TheDwarfyOne

Ah, under the Aegis, as Odysseus was under the aegis of Athena. Reading through it now! I'm enjoying it. Vaguely reminiscent of your own style. Any more recommendations? I find it hard to find good ones, but I just love the art. Edit: Also, random thought: it's scary how much I identified with Hades, lord of the underworld, in that webcomic

Leviathan, ugh, so long since I've read that. Really enjoyed. I can still see them throwing gold bars out of the zeppelin. Ughhhhh. The Abhorsen books! I knew there were some I forgot to put into my previous list. Another I forgot was the Inkheart books by Cornelia Funke. I loved that series, largely because it literally had people visiting book-worlds. The main character slept with books under her pillow and had a special chest full of books, so I sympathised. And emulated her by sleeping with books under my pillow. Uncomfortable, but I thought it would give me good dreams. I've been reading through Lore Olympus. It took me a bit to get used to the art style, but once I did it was a genuinely touching story. I began a poem on it, actually. Posted here.

I thought I'd try an epic-length Persephone and Hades poem. Here's so far: Prologue Beneath the rolling stone of time Sleeps Hades in a wreath of memory, While in her orchard-dream Persephone Shakes stars from hair of blackbird wings. Together, they could clap the skies And bring its cradle close enough to kiss. But on Olympus bitter gods Would strum away awakenings With words like whips. And so reclined in shells like bombs Persephone and Hades sleep Their plans strawberry dreams held deep Beneath the waves. They have not met. But in the indigo a storm is strained And lightning loves to hit the rod.

Okay, I just read the other comments. I'm definitely not alone on the "Is the BK realllly all that evil?" front, then. This sounds like the monarchy in Elantris. I recommend looking into this for possible inspiration. The South Sea Bubble is a prime example of the bad things which happen when profits and governments become too intertwined. Edit: I just remembered something else. The early-modern European nations favoured mercantilism, the general principle of which is this: export as much - and import as little - as possible. This often held hands with colonialism. The mother nation would receive raw materials from colonies and export the products back. In the BK's case, he's conquered a few kingdoms. Perhaps he favours one (Perhaps it's a northern fey-kingdom (dun dun dunnnnnn))? In which case, he'd be sending all the raw materials from his latest conquest elsewhere, and S would have good reason to be grumpy. There's no need for crafting, or workers, anymore! Just serfs who work for raw materials. Her husband is such a craftsman! I heartily approve! If you have any questions on that front, let me know. I.... may know too much. This is good, and ties into my previous point about Brexit (another possible case-study for you!). The more needlessly bureaucratic a system of government is, the less the common people like it. Think farmers being forced to send in genetic samples of all calves born. Without these samples, the calves can't be sold. But they lose the samples. So the calves can't be sold. But now the farmer has to take more samples, which causes pain. This gets through, but the calf has consumed more food/labour (this is detailed because it is a gripe my father, being a farmer, has. He calls the Department of Agriculture agents "spivs," which is a great insult from him.) This doesn't even touch on the fact that such a database is another method of increasing control on farmers and removing their agency. I highlight this last word because it is where a bureaucratic state gets its power. By reducing individual autonomy and agency in favour of set standards. Many, many people don't like this. It stifles creativity, for one. It's a pain, for another. Hey, look, my nationalist groups notion fits into this!

