Having a Bad Day?: Get 'yer Hugs here!!

[The Honorable One]

1 hour ago, strmblsd said:

District track meet today... I'm running 100m and 200m but heat one (slowest heat) in both... Not confident at all about it 

*Large hugs*

14 hours ago, Edema Rue said:

Stars. 

I am so scudding tired of always being on the outside. 

*Big hugs*

[Through The Living Glass]

5 hours ago, strmblsd said:

District track meet today... I'm running 100m and 200m but heat one (slowest heat) in both... Not confident at all about it 

*huggy hugs*

[The Honorable One]

People.

Of the Shard.

(Rant incoming)

Spoiler

Life is great sometimes.

When you bite into a warm chocolate chip cookie and it melts in your mouth. When you do well on a test. When you listen to your favorite song. When you watch a good movie. When you read your favorite book. Life is great sometimes.

But also, life sucks sometimes.

When you get a panic attack out of nowhere, and suddenly you feel everything and can't feel anything at the same time and realize all the problems about your life and you are constantly thinking that you are going to die or some other bad thing will happen unless you brush against that couch with your other leg just so you feel the same on both sides. And nobody even knows that you feel like that because they're busy with other things, and you don't want them to worry.

When they touch you to try to give you a hug you flinch away. They ask what is wrong, and you say "nothing" so they give you a hug. And you're just standing there, trying to ignore the obsessions, trying to enjoy the hug, because there is nothing you want more than to hug your mother. But you can't enjoy it. You feel the non-perfectness and you can't think about anything else. And then your mom says that you need to learn how to hug, and you want to tell her everything, but you can't tell her anything because she doesn't know who her son is and hasn't known him for two and a half years.

Nobody knows who you are. They think you are that person who always does the right thing, the person who never fails anything, the person that is always reliable, the person who will always be "the smart one," the person that will never get in the way.

Nobody knows that you spend hours every day doing research, trying to understand what the scud is wrong with you. Nobody knows that you procrastinate too much and when you should be doing homework, you are instead watching hours of YouTube videos, even though you don't enjoy it at all. Nobody knows that you lie whenever your parents ask about your mental health. Nobody knows that you hurriedly close tabs when anybody approaches you. Nobody knows that you start to panic every time your dad says your name. Nobody knows that you have been in a secret relationship with someone before and that you ended up breaking their heart because you were a coward and couldn't handle it. Nobody knows you are a terrible person, except the person who secretly hates you now. Nobody knows that you're not the perfect child you're supposed to be.

You want to talk to your family about this, any of this, all of this. But it is impossible. You can't. You don't want them to know you are a coward. You don't want them to know you are a terrible person.

You can't show them anything other than perfection.

Even though they love you very much.

 

[Weaver of Lies]

7 minutes ago, The Honorable One said:

People.

Of the Shard.

(Rant incoming)

  Hide contents

Life is great sometimes.

When you bite into a warm chocolate chip cookie and it melts in your mouth. When you do well on a test. When you listen to your favorite song. When you watch a good movie. When you read your favorite book. Life is great sometimes.

But also, life sucks sometimes.

When you get a panic attack out of nowhere, and suddenly you feel everything and can't feel anything at the same time and realize all the problems about your life and you are constantly thinking that you are going to die or some other bad thing will happen unless you brush against that couch with your other leg just so you feel the same on both sides. And nobody even knows that you feel like that because they're busy with other things, and you don't want them to worry.

When they touch you to try to give you a hug you flinch away. They ask what is wrong, and you say "nothing" so they give you a hug. And you're just standing there, trying to ignore the obsessions, trying to enjoy the hug, because there is nothing you want more than to hug your mother. But you can't enjoy it. You feel the non-perfectness and you can't think about anything else. And then your mom says that you need to learn how to hug, and you want to tell her everything, but you can't tell her anything because she doesn't know who her son is and hasn't known him for two and a half years.

Nobody knows who you are. They think you are that person who always does the right thing, the person who never fails anything, the person that is always reliable, the person who will always be "the smart one," the person that will never get in the way.

