Having a Bad Day?: Get 'yer Hugs here!!

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

I'm having a fairly awful day and my introvert energy levels are approaching the negatives and I've still got an hour and a half left help.

[Delightful]

15 minutes ago, TwiLyghtSansSparkles said:

I'm having a fairly awful day and my introvert energy levels are approaching the negatives and I've still got an hour and a half left help.

*Hugs*

Firstly have you had enough to eat and drink? Are you sure? That makes a world of difference. 

Secondly, if you can't take a break, it's kinda gross but if you can go into a bathroom and just take off your Happy Social Person mask, listen to a song or two, read an article, recharge a tiny bit that helps, and if someone asks where you were you could mumble 'the bathroom' and they'll just think you had indigestion or something. 

Third, stare at pug pictures and pretend its like research for  how to classify books about dogs under the dewey decimal system? 

Also if I could transfer you introvert cookies I would. My roommate has been staying with a friend for at least a week and a half and I've quit class so the cookies have been piling up....

Edited January 17, 2017 by Deliiiiiightful

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

2 hours ago, Deliiiiiightful said:

*Hugs*

Firstly have you had enough to eat and drink? Are you sure? That makes a world of difference. 

Secondly, if you can't take a break, it's kinda gross but if you can go into a bathroom and just take off your Happy Social Person mask, listen to a song or two, read an article, recharge a tiny bit that helps, and if someone asks where you were you could mumble 'the bathroom' and they'll just think you had indigestion or something. 

Third, stare at pug pictures and pretend its like research for  how to classify books about dogs under the dewey decimal system? 

Also if I could transfer you introvert cookies I would. My roommate has been staying with a friend for at least a week and a half and I've quit class so the cookies have been piling up....

Thanks.

Food isn't really a factor here; it's more the fact that I've had to deal with more unreasonable patrons than usual, and that they ALL seemed to gravitate toward me. I had one couple ask me for help finding a page on a government site, and when that turned out to be completely impossible to navigate without a map and a working knowledge of Legalese and I told them to call the phone number they'd been given to get help from someone who knows what they're doing, they went and told my manager.  Fortunately, he's a really understanding guy. 

And, as if that wasn't bad enough, I found that the Wattpad user who responded to my review calling her word choice offensive with such cattiness that I reported her (for fear of how she'll treat future reviewers who don't fawn over her work) posted an update to all of her several thousand followers misrepresenting what I said and painting me as this horrible whiner. She didn't mention me by name, but she and one of her followers also indulged in a nice "mock me behind my back" session on the comments thread for her story. So I reported that too, but I'm still so mad and I'm really hoping Wattpad actually does something about this. Because so far, every time I've encountered a bully online, the site mods have brushed me off and the bullies got off not only scot free, but probably empowered from the experience. 

Edited January 18, 2017 by TwiLyghtSansSparkles

[Kestrel she/her]

I don't know. But none of that "art talent" even matters. I'm not going into art because I'll never get the job. Ever. Unless I want to work at some silly little advertising studio in the middle of no where. I have no reason to continue, period.

And honestly I'd kill for three more inches. Then I'd at least be average. And less likely to be pushed about and forgotten.

[Sunbird she/her]

1 hour ago, Kestrel said:

I don't know. But none of that "art talent" even matters. I'm not going into art because I'll never get the job. Ever. Unless I want to work at some silly little advertising studio in the middle of no where. I have no reason to continue, period.

And honestly I'd kill for three more inches. Then I'd at least be average. And less likely to be pushed about and forgotten.

Even if you never get an art job, making art is worthwhile for the sole reason that it's art. It doesn't need to be "useful" or serve a "purpose"; its purpose is to please people who experience it. You get to build your skills--and believe me, continued practice contributes far more to art quality than "natural talent"--and flex your creativity and make something that's all YOU. Even if you yourself don't appreciate your art, WE do. Even if you don't value yourself, WE value you. Never forget that you are loved, Kestrel.

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

8 hours ago, Kestrel said:

I don't know. But none of that "art talent" even matters. I'm not going into art because I'll never get the job. Ever. Unless I want to work at some silly little advertising studio in the middle of no where. I have no reason to continue, period.

And honestly I'd kill for three more inches. Then I'd at least be average. And less likely to be pushed about and forgotten.

I'm 27 years old. 

My only publishing credits are a bunch of articles in high school and early college newspapers, and some editorials that I'm frankly embarrassed over today. 

