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Archer

OP character approval  

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  1. 1. Should Legend (Page 89) be approved?

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2 hours ago, Archer said:
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Name: Silphio Shamus

Species: Half Siah Aimian and Half Herdazian. [+10]

Investiture, three hemalurgic spikes [-10], one giving him a spren bond to a luckspren, giving him freeform flight. [+30] the second giving him allomatic bronze [+15] and the third giving him a bond to an unknown spren. It's the same type of spren that a whitespine bonds to, as a result, his Aimian body magic can summon bone plating as armour or weaponry. [+20] He has had 17 years of training with all of these. 

Skills: Silphio was Devaan's first pupil in the training ground and trained under him for 16 years before working as a roughs bounty hunter. He's good at tracking people and staying hidden in urban and rural environments, He learnt to fight from Devaan, and is proficient in most weapons, but has mastered the Staff and a variation of Devaan's Iron-way. In hand to hand combat he can clad his fist in the bone plating to increase his punches damage and shield himself from attacks. [75 + 50 - 10]

He also has three pets. They all Help Silphio in fights.

An Aviar that grants cognitive shielding and emotional stability, helping him be more resistant to soothing and rioting. He calls it Sula, she's a black falcon-like bird. [+10]

His Larkin, Kara-Kara. A mischievous creature that enjoys staring at Silphio while slowly pushing things off of his desk. [+5]

His pet whitespine, Fluffy. Who is not actually fluffy, SIlphio has raised the whitespine from a baby and now they fight together, along with his Larkin and Aviar.

Weaknesses: Silphio has a phobia of running out of oxygen. [-20] He first discovered this when he moved to Nalthis when he was a teenager, the lower oxygen there seriously scared him, so he can't fly to high up in the air or he'll seize up and fall to the ground. His pets are also unruly, sometimes they like to sulk and might not help Silphio. [-5] Making them unpredictable. He also doesn't take things as seriously as he should. [-10]

Do note that his phobia has lessened from living in the Seran range for 16 years.

That's a significant improvement. I'd still judge him as being just a tad (10 points) OP. The exact amount of points the aviar is. But if you make those updates and throw one more weakness in/cut something it should come out as a non-OP character. 

Ok got it. Would him being shortsighted work as a weakness? If not how about he’s a lot less resistant to G-Forces because he lived in Roshar with lower gravity, so anything over 7G turns would cause him to start blacking out

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I have a character, please add.

Spoiler

Name: Maxwell Williamson

 

Age: 35

 

Powers: He is an epic that has the abilities to never run out of bullets in specific guns and a superhuman reaction time.

 

Appearance: He is a man of mexican descent with darkish brown hair slicked back hair and a thick curly mustache. He is 5’ 7” and 136 pounds and looks slightly muscular. He wears a white dress shirt with a purple argyle patterned vest and he also wears a purple harmburg, tan slacks and black dress shoes.

 

Personality: He is usually cool headed and generally well mannered with a slight twinge of rudeness when pushed, and if he gets to his limit…...well…….it ends badly to say the least.

 

Weapons/Equipment: He is armed with a cattleman revolver and a carbine rifle with a scope. He usually keeps at least 15 dynamite sticks on him at all times and a remote bomb detonator that can be used from up to 200’ away.

 

Weakness: His powers can be nullified by eating or touching a pineapple and they will stay nullified until the pineapple leaves his system or he stops touching the pineapple.

 

Backstory: He grew up in Tucson, Arizona where he attended an all boys school until he graduated. He moved to Las Vegas and religiously studied books after books about charisma, cheating, and guns. He eventually got his gun license and quickly learned how to very accurately aim. He was on his way to Seattle when he saw a man flying through the sky shooting lasers, he quickly drove off to find shelter and to call for help.

 

Edited by Clyde Coggins
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I was wondering what you had to say about this character. 

Spoiler

Name: Shen Asheweaver

Age: 19

Gender: male

Appearance: Short (about 5'3"), with dark black hair and lightly tanned skin- is half Scadrian, and so is less 'Asian' in appearance than others from Maipon, wears a loose, dark purple shirt; dark orange, tighter fitting pants, and maroon shoes, with a dark green sash around his waist. 

