Kansas Stormcursed he/him Posted January 12 Posted January 12 Just now, Aeoryi said: what if it's not me What if it's fake Cis person chiming in *combat pan bonk* no More specifically, why would you feel it's fake?
Hmmm lies she/her Posted January 12 Posted January 12 (edited) 18 minutes ago, Aeoryi said: I'm out to nearly everyone in my immediate family and I want them to use my chosen name but I'm afraid to ask them to because what if they think it's stupid or what if they think I'm forcing it on them and what if they don't use it even if I ask and it just makes it feel worse Well, it could hurt. But, out of the forms of rhetoric, I'd say that pathos (emotion) is the most effective. I don't know how much you let on, but I think there's a chance that if you make it blatant how much this hurts you, they'll come around. Maybe there's someone in your family more supportive than the rest? If there was just one person IRL you could be yourself around, I think it would really help. You said that your mom wants you to wait 9 months. Maybe, at the very least, you could convince them to lower that number to 6. When school ends, rather than university beginning. (I publicly came out when my last middle school year ended) And then, if she knows about HRT, you could argue for starting it even earlier, since effects take awhile to become apparent to others. Idk, maybe none of this will work, but I think you should try and be a little more assertive. I don't think you're going to get much done if you just passively wait until things get better. Worst case scenario is that you still have to wait 9 months. 4 minutes ago, Aeoryi said: what if it's not me What if it's fake I'll write up another post trying to help you with more personal identity stuff Edited January 12 by Hmmm lies
Aeoryi she/her Posted January 12 Posted January 12 1 minute ago, Kansas Stormcursed said: Cis person chiming in *combat pan bonk* no More specifically, why would you feel it's fake? recency bias, sunk cost fallacy, you know what I mean What if I'm not trans and I'm just a cisgender man like everyone else says and I'm just bound to grow up and be ugly and discontent with everything over things I can't change That kind of idea
Hmmm lies she/her Posted January 12 Posted January 12 Just now, Aeoryi said: recency bias, sunk cost fallacy, you know what I mean What if I'm not trans and I'm just a cisgender man like everyone else says and I'm just bound to grow up and be ugly and discontent with everything over things I can't change That kind of idea I remember thinking that. Then I read on the (iconic) Gender Dysphoria Bible (paraphrased) "If you're worried that you aren't trans, you probably are."
CoderDrag0n8 He/They Posted January 12 Posted January 12 4 hours ago, momadrac said: Ooh I really like Deal and Contract YES NO (ace moment) Anyone ever listened to GODS from League of Legends, Jane Cum by Japanese Breakfast, Ma Meillure Ennemie from Arcane, Lust by Marino, Cradles by Sub Urban, Icarus by Bastille, Easy from Hazbin Hotel, or Coffee by beabadoobee I like Fae :3 their cool. will add to try playlist 3 hours ago, Honors Ghost said: I’ve listened to enemie and easy Any of yall ever listened to the agony of victory by NOFX? will add 3 hours ago, Theory said: How do yall know if you're trans (or queer in general)? What if it's not obvious to you? (a little late to the party) Well, I discovered I was AroAce when I took a step back and seriously looked at how my life was, who I was attracted too (in my case, lack therof) and especially I looked up information, learned about the topic (and in the case of Jaiden Animations) saw the story of someone like me, and connected. You can prob find a story of someone like you here on the shard, but I also suggest you look elsewhere! Don't confine yourself!
6 7 ✾ She♡Her ✾ Posted January 12 Posted January 12 2 minutes ago, CoderDrag0n8 said: I like Fae :3 their cool. will add to try playlist will add (a little late to the party) Well, I discovered I was AroAce when I took a step back and seriously looked at how my life was, who I was attracted too (in my case, lack therof) and especially I looked up information, learned about the topic (and in the case of Jaiden Animations) saw the story of someone like me, and connected. You can prob find a story of someone like you here on the shard, but I also suggest you look elsewhere! Don't confine yourself! Thanks!
