler hat." This is somehow more frightening than if it was dressed to the nines. Pg 10, " she rolled dice in a game that looked like a combination of Dungeons and Dragons and Beer Pong" I admit, I'd be willing to try this. Pg 11, " full of pizza, plates heaped with bacon" Nooooo! Can't lose these!!! Pg 15, "And if one of them dies, and the killer doesn’t, they all come together, hundreds of them, and get their revenge no matter the cost." This reminds me of both bees and the goblins from the tv show Trollhunters. Except the pixies aren't comic relief and are awesome, unlike the goblins. This chapter really worked for me. I think by introducing the Big Bad instead of having just some random demon, plus making T and A the stakes rather than Mom, makes this hits much harder than before. I think the Demon is much creepier in the fact that it talks and seems to be highly intelligent, and it feels like a more fearsome foe, even in thrift store tweed. I know that creating a mystery can create more tension, but honestly, laying your cards out like you did in this chapter compared to the original seems to be a move in the right direction. Can't wait for more!

This comic was my immediate thought (content warning for foul language):

I calculated out that if I continued my habit of submitting one chapter a week, it would take me until March 15th, 2021 to get through this entire book. Now, I may not be as cool as some people here and have a deadline from an agent, but waiting seven months to get full feedback seemed...stifling. So, whenever I can, I'm going to begin submitting two chapters a week, starting with today. We aren't jam packed with people fighting for slots right now, so I don't feel too bad for giving you all a couple extra thousand words to scoff at. Chapter Seventeen is almost entirely new. The first scene was from Draft Two but has been heavily modified, but otherwise only a couple other paragraphs were from before. I'm curious to see how this will be received. Chapter Eighteen is nearly the same, with some tweeks. I'm not happy with this chapter yet. I still feel like the beginning 2/3rds are slow, and need to get cut more. It is also lacking the emotions from the previous chapter except for a sentence or two. I need to fix that. I've definitely noticed that the way I write emotions is like a teeter totter, constantly swinging back and forth from chapter to chapter. I think it is because by the time I finish a chapter with conflict, then I want to write a chapter that is all hunky dory because writing tension gives me stomach aches. I plan to go back and add more angst to this chapter.

May I please have a slot for Monday, September 7th?

You are better than me. At this point, I would have used that free time to sleep. Happy to hear you are in the clear, though!

Yes it is, but I don't think I've ever mentioned it. This is the first book in a planned trilogy. Although I'm currently bopping around the idea of outlining a prequel from the spy W's POV in regards to how the BK comes to power. Book One Ir is not great at secrets. This should contrast pretty heavily with planned Book Three Ir.

So happy to return to the woes of M! Thoughts as I go: Pg 1, " packed late nights and early mornings spent with mountains of homework" Things I don't miss. Pg 1, "would curl up on a common room couch" I never had the guts to do this because our common room couches were gross. An RA once got caught banging a student in the common room. Then the same thing happened in the laundry room a few months later. Oh, dorms, how I don't miss you. Pg 2, "so to keep up appearances, and she spread meals out over short periods of time." Pg 2, " you felt her break their her arm or leg or something worse?" Pg 2, "Everything in the kitchen was custom made to be accessible" In other words, instead of banging your hips into the counters, you can bang your thighs. Bruises either way. Pg 3, "Demi sexual?" Google says this is one word. I had to google the difference between demisexuality and grey ace. Thanks for the new knowledge! Pg 4, " the button that opened the weapons room door" Secret door, or are they just fancy and sci-fi with their buttons? Pg 4, "Mom hadn’t made any serious costumes since Uncle died ten years ago" Pg 4, "she got to pick the character and it had to be a surprise" Pg 7, "what are we going to do" Very forward, M. Works well until her telepathy ruins everything. It was so nice to dive back into M's head! I thought it was a great chapter, and want to go jump back into my emails just so I can read about the demon fight again.

I got in trouble multiple times with a former mentor for referring to students as "dudes." I still maintain that "dudes" is the best way of addressing a group. It's gender neutral (anyone who says otherwise can fight good ol' Californian me), it can be used as a noun or an exclamation or a curse. Dude. Thanks for the heads up, otherwise I would have assumed you were abducted by aliens.