Nobody knows that you spend hours every day doing research, trying to understand what the scud is wrong with you. Nobody knows that you procrastinate too much and when you should be doing homework, you are instead watching hours of YouTube videos, even though you don't enjoy it at all. Nobody knows that you lie whenever your parents ask about your mental health. Nobody knows that you hurriedly close tabs when anybody approaches you. Nobody knows that you start to panic every time your dad says your name. Nobody knows that you have been in a secret relationship with someone before and that you ended up breaking their heart because you were a coward and couldn't handle it. Nobody knows you are a terrible person, except the person who secretly hates you now. Nobody knows that you're not the perfect child you're supposed to be.

You want to talk to your family about this, any of this, all of this. But it is impossible. You can't. You don't want them to know you are a coward. You don't want them to know you are a terrible person.

You can't show them anything other than perfection.

Even though they love you very much.

 

*hugs*

 

[+Slowswift]

1 hour ago, The Honorable One said:

People.

Of the Shard.

(Rant incoming)

  Hide contents

Life is great sometimes.

When you bite into a warm chocolate chip cookie and it melts in your mouth. When you do well on a test. When you listen to your favorite song. When you watch a good movie. When you read your favorite book. Life is great sometimes.

But also, life sucks sometimes.

When you get a panic attack out of nowhere, and suddenly you feel everything and can't feel anything at the same time and realize all the problems about your life and you are constantly thinking that you are going to die or some other bad thing will happen unless you brush against that couch with your other leg just so you feel the same on both sides. And nobody even knows that you feel like that because they're busy with other things, and you don't want them to worry.

When they touch you to try to give you a hug you flinch away. They ask what is wrong, and you say "nothing" so they give you a hug. And you're just standing there, trying to ignore the obsessions, trying to enjoy the hug, because there is nothing you want more than to hug your mother. But you can't enjoy it. You feel the non-perfectness and you can't think about anything else. And then your mom says that you need to learn how to hug, and you want to tell her everything, but you can't tell her anything because she doesn't know who her son is and hasn't known him for two and a half years.

Nobody knows who you are. They think you are that person who always does the right thing, the person who never fails anything, the person that is always reliable, the person who will always be "the smart one," the person that will never get in the way.

Nobody knows that you spend hours every day doing research, trying to understand what the scud is wrong with you. Nobody knows that you procrastinate too much and when you should be doing homework, you are instead watching hours of YouTube videos, even though you don't enjoy it at all. Nobody knows that you lie whenever your parents ask about your mental health. Nobody knows that you hurriedly close tabs when anybody approaches you. Nobody knows that you start to panic every time your dad says your name. Nobody knows that you have been in a secret relationship with someone before and that you ended up breaking their heart because you were a coward and couldn't handle it. Nobody knows you are a terrible person, except the person who secretly hates you now. Nobody knows that you're not the perfect child you're supposed to be.

You want to talk to your family about this, any of this, all of this. But it is impossible. You can't. You don't want them to know you are a coward. You don't want them to know you are a terrible person.

You can't show them anything other than perfection.

Even though they love you very much.

 

*mails hugbot*

[Through The Living Glass]

2 hours ago, The Honorable One said:

People.

Of the Shard.

(Rant incoming)

  Reveal hidden contents

Life is great sometimes.

When you bite into a warm chocolate chip cookie and it melts in your mouth. When you do well on a test. When you listen to your favorite song. When you watch a good movie. When you read your favorite book. Life is great sometimes.

But also, life sucks sometimes.

When you get a panic attack out of nowhere, and suddenly you feel everything and can't feel anything at the same time and realize all the problems about your life and you are constantly thinking that you are going to die or some other bad thing will happen unless you brush against that couch with your other leg just so you feel the same on both sides. And nobody even knows that you feel like that because they're busy with other things, and you don't want them to worry.

When they touch you to try to give you a hug you flinch away. They ask what is wrong, and you say "nothing" so they give you a hug. And you're just standing there, trying to ignore the obsessions, trying to enjoy the hug, because there is nothing you want more than to hug your mother. But you can't enjoy it. You feel the non-perfectness and you can't think about anything else. And then your mom says that you need to learn how to hug, and you want to tell her everything, but you can't tell her anything because she doesn't know who her son is and hasn't known him for two and a half years.

Nobody knows who you are. They think you are that person who always does the right thing, the person who never fails anything, the person that is always reliable, the person who will always be "the smart one," the person that will never get in the way.

