Having a Bad Day?: Get 'yer Hugs here!!

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

:o :o :o :o

 

Twimom is offically worst. mom. ever.

 

And then she goes and buys me a whole bunch of stuff for my new apartment. I appreciate it—don't get me wrong, I really appreciate it—but I wish she could be like this all the time. I wish that it didn't take so little to set her off. I wish that I could see her as the loving, supportive mom I know she wants me to see her as, but as long as the awful stuff is there and she doesn't even think it merits an apology….I can't. 

[Pestis the Spider she/her]

It's Easter. My whole family is trying to call me, and will try tomorrow again. They will ask how I am. I prefer to die than talk to them. Someone save me.

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

It's Easter. My whole family is trying to call me, and will try tomorrow again. They will ask how I am. I prefer to die than talk to them. Someone save me.

 

Fake a coma?  

 

Joking aside, if you really do want to avoid them, come up with some sort of activity that will keep you busy for most of the day tomorrow. Then, when they call, you can text back, "I'll catch you later, I'm busy with [thing]." 

[Pestis the Spider she/her]

Fake a coma?

 

Joking aside, if you really do want to avoid them, come up with some sort of activity that will keep you busy for most of the day tomorrow. Then, when they call, you can text back, "I'll catch you later, I'm busy with [thing]." 

But I will still need to talk to them at some point. Avoiding them only makes them more annoying.

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

But I will still need to talk to them at some point. Avoiding them only makes them more annoying.

 

Yeah…. I'm the wrong person to give advice on that, unfortunately. When I see one of my parents is calling, I'll groan, swear, and pick it up so I don't have to call them back later. 

[Oversleep]

little past 3 am, we just got back from the Mass. So you know, Jesus lives, we're all happy, that sort of thing.

We've got that relatively new tradition that we would take out some of our wine and (finally) eat the cakes. Yeah, at the 2:30 am (today it's 3:30 because time change) we're eating cakes with some good wine and it's all pretty good.

Of course my sister and mom would find something to stir dung up. And since in my family the only situation that some minor detail doesn't end up in Everstorm is when it's between me and my father... Yeah, they started arguing. We tried to change the topic, but THIS MINOR DETAIL is important enough to argue, because why storming not? Happy Holidays, Oversleep.

I don't want to go in detail about how the life looks in my family (at least not right now) but suffice to say that soon I'd be able to write a pretty complex algorithm for how arguments go.

EDIT: They made peace in the morning. Whew, that was suprisingly fast. Still, the ease which things blow up here with is pretty terrifying.

Edited March 27, 2016 by Oversleep

[Pestis the Spider she/her]

Today at work everyone was having fun calling me crazy. I told them that I am not crazy, maybe just a little weird. And that I think calling me crazy is offensive. But they were just "joking" so it was "fine" (according to them). 

 

Then my supervisor walked in.

 

She said "Pestis, less talking, more working", when I was one of the few people working, while everyone else was just standing and doing nothing.

 

Then she said to the new girl, who looked worried. "Don't worry, take your time. I'm only rushing Pestis, because she's kinda slow.". This is a lie and my supervisor knows that. 

 

So I replied: "I'm not slow. I'm doing a job of two people, while everyone else is just standing or walking and doing nothing. I could use some help." 

 

Supervisor: "Well, ask A, he can help you". "A" is the guy that started all the "crazy" jokes, and refused to help me, because he found it funny. I really don't like the guy and the supervisor knows it

 

Me: "Well, A refused to help me, because he prefers to just stand, laugh and call me crazy. Just like everyone else in here. I am not crazy!"

 

Supervisor: "But you are crazy, everyone knows that."

 

Really? I mean really? I ususally try to laugh with people, when they're making fun of me, because it's easier to take this way. But today just went too far. Even the supervisor joined in. This is horrible. 

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

Today at work everyone was having fun calling me crazy. I told them that I am not crazy, maybe just a little weird. And that I think calling me crazy is offensive. But they were just "joking" so it was "fine" (according to them). 

 

Then my supervisor walked in.

 

She said "Pestis, less talking, more working", when I was one of the few people working, while everyone else was just standing and doing nothing.

 

Then she said to the new girl, who looked worried. "Don't worry, take your time. I'm only rushing Pestis, because she's kinda slow.". This is a lie and my supervisor knows that. 

 

So I replied: "I'm not slow. I'm doing a job of two people, while everyone else is just standing or walking and doing nothing. I could use some help." 

 

Supervisor: "Well, ask A, he can help you". "A" is the guy that started all the "crazy" jokes, and refused to help me, because he found it funny. I really don't like the guy and the supervisor knows it

 

Me: "Well, A refused to help me, because he prefers to just stand, laugh and call me crazy. Just like everyone else in here. I am not crazy!"