Personality: Well- meaning, kind, concerned, optimistic, determined, practical, loyal. 

Magic: Forgery, A-tin, Breath 3'rd heightening.

Backstory: (I don't know what to put here.)

Skills: Thin and undefined, is muscled and athletic nonetheless, enjoying climbing, acrobatics, and running. Has fairly decent resistance to pain of most kinds, and is a great brawler. Has a knowledge of the human body from an early training to be a bodyforger.

Likes: Art, learning, life, his Church.

Dislikes: Heretics, destroyers of art, those who insult his beliefs.

PRO: Optimist

Thoughts? May I join?:)

Edited by ShadowLord_Lith
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15 minutes ago, ShadowLord_Lith said:

I was wondering what you had to say about this character. 

Thoughts? May I join?:)

I like the character, but I do have a few thoughts that I think I could improve it. 

The first is that the character may be slightly too strong for the next Era (Idk if you've been reading, but we are starting another Era soon, which will be a good spot for newcomers to join). Using an index that we put together to objectively determine the strength of a character, They have a few to many invested abilities. A forger is 60 points, A tin misting is 35 and the third heightening is 70. We roughly want the characters to have points within 100 for investiture. 

In terms of his skills, such as brawling, I think he's awesome. You mention that he is a great brawler, so I would add about 30 points for that. That corresponds to around 10 years of training. We generally want characters to be around 50 points in terms of skills.

It possible that you would be able to keep all of his invested abilities if you added in a few weakness', we don't have a rubric for those, but the more it impacts your character, the more points it can subtract.

 

Outside of his abilities I think that the backstory field would need to be filled in. Some ideas of what to put in there would be his early life, anything that would be important for making him the person he is today. Its a good way to explain his weakness. Another thing to put in would be explaining his church and how that affects what he does.

Really what the weakness and backstory portions are for is to help you flesh out your character and make him easier to RP with.

In addition to the backstory I would suggest adding a small part about his family. Peoples family and upbringing have a big impact on who they are and how they act, it can be useful for helping flesh out the character.

In conclusion, you have the beginnings of a good character, but he needs a little more detail. Welcome to the RP and I'm excited to start RPing with you!

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22 hours ago, Nohadon said:

Ok got it. Would him being shortsighted work as a weakness? If not how about he’s a lot less resistant to G-Forces because he lived in Roshar with lower gravity, so anything over 7G turns would cause him to start blacking out

That'll do. After I post this, I'll add your bio to the list.

2 hours ago, Gancho Libre said:

The last page I saw was page 37. And I was scrolling down, and something stood out to me.

Someone needs to give archer a massage and a cookie. He's had about a million pings and, as far as I saw, he's answered every one.

I hereby decree this day to be @Archer appreciation day!

YAAAAAY!!!!

When I was notified a dozen people had commented here, I was not expecting to find this. You guys are the best. 

1 hour ago, Clyde Coggins said:

I have a character, please add.

  Hide contents

Name: Maxwell Williamson

Age: 35

Powers: He is an epic that has the abilities to never run out of bullets in specific guns and a superhuman reaction time.

Appearance: He is a man of Mexican descent with darkish brown hair slicked back hair and a thick curly mustache. He is 5’ 7” and 136 pounds and looks slightly muscular. He wears a white dress shirt with a purple argyle patterned vest and he also wears a purple harmburg, tan slacks and black dress shoes.

Personality: He is usually cool headed and generally well mannered with a slight twinge of rudeness when pushed, and if he gets to his limit…...well…….it ends badly to say the least.

Weapons/Equipment: He is armed with a cattleman revolver and a carbine rifle with a scope. He usually keeps at least 15 dynamite sticks on him at all times and a remote bomb detonator that can be used from up to 200’ away.

Weakness: His powers can be nullified by eating or touching a pineapple and they will stay nullified until the pineapple leaves his system or he stops touching the pineapple.