Nobody knows that you spend hours every day doing research, trying to understand what the scud is wrong with you. Nobody knows that you procrastinate too much and when you should be doing homework, you are instead watching hours of YouTube videos, even though you don't enjoy it at all. Nobody knows that you lie whenever your parents ask about your mental health. Nobody knows that you hurriedly close tabs when anybody approaches you. Nobody knows that you start to panic every time your dad says your name. Nobody knows that you have been in a secret relationship with someone before and that you ended up breaking their heart because you were a coward and couldn't handle it. Nobody knows you are a terrible person, except the person who secretly hates you now. Nobody knows that you're not the perfect child you're supposed to be.

You want to talk to your family about this, any of this, all of this. But it is impossible. You can't. You don't want them to know you are a coward. You don't want them to know you are a terrible person.

You can't show them anything other than perfection.

Even though they love you very much.

*hugs of knowing*

[The Honorable One]

2 hours ago, Slowswift said:

*mails hugbot*

Say, would this be a... symmetrical hugbot?

Thank you to everyone.

[+Slowswift]

1 hour ago, The Honorable One said:

Say, would this be a... symmetrical hugbot?

Thank you to everyone.

It would indeed.  

[Kajsa]

potential trigger warnings: mentions of hopelessness, depression, self harm, and suicide-related topics

6 hours ago, The Honorable One said:

People.

Of the Shard.

(Rant incoming)

  Reveal hidden contents

Life is great sometimes.

When you bite into a warm chocolate chip cookie and it melts in your mouth. When you do well on a test. When you listen to your favorite song. When you watch a good movie. When you read your favorite book. Life is great sometimes.

But also, life sucks sometimes.

When you get a panic attack out of nowhere, and suddenly you feel everything and can't feel anything at the same time and realize all the problems about your life and you are constantly thinking that you are going to die or some other bad thing will happen unless you brush against that couch with your other leg just so you feel the same on both sides. And nobody even knows that you feel like that because they're busy with other things, and you don't want them to worry.

When they touch you to try to give you a hug you flinch away. They ask what is wrong, and you say "nothing" so they give you a hug. And you're just standing there, trying to ignore the obsessions, trying to enjoy the hug, because there is nothing you want more than to hug your mother. But you can't enjoy it. You feel the non-perfectness and you can't think about anything else. And then your mom says that you need to learn how to hug, and you want to tell her everything, but you can't tell her anything because she doesn't know who her son is and hasn't known him for two and a half years.

Nobody knows who you are. They think you are that person who always does the right thing, the person who never fails anything, the person that is always reliable, the person who will always be "the smart one," the person that will never get in the way.

Nobody knows that you spend hours every day doing research, trying to understand what the scud is wrong with you. Nobody knows that you procrastinate too much and when you should be doing homework, you are instead watching hours of YouTube videos, even though you don't enjoy it at all. Nobody knows that you lie whenever your parents ask about your mental health. Nobody knows that you hurriedly close tabs when anybody approaches you. Nobody knows that you start to panic every time your dad says your name. Nobody knows that you have been in a secret relationship with someone before and that you ended up breaking their heart because you were a coward and couldn't handle it. Nobody knows you are a terrible person, except the person who secretly hates you now. Nobody knows that you're not the perfect child you're supposed to be.

You want to talk to your family about this, any of this, all of this. But it is impossible. You can't. You don't want them to know you are a coward. You don't want them to know you are a terrible person.

You can't show them anything other than perfection.

Even though they love you very much.

 

Oh my chasms. I know I'm kinda late to this, but I relate to this with every single fiber of my being. It's like you just... eloquently summed up a whole two-ish years of my life in a few paragraphs. I don't know if you came here for comfort, advice, or something else, but I just want you to know that you are not alone, and I'd like to share a few of my past experiences to prove it.