Aeoryi she/her Posted January 12 Posted January 12 2 minutes ago, Hmmm lies said: Well, it could hurt. But, out of the forms of rhetoric, I'd say that pathos (emotion) is the most effective. I don't know how much you let on, but I think there's a chance that if you make it blatant how much this hurts you, they'll come around. Maybe there's someone in your family more supportive than the rest? If there was just one person IRL you could be yourself around, I think it would really help. I think if I asked them to use my name they would. What other choice do they have? It still feels like I'm forcing this onto them though and it feels bad 2 minutes ago, Hmmm lies said: You said that your mom wants you to wait 9 months. Maybe, at the very least, you could convince them to lower that number to 6. When school ends, rather than university beginning. (I publicly came out when my last middle school year ended) I can't wait that long if I'm being honest things have just been getting worse and worse and worse It'd be ideal but the thing is trying to meet in the middle with something like that is admitting that she's right and then the question of just waiting until uni is harder to answer 4 minutes ago, Hmmm lies said: Idk, maybe none of this will work, but I think you should try and be a little more assertive. I don't think you're going to get much done if you just passively wait until things get better. Worst case scenario is that you still have to wait 9 months. I don't even think I'll last nine months if I just wait and do nothing like I'm actually going to collapse or something and things will go poorly 3 minutes ago, Hmmm lies said: I remember thinking that. Then I read on the (iconic) Gender Dysphoria Bible (paraphrased) "If you're worried that you aren't trans, you probably are." what if I'm making it up to run away from other problems though what if it's all in my head what if they're right and I'm not actually trans 1
Kansas Stormcursed he/him Posted January 12 Posted January 12 1 minute ago, Aeoryi said: recency bias, sunk cost fallacy, you know what I mean What if I'm not trans and I'm just a cisgender man like everyone else says and I'm just bound to grow up and be ugly and discontent with everything over things I can't change That kind of idea Dang Half tempted to just go screenshot me yelling at @Honors Ghost about that same concept, but we'll be a little nicer here "Everyone else" doesn't know you. YOU know you. Never, ever, ever trust what somebody else says about who you are at your core if you disagree with it. Not saying it might not be right (self-case; generally believing myself to be a crappy person inside, though others have convinced me I'm not). However, your own instincts about yourself are better. I'm assuming that you have put a lot of thought into this. The fact that you still believe you're trans suggests that it is, indeed, fact. The last point I'll make is that being trans is a pretty big shift, right? I work with quite a lot of people, especially in our age range. Trust me. That's not a shift somebody considers unless it's true. 1 minute ago, Aeoryi said: what if I'm making it up to run away from other problems though what if it's all in my head what if they're right and I'm not actually trans Well if you are, you failed. Massively. To continue my previous point, this isn't something that gets picked because you think it's easy escape. 1
Hmmm lies she/her Posted January 12 Posted January 12 1 minute ago, Aeoryi said: what if I'm making it up to run away from other problems though what if it's all in my head what if they're right and I'm not actually trans @Aeoryi, you literally wrote multiple paragraphs about how you can't handle waiting 9 months to transition. These are not the thoughts of a cis person. (I'll answer the rest of your post soon) 2
CoderDrag0n8 He/They Posted January 12 Posted January 12 4 minutes ago, Theory said: Thanks! *tips hat* that's what us gays (or queers) do. We gotta stick together.
6 7 ✾ She♡Her ✾ Posted January 12 Posted January 12 @Aeoryi this might help, idk. hopefully: https://genderdysphoria.fyi/en/impostor-syndrome its the section im up to rn and seems relevant to what youre thinking/feeling
Aeoryi she/her Posted January 12 Posted January 12 1 minute ago, Kansas Stormcursed said: Everyone else" doesn't know you. YOU know you. Never, ever, ever trust what somebody else says about who you are at your core if you disagree with it. Not saying it might not be right (self-case; generally believing myself to be a crappy person inside, though others have convinced me I'm not). However, your own instincts about yourself are better. What if other people know me better than I know myself that could be the case it was the case before 2 minutes ago, Kansas Stormcursed said: I'm assuming that you have put a lot of thought into this. The fact that you still believe you're trans suggests that it is, indeed, fact. The last point I'll make is that being trans is a pretty big shift, right? I work with quite a lot of people, especially in our age range. Trust me. That's not a shift somebody considers unless it's true. what if I'm deluding myself into believing that I'm trans when I'm actually not? Like surely ordinary cisgender people go through phases and question things. That's human nature. What if I'm just one of those people? 1 minute ago, Hmmm lies said: @Aeoryi, you literally wrote multiple paragraphs about how you can't handle waiting 9 months to transition. These are not the thoughts of a cis person. (I'll answer the rest of your post soon) Yeah but those are mostly because like other problems are being amplified cisgender people have problems too Like what if I'm faking it for attention? What if I just end up as a miserable cisgender person in 1-2 years from now and cringe whenever I think back to the time when I made my entire family use a name I thought was cool?