Ironically, this was originally the chapter that introduces the Fey. At the 36% mark of the book! I plan to have the Fey mentioned, if not basically explained, by Chapter One, with a solid understanding created extremely early on. So by this point, the Fey won't be being introduced, they'll be a solid concept. Laying out the countries with the new government systems should fix things up too. I think if I play my cards right, I can combine this chapter and the last chapter... Thanks!

Technically, this is a Draft Three chapter, but almost nothing has changed from the Draft Two version. Only little tweaks here and there. Thank you ahead of time! You guys rock! Any comments, opinions, and concerns are welcome!

Thoughts as I go: Pg 5, " the Faith Rover flowed deep and silent" It's the Land Rover but for water Pg 6, "He drew out the artifact." I admit, I question this, but it may be because the prologue is a little fuzzy in my head. I know the artifact is incredibly dangerous, but does A? Why is his first instinct to pull the artifact out of his pocket instead of running and screaming or throwing something? Magic? Instinct? He definitely doesn't strike me as the sort who charges into danger. He doesn't have any plans to bargain with it. I dunno, for me, this feels like pulling out your car keys. Might be good for some stabbing, but without the car to actually mow the guys over, you're kind of screwed. That's a terrible metaphor. Do you understand what I'm getting at? Pg 7, " seeing a fair-haired face above" You know, I'm honestly impressed. I suck at names. I would have been like, "Theater boy?" Something that I think can help set the stakes is why losing the artifact is so important to A. Is it victory to his people? A dangerous weapon for their enemies? Something that can trigger mass destruction? Otherwise, I have little to add that hasn't already been said I think you're taking great steps forward from when you first submitted this story. Keep going!

May I have a slot for tomorrow, August 31st?

My bestie would shout "SPEARS!!!" I personally would look into different cultures and societies over time. For instance, what were traditional Hawaiian weapons? Looking at different sources may give you inspiration for new weapons, or novel ways to spin traditional weapons. Don't forget animals as weapons!

Although this is a Draft Three version, this one has seen little change compared to the stitched-together chapter last week. I'm so sorry for not replying to everyone's comments on my chapters. I am reading them and they mean so much to me. I'm just having a hard time sitting down and finding time to reply with this stupid job hunting. I want you all to know I'm thankful for your time, your patience, and your willingness to help me. I wish I could give you all hugs and a pile of your favorite desserts.

May I please have a slot for Monday, August 23rd?

Hello @Stevent! Welcome to the group! Love the name of your blog!

I was seriously planning to take it out until I came to the conclusion, hey, I've got this amazing group of writers behind me, might as well give it a shot. I don't think I could pull it off alone, but I'm no longer alone, am I? It came down to, in the end, that I really want them to get together despite my absolute fear I'm going to butcher this somehow. I figure I slip in a couple of sentences here and there, and I'll be good. Thankfully, technically the romance has already been revised because I tore out 7,000+ words of junk from Draft One. This isn't like government. I don't have to start from scratch. Take your time. I'm barely finding enough time to revise each week's chapter before sending it out to the group. It's not like I'm going to pass you up right now. And, frankly, you're in the chunk where the pacing grinds to a halt when it should be speeding up, so I'm not surprised you stalled.