 

Supervisor: "But you are crazy, everyone knows that."

 

Really? I mean really? I ususally try to laugh with people, when they're making fun of me, because it's easier to take this way. But today just went too far. Even the supervisor joined in. This is horrible. 

 

That is horrible and could probably count as them fostering a hostile work environment. Is there someone you could report them to? The supervisor's supervisor, maybe? Because that's unacceptable, and I'm speaking as someone who spent two storming years at a job where all of my coworkers bullied me daily because I didn't think I deserved any better. 

[Kaymyth she/her]

Today at work everyone was having fun calling me crazy. I told them that I am not crazy, maybe just a little weird. And that I think calling me crazy is offensive. But they were just "joking" so it was "fine" (according to them). 

 

Then my supervisor walked in.

 

She said "Pestis, less talking, more working", when I was one of the few people working, while everyone else was just standing and doing nothing.

 

Then she said to the new girl, who looked worried. "Don't worry, take your time. I'm only rushing Pestis, because she's kinda slow.". This is a lie and my supervisor knows that. 

 

So I replied: "I'm not slow. I'm doing a job of two people, while everyone else is just standing or walking and doing nothing. I could use some help." 

 

Supervisor: "Well, ask A, he can help you". "A" is the guy that started all the "crazy" jokes, and refused to help me, because he found it funny. I really don't like the guy and the supervisor knows it

 

Me: "Well, A refused to help me, because he prefers to just stand, laugh and call me crazy. Just like everyone else in here. I am not crazy!"

 

Supervisor: "But you are crazy, everyone knows that."

 

Really? I mean really? I ususally try to laugh with people, when they're making fun of me, because it's easier to take this way. But today just went too far. Even the supervisor joined in. This is horrible. 

 

Get thee to your HR rep!

[Pestis the Spider she/her]

That is horrible and could probably count as them fostering a hostile work environment. Is there someone you could report them to? The supervisor's supervisor, maybe? Because that's unacceptable, and I'm speaking as someone who spent two storming years at a job where all of my coworkers bullied me daily because I didn't think I deserved any better. 

Theoreticly yes. But the problem is there is a general opinion at my job that the management is useless, so we shouldn't report anything to them. So what if I report it, the management turns out to be actually useless, but my coworkers start to actually hate me, because I report them?

 

The thing is that I am used to bullying. It's not that bad, no one seems to actually hate me. It's just they think I'm funny and constantly make "joking" comments and laugh at me. I learned to live with it. My every school was like that so there is no surprise the job is no different. But sometimes they just go too far, and I can't pretend I'm fine.

 

The word "crazy" really hurts me, because I have been recently diagnosed with some mental issues. Two of them are not curable and should've been diagnosed a long time ago, so now I'm trying to accept them and somehow learn to manage them. And then some bunch of people decides to call me "crazy". It hurts. 

[ThirdGen]

This is the kind of thing HR is for.  They're outside the social network of your coworkers and boss and they take this stuff very seriously.  Because when companies don't, lawyers do.

[Zathoth]

Theoreticly yes. But the problem is there is a general opinion at my job that the management is useless, so we shouldn't report anything to them. So what if I report it, the management turns out to be actually useless, but my coworkers start to actually hate me, because I report them?

 

The thing is that I am used to bullying. It's not that bad, no one seems to actually hate me. It's just they think I'm funny and constantly make "joking" comments and laugh at me. I learned to live with it. My every school was like that so there is no surprise the job is no different. But sometimes they just go too far, and I can't pretend I'm fine.

 

The word "crazy" really hurts me, because I have been recently diagnosed with some mental issues. Two of them are not curable and should've been diagnosed a long time ago, so now I'm trying to accept them and somehow learn to manage them. And then some bunch of people decides to call me "crazy". It hurts. 

As someone who had to deal with "Jokes" for most of the time I was in school there is a reason they hurt, because they are not really jokes, they are just badly disguised insults. If they had been jokes they would have been funny.

 

They just realize you dont have the self confidence to really deal with it, if the co workers know they are hitting your soft spots or if it is the innate sadism of all living things I dont know, but dont make my mistake and just let it go on.

[Claincy he/him]

Report it. There's probably a way you can do it without immediately letting your coworkers know. If HR doesn't do anything then at least you tried but workplace bullying like that is completely unacceptable. In the worst case scenario where HR does nothing and your coworkers find out at least it'll tell them that you are serious about what they're doing being unacceptable. I'd start keeping an eye out for a new job too if I were you but either way that can't continue. That kind of bullying isn't just painful in the moment it impacts your mental health. (I'm still effected from the last time I was bullied like that, which was nearly 10 years ago.) I've tried the living with it/ignoring it strategy and it didn't work very well.

