Having a Bad Day? Stop here for a Good Rant!

[Kaymyth]

Well, I talked to my sister. She said that Mom and Dad have agreed to send her to Spokane by herself if they don't wind up moving there. 

 

Thing is, Abbie said that apparently they've gone back on their word already about her visiting her friend. Originally, the plan was to let Abbie stay in Portland in a hotel with her friend for a few days, take the friend back to Spokane, and go to the wedding. Then, three weeks after that plan was made, they went back on their word, said Portland wasn't safe, and told her she could have one day with her friend in Spokane. According to Abbie, Dad denied ever having agreed to let her stay in a hotel with her friend in the first place. 

 

So I'm worried that they'll go back on their word about Spokane, too. I told her that if that happens, I'll help her out financially, make part of it a gift so our parents will have less say in whether or not she goes. 

 

Wow.  Just...wow.  I have no words. 

 

Wait, no, I totally have words, but they are not nice ones and do not use appropriate language for this forum.

 

Do your parents have any idea the damage that they're doing?  This goes far beyond the issue of Spokane itself; they're basically proving to you all that their word cannot ever be trusted, and employing amateurish gaslighting techniques to try and deny that they ever promised anything.  The sooner you *and* your sibling(s) can get out of that toxic environment, the better.

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles]

Wow. Just...wow. I have no words.

Wait, no, I totally have words, but they are not nice ones and do not use appropriate language for this forum.

Do your parents have any idea the damage that they're doing? This goes far beyond the issue of Spokane itself; they're basically proving to you all that their word cannot ever be trusted, and employing amateurish gaslighting techniques to try and deny that they ever promised anything. The sooner you *and* your sibling(s) can get out of that toxic environment, the better.

I doubt they realize it, and suspect they might mistake what they do--going back on their word, ensuring they have absolute control, making up rules when it suits them--for good parenting. I have so many memories of watching TV with them and having them talk about how horrible and disrespectful a child character was when they got angry with their parents or disagreed with them.

Their reasoning in this case isn't so much that Portland is unsafe, but that the time she'd spend there could be better spent visiting relatives. Who will crow about how grown-up she looks and mostly ignore her, but family is family, I guess.

That doesn't make it any less messed up, but it does explain some things.

Edited June 25, 2015 by TwiLyghtSansSparkles

[Kaymyth]

I doubt they realize it, and suspect they might mistake what they do--going back on their word, ensuring they have absolute control, making up rules when it suits them--for good parenting. I have so many memories of watching TV with them and having them talk about how horrible and disrespectful a child character was when they got angry with their parents or disagreed with them.

Their reasoning in this case isn't so much that Portland is unsafe, but that the time she'd spend there could be better spent visiting relatives. Who will crow about how grown-up she looks and mostly ignore her, but family is family, I guess.

That doesn't make it any less messed up, but it does explain some things.

 

Eesh.  They didn't want children.  They wanted fully programmable robot clones of themselves that would cheerfully validate every life choice they ever made.

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles]

Eesh. They didn't want children. They wanted fully programmable robot clones of themselves that would cheerfully validate every life choice they ever made.

I hate to say this, but....yeah, it feels that way sometimes. Mom keeps telling all of her friends and family that I'm applying everywhere but what I really want is to move back to the Northwest--preferably Spokane or somewhere in Oregon. I've said repeatedly that I don't care where I move; I haven't said that I don't want to live where they live because I want to try living under my own rules without worrying about them dropping by at all hours. Moving back to the Northwest is what she wants, and she wants all of us kids close.

[Silverblade5]

Oh, man, if guilting or nagging her worked, I'd do that until she changed her mind on everything and let my sister stay in Spokane the entire trip. But when she decides she's right on something, she is right and attempting to change her mind only makes her angry.

 

Blackmail!! Bribery!! 

True. I don't know if she'd see the difference, though. She knows how much this means to Abbie, so trying to talk her back into it might be—in her mind—tantamount to accusing her of doing something wrong. I texted Abbie and asked if she's still set on skipping Spokane, because she called her down about twenty minutes ago and I don't know if it was to tell her she'd change her mind or not, but I still haven't gotten a reply. If she says yes, Mom is still set on skipping, I'll try to think of a possible angle to get Abbie this trip. 