My biggest accomplishments in the writing arena are a handful of fanfics and a work in progress. When I finish the aforementioned WIP, I have no idea if it'll be published or not. Supposing it is published, there's a chance it'll become the next Harry Potter or Hunger Games. There's also the chance that fourteen people will read it and I'll find it in bargain bins across the nation two years after its publication. 

Yet I keep writing. I keep at my art. Know why? 

Because I have to. 

Writing keeps me sane. It gives me an outlet for all of this joy and frustration and hope and anger and love and pity and fear. I can explore my own mind in safety. I can put all of the things that frighten me onto the page, and I can see how those things might be beaten. 

Public taste is a fickle thing. If you create art that plays to it, you'll wind up disappointed by their reaction. Art should be personal, a means for the artist to explore and discover and conquer and celebrate. Don't create art for the world. Create art for you. If you remain obscure, you at least have art that means something to you. If you become successful, then that'll be icing on the cake. 

[Kaymyth she/her]

12 hours ago, Kestrel said:

I don't know. But none of that "art talent" even matters. I'm not going into art because I'll never get the job. Ever. Unless I want to work at some silly little advertising studio in the middle of no where. I have no reason to continue, period.

And honestly I'd kill for three more inches. Then I'd at least be average. And less likely to be pushed about and forgotten.

A regular job feeds your belly and keeps a roof over your head.  Art feeds your soul.  You need it, and the world needs your art.

I confess, I wouldn't mind having another few inches myself, but your height isn't necessarily the deciding factor in how you're treated.  Be vibrant and fierce, and people will perceive you as being taller than you are. 

Remember that you're only sixteen.  I was a hot mess when I was sixteen; the most socially awkward daydreamer who got bullied constantly.  Hell, when I was a senior, I had sophomores picking on me.  It was that bad.  It's rusting embarassing, really.

Who you are now is just germinating the seeds of who you will become.  You are awesome.  Hang in there, make it out of high school.  When you hit college, take full advantage of the campus health system and get a counselor to help you work through stuff.  Don't do what I did and flounder through on your own and take a decade-and-a-half to realize how awesome you are.

[Erunion he/him]

@Kestrel - just to reiterate what @Kaymyth said, you're only 16. You have plenty of time to blossom in whatever capacity you choose. You want to make art? Go make art. You want to be a bird veterinarian? Go do that. Throughout high school I too hated how I looked. I was and am a huge freaking babyface. I look, or at least I think I look 3-4 years younger than I am. And in high school I hated that. 
To be honest, I didn't become comfortable in my looks/etc. until I was 20. And even now I still struggle, even if I know objectively that there isn't that much for me to worry about. 

Now, one key point too for you from most of us here at the Shard: Some of us liked being teenagers, and liked high school. For many of us though? High school and the teenage years sucked. Hard. 
I know personally that I had no close friends until I hit university. I mean it. I had no one outside of my immediate family who I talked to on a regular basis and who really cared about me. (I had a lot of people I knew and was friendly with, but I didn't develop those friendships) I had no relationship (or even anything past a pipe dream of one) until I was in University.
There was very little about myself that I liked, heck, I wasn't even really bullied and I still really struggled with myself, because for some people being a teenager was terrible. 

So I will tell you this right here, right now. It gets better. For some people high school is great. For others? It's among the worst times of our lives. But it ends, and we move on, and whaddya know, life gets better. Hang in there. 

Now, I haven't seen your art but I do know one thing: artistic outlet is important, whether or not it ends in a career you need some form of art in your life (whether drawing, music, writing, all of the above or something else altogether, 95% are compelled to produce some art from time to time! And the only way to improve is practice!). 
I have seen the photos you posted though, and I can tell you with confidence that you're not ugly. What you are is, like me, your own worst critic. 
Also, for the record, if you don't like being treated differently because of height try to channel your inner Moiraine Damodred  

[Delightful]

1 hour ago, Erunion said:

@Kestrel - just to reiterate what @Kaymyth said, you're only 16. You have plenty of time to blossom in whatever capacity you choose. You want to make art? Go make art. You want to be a bird veterinarian? Go do that. Throughout high school I too hated how I looked. I was and am a huge freaking babyface. I look, or at least I think I look 3-4 years younger than I am. And in high school I hated that. 
To be honest, I didn't become comfortable in my looks/etc. until I was 20. And even now I still struggle, even if I know objectively that there isn't that much for me to worry about. 