Notes as I go: P. 1. “That early evening, I knocked on S’s door, admiring the new plant outside.” - Convoluted! “still slightly unstable.” – probably not the right adjective. Children aren’t unstable. Clumsy, uncoordinated, sure. “a rare but highly valuable trade.” – Highly valued, perhaps? “the surface decorated in a high degree of clay.” – I believe this means that the clay is messing up the table, but I’m not sure. “Su’s oldest, Sa, was bent over, concentrating on making his lump of clay even more lumpy.” – getting serious cute vibes from these kids. P. 2. “The blacksmith’s dark skin shown” – Shone? “I’ve barely spoken to you in nearly two weeks. Thanks for inviting me along for sailing. It’s been a while since I’ve been out on the water. Too long. L was so happy to deliver the message, but that’s probably because I kept him for lunch, rather than being happy over seeing his eldest sister.” – This is an awful lot of dialogue. Unless this fella has a very chatty character, then it’s fine. But I haven’t got that vibe from him so far. P. 3 “her sister passionately” – wrong word? “that the two sisters slipped through.” – Among? Between? P. 4. I like the description of the sailing. Evocative! P. 5. “’Sparks!’ Both sisters echoed, as the wind took the smaller sail with a sharp snap. S and I instantly ducked as the boom came swinging over their heads, before both were tossed in the sea as S capsized. With a practiced stroke, I shot herself to the surface, blinking the salt water out of her eyes. A second later, S’s dark head appeared, her long hair covering her face. The dinghy slowly rolled all the way over, until the mast was pointing straight down towards the bottom of the ocean.” – I feel this is formatted badly. I feel a new paragraph is needed before “with a practiced stroke.” It also feels like a shopping list of what happens, rather than a description of how I feels as it happens. P. 6. This page is an emotional rollercoaster. It’s fine for S to go from angry to concerned, but she seems to instantly fall into the extremes of each. P. 9. “shocking I haven’t ran into” – run. I like the antagonism – revolutionary and BK employee siblings who love each other. P. 10. “S said with resolve.” How does one say something with resolve? A furrowed brow? A level gaze? Describing that might be a better way of putting it across. P. 11. “The BK is a monster, and he needs to be destroyed.” Interestingly, I haven’t seen him do anything monstrous yet. Or seen the effects of his monstrous policies/decisions. I’m thinking of the Seanchan in the Wheel of Time. They conquered numerous nations, resulting in social changes. But they were never truly antagonistic, because their one sin was conquering. This made it easy to make them ally with ‘the good guys’ in the Last Battle. I haven’t seen an increase of orphans in the streets, the widows of defeated soldiers, merciless destruction of those who oppose him, militaristically or politically. I also haven’t read the entire thing, so that might be why, hah. Oh, hey, if I’d read a few words further I’d have seen you pretty much write that yourself. Life under the previous monarch was worse. In which case, the BK’s sin is twofold. 1) He conquered militaristically, and ergo killed a lot of people, probably destroying infrastructure. Would be good to see the scars of this – empty holes were buildings used to be, portions of the palace walls which are obviously newer brick, that type of thing. 2) He has forcibly taken the people’s sovereignty. Previously, they could content themselves with knowing that it was their monarch. S hints at this by saying she wants what, essentially, amounts to democracy (possibly communism?). A way for the people to regain their sovereignty. It’s an interesting part of the Brexit debate. There are benefits to pooling resources and political clout within the EU. Much like there are benefits under the BK. But people care about being in control of their sovereignty. In which case, I’d like to see visual representations of this sin. Perhaps a statue of the old king has been replaced by the BK. An overheard conversation about some old constitution being rewritten at the BK’s command. Another thing is the possibility of nationalist movements, appealing to this sense of nationhood. The revolutionaries perhaps do this, but so far all I know is that S is quite pragmatic and not needlessly patriotic. Showing the BK crush nationalists under his heel and grind them in would be a good way to further showcase this sin. This is just me pontificating, feel free to ignore

Oh, and many Trudi Canavan books have heroines. I read some historical fiction recently, 'The Taming of the Queen' by Phillipa Gregory about Catherine Parr (Henry VIII's sixth and final wife). When I was younger I really enjoyed 'Runemarks' by Joanne Harris. It's about a young girl born with a runemark who interacts with the Norse gods and the fair folk. Robinski is right about Katniss, though I always found her a bit flat - personal preference I'm guessing

Sanderson: Mistborn's Vin, Edgedancer's Lift. Probably more. The Cassandra Clare books have Clara. (Still white though.) Woman on the Edge of Time (1976, so fairly old). Mexican-American protagonist. While we're on the topic of fairly oldies, Wide Sargasso Sea (1966). Retells the story of Jane Eyre's Bertha. So creole culture is explored there, as well as race. I vaguely remember reading the Heir of Night books. They had a female protagonist. Philip Pullman's Dark Materials C.S. Lewis' Narnia books (thinking Lucy in particular)

Random question: A character is, according to a helpful comment by Mandamon, supposed to have three 'sliders' - Proactive, sympathetic, competent. How does this work if your character's flaw is that they are meek/subservient? You can ramp up the sympathy, but a meek character is by nature less proactive and likely less competent.

I recommend Scrivener. It's a one off payment. With reference to the self-edited image below: The red blocks are chapters. Within those folders are pages, each one containing a scene. The blue box is (obviously) where you write. The black box is a space for a synopsis. I use this to note where I want a scene to go. There's a corkboard tab in the top middle. Pressing it arranges folders by their synopses and arranges them like sticky notes on a board, for easy viewing/rearranging. Then there are the separate tabs on the left. The Template Sheets tab holds title-page and dedication info. Research contains anything you want; mine is full of story-theory notes and images, such as of period dress (particularly good when used in conjunction with the split-screen function, allowing me to write while looking at an image.) Setting and Character speak for themselves. You can create links between any of these folders, which is great. I got it a few weeks ago and it's honestly revolutionised how I write. I couldn't go back to a dozen word documents now.

A fair point! I'll try to be more conjunction-aware in future. I'm sure you're aware how bad the UK teaching system is at teaching grammar

Lovely! How does she like Virgil? Also, like the name!

A short story about a girl and a troll.

I wrote a short story I wouldn't mind submitting on this coming Monday? I'm fairly certain no one wants to read yet another rehash of my first pages .

Thankfully I have a ravening horde - also called 'family' - to eat them for me. It requires precision cutting. Well, I was making a joke about computer cookies. But I do have several cookie recipes. I'll look through my cookbook and type up my favourite in a bit. It's a shortbread chocolate chip cookie thing.

Sorry, I can only email you cookies

I have made some brownies! (Oops, wrong picture, I meant to show you the domestic fairies I made. Oh well.) Thanks to Snakenaps for the recipe. Four eggs? Who'da thought.