Talk to her about it. Confront her. Don't give her the option of not listening. Just tell her how you're currently feeling, about everything, and when she starts saying you're accusing her, tell her, she's right, you are, and that doesn't make what's she's done any less alright, and what you're saying any less truthful. If that fails, I've got some rope and duct tape you can borrow for a few weeks

 

 

 

Well, I talked to my sister. She said that Mom and Dad have agreed to send her to Spokane by herself if they don't wind up moving there. 

 

Thing is, Abbie said that apparently they've gone back on their word already about her visiting her friend. Originally, the plan was to let Abbie stay in Portland in a hotel with her friend for a few days, take the friend back to Spokane, and go to the wedding. Then, three weeks after that plan was made, they went back on their word, said Portland wasn't safe, and told her she could have one day with her friend in Spokane. According to Abbie, Dad denied ever having agreed to let her stay in a hotel with her friend in the first place. 

 

So I'm worried that they'll go back on their word about Spokane, too. I told her that if that happens, I'll help her out financially, make part of it a gift so our parents will have less say in whether or not she goes. 

 

 

This is why people video every single conversation they have. I suggest you follow suit.

Edited June 25, 2015 by Silverblade5

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles]

Blackmail!! Bribery!!

Talk to her about it. Confront her. Don't give her the option of not listening. Just tell her how you're currently feeling, about everything, and when she starts saying you're accusing her, tell her, she's right, you are, and that doesn't make what's she's done any less alright, and what you're saying any less truthful. If that fails, I've got some rope and duct tape you can borrow for a few weeks

This is why people video every single conversation they have. I suggest you follow suit.

Confrontation doesn't work with my parents, and believe me when I say I've tried. Mom especially operates from the assumption that she is always right and when evidence surfaces that she was wrong, that evidence can just be denied. I think I realized this when I told her it hurt my feelings that when she was mad at me, she'd angrily deny me the chance to speak in my own defense, expecting me to shut up, listen to her rant, and apologize when she was done. Rather than saying she was sorry or promising to let me speak in the future, she said "Well, yeah. When I'm right, I expect you to listen to me." This happened the night before my twenty-fifth birthday, so she can't use the "you were a child and I'm the adult" excuse.

If I or my siblings recorded conversations with her, I wouldn't put it past her to descend to pretty low depths in stopping that. Like, taking our phones away, saying that she can do that since she pays for them, or demanding we hand over any pass codes we use so she can check the content regularly. None of us really stand a chance arguing with her until we're paying for everything on our own, and even then the chances aren't good.

[Silverblade5]

Confrontation doesn't work with my parents, and believe me when I say I've tried. Mom especially operates from the assumption that she is always right and when evidence surfaces that she was wrong, that evidence can just be denied. I think I realized this when I told her it hurt my feelings that when she was mad at me, she'd angrily deny me the chance to speak in my own defense, expecting me to shut up, listen to her rant, and apologize when she was done. Rather than saying she was sorry or promising to let me speak in the future, she said "Well, yeah. When I'm right, I expect you to listen to me." This happened the night before my twenty-fifth birthday, so she can't use the "you were a child and I'm the adult" excuse.

If I or my siblings recorded conversations with her, I wouldn't put it past her to descend to pretty low depths in stopping that. Like, taking our phones away, saying that she can do that since she pays for them, or demanding we hand over any pass codes we use so she can check the content regularly. None of us really stand a chance arguing with her until we're paying for everything on our own, and even then the chances aren't good.

What if you just kept your phone in your pocket, with the video on, and transferred the files to your computer? And then, post them here where they shall always exist?     In the meantime, I might suggest finding a counselor, telling them everything you've just told us, and asking them for help. Then, kidnap your mom and drag her along to sessions. I might suggest starting with DRWolf001 if you don't have a problem with youtube. It's free!

[Orlion Blight]

That really sucks. Sounds like this will turn into a situation where you will just have to be there for your sister, since it sounds like a promise from your parents is not worth much. Hopefully this is unnecessarily cynical, but you know what they say: "Hope for peace, prepare for war". 

 

It's a disappointing setback, however friendships can survive setbacks... but that does not make it less devastating. 