Backstory: He grew up in Tucson, Arizona where he attended an all boys school until he graduated. He moved to Las Vegas and religiously studied books after books about charisma, cheating, and guns. He eventually got his gun license and quickly learned how to very accurately aim. He was on his way to Seattle when he saw a man flying through the sky shooting lasers, he quickly drove off to find shelter and to call for help.

 

I'm making the assumption that when you wrote 'guns' you were talking about hand-held firearms. If you wanted to, you could clarify which guns his power works on, but as this is a workable bio, I'm going to add it to the list. 

1 hour ago, ShadowLord_Lith said:

I was wondering what you had to say about this character. 

  Hide contents

Name: Shen Asheweaver

Age: 19

Gender: Male

Appearance: Short (about 5'3"), with dark black hair and lightly tanned skin- is half Scadrian, and so is less 'Asian' in appearance than others from Maipon, wears a loose, dark purple shirt; dark orange, tighter fitting pants, and maroon shoes, with a dark green sash around his waist. 

Personality: Well- meaning, kind, concerned, optimistic, determined, practical, loyal. 

Magic: Forgery, A-tin, Breath 3'rd heightening.

Backstory: (I don't know what to put here.)

Skills: Thin and undefined, is muscled and athletic nonetheless, enjoying climbing, acrobatics, and running. Has fairly decent resistance to pain of most kinds, and is a great brawler. Has a knowledge of the human body from an early training to be a bodyforger.

Likes: Art, learning, life, his Church.

Dislikes: Heretics, destroyers of art, those who insult his beliefs.

PRO: Optimist

Thoughts? May I join?:)

I don't have much to add. Everything Mac said was spot on. Just to highlight a few things, adding a weakness field in there would be a good way to nerf this guy. Additionally, I'd recommend removing the 3rd heightening part. That should bring him down to about the right level of investiture. 

Piggybacking again on what was said above, a good backstory explains where all the other stuff you mention in the bio came from. How did someone from Sel become a Tineye? How have they developed their abilities as they've aged, and how did people react to them when they were growing up? Has this had any long-lasting impacts on them? Other stuff to add could include their education, habits, tragic events, family interactions, jobs, and how they got to they got to the Alleyverse and learned how to travel between worlds. Give us an idea of who this guy is beyond their physical features. 

It's a good start. I think if you do a few revisions, you'll be good to start RPing in no time. 

Edited by Archer
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I would like to add my own thanks to @Archer as well, he's done a whole lot to support this RP, especially in the last few months for the end of this era, puts up with a barrage of character profiles and numerous death threats from some unnamed shadowy individual who is still upset about his rock getting exploded, and has always given thoughtful and constructive feedback for other peoples characters, worldbuilding and ideas.

Thanks Archer, you're awesome and definitely deserve an Alleyverse holiday named after you.

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Alright, a bit revised, and hopefully less intensely powered. 

Spoiler

Name: Shen Asheweaver

Age: 19

Gender: male

Appearance: Short (about 5'3"), with dark black hair and lightly tanned skin- is half Scadrian(don't know if you saw this the first time), and so is less 'Asian' in appearance than others from Maipon, wears a loose, dark purple shirt; dark orange, tighter fitting pants, and maroon shoes, with a dark green sash around his waist. 

Personality: Well- meaning, kind, concerned, optimistic, determined, practical, loyal. 

Magic: Forgery, A-tin, Breath 3'rd heightening.

Backstory: His mother was from Sel, and his father was from Scadrial. He born in Maipon and grew up learning forgery. He had a knack for it and became very good at it. Around the time he was ten, he got taken hostage by a world hopper escaping other world hoppers, and they made his way to Nalthis. During this, shrapnel from an explosion damaged his eyes and left him nearsighted while also causing him to snap. Once on Nalthis, they found their way to Hallindren where he escaped and made a living painting pictures, using ash for his first few which earned him his last name. Later on, he began forging them to a better, more perfect appearance. The forgery lasted longer and longer as he gained skill and breaths, and this continued until he achieved the third heightening. 

