Snakenaps

This was new to this draft. Tempted to make it juicer but not so juicy it is cliche. This is...not something I have thought about before... Thank you @ginger_reckoning!

If you somehow mixed up your letters and meant Rhythm of War (RoW)...very soon. My copy is supposed to arrive anytime. If you meant WoR...I am not sure what you are referring to and need context clues.

Completely agree. It doesn't help that, IMO, I accidentally weakened Sue in this draft instead of strengthening her. Again, completely agree. I think once I have figured out what both the BK's government looks like as well as the previous one, I'll be able to nail down exactly when the Revolutionaries want. Thank you @Mandamon !

Two chapters up for your amusement this week. Violence warning on both, although minorly on the first.

Keep in mind, I never read the first Chapter One. So this will hopefully be informative for you. Prologue: Pg 1, "He lay underneath his fallen mount," Well, if he isn't dead yet, 1,200 lbs will definitely quicken the process. And that's if this is a lightweight horse. Warhorses weigh more. Pg 1, "but the strain was too much." If there's any consolation, you aren't moving a 1,200 lb deadweight horse without a pair of horses hitched up to drag it away anyway. Pg 1, "That would make the other voice…" Don't know who these two are, but I think they are Important with a capital I. Pg 2, "I will send someone," Lemme guess, that will end up being our protagonist for the rest of the book. Pg 3, "The skin was as smooth as a baby’s bottom." As much as this got a chuckle out of me, I feel like it took away from the seriousness of the event. Pg 3, "Why me?” Looks like we have our unlikely prophet? Pg 3, "“You will be the Hero these people need." I was incorrect. The end kind of lost me. Why A? Why chose him? I understand why he is emotional - I would be too if I thought I was going to die and then was saved by the gods - but it fell emotionally short for me. Chapter One V.2: Pg 1, "The Blade was burnished orange in color with a long, elegantly curved blade that was sharp on both sides." Repetitive. Pg 1, "A finely wrought chain hung in a coil at the hilt," A long one or a short one? Why would a sword (sword? maybe this is a dagger God of War style) have a chain and ball to one end? Seems like a tripping hazard. Pg 1, "had discovered the sword a few hours earlier," Like, where to do find one of these? I sincerely doubt it was just sitting by the edge of the road. Pg 1, "Never heard of a Smith with a dragonfly.” Confused? Does this reference a maker's mark? Pg 2, "First Meal" This makes me assume there are more than three meals a day and they are like hobbits with second breakfasts and elevenses. Pg 2, "He took off his cloak and pulled F." Hold up, the sword has a name now? Why was it behind his belt? Weird place for a sword. Pg 7, "No need to have people see you leaving town." I would personally be confused on why I would need to leave town. Like...some woman just killed his dad, a second woman just killed the first woman...and he is going to just...go with her? I feel like this is a pretty simple case of "My dad got murdered, I'm going to leave the local law enforcement to figure this out and stay with my friends." I'd trust his friends way before this random stranger who seems happy his dad is dead. Pg 7, "She was not giving him very much information." Yeah, which is why I would not trust a random murdering lady to take me on a field trip to who-knows-where. Pg 8, "we will find the way." What way? What goal are they trying to reach? At this point, I'm just confused. Also...no mourning for dad besides peeing the pants? Pg 8, "went to find his friends." As he should have done straightaway. I am going to echo this. Also, unless explicitly mentioned, I am assuming this is the go-to Medieval England setting. If it isn't...might want to mention something. Yes, I have to agree. I felt like every sentence was introducing me to something new without a full explanation (or any at all), and I didn't have time to digest. It was a trifle overwhelming. You killed a horse right off the bat which makes me sad, but you write snappy action scenes, which is awesome. Keep writing!

Oooooh!!! This is so cool! I had a lot of fun going to the website and reading the answers to these questions myself.

I'm going to ditto this and say I have sketchbooks worth of drawings and doodles as well as several thousand photos saved on Pinterest. I have nearly 800 for my unicorn character, the BK, alone.

I won't lie...this particular version of NotK was actually a reaction of me being exhausted by Game of Thrones. I didn't want an orphaned farm boy or the orphaned street rat or the gorey, depressing mess that had become so popular. Mobile won't let me write under the quote I pulled for some reason below. I am hoping that both Ir's political skills and my own will grow together until Book 3 is a rip-roaring good time. I would love to have her progress from "I have no clue what is going on but I'll do my best" to "I'm the one calling the shots here, get out of my way... please." I think Ir, as the books progress, will harden, but she'll always want to do good. She won't go the route of Breaking Bad.

I've wondered if I should have written the book from his POV only, but, honestly, with my current skills, I would struggle with this. It would up the political intrigue far beyond my current abilities/knowledge. I've considered writing a prequel about his past more than once. It may be that this book falls short from It's POV, and maybe one day (either when the book is a success or a trunk novel), I'll rewrite it from the BK's POV only. But right now, I don't feel like I know enough to pull off a book of that caliber. I'm barely making it with this one.

This, this right here summarizes everything. Perfection.

