the most useless uses for useful powers

[kinxer he/him]

I'll have you know that pest control is a time honored tradition! I have a family to support here! Besides, I'm just following the example of the great god Lightsong the Bold (praise be his name), are you saying that Lightsong the Bold (praise be his name) was a dishonest god?

 

You heathen!

I bet it is time-honored, right up there with starting wars. Long and glorious tradition, etc.

 

Anyway, while Lightsong was certainly bold, he was never mentioned in my hearing as Lightsong the Cold, and infesting townsfolk's crops and homes with vermin is undoubtedly coldhearted. In fact, it's not even a bold endeavor. How are you to follow in Lightsong's hallowed steps without a more dangerous method of acquiring your livelihood? I say you should turn your lifeless rat army into a traveling circus in which you do high-flying acrobatics while suspended on trapezes consisting entirely of rats with only a rat-based net below you if you fall.

 

... I think the Lifeless rat-trapeze counts as my useless use for this post.

[VindicationKnight he/him]

I bet it is time-honored, right up there with starting wars. Long and glorious tradition, etc.

 

Anyway, while Lightsong was certainly bold, he was never mentioned in my hearing as Lightsong the Cold, and infesting townsfolk's crops and homes with vermin is undoubtedly coldhearted. In fact, it's not even a bold endeavor. How are you to follow in Lightsong's hallowed steps without a more dangerous method of acquiring your livelihood? I say you should turn your lifeless rat army into a traveling circus in which you do high-flying acrobatics while suspended on trapezes consisting entirely of rats with only a rat-based net below you if you fall.

 

... I think the Lifeless rat-trapeze counts as my useless use for this post.

Using reanimated vermin to be a pest is a very Lightsong inspired tradition. 

[natc]

Juggling the lifeless rats with lifeless monkeys that are themselves being juggled by lifeless koloss.

[natc]

A new one just occurred to me after seeing someone's thoughts on Ruin's level of control in HoA.

Ascending to the power of a Shard and obtaining the power of creation itself, having the world at your fingertips. . .

So that you can use your expanded mind to have amazing micro and macro management skills while playing Starcraft.

[ParadoxicalZen he/him]

Or using the expanded mind of a Sliver/Shard to solve that last pesky Crossword clue

 

"4 Down - Made up synonym for Gibberish"

[natc]

Expanded mind won't tell you what you don't know though. All you can do with a shard during a crossword session is cheat.

[Dunkum he/him]

Maybe soulstamp yourself into someone who looked up the answer to that crossword clue?

[ParadoxicalZen he/him]

Depends on what's been filled in the crossword and what hasn't

[kinxer he/him]

Use Feruchemical iron for extreme bodyweight exercises.

 

EDIT: Whoever added the forum feature that turns the "f<metal>" into "Feruchemical <metal>" is a wizard.

Edited July 31, 2015 by kinxer

[Alfa he/him]

Awaken the whole internet with ~500000 breaths and give it the command to destroy dumb comments, without giving it a sense, what "dumb" means.

[natc]

Awaken the whole internet with ~500000 breaths and give it the command to destroy dumb comments, without giving it a sense, what "dumb" means.

To be fair, even if it did know the results won't be much different

[kinxer he/him]

In a similar vein, awaken a computer with the Command, "Create helpful viruses". Watch chaos ensue the world over.

[The Honor Spren she/her]

Stand on the scale and give yourself a quarter-lashing upward, just to boost your self esteem.

[natc]

Self-esteem does have an impact on health, so as long as you are still trying to lose weight afterwards that might actually be helpful.

Full lashing the steps of an escalator to the side walls to make everyone trip.

Edited August 9, 2015 by natc

[Dunkum he/him]

Use a reverse lashing to cheat at paintball by pulling the paintballs towards nearby objects, and not your body.  for bonus points, use a reverse lashing to pull the paintballs toward a teammate, who you then use as a human shield.

[kinxer he/him]

Use the last of your Stormlight to lash your opponent toward you twenty times the moment your fist impacts their face, resulting in probable face breaking for them, hand breaking for you, and full body breaking for everyone.

[picksupchickens he/him]

Stamp your spheres to not have Stormlight. (Does that mean that investiture can be created/destroyed?)

Use Aon Ate (Silence) to make little kids stop crying.

Edited August 14, 2015 by picksupchickens

[HalfShard he/him]

Stamp your spheres to not have Stormlight. (Does that mean that investiture can be created/destroyed?)

Use Aon Ate (Silence) to make little kids stop crying.

The Investiture would not dissapear, as the Cosmere runs on real physics (or, at least is based on it.) It would probably just convert to some other form or just leave the sphere. However, I believe that just like energy, once it is converted to certain forms it is impossible to change back, thus destroying its usefulness, and then it might as well have been destroyed.  And now, to justify my post:

Store a lot of health in a brick of gold and then soulcast it into a stick. Then, burn it. (What happens to the health if I do that?)

[Guest]

The Investiture would not dissapear, as the Cosmere runs on real physics (or, at least is based on it.) It would probably just convert to some other form or just leave the sphere. However, I believe that just like energy, once it is converted to certain forms it is impossible to change back, thus destroying its usefulness, and then it might as well have been destroyed.  And now, to justify my post:

Store a lot of health in a brick of gold and then soulcast it into a stick. Then, burn it. (What happens to the health if I do that?)

 

Same thing as if you were to Alloy the Gold I would imagine.  I remember a WoB a while back that said the Health would remain in the Metal, but not be accessible unless it was refined back into its pure form/proper Alloy.

 

So if you Soulcast the Gold into wood, and then back into Gold, you get your health.  If you burn the wood, collect the ash, and then Soulcast the ash back into Gold, you get some of your Health back, and if you burn the wood, collect all of the smoke & ash, and soulcast it all back into Gold, you get your Health back.

[Dunkum he/him]

The alternative answer to both of those is that the soulcasting would, in some way, release the investiture which would probably flow back to its shard or something.  alternatively, since investiture has a gaseous form, it could just dissipate like a gas would.

[picksupchickens he/him]

Thanks for the explanation of investiture laws. Upvotes all around!

 

Awaken a mistcloak with the command: "Hug people."

 

Use a large supply of Atium and Duralumin to see the next season of tv shows.

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

Lash cars to the road in the middle of rush hour. 

[picksupchickens he/him]

Spike dead birds with Allomantic Nicrosil, awaken them with the command: "Enhance metal burns"

[Dunkum he/him]

Spike dead birds with Allomantic Nicrosil, awaken them with the command: "Enhance metal burns"

not 100% sure you can spike something that is already dead...my gut says that wouldn't work

[picksupchickens he/him]

... Spike them, then kill them, then awaken them. (If that works...)