Experienced losing his breath once in a rather sudden and jarring moment. It impacted his ability to craft art so badly that he has sworn to never let go of his breaths again, even to awaken. Around his eighteenth birthday, he accidentally did something with his forging. He was trying to make the distance between his home and the market shutter so he couldn't have to walk as far, but when he tested it, he'd gotten it a bit too detailed and he wound up falling through a crack in space, ending up in the Alleyverse. 

The stamp he used to do this with broke during the landing, and he wandered until he found the church who took him in. He has since grown to deeply respect the church, almost like family. He uses his Allomancy to mostly make up for his nearsightedness, though it's a trade off and leaves him farsighted while he uses it. 

Skills: Thin and undefined, is muscled and athletic nonetheless, enjoying climbing, acrobatics, and running. Has fairly decent resistance to pain of most kinds, and is a great brawler. Has a knowledge of the human body from an early training to be a bodyforger. 

Weaknesses: near sighted, Minor PTSD brought on by shattering glass, problems adjusting to sudden changes in light. 

Likes: Art, learning, life, his Church.

Dislikes: Heretics, destroyers of art, those who insult his beliefs.

Church: Voidus knows about this, and I was asked to stay mostly secret about it, but he focuses on creating art for his church; working mainly in maintenance when he isn't creating art. Has a strong aversion to fighting unless art or his friends or members of the clergy are threatened. 

PRO: Optimist

How's this? ^_^

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Ok, so I had to think long and hard, but I think I have tweaked my character enough that she shouldn't be op any more. How's this? Also @Archer, seriously, you are the best! Happy Archer Appreciation Day!:D

Spoiler

Freyja
Appearance:
    - Markedly short yet plumpish with pale cerulean eyes topped with a long mop of unruly curly red hair. (-10, lack of height)
    - Uses height and size to advantage as she is able to sneak into smaller places people of bigger height size couldn't fit (+15, Stealth)
    - Has a tendency to wear elaborate getups; you will have to tell her specifically what to wear to an important event or outing as she will dress in her usual manner which is normally a colorful tapestry, beaded like dress with a long train, complete with a fancy corset, monacle, lace gloves, parasole, and an absurd amount of pocket watches. If you do not specify what she should wear, she will spend an inordinate amount of time dressing and accessorizing.  (-75, lack of sensible dresswear and foresight) -20

Knight Radiant Order: Edgedancer, up to the 3rd ideal. (+100)

Investiture/Powers:  Surges of Abrasion and Progression (+80) +0

Non-Investiture Abilities:
    -She has had +6 years of training with a sword and bow as that really rustled Lord Torial's jimmies. (+20, expert) +50,+60
    -She is also a decent tracker and is reasonably knowledgeable on Rosharan fauna and flora.(+10)
    -She is an educated woman, if a bit rough around the edges. She can read and write and knows a few languages. She is a quick study when she puts her mind to it. (+20, Knowledgeable)
    -Is what one may consider to be a decent theiver. She would hang out with many theives and rough crowds as she has authority issues specifically when it pertains to Lord Torial. As a result, she has observed and learned well. (+30 Thievery)

Equipment: Dresses flamboyantly and is known for her love of pocketwatches. 
Her love of pocketwatches are so strong she will drop everything in pursuit of said pocketwatches.
Wears her Gold metalmind (+15) always around her upper arm underneath her clothes. Wears fancy headdresses and enjoys playing her violin.

Psyche:
-She is intelligent (+30) however she needs things explained to her several times (- 10)  to understand certain concepts. She learns best by watching and doing.
-While she is mostly happy, her childhood certainly wasn't which resulted in her running away. She can be prone to bouts of hysterical, unintelligable crying. You could say she has some mental issues, like PTSD. Once she gets crying or down it is hard for her to calm down.(-50) 
-Also she has an unnatural love of chocolate. Hide your chocolate, chocolatl and cacao! She'll eat it all! She can smell it from far away and will go to great lengths to get said chocolate, which includes dropping everything else she is doing. (-25, lack of chocolate self control) 