Now, one key point too for you from most of us here at the Shard: Some of us liked being teenagers, and liked high school. For many of us though? High school and the teenage years sucked. Hard. 
I know personally that I had no close friends until I hit university. I mean it. I had no one outside of my immediate family who I talked to on a regular basis and who really cared about me. (I had a lot of people I knew and was friendly with, but I didn't develop those friendships) I had no relationship (or even anything past a pipe dream of one) until I was in University.
There was very little about myself that I liked, heck, I wasn't even really bullied and I still really struggled with myself, because for some people being a teenager was terrible. 

So I will tell you this right here, right now. It gets better. For some people high school is great. For others? It's among the worst times of our lives. But it ends, and we move on, and whaddya know, life gets better. Hang in there. 

Now, I haven't seen your art but I do know one thing: artistic outlet is important, whether or not it ends in a career you need some form of art in your life (whether drawing, music, writing, all of the above or something else altogether, 95% are compelled to produce some art from time to time! And the only way to improve is practice!). 
I have seen the photos you posted though, and I can tell you with confidence that you're not ugly. What you are is, like me, your own worst critic. 
Also, for the record, if you don't like being treated differently because of height try to channel your inner Moiraine Damodred  

I don't think I had too bad of a time as a teenager - I had friends, after 14 or so I wasn't bullied, I did stand out as the Special Snowflake Writer - and I still wouldn't go back to being in High School if you paid me. Just hang in there, just get through it, when you have agency and control over your own life and can make your own decisions everything gets, well, harder, but also much better.  

[Kestrel she/her]

I'm 18. Nothing about my personal appearance is gonna change. And yes, people do forget me. Nobody notices me. I'm treated like a child. People assume I'm a freshman in high school. Its insulting. I can't even get angry without being laughed at because its "cute."

I just. Can't bring myself to believe its true because ultimately I feel like its not.

[Kaymyth she/her]

1 minute ago, Kestrel said:

I'm 18. Nothing about my personal appearance is gonna change. And yes, people do forget me. Nobody notices me. I'm treated like a child. People assume I'm a freshman in high school. Its insulting. I can't even get angry without being laughed at because its "cute."

I just. Can't bring myself to believe its true because ultimately I feel like its not.

I'm sorry.  I must have misremembered your age.  Not because of looks, but because I'm a moron.

And actually, yes, your appearance is totally going to change.  There's a big difference that kicks in sometime in the early twenties that takes you from "looks like a teenager" to "looks like a grownup".  (Also, I look a decade younger than I am.  Always have since I hit adulthood.  People still thought I was in high school when I was 25.  It gets better.  It just takes for rusting ever to get through the younger years and to an age where being mistaken for being ten years younger becomes a blessing.)

I swear, you need to binge-watch Veronica Mars.  Kristen Bell as Veronica is the perfect example of being tiny and adorable and terrifying as hell.  It's not about your looks.  It's never really about your looks.  It's about attitude and whether or not the people you're angry at believe that you are capable of utterly destroying them.

[Delightful]

10 minutes ago, Kestrel said:

I'm 18. Nothing about my personal appearance is gonna change. And yes, people do forget me. Nobody notices me. I'm treated like a child. People assume I'm a freshman in high school. Its insulting. I can't even get angry without being laughed at because its "cute."

I just. Can't bring myself to believe its true because ultimately I feel like its not.

Have you read Ender's Game? You could go for the so awesome they can't ignore you effect. Most likely though, the people you happen to know in your area are not Your People. You haven't met Your People yet. And by that I mean people with the same interests, same humour, the real friends who'll appreciate you and take you seriously. For me, I met some of those people on the Shard and met more when I went to study abroad and naturally gravitated towards the geeks and nerds rather than befriending the people who happened to grow up near me. 

Keep telling yourself that you're awesome. Seriously this works, keep telling it to yourself, it'll slowly start to feel less like a lie and more like a truth.
As I sometimes look at it - the only person you can rely to have your back 100% of the time is you, so don't let yourself down. When the world tells you you suck and everyone you know thinks you're hopeless, you need to have your own back. Believe in yourself because no one else is going to, and someone has to. Take feedback, but do and believe what's right for you because its right for you. 

 

 

edit: What Kaymyth said. There's also a tiny and terrifying character in Daughter Of Smoke and Bone and I wish I could introduce you to my short friend who literally radiates awesomeness.  