 

The word "crazy" really hurts me, because I have been recently diagnosed with some mental issues. Two of them are not curable and should've been diagnosed a long time ago, so now I'm trying to accept them and somehow learn to manage them. And then some bunch of people decides to call me "crazy". It hurts. 

You know this, but I'm going to say it anyway. You're not crazy. They're being cremholes.

[Delightful]

Jumping on the bandwagon to say

Pestis, this is not OK in any form or manner. You should not have to put up with it. They're not joking, they're bullying, disguising it as jokes so you'll take it.

If you can, put your foot down. Call them out for it, stand up to them, let them know you won't take it quietly anymore. You don't want to report them because then they'll hate you? Well they're not exactly your best friends to begin with. Report them. It sounds like you have more to gain than you do to lose.

[Pestis the Spider she/her]

That kind of bullying isn't just painful in the moment it impacts your mental health.

Seriously, my mental health can't get any worse than it is right now. Or at least I hope so...

 

As for looking for another job: I'm afraid of that. I kinda like this job, and it is well paid compared to similar jobs. Also I don't really have a reason to believe than other place would be any different. I'll start with reporting them. But the thing is that the management really doesn't like when we go straight to HR. Eh, this is hard. 

 

I don't want too lose this job. I don't feel capable of finding another one right now, and I desperately need money. 

 

 You don't want to report them because then they'll hate you? Well they're not exactly your best friends to begin with. Report them. It sounds like you have more to gain than you do to lose.

 

Yes, they are not my best friends. I agree. And to be honest it's not every coworker that is mean to me. It's just it looks like it's majority.

 

The thing is that even with the mean coworkers I can actually have a conversation during work. When they're not mean, when they're not teasing, some of them are pretty nice to talk to. And that means a lot to me, because I don't think I would be able to bear working at all if not for the fact that work gives me the possibility to talk to someone. You see, I am a talkative person. I love to talk about the things that interest me. But recently I have became a total recluse, and the only people I still talk to are my coworkers and my therapist/GP (but conversations with them I usually spend crying)*. So what if I report my coworkers, they learn about it (somehow) and then every single one (even the "not-mean" ones) starts to hate me? I would have no one to talk to. I'm afraid of that.

 

I think I will report them. Because today they really took it to far. I am just really scared about what might happen after I report them. 

 

*Well, I also talk to my flatmate from time to time, but he's moving out soon, so I need to find a new flatmate. 

 

EDIT: Sorry for bothering you with that. I just really had a bad day. 

Edited March 28, 2016 by Pestis the Spider

[Kaymyth she/her]

Seriously, my mental health can't get any worse than it is right now. Or at least I hope so...

 

As for looking for another job: I'm afraid of that. I kinda like this job, and it is well paid compared to similar jobs. Also I don't really have a reason to believe than other place would be any different. I'll start with reporting them. But the thing is that the management really doesn't like when we go straight to HR. Eh, this is hard. 

 

I don't want too lose this job. I don't feel capable of finding another one right now, and I desperately need money. 

 

Yes, they are not my best friends. I agree. And to be honest it's not every coworker that is mean to me. It's just it looks like it's majority.

 

The thing is that even with the mean coworkers I can actually have a conversation during work. When they're not mean, when they're not teasing, some of them are pretty nice to talk to. And that means a lot to me, because I don't think I would be able to bear working at all if not for the fact that work gives me the possibility to talk to someone. You see, I am a talkative person. I love to talk about the things that interest me. But recently I have became a total recluse, and the only people I still talk to are my coworkers and my therapist/GP (but conversations with them I usually spend crying)*. So what if I report my coworkers, they learn about it (somehow) and then every single one (even the "not-mean" ones) starts to hate me? I would have no one to talk to. I'm afraid of that.

 

I think I will report them. Because today they really took it to far. I am just really scared about what might happen after I report them. 

 

*Well, I also talk to my flatmate from time to time, but he's moving out soon, so I need to find a new flatmate. 

 

EDIT: Sorry for bothering you with that. I just really had a bad day. 

 

When management "doesn't like it when you go straight to HR" that's a red flag.  To me, that says that the KNOW they're doing bad things and want to discourage people from calling them out on it.

[Guest]

Pestis, this is terrible. May I ask what kind of job you are doing? I am a talkative person as well: I talk. A lot. 

 

This being said, in a perfect world, you should definitely report those people to HR, but our world isn't perfect. I once was the victim of a co-worker... I won't go into the details but I could have reported him: I chose not to. My position was precarious, at the time, and I felt complaining would have likely ended up in me losing my job, ultimately. Sad but true. Instead I listen to other co-workers explain to me why it was this particular colleague reacted the way he did. 

 

I decided to push under the carpet, to ignore it happened and to try to be more "aware" as to how people reacted to myself. As I said, I am a talkative person and younger me was quite oblivious to other's reactions. 