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles]

Update on the Spokane situation: Abbie won't get to see her friend at all this trip, and she's really disappointed. Mom and Dad promised to make it up to her, but neither of us are sure whether or not they'll follow through. Not that this stopped Dad from verbally patting himself on the back, saying "We're good about [making things up to you]. Most parents just say 'Eh, suck it up.'"

I don't even want to be in the same room with them right now.

[Kaymyth]

Update on the Spokane situation: Abbie won't get to see her friend at all this trip, and she's really disappointed. Mom and Dad promised to make it up to her, but neither of us are sure whether or not they'll follow through. Not that this stopped Dad from verbally patting himself on the back, saying "We're good about [making things up to you]. Most parents just say 'Eh, suck it up.'"

I don't even want to be in the same room with them right now.

 

Supersoakers and food coloring.  'Nuff said.

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles]

Supersoakers and food coloring. 'Nuff said.

You have good ideas.

[Kaymyth]

You have good ideas.

 

This is why I shouldn't be a real mom.  I am, on occasion, a terrible influence on the younger generation.

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles]

This is why I shouldn't be a real mom.  I am, on occasion, a terrible influence on the younger generation.

 

Like this? 

[Delightful]

what's a supersoaker?

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles]

what's a supersoaker?

 

This: 

 

[Silverblade5]

This: 

 

You should just secretly rig a bottle  of silly string to go off when your parents open the room's door by using a string to connect the nozzle to the handle.

[Kaymyth]

Like this? 

 

*snerk*  Yeah.  I would totally be that mother.  My husband is probably wise in thinking that we are not well-equipped for handling small children.

 

So you all get the brunt of my slouching-towards-forty last gasp of "but I'm running out of time to have TEH BABIEZ" hormonal parental instinct. 

Edited June 28, 2015 by Kaymyth

[Delightful]

This: 

 

I see the appeal.

[A Joe in the Bush]

Time for Joe's Petty Complaints about Life! #FirstWorldProblems

 

I am the bane of Skull Candy Earbuds. I've killed three sets of Earbuds this month alone. The first one developed tumors and stopped working. (I still can't believe that's even possible.) My next pair decided to stop playing voices, so I could only listen to the background music of things, not talking, which is super weird. My third pair broke two hours ago, due to it being Sexist. It decided to stop playing higher pitched sounds, so I can't hear words spoken by the majority of Female characters or children,

 

My Earbuds develop Tumors or Sexist tendencies. I still don't know how either of those things are possible.

 

Complaint Number Two: TvTropes ruined my ability to watch Movies. I watched Jurrasic Park for the first time today, and each time a character was introduced, I immediately predicted whether or not they would die. I was right every time. I can't help put see everything as foreshadowing. The conversation with the first kid about how raptors hunt? I knew someone would die that way. The freaking Seatbelts in the helicopter having two of the same parts, but working anyway? Spoiled the main problem for me.

 

Complaint Number Three: My family doesn't have enough to do. I like Watching MLP on the big screen, but everytime I get to the good part in an episode, someone opens the door and I have to switch to another Channel. (Also, I think my sister is suspicious that I'm watching, something else.) I still haven't finished watching Party Pooped.

 

Final Complaint: I work at a cub scout day camp, and we've spent this whole week mowing trails and cutting blackberries, so I was looking forward to relaxing on Saturday. Instead, my dad wakes us all up at eight, and we go out and mow trails and cut Blackberry vines for three hours in the 90 degree weather. Why the Braize is it 90 Degrees in Oregon!?

 

EDIT: And now my computer is telling me I have a virus. 

 

/End Rant.

 

So how's everyone doing on this fine day?

Edited June 28, 2015 by The Only Joe

[Silverblade5]

Time for Joe's Petty Complaints about Life! #FirstWorldProblems

 

I am the bane of Skull Candy Earbuds. I've killed three sets of Earbuds this month alone. The first one developed tumors and stopped working. (I still can't believe that's even possible.) My next pair decided to stop playing voices, so I could only listen to the background music of things, not talking, which is super weird. My third pair broke two hours ago, due to it being Sexist. It decided to stop playing higher pitched sounds, so I can't hear words spoken by the majority of Female characters or children,

 

My Earbuds develop Tumors or Sexist tendencies. I still don't know how either of those things are possible.