Edited January 18, 2017 by Deliiiiiightful

[Erunion he/him]

5 minutes ago, Kestrel said:

I'm 18. Nothing about my personal appearance is gonna change. And yes, people do forget me. Nobody notices me. I'm treated like a child. People assume I'm a freshman in high school. Its insulting. I can't even get angry without being laughed at because its "cute."

I just. Can't bring myself to believe its true because ultimately I feel like its not.

You're 18, plenty about your personal appearance is going to change. Mine did. And that was just 5 years ago. That's if you even should want your appearance to change significantly. 
And being noticed/unnoticed can be changed. It doesn't matter how tall/short you are, you can take control of situations and you can have significant personal gravitas. Its a matter of practice and training. Being physically imposing makes it easier, but is neither the only way nor the best way. 

It also sounds like you're dealing with some anxiety/depression? If that's the case you should possibly talk to a medical professional? 

But yes, I can say with some confidence that it does, can and will get better. It did for me. It did for Kaymyth. It can, and will, for you. 

[Orlion Blight he/him]

@Kestrel What is true now need not be true always. It's a process, but you can change how others and you see yourself.

Also, a Donaldson author once said "A weakness is a strength misapplied." This was in reference to him learning martial arts at an older age and kicking the butts of younger students due to him recognizing his limitations.

This moment of dissatisfaction is an opportunity to evaluate where you are at, where you want to go and how you will set off on that journey.

[Delightful]

1 minute ago, Orlion Determined said:

@Kestrel What is true now need not be true always. It's a process, but you can change how others and you see yourself.

Also, a Donaldson author once said "A weakness is a strength misapplied." This was in reference to him learning martial arts at an older age and kicking the butts of younger students due to him recognizing his limitations.

This moment of dissatisfaction is an opportunity to evaluate where you are at, where you want to go and how you will set off on that journey.

Alternatively, something you can't control like your height isn't a weakness; it just is. It has advantages and disadvantages both. Stubbornness can get you what you need and it can also make you a pain in the chull. Someone very kind can also be a pushover because they give to everyone but themselves. Try see a positive application for what you don't like about yourself. 

[Orlion Blight he/him]

My cat is contemptuous of my reading choices!

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

8 minutes ago, Orlion Determined said:

My cat is contemptuous of my reading choices!

Aren't cats contemptuous of all reading choices?

[Orlion Blight he/him]

They usually don't show it so openly.

[Kestrel she/her]

Thanks guys. I appreciate it. I just. Don't know the steps to making me feel better. And just.

[Delightful]

25 minutes ago, Kestrel said:

Thanks guys. I appreciate it. I just. Don't know the steps to making me feel better. And just.

As someone said above, I'd reccomend talking to a professional, they usually have practical advice. Even one session could help.

My personal opinion is that a lot of it is telling yourself mentally and verbally that you're amazing until you believe it. 

Also, I've asked my very short very awesome friend if she has any advice so when she replies I'll pass that on to you.

Hang in there. It gets better, and we're here for you, we've got your back. *hugs*

[Mestiv he/him]

27 minutes ago, Kestrel said:

Thanks guys. I appreciate it. I just. Don't know the steps to making me feel better. And just.

You can check your vitamin, hormones and other things that are in your blood. Sometimes bad mood is related to some inbalance in our body chemistry. 

Also, read some Alcatraz, pay special attention to Kaz and his list

 

I planned to whine here about not having enough free time, not getting enough sleep and feeling unappreciated by my fiancee, but I guess I'm too tired to even do that o.O so to save mine and yours time, I'll just go to sleep and hope for things to get better soon

[Delightful]

^good point, might be worth taking a blood test. 

[Oversleep]

I've been meaning to take a blood test for few years now (heck, when I turned 18(official adult) I was even told by a doctor to do that).

I'm sleepy all the time. My life can be summed up in three words: "Woke up tired". And I mean those times I get a good 10 hours of sleep.

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

Whelp. I'm leaving Wattpad. In addition to some new bullying material, I expressed a dissenting opinion and was dealt with as the Internet treats a dissenter. 

I just, I can't anymore. This isn't an online fiction site. It's an echo chamber where everyone who doesn't fall in lockstep with the majority is handed over to the catty preteen girls who make up the majority of commenters. 

[Briar King he/him]

Kest, stop dising yourself. 

Twi what is watt pad?