6 7 ✾ She♡Her ✾ Posted January 12 Posted January 12 Just now, Aeoryi said: What if other people know me better than I know myself that could be the case it was the case before what if I'm deluding myself into believing that I'm trans when I'm actually not? Like surely ordinary cisgender people go through phases and question things. That's human nature. What if I'm just one of those people? Yeah but those are mostly because like other problems are being amplified cisgender people have problems too Like what if I'm faking it for attention? What if I just end up as a miserable cisgender person in 1-2 years from now and cringe whenever I think back to the time when I made my entire family use a name I thought was cool? I think (though idk) it might help to have them or others try out the new name, then you see how you feel when they do?
Kansas Stormcursed he/him Posted January 12 Posted January 12 Just now, Aeoryi said: What if other people know me better than I know myself that could be the case it was the case before what if I'm deluding myself into believing that I'm trans when I'm actually not? Like surely ordinary cisgender people go through phases and question things. That's human nature. What if I'm just one of those people? Yeah but those are mostly because like other problems are being amplified cisgender people have problems too Like what if I'm faking it for attention? What if I just end up as a miserable cisgender person in 1-2 years from now and cringe whenever I think back to the time when I made my entire family use a name I thought was cool? I have no real scientific way to disprove the first point except experience,so we'll go with that. NO ONE can know you better than you know yourself. It's literally impossible, no matter who tries to tell you otherwise. Cisgender people will sometimes wonder what it might be like to be the opposite gender; they do not, however, really seriously consider it. They might say a serious "what if," but they will not pursue it or actually wish to change to that, especially after consideration. 2 minutes ago, Aeoryi said: Like what if I'm faking it for attention? What if I just end up as a miserable cisgender person in 1-2 years from now and cringe whenever I think back to the time when I made my entire family use a name I thought was cool? I- Bear with me *more aggressive combat pan bonk* Say it with me NO BAD Look at it this way. Would you ask a person struggling with depression, or anxiety, if they were faking it for attention? Now answer this. What makes you different from everybody else? What makes you the one exception to the rule?
Hmmm lies she/her Posted January 12 Posted January 12 1 minute ago, Aeoryi said: What if other people know me better than I know myself that could be the case it was the case before what if I'm deluding myself into believing that I'm trans when I'm actually not? Like surely ordinary cisgender people go through phases and question things. That's human nature. What if I'm just one of those people? Yeah but those are mostly because like other problems are being amplified cisgender people have problems too Like what if I'm faking it for attention? What if I just end up as a miserable cisgender person in 1-2 years from now and cringe whenever I think back to the time when I made my entire family use a name I thought was cool? Oh my god, you are so very clearly hurt when you're seen as a guy. You want to be a girl. I have never met a trans-questioning person who wasn't trans. Did you read the gender dysphoria bible?
6 7 ✾ She♡Her ✾ Posted January 12 Posted January 12 Just now, Hmmm lies said: Did you read the gender dysphoria bible? @Aeoryi if not, i recommend it.
Hmmm lies she/her Posted January 12 Posted January 12 13 minutes ago, Aeoryi said: I think if I asked them to use my name they would. What other choice do they have? It still feels like I'm forcing this onto them though and it feels bad You're being hurt by your deadname, right? Then it's perfectly reasonable to ask them to use your chosen name. 14 minutes ago, Aeoryi said: I can't wait that long if I'm being honest things have just been getting worse and worse and worse It'd be ideal but the thing is trying to meet in the middle with something like that is admitting that she's right and then the question of just waiting until uni is harder to answer I don't even think I'll last nine months if I just wait and do nothing like I'm actually going to collapse or something and things will go poorly Then you should really do something. Please. Find someone IRL you can confide in. Confront your parents and be more assertive. Just something to help yourself. You said it yourself, if you wait, it'll feel horrible, so you should take action. If you're hurting, you should take action to stop it.