Hello Alderant, The great news is, you never have to feel like you might have failed me in the past, because I didn't know you then. That means you get a nice, clean slate with me. I'll never have a previous you to refer to. So, let me begin this off with: Hi, I'm Snakenaps! My best friend and my sister are both ADHD, and I've worked extensively with ADHD, ADD, and ED (emotionally distrubed) children. Not to mention kids with a million other acronyms. My minor is in special education. Essentially, while I understand a bit of your mental state, I honestly don't care. You are you, and that is all that matters to me. I treat everyone situationally, instead of blanket stereotyping. The same thing applies to you being transgender and demisexual: it doesn't matter to me.Yes, it lets me gain an insight on your thought patterns and experiences, but you could be a 400 foot tall platypus bear with purple fur and silver wings, and as long as you are a good person, we'll get along smashingly. Personality wise, I'm prone to rants, especially about horses. I tend to be hard on myself but I'm excellent at taking critiques and bad news. Don't feel like you have to tiptoe around me, because you are my teammate and here to help us all grow. I rarely get offended, and naturally assume that if something on the internet comes off as offensive, I'm probably reading the tone wrong. If I've done something offensive, point it out to me so I can learn from the experience. I can assure you I didn't mean it. If there is one thing I hate, it is drama and conflict. I'm just too lazy. I am also awesome at overloading myself. I honestly don't think I can be happy if I'm not running my feet off. I used to be an elementary substitute teacher, but, thanks to Covid, I've decided to switch careers and get out of education for now. Although life has been throwing cannonballs at you lately, hopefully you can find some solace here. I arrived in late February 2020, so I've been here for over six months. Most of the time I forget that and still feel like I joined yesterday. I'm two years out of college, so, as far as I know, I'm one of the younger members of the group. I'm a cis-gendered white woman who is heterosexual 98% of the time with a few exceptions. While I feel attraction, I've never been in a relationship because the men in my town have pudding for brains. I've got 0% experience in the romance department, which is hilarious since I'm trying to put that back in my book after a disastrous first draft. I come from a conservative background in Northern California, but my parents raised me to accept people based off of how kind they are rather than the color of their skin or their sexuality or how they think (unlike some of my peers). I was homeschooled for seven years and raised in the country. Now I live only a few blocks from my former college in a small city. My religious beliefs can be summed up as "I don't think humans can know because if there is a God then we're ants. Ants can't understand the complexity of humans, so how am I supposed to understand God?" So I generally put zero brainpower into religion most of the time, since I am of the belief that I cannot know if there is a God or not for certain, and I'd rather spend my time thinking about horses. Speaking of horses, I am your new Horse Friend. Congratulations. I've been addicted to horses since age four (riding since I was 8), and if you ever have any equine questions or concerns, I'm always down to help. I don't own a real horse, but I do own over 320+ model horses. You might have a background in medieval history, but I kinda predate you, since my background is in Ancient Rome I took Latin for six years, but I've lost most of my ability to read/write it since I graduated high school. You use or you lose it, am I right? I am also an artist, primarily pencil and digital. Please don't ask me to write any poetry. I'm currently in the middle of revising a political intrigue adult fantasy that focuses on the hardship of loyalty and family in a world where mythical creatures literally talk, and bop between submitting chunks of Draft Two and the newly revised Draft Three. This is my first completed book. It's got a lot of issues, but I'm proud of how far it is coming. Most of its issues stem from a disastrous government and my inability to convince readers that talking cows can open doors without telekinesis. I don't expect you to critique my work since I've submitted about over 30% of the story so far, but if you have any questions you are more than welcome to bug me. It is good to meet you. I am looking forward to becoming teammates and friends.

I approve!

Is that a dare?

So sorry I am late on this. I feel like I'm falling behind on everything lately. I have not forgotten about your other work that I still need to finish. Thoughts as I go: Pg 1, "besides the old shedding couch and the peeling wallpaper" I was thinking to myself that being a demonic accountant apparently doesn't pay well until I looked up the rent prices in NYC. Apparently, the bottom 25% of all rent prices for a studio in NYC is, on average, $2,300. You can get a studio in my college town for $900. My 2 bedroom 1.5 bath costs $1,000. I can't imagine trying to survive in the Big Apple. Pg 2, "after several minutes she began to grow restless" It's like being put on hold by a demon. Pg 5, "why she hadn’t replaced the stained fridge and faded wallpaper" If I did that in my apartment, it would count as an "alteration" and I'd lose my deposit. She might not be allowed to. Pg 7, "She barely suppressed a shudder." I wonder how long N has been doing this, considering she still has reactions to the more...disturbing parts of demons. She isn't desensitized. Pg 13, "Several hours of work should be plenty of time to extract the information that she wanted from him." I don't remember this line in the original, but it immediately makes me wonder what she wants. Pg 18, "Is that all?" Definitely not the several hours of work time suggested on page 13. Going to have to agree with the others who got stumped on this. I took your hints for this and assumed she was actually casing the joint. Thought that she planned to enter Hell to save a family member or someone from eternal damnation. Overall: I think this is a strong improvement and a good step in the right direction. I feel like there's not much I can add from everyone else's comments except keep on going! Revising is a pain in the patootie, but it'll be worth it in the long run. I'd keep on writing if I were you, and return to this on a later date. You don't want to be stuck rewriting the same first five chapters forever.