Weaknessess: In addition to a boon from the Nightwatcher, she also received a curse, and almost debilitating self-perception; she never again will see herself clearly including her reflection. She also can be indecisive, to the point where it can be detrimental to herself. If you want her to complete a task, you can't leave too many options for her as decisions of any magnitude are almost impossible for her to make. As a mortal, she can die, she is hard to kill and resourceful, but not immortal. (-20) 
 

 

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14 hours ago, whattheHoid said:

Ok, so I had to think long and hard, but I think I have tweaked my character enough that she shouldn't be op any more. How's this? Also @Archer, seriously, you are the best! Happy Archer Appreciation Day!:D

  Reveal hidden contents

Freyja
Appearance:
    - Markedly short yet plumpish with pale cerulean eyes topped with a long mop of unruly curly red hair. (-10, lack of height)
    - Uses height and size to advantage as she is able to sneak into smaller places people of bigger height size couldn't fit (+15, Stealth)
    - Has a tendency to wear elaborate getups; you will have to tell her specifically what to wear to an important event or outing as she will dress in her usual manner which is normally a colorful tapestry, beaded like dress with a long train, complete with a fancy corset, monacle, lace gloves, parasole, and an absurd amount of pocket watches. If you do not specify what she should wear, she will spend an inordinate amount of time dressing and accessorizing.  (-75, lack of sensible dresswear and foresight) -20

Knight Radiant Order: Edgedancer, up to the 3rd ideal. (+100)

Investiture/Powers:  Surges of Abrasion and Progression (+80) +0

Non-Investiture Abilities:
    -She has had +6 years of training with a sword and bow as that really rustled Lord Torial's jimmies. (+20, expert) +50,+60
    -She is also a decent tracker and is reasonably knowledgeable on Rosharan fauna and flora.(+10)
    -She is an educated woman, if a bit rough around the edges. She can read and write and knows a few languages. She is a quick study when she puts her mind to it. (+20, Knowledgeable)
    -Is what one may consider to be a decent theiver. She would hang out with many theives and rough crowds as she has authority issues specifically when it pertains to Lord Torial. As a result, she has observed and learned well. (+30 Thievery)

Equipment: Dresses flamboyantly and is known for her love of pocketwatches. 
Her love of pocketwatches are so strong she will drop everything in pursuit of said pocketwatches.
Wears her Gold metalmind (+15) always around her upper arm underneath her clothes. Wears fancy headdresses and enjoys playing her violin.

Psyche:
-She is intelligent (+30) however she needs things explained to her several times (- 10)  to understand certain concepts. She learns best by watching and doing.
-While she is mostly happy, her childhood certainly wasn't which resulted in her running away. She can be prone to bouts of hysterical, unintelligable crying. You could say she has some mental issues, like PTSD. Once she gets crying or down it is hard for her to calm down.(-50) 
-Also she has an unnatural love of chocolate. Hide your chocolate, chocolatl and cacao! She'll eat it all! She can smell it from far away and will go to great lengths to get said chocolate, which includes dropping everything else she is doing. (-25, lack of chocolate self control) 

Weaknessess: In addition to a boon from the Nightwatcher, she also received a curse, and almost debilitating self-perception; she never again will see herself clearly including her reflection. She also can be indecisive, to the point where it can be detrimental to herself. If you want her to complete a task, you can't leave too many options for her as decisions of any magnitude are almost impossible for her to make. As a mortal, she can die, she is hard to kill and resourceful, but not immortal. (-20) 
 

 

Thank you! This one was tough one to decide if it was OP, but based on your comments from the last time we talked about it, I've decided it's good to go. I will, however, remind you to make sure that you think through how the bane affects her ability to use a goldmind. That's something you'll need to decide for yourself at some point (it doesn't need to go on the bio, but it would be good for you to know before you start using her.) Have fun RPing!

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Ah, ok so I've thought about this. Since her self perception is so horribly skewed, if she were to get injured she wouldn't see it and /or notice it. It would take her spren, Laecrien to tell her that she is injured in order for her to heal herself with the metalmind. So while it seems she is op, she really isn't because of her handicap. And it's all her fault.

Edited by whattheHoid
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