Honors Spectral Image She/her Posted January 12 Posted January 12 Aeoryi, you are obviously trans, like what everyone else has said cis men don’t write paragraphs abt wanting to transition faster, they don’t get hurt from people using the he him pronouns or a male name, you are a woman 34 minutes ago, Aeoryi said: what if it's not me What if it's fake It’s not fake
Aeoryi she/her Posted January 12 Posted January 12 15 minutes ago, Kansas Stormcursed said: - Bear with me *more aggressive combat pan bonk* Say it with me NO BAD Look at it this way. Would you ask a person struggling with depression, or anxiety, if they were faking it for attention? Now answer this. What makes you different from everybody else? What makes you the one exception to the rule? It could be mauchusen's syndrome which is a real thing 14 minutes ago, Hmmm lies said: Oh my god, you are so very clearly hurt when you're seen as a guy. You want to be a girl. I have never met a trans-questioning person who wasn't trans. Did you read the gender dysphoria bible? I read the section about being transgender (the font was really small though) 10 minutes ago, Hmmm lies said: You're being hurt by your deadname, right? Then it's perfectly reasonable to ask them to use your chosen name. maybe, but I'm concerned what if it's just me making myself hurt when I hear that name, not actually it hurting and it also seems like I'm making a big deal out of something that shouldn't even be a problem too like why can't I just live with it like I did for the last 17 years or so 11 minutes ago, Hmmm lies said: Then you should really do something. Please. Find someone IRL you can confide in. Confront your parents and be more assertive. Just something to help yourself. You said it yourself, if you wait, it'll feel horrible, so you should take action. If you're hurting, you should take action to stop it. The thing is if I feel horrible then at least it'll have some legitimacy enough so that my parents have to do something and then maybe they'll understand. Spite is my strongest emotion, after all 6 minutes ago, Honors Ghost said: Aeoryi, you are obviously trans, like what everyone else has said cis men don’t write paragraphs abt wanting to transition faster, they don’t get hurt from people using the he him pronouns or a male name, you are a woman but what if I am cisgender what if I am destined to be forever sad 1
Kansas Stormcursed he/him Posted January 12 Posted January 12 Just now, Aeoryi said: It could be mauchusen's syndrome which is a real thing I read the section about being transgender (the font was really small though) maybe, but I'm concerned what if it's just me making myself hurt when I hear that name, not actually it hurting and it also seems like I'm making a big deal out of something that shouldn't even be a problem too like why can't I just live with it like I did for the last 17 years or so The thing is if I feel horrible then at least it'll have some legitimacy enough so that my parents have to do something and then maybe they'll understand. Spite is my strongest emotion, after all but what if I am cisgender what if I am destined to be forever sad I...I cannot continue arguing against this. At a certain point you're gonna have to recognize truth yourself, or ignore it and listen to what other people tell you
6 7 ✾ She♡Her ✾ Posted January 12 Posted January 12 (edited) 3 minutes ago, Kansas Stormcursed said: I...I cannot continue arguing against this. At a certain point you're gonna have to recognize truth yourself, or ignore it and listen to what other people tell you ditto. @Aeoryi also, i dont know (or want to) know what that syndrome you mentioned is, but i have personally on several occasions assumed the worst (or something bad), rather than the simple solution. I believe this is similar to "Occam's Razor." For instance, assuming you have some rare condition instead of recognizing that, say, you haven't been getting enough sleep. Edited January 12 by Theory
CoderDrag0n8 He/They Posted January 12 Posted January 12 (edited) 5 minutes ago, Aeoryi said: but what if I am cisgender what if I am destined to be forever sad Is that what you want? Do what you want, no one else storming matters. Edit: fun fact the f word auto corrects to storm here! Edited January 12 by CoderDrag0n8 1
Hmmm lies she/her Posted January 12 Posted January 12 (edited) 10 minutes ago, Kansas Stormcursed said: I...I cannot continue arguing against this. 7 minutes ago, Theory said: ditto. Weak. I can. I'm very stubborn 12 minutes ago, Aeoryi said: but what if I am cisgender what if I am destined to be forever sad This feels like I'm arguing with a (female) wall. If you don't want to be cis, you almost certainly aren't. There haven't been very many cases of people being wrong about being trans, but you know what there have been a lot of cases of? Worrying that one isn't trans and is just faking it, only to figure out that yes, they were trans. 12 minutes ago, Aeoryi said: I read the section about being transgender (the font was really small though) You can increase the font sizes of most devices. 12 minutes ago, Aeoryi said: maybe, but I'm concerned what if it's just me making myself hurt when I hear that name, not actually it hurting and it also seems like I'm making a big deal out of something that shouldn't even be a problem too like why can't I just live with it like I did for the last 17 years or so I didn't know I was trans for 14.75 years. Until then, it wasn't an issue. The dysphoria only really started afterwords. 12 minutes ago, Aeoryi said: The thing is if I feel horrible then at least it'll have some legitimacy enough so that my parents have to do something and then maybe they'll understand. Spite is my strongest emotion, after all This one is probably right, actually. If you can get your parents to realize how horrible you feel, they will probably be more inclined to help you. Edited January 12 by Hmmm lies
6 7 ✾ She♡Her ✾ Posted January 12 Posted January 12 1 minute ago, Hmmm lies said: Weak. I can. That's not actually very nice.
Kansas Stormcursed he/him Posted January 12 Posted January 12 Just now, Theory said: That's not actually very nice. It's intended as partially joking. And is also kinda true 1
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now