For one, I have also been held to the "perfect" standard for a lot of my life. But the interesting thing about that is it was never actually the expectations of anybody else but the the pressure I put on myself due to my past record and my perception of others' standards/expectations. And that can be really damaging for self-esteem and mental health. I still get panic attacks because of homework, due dates, and grades, and I'm especially stressed out currently due to my two Bs (yes, I know, I know), overdue homework, and etc. And it's devastating when people find out you're not the hyper-perfect person you're cracked up to be, and the look they give you when they find out you missed a few extra questions on your test makes your insides squirm, maybe even because you've been trying to hide it. You've spent years trying to reach perfection. I myself am definitely trying to work on getting out of that mental distortion, that perfectionist mindset, and it's hard. It's not impossible, but it's hard; I'm not going to lie. But with help, it's definitely possible. I've already been able to break through a few of the things that used to tie me down mentally because of that mindset.

Second, I absolutely feel you on the homework procrastination (haha, literally doing it right now) and YouTube videos. It's a habit that's been especially difficult for me to work with, and I haven't been able to overcome it yet. We should try to do it together!

Third, the way you worded some of those emotions is absolutely incredible. Specifically these few parts

Quote

there is nothing you want more than to hug your mother. But you can't enjoy it. You feel the non-perfectness and you can't think about anything else

because she doesn't know who her son is and hasn't known him for two and a half years.

Nobody knows that you spend hours every day doing research, trying to understand what the scud is wrong with you.

Nobody knows that you lie whenever your parents ask about your mental health. Nobody knows that you hurriedly close tabs when anybody approaches you.

Nobody knows you are a terrible person, except the person who secretly hates you now. Nobody knows that you're not the perfect child you're supposed to be.

I almost cried reading these parts specifically because I feel them so deeply. These thoughts and emotions eat away at you until you're just empty and raw, and you can't feel anything anymore because you've been feeling too much for too long, and now... there's nothing except the husk of who you were two months ago, which looks completely different from the person you were two years ago. Your mental plights make you physically tired, almost weak, and it's hard to get out of bed in the morning because what's the point of another day if it's only going to go the same way they've been going for the past eternity of a lifetime? And when you remember you have those late assignments to finish and turn in, it's another blow to the face, but you can't bring yourself to work on them because you're too busy taking Do I Have Depression? tests online. You're too busy grasping for help you're scared to ask for.

And that's terrifying.

All of that is so terrifying.

In my personal experience, it drove me to commit self harm almost daily for several months, and I was considering suicide. Eventually, it was so bad that when my parents noticed something was off, and I told them I was fine, they wouldn't let me leave the room. I ended up telling them everything.

Thankfully, I'm better now. I have a great therapist, much better friends and a better mindset, and though the healing process has been slow, I'm much better now than I used to be. And you can have that too. It may just take a bit of time, maybe a bit of a push. 

I'm sorry if this makes absolutely no sense or feels out of place or even downright wrong, assuming and/or out of place, as that's certainly not my intention. There is healing, but you are going to have to take the first steps. Please know that you are not alone. My PMs are open if you ever need to talk, okay? I hope that's not weird since we don't really know each other, but I want to help in any way I can, so please reach out if you feel you need to. 

And last but not least, here are a few hugs for you if you'd like them.  

Edited April 15 by Kajsa

[Weaver of Lies]

I could use hugs. And maybe someone to talk to.

[The Honorable One]

9 hours ago, Slowswift said:

It would indeed.  

Nice.

8 hours ago, Kajsa said:

potential trigger warnings: mentions of hopelessness, depression, self harm, and suicide-related topics

Oh my chasms. I know I'm kinda late to this, but I relate to this with every single fiber of my being. It's like you just... eloquently summed up a whole two-ish years of my life in a few paragraphs. I don't know if you came here for comfort, advice, or something else, but I just want you to know that you are not alone, and I'd like to share a few of my past experiences to prove it.

For one, I have also been held to the "perfect" standard for a lot of my life. But the interesting thing about that is it was never actually the expectations of anybody else but the the pressure I put on myself due to my past record and my perception of others' standards/expectations. And that can be really damaging for self-esteem and mental health. I still get panic attacks because of homework, due dates, and grades, and I'm especially stressed out currently due to my two Bs (yes, I know, I know), overdue homework, and etc. And it's devastating when people find out you're not the hyper-perfect person you're cracked up to be, and the look they give you when they find out you missed a few extra questions on your test makes your insides squirm, maybe even because you've been trying to hide it. You've spent years trying to reach perfection. I myself am definitely trying to work on getting out of that mental distortion, that perfectionist mindset, and it's hard. It's not impossible, but it's hard; I'm not going to lie. But with help, it's definitely possible. I've already been able to break through a few of the things that used to tie me down mentally because of that mindset.