 

Said co-worker and myself have a good relationship now. We happily work together and said even as indeed been pushed under the carpet: I explained how I never hated him (he thought I did) and he admitted he over-reacted. Things are fine now, but a HR report would have compromised my chances of being accepted within this department (I was new).

 

This being said, I don't mean to say you shouldn't report to HR or that you should. I simply wanted to highlight it isn't always as simple as this. It should be, but it isn't and I understand why it isn't as easy as said.

 

I hope you will make the right decision for yourself.

[The Honor Spren she/her]

Hmm. I'm an inexperienced weakling. But I want to offer help. I hope this motivational penguin helps you to smile.

[Arraenae]

Seriously, my mental health can't get any worse than it is right now. Or at least I hope so...

 

As for looking for another job: I'm afraid of that. I kinda like this job, and it is well paid compared to similar jobs. Also I don't really have a reason to believe than other place would be any different. I'll start with reporting them. But the thing is that the management really doesn't like when we go straight to HR. Eh, this is hard. 

 

I don't want too lose this job. I don't feel capable of finding another one right now, and I desperately need money. 

 

Yes, they are not my best friends. I agree. And to be honest it's not every coworker that is mean to me. It's just it looks like it's majority.

 

The thing is that even with the mean coworkers I can actually have a conversation during work. When they're not mean, when they're not teasing, some of them are pretty nice to talk to. And that means a lot to me, because I don't think I would be able to bear working at all if not for the fact that work gives me the possibility to talk to someone. You see, I am a talkative person. I love to talk about the things that interest me. But recently I have became a total recluse, and the only people I still talk to are my coworkers and my therapist/GP (but conversations with them I usually spend crying)*. So what if I report my coworkers, they learn about it (somehow) and then every single one (even the "not-mean" ones) starts to hate me? I would have no one to talk to. I'm afraid of that.

 

I think I will report them. Because today they really took it to far. I am just really scared about what might happen after I report them. 

 

*Well, I also talk to my flatmate from time to time, but he's moving out soon, so I need to find a new flatmate. 

 

EDIT: Sorry for bothering you with that. I just really had a bad day. 

 

Even if they aren't always mean, this is still a problem. I hope reporting them fixes the issue.

 

Don't worry about bothering us -- after all, this is the thread to go to when you're having a bad day and need a hug.

[+Slowswift]

@ everyone: I know I can say without irony that I love every single one of you all. Y'all don't ever have to feel bad about unloading your problems here. 

[Delightful]

^^^^^

 

 

What he said.

[Claincy he/him]

Seriously, my mental health can't get any worse than it is right now. Or at least I hope so... 

Then perhaps a better way of looking at it is that bullying like this makes it harder to get better.

 

 As for looking for another job: I'm afraid of that. I kinda like this job, and it is well paid compared to similar jobs. Also I don't really have a reason to believe than other place would be any different. I'll start with reporting them. But the thing is that the management really doesn't like when we go straight to HR. Eh, this is hard. 

 

I don't want too lose this job. I don't feel capable of finding another one right now, and I desperately need money. 

It's hard Just remember that if you do look for another job and find one, you don't have to take it if things are going well enough at your current job.

 

The steps I think I'd take if I find myself in that kind of situation again (Obviously you're already past some of this):

1. If (and only if) it wasn't very serious I'd wait and see if it was a once off.
2. Talk to them and politely tell them to stop/explain why what they are saying/doing is problematic. For someone who doesn't realise the effect they're having this can sometimes be enough.
3. Have another, far firmer talk with them letting them know in no uncertain terms that I won't keep putting up with their crem.
4. Talk to the supervisor/team leader/whoever is next in charge
5. If that fails then talk to the next level up/manager/whatever
6. If all of that fails, then I'd contact HR.

It's worth noting that depending on the severity of whatever they did, particularly if it involved physical action, I'd skip some of those steps to resolve the matter ASAP.

 

Not sure if that's the best way/order for handling things, but that's what I think I'd do.

 

EDIT: Sorry for bothering you with that. I just really had a bad day. 

As Arraenae said, that's exactly what this thread is for

[Pestis the Spider she/her]

Thank you, everyone. I am really grateful for all your help. I'll try to solve this situation somehow. 

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

My mom packed my cooler before she left. Nice, right? Well, she didn't pack all the water I'd set aside for myself because (I suspect) she needed to get water for herself and wanted a few bottles on hand. So now I have barely enough water for today, and when I walked into the Chevron station to get some more, I was informed that unlike every other convenience store I've been to, they wouldn't let me inside because Bruce isn't a service dog.

I hate Texas.

[Delightful]

Can you leave him outside for a minute, run inside, grab water, pay and dash back out?