Notes as I go: P. 1. An interesting start. Definitely curious. “She was sure she stunk” – overly long, and ‘stunk’ should be ‘stank’. A shorter version would be “She knew she stank.” Full stops should be used more often, rather than commas. Think of each sentence as a single thought. Random example (mild (G) warning, I think I should add): “The cyclops ate a sheep, turning, a hand twisting in its sparse hair, grinning with what he saw were blood-flecked teeth, and beckoned Odysseus closer” could be “The cyclops ate a sheep. It turned, hand twisting in its sparse hair, and grinned. He noticed its teeth were blood-flecked. It beckoned Odysseus closer.” P. 1-2. Okay, I’m confused. I think you have your tenses mixed up? She seems to be lying on the ground in blood while simultaneously standing and stabbing herself. I’m… guessing she’s dead, then, and the narrator is a ghost-like deal? Previous bits should have been in the past tense. Wait, she’s alive, they’re giving her food. P. 2. The psychologist bit doesn’t seem believable. Also, if she was so unstable that she needed a psychiatrist, why would they be trying to throw ships at her? Were there no hand-rails on this bridge? Why would the airman need to submit a report about it? Why does she still have rank if she’s so obviously unfit to lead? P. 3. I don’t see any reason to root for this character. They dislike their commanding officer, certainly, but who doesn’t, really? A few lines to explain that she’s on a mission, and most of the walking can be cut out. A first chapter should have a punch to draw you further in; walking around the base can come later. Don’t worry, it’s a mistake I make too P. 4. The fullstop/comma imbalance seems to be improving. P. 8. Think about what you’re trying to convey. So, for instance, “N broke into a run, hoping to catch her sister at the spaceport. She’d deal with the fallout of skipping classes later -- it wasn’t like C would be there to be mad at her, so the worst that could happen was whatever punishment the school bestowed on her.” Presumably, this is meant to be somewhat urgent. Think about what N would consider in such a situation. Would she think about it like that? The following isn’t a suggested replacement, just a hastily written attempt to illustrate the point: “N broke into a run, hoping to catch her sister at the spaceport. Her heart pounded. Skipping class – who cared? She put on an extra burst of speed.” This shows N’s urgency, and highlights what she is thinking. We can infer there may be a fallout, so telling us isn’t necessary. In sum: A confusing piece, but I think that's a result of its stream of consciousness elements. More power to you if that's how you write. Just don't forget to structure it!

@shatteredsmooth Lovely garden/house! Looks like a corner of Eden. @Snakenaps They seem to almost gouge at the paper for me. I thought they'd be good to use every now and then for finer lines, but nope. Not a fan.

@Robinski It is a Sanderson thing! Good gracious man, read Stormlight Archive. I doubt you'll regret it. @Snakenaps Ahah, I'll be sure to share the next time I draw something, but it's been a while. I spent a lot of time drawing faces because I felt they were the hardest, so I can't really draw anything else now. I could never manage that horse or dragon (which is class btw). And that was you approx. 5 years ago. Seriously, you are the only artist. My artistic ability is v. limited. Also deffo wooden pencils, be serious now.

I started drawing a few months back then stopped fairly recently. I should get back into it. It was relaxing, and I managed to evolve from 'can't draw a stick-man' to 'can draw something resembling a human face in the right light.' I think I have a picture of some faces I did on my laptop somewhere... Yep, here: On a complete tangent, I notice that @Robinski is the "Wielder of the Grammar Stick." By any chance has it ever said "I. Am. A. Stick (Which Is A Noun)!" to you?

Well, your drawings are definitely better than mine, that's for sure, ahaha.

Dalinar: And some doctored lyrics: Okay, so my French isn't exactly stellar. Someone please correct me if I'm wrong.

Ah, horses. My dad got my sister a pair years ago so she could ride. Xanadu and Dinky, both named by the previous owner. I doubt said owner got the former name from Coleridge's poem, but that's why I liked it We don't have them anymore, which is a pity. I do still get to pet horses I meet along my walk/jog, though. Your dog's class, I love his tufted ears. I'm trying to pin the breed and can't. He reminds me of a Scottish Terrier, which he very obviously isn't. Thanks! I had my phone, my dad had bought a new (old) tractor, and the dog was out. These things all connected in my head, ahaha.

My mum's a lost cause on the snake front, I'm afraid. She'll not change her mind now. And one non-conventional pet at a time, methinks. I was gonna buy some hives this summer (can't because of dratted Covid) and still hope to. Free honey. Yum. The Alsations are more conventional, though big as wolves. If wolves were the cutest things alive.

I'm perhaps going off on a tangent - 5am to 2pm shifts inspire such things in me - but I'd like to hold a snake. My brother's friend brought one (its name was Ulster, which was so ridiculous I laughed) into our house once. I learned two things. 1) Snakes are cool - in all senses of the word 2) My mum has an irrational fear/hatred of them. Number two was surprising, because frankly the woman could scare a grizzly if she'd half a mind. Anyway, I managed to stroke the snake, but my mum filibustered and threatened to disown me if I did more. She also threatened to move house because the snake had somehow contaminated it? Dunno. I'd bring one into the house again for a laugh, but it might kill her. Then again, sic semper tyrannis, eh?