Second, I absolutely feel you on the homework procrastination (haha, literally doing it right now) and YouTube videos. It's a habit that's been especially difficult for me to work with, and I haven't been able to overcome it yet. We should try to do it together!

Third, the way you worded some of those emotions is absolutely incredible. Specifically these few parts

I almost cried reading these parts specifically because I feel them so deeply. These thoughts and emotions eat away at you until you're just empty and raw, and you can't feel anything anymore because you've been feeling too much for too long, and now... there's nothing except the husk of who you were two months ago, which looks completely different from the person you were two years ago. Your mental plights make you physically tired, almost weak, and it's hard to get out of bed in the morning because what's the point of another day if it's only going to go the same way they've been going for the past eternity of a lifetime? And when you remember you have those late assignments to finish and turn in, it's another blow to the face, but you can't bring yourself to work on them because you're too busy taking Do I Have Depression? tests online. You're too busy grasping for help you're scared to ask for.

And that's terrifying.

All of that is so terrifying.

In my personal experience, it drove me to commit self harm almost daily for several months, and I was considering suicide. Eventually, it was so bad that when my parents noticed something was off, and I told them I was fine, they wouldn't let me leave the room. I ended up telling them everything.

Thankfully, I'm better now. I have a great therapist, much better friends and a better mindset, and though the healing process has been slow, I'm much better now than I used to be. And you can have that too. It may just take a bit of time, maybe a bit of a push. 

I'm sorry if this makes absolutely no sense or feels out of place or even downright wrong, assuming and/or out of place, as that's certainly not my intention. There is healing, but you are going to have to take the first steps. Please know that you are not alone. My PMs are open if you ever need to talk, okay? I hope that's not weird since we don't really know each other, but I want to help in any way I can, so please reach out if you feel you need to. 

And last but not least, here are a few hugs for you if you'd like them.  

Okay, I feel basically all of these things as well.

7 hours ago, Weaver of Lights said:

I could use hugs. And maybe someone to talk to.

*hugs* I am not always the best person to talk to, but I'm here if you want.

[Through The Living Glass]

9 hours ago, Weaver of Lights said:

I could use hugs. And maybe someone to talk to.

*many long hugs*

And maybe I'm a little late, but I'm also here if you need anything.

[That1Cellist]

* hugs to all *

Living is hard sometimes, humans

[Kajsa]

4 hours ago, That1Cellist said:

* hugs to all *

Living is hard sometimes, humans

facts

[J. Magi]

When several political/moral subjects that people debate about trigger your anxiety cause reasons, and the book you start reading for English Class addresses that specific thing (which is fine, literature that addresses topics like this, and let's people express their opinion is good--I'm not trying to say it shouldn't be taught about) and now I'm trying really hard not to have anxiety attack about it yaaay. 

Edited April 15 by justice magician

[That1Cellist]

4 minutes ago, justice magician said:

When several political/moral subjects that people debate about trigger your anxiety cause reasons, and the book you start reading for English Class addresses that specific thing (which is fine, literature that addresses topics like this is and let's people express their opinion is good--I'm not trying to say it shouldn't be taught about) and now I'm trying really hard not to have anxiety attack about it yaaay. 

That's a doozy of a situation. Education is important, but so is your mental welfare. I'd listen to music, if it's available, or try to become as absolutely objective as possible while observing the information in the class.

also, * hugs * by the way.

[J. Magi]

26 minutes ago, That1Cellist said:

That's a doozy of a situation. Education is important, but so is your mental welfare. I'd listen to music, if it's available, or try to become as absolutely objective as possible while observing the information in the class.

also, * hugs * by the way.

Thanks, luckily I had my breath mints (which will sometimes dispel my anxiety attacks) so I ended up being okay. The teacher also didn't really mention it during our discussion. This specific teacher has never gotten super political in the past, so hopefully I won't get to anxious about it. I am a little bit worried about the future lessons on this book, but I'm not going to think about it right now ; )

[Wittles]

I...can't words. I can't say what's on my mind. I don't know what's on my mind. I need to tell someone, anyone, but I can't tell them because I don't know how to be friends and I can never...just...speak. I'm not fine, I'm not okay, I haven't been for a long time and I wish everyone would stop asking how I'm doing because I don't want to say what I think and have them go away again. I'm so done. I'm just really not fine and it's just not getting better.