Depends on which one you are talking about. In high school/college, I tried to make the perfect book from the very beginning with no outline multiple times. I never finished any of the seven drafts. Last August I sat down and started writing the 8th written version of NotK with an outline, and I just wrote. I wrote with notes everywhere, often in all caps, like REALLY AMAZING SPEECH HERE. I wrote messily, I wrote pretty passages. If I didn't like something, I wrote my idea for what it would look like in the next draft in a couple of sentences and moved on. I didn't stop, and wrote a complete draft in five months. It was difficult at first learning to forgive myself for not making perfection, but I fell into a nice groove that has taught me not to take my writing so personally. Oooof, okay, I was not very good at this and I'm paying the price now. First of all, not everyone outlines. I needed to outline. I tried for years to discovery write and it turns out that isn't me. Some people know approximately what direction they want to go and then just pants it. I am not that person, maybe you are. Second, there is no one right way to plot out a book, as it will depend on what kind of book you are writing. I did not know much about writing when I outlined this version of NotK. I wrote each approximate scene idea in summary with a few word title and put them in order in a Google Doc. During Draft Two, I had listened to enough Writing Excuses to know about the three act formula. So I took a look at my work and shoved in into the form. Thankfully, instinctually or by luck, it fit into three chunks well. However, working without a formula really hurt Draft One, as I added so many unnecessary scenes, that I'm still paying for today. I know some people write their outlines on Excel. I might be trying this next. There are many different plot formulas, but here are three common ones. I recommend Googling or listening to Writing Excuses, as others can explain better than I: 1) Three act formula (very traditional, often used in movies) 2) Seven point story structure (sometimes uped to more points, like twelve. This one appeals to me and I want to try it out). 3) MICE quotient (I've never tried this one, admittedly. It seems very flexible). There are other types of story structures, these are just the ones I know off of the top of my head. Google and go bananas. You can play around and test out the ones that interest you.

I probably deleted the introduction of it to rewrite it and haven't gotten around to fixing it. It's a common problem currently.

This is a consistent habit I'm trying to break. Essentially, I get really stressed when writing the good tense chapters, and then decide to write fluff rather than deal with the consequences. Since their involvement is new to this draft, this is an excellent idea. Thanks for all of your notes, @Silk !

I'm going to have a blast cutting and trimming these later. This is why I needed your opinion. I know nothing. Both, but he doesn't like to do either. He's really not good at manipulation.

In case you didn't know this, you can download Google Doc files as Word docx. files. I hope so! I love submitting! I hope you enjoy it as well! I typically get to critiquing the following weekend (if you submit Monday, November 16th, then I'll probably critique it around November 20/21st). So don't think I'm forgetting you if you don't get my opinion immediately.

Thank you for clarifying! And thank you for reading the guidelines. You'd be surprised at how many don't. Hah! I was right! Still, I don't think anyone would get upset if you used Arial or Georgia or something. The whole font rule is there (I would assume) to prevent people from submitting with fancy cursive, unreadable fonts they feel fits their character or story.

Shoot, I think that was you and @Mandamon who drilled me when I formatted Draft Two all funny so my mother could read it on her Kindle. I'll adjust my comment.

Very good question. We have it pretty formatted so that 1) emails are easy to find and 2) it goes smoothly. You can find all instructions on the pinned Welcome to Reading Excuses thread: Send your email after you have been confirmed a slot. General rule of thumb is, ask for a slot on Friday, on Sunday @Silk says who has the green light, and on Sunday night/Monday you send out your submission. You can do docx. or pdf. No jpg. No Google Docs (some people don't use Gmail. One particular person here uses Hotmail). The old Word file doc. can give people trouble. Please choose a readable font (Times New Roman, Arial, Georgia, Calibri, etc) of 10-12 size depending on the font with 1 inch margins if you know how. Pretend it is a school essay. Titles are optional, as well as header page numbers. I really like header page numbers, though. I find they help me when critiquing. Easiest way to make sure you have everything labeled correctly is to copy and paste someone else's title (say, any of mine), then replace it with your information. Add Reading Excuses to your subject line in the email version of your title. You are welcome to PM if you want me to double check your submission before you send it. I've been doing this for...more than 6 months, so I've got the system down. Thanks for asking!

May I have a slot for Monday, November 16th?

Thanks for reading and critiquing!

Isn't a bad title at all. I've come to enjoy it. I guess my point is, if an agent/editor/publisher decides I need a title change, I won't complain. If they want to keep the current, that is fine by me too. Either way, I'll probably have all of these pages deleted before I begin querying, so it won't matter if the title stays the same or not. I always try to be open to the potential for change. Otherwise this story would still be a rip-off of Pern but with unicorns riding dragons

Hmmmm, you are correct sir. I'll write that one down as well. I do like alterations, especially since my name is one.

His name is what kicks this all off, with the fire, but after that, no, it doesn't play a huge part in the first book. *Saves image for later* Thanks! Now you've got my mind going. The title could be as something as simple as The Unicorn Monarch, but I know I don't want it to be named the BK, because that sounds like some YA novel. You don't think talking animals with that. I, at least, think emo king covered in crow feathers with jet black hair.

Okay, admittedly, I don't have my title abbreviated but that's frankly because I doubt it will stay the same. It's a little too on the nose and sounds too much like The Name of the Wind. At least it isn't a food pun anymore. I went through a phase where the book titles were all food puns because Ir is a chef *facepalm*

I'm not particularly experienced in this regard, but I would definitely say before querying. You wouldn't want an agent stumbling across it, due to the publication worries as @Robinski said. Better to have a clean slate. Also, hi!!! Welcome! I hope you enjoy this group. Since you seem to be a masochist like the rest of us, I'm sure you'll do great as we pull apart your stuff and vise versa!