The Longest Thread (Misadventures)

[Zephrun’s Imperium they/he]

And Jeff watched it all go down.

[Condensation she/her]

Wow.

Mike passed out after they shook hands to become business partners.

[Truthless of Shinovar he/him]

But the hair dryer empire was his to co-command!

[xinoehp512 he/him]

So he did what all hair dryer tycoons do.

[Truthless of Shinovar he/him]

Forced a perpetual rain to fall so that all would be in need of his products.

[Condensation she/her]

Many disregarded the rain.

[xinoehp512 he/him]

It had a rather large effect on the ecosystem.

[Condensation she/her]

So the plants could not disregard it. Instead, they evolved.

[Zephrun’s Imperium they/he]

Wildly.

[xinoehp512 he/him]

They became almost sentient.

[Zephrun’s Imperium they/he]

And so, people killed those almost sentient plants, resulting in almost discernible screams. 

[xinoehp512 he/him]

Gradually, the plants evolved sapience.

[Zephrun’s Imperium they/he]

And the only thing that could stop them from taking over the world were hairdryers.

Jeff had war flashbacks.

[xinoehp512 he/him]

With a heavy heart, he brought out the heavy artillery.

[Zephrun’s Imperium they/he]

*hairdryer sounds*

[xinoehp512 he/him]

*louder hairdryer sounds*

[Zephrun’s Imperium they/he]

It was a massacre.

[xinoehp512 he/him]

Historians would speak of it in hushed tones for ages to come.

[Truthless of Shinovar he/him]

Which was very problematic at historian debates.

[Turtle they/them]

Because they would always wonder

[Shard of Reading he/him]

Where they had gotten the electricity to power those hair dryers. And they could not talk about it because it's rather hard to converse in hushed tones.

[Zephrun’s Imperium they/he]

Any poor child who asked their mommy where they got their electricity got a cloth of chloroform to the face and was shipped away to someplace... special.

[xinoehp512 he/him]

Where they learned all about quantum mechanics.

[Zephrun’s Imperium they/he]

And were brainwashed.

Edited October 26, 2020 by Shard of Thought

[xinoehp512 he/him]

With Mr. Green's Brain Soap™.