[The Honorable One]

3 hours ago, Wittles said:

I...can't words. I can't say what's on my mind. I don't know what's on my mind. I need to tell someone, anyone, but I can't tell them because I don't know how to be friends and I can never...just...speak. I'm not fine, I'm not okay, I haven't been for a long time and I wish everyone would stop asking how I'm doing because I don't want to say what I think and have them go away again. I'm so done. I'm just really not fine and it's just not getting better.

*biggest of hugs*

[Through The Living Glass]

3 hours ago, Wittles said:

I...can't words. I can't say what's on my mind. I don't know what's on my mind. I need to tell someone, anyone, but I can't tell them because I don't know how to be friends and I can never...just...speak. I'm not fine, I'm not okay, I haven't been for a long time and I wish everyone would stop asking how I'm doing because I don't want to say what I think and have them go away again. I'm so done. I'm just really not fine and it's just not getting better.

I know how that is. That was my entire life until three months ago. (If you want to try talking to someone about it, you can PM me if you want)

*much hugs and more hugs*

[strmblsd]

On 4/14/2024 at 2:53 PM, The Honorable One said:

People.

Of the Shard.

(Rant incoming)

  Hide contents

Life is great sometimes.

When you bite into a warm chocolate chip cookie and it melts in your mouth. When you do well on a test. When you listen to your favorite song. When you watch a good movie. When you read your favorite book. Life is great sometimes.

But also, life sucks sometimes.

When you get a panic attack out of nowhere, and suddenly you feel everything and can't feel anything at the same time and realize all the problems about your life and you are constantly thinking that you are going to die or some other bad thing will happen unless you brush against that couch with your other leg just so you feel the same on both sides. And nobody even knows that you feel like that because they're busy with other things, and you don't want them to worry.

When they touch you to try to give you a hug you flinch away. They ask what is wrong, and you say "nothing" so they give you a hug. And you're just standing there, trying to ignore the obsessions, trying to enjoy the hug, because there is nothing you want more than to hug your mother. But you can't enjoy it. You feel the non-perfectness and you can't think about anything else. And then your mom says that you need to learn how to hug, and you want to tell her everything, but you can't tell her anything because she doesn't know who her son is and hasn't known him for two and a half years.

Nobody knows who you are. They think you are that person who always does the right thing, the person who never fails anything, the person that is always reliable, the person who will always be "the smart one," the person that will never get in the way.

Nobody knows that you spend hours every day doing research, trying to understand what the scud is wrong with you. Nobody knows that you procrastinate too much and when you should be doing homework, you are instead watching hours of YouTube videos, even though you don't enjoy it at all. Nobody knows that you lie whenever your parents ask about your mental health. Nobody knows that you hurriedly close tabs when anybody approaches you. Nobody knows that you start to panic every time your dad says your name. Nobody knows that you have been in a secret relationship with someone before and that you ended up breaking their heart because you were a coward and couldn't handle it. Nobody knows you are a terrible person, except the person who secretly hates you now. Nobody knows that you're not the perfect child you're supposed to be.

You want to talk to your family about this, any of this, all of this. But it is impossible. You can't. You don't want them to know you are a coward. You don't want them to know you are a terrible person.

You can't show them anything other than perfection.

Even though they love you very much.

 

This is exactly how I feel so much...just so you know I would sit there and let you cry and rant all you want because that's what I want...I give you Soo many hugs dude

[The Honorable One]

8 hours ago, strmblsd said:

This is exactly how I feel so much...just so you know I would sit there and let you cry and rant all you want because that's what I want...I give you Soo many hugs dude

Thanks

[strmblsd]

bouta have a long hard test....

[Through The Living Glass]

1 hour ago, strmblsd said:

bouta have a long hard test....

Good luck! *lucky hugs*

[Weaver of Lies]

Why am I so storming good at hurting people? I seem to weave myself into their lives, making it look like they can depend on me, then shattering that illusion.