 

Complaint Number Two: TvTropes ruined my ability to watch Movies. I watched Jurrasic Park for the first time today, and each time a character was introduced, I immediately predicted whether or not they would die. I was right every time. I can't help put see everything as foreshadowing. The conversation with the first kid about how raptors hunt? I knew someone would die that way. The freaking Seatbelts in the helicopter having two of the same parts, but working anyway? Spoiled the main problem for me.

 

Complaint Number Three: My family doesn't have enough to do. I like Watching MLP on the big screen, but everytime I get to the good part in an episode, someone opens the door and I have to switch to another Channel. (Also, I think my sister is suspicious that I'm watching, something else.) I still haven't finished watching Party Pooped.

 

Final Complaint: I work at a cub scout day camp, and we've spent this whole week mowing trails and cutting blackberries, so I was looking forward to relaxing on Saturday. Instead, my dad wakes us all up at eight, and we go out and mow trails and cut Blackberry vines for three hours in the 90 degree weather. Why the Braize is it 90 Degrees in Oregon!?

 

EDIT: And now my computer is telling me I have a virus. 

 

/End Rant.

 

So how's everyone doing on this fine day?

Do not be ashamed. Next time you watch, do it while everyone is in the room. That'll make for a fine occasion

[A Joe in the Bush]

Do not be ashamed. Next time you watch, do it while everyone is in the room. That'll make for a fine occasion

Everyone in my whole family has already expressed disgust at the very existence of the brony Fandom. If i were to reveal my bronieness, the looks on their faces would be priceless, but the aftereffects would be. . .

 

Well. . .

 

I don't know what the reaction would be. And I want to figure that out before I do anything drastic.

[maxal]

*snerk*  Yeah.  I would totally be that mother.  My husband is probably wise in thinking that we are not well-equipped for handling small children.

 

So you all get the brunt of my slouching-towards-forty last gasp of "but I'm running out of time to have TEH BABIEZ" hormonal parental instinct. 

 

It is common for couples without children to think themselves ill-suited to raise young kids. When it comes to parenthood, whether we have children or not, we keep on comparing ourselves to the other people. You know, the perfect parents (on appearances) that seem to do everything right whereas you struggle to do one thing right? 

 

What I usually tell to people who do not think they should have children because they think they won't be good parents, is they will be the parents to their children, not the neighbor's. In other words, your kids, you raise them with your values and your own personal style. You will be your own kind of mother and that kind is not any worst than anyone else, unless you fail at providing for their base needs (which you won't).

 

There is practically no way to be a perfect parent, but there is a 1000 ways to be a decent one. 

 

As to whether you should have a child now you are nearing on your forties? Well, in 10 years from now, are you going to regret not having made that child? If the answer is yes, than you pull out your calendar and start counting      Another true fact about kids is once we have them, we wonder why we didn't have them before 

[Silverblade5]

Everyone in my whole family has already expressed disgust at the very existence of the brony Fandom. If i were to reveal my bronieness, the looks on their faces would be priceless, but the aftereffects would be. . .

 

Well. . .

 

I don't know what the reaction would be. And I want to figure that out before I do anything drastic.

What if you started small, with a fanwork? I'd suggest lullaby for a princess or harmony ascendant.

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles]

Complaint Number Three: My family doesn't have enough to do. I like Watching MLP on the big screen, but everytime I get to the good part in an episode, someone opens the door and I have to switch to another Channel. (Also, I think my sister is suspicious that I'm watching, something else.) I still haven't finished watching Party Pooped.

 

So how's everyone doing on this fine day?

 

Ugh. That sucks. My parents still give me funny looks when I watch cartoons, and my mom once gave me a long lecture about how worried she was that I'm "clinging to childhood with a death grip" because I'd rather watch kid's movies than adult ones. 

 

I think what your parents, and mine, fail to account for is that, by and large, the kids' things we like are more upbeat and in many ways of higher quality than the more adult-marketed shows they want us to watch. MLP is colorful and optimistic, with characters who are developed better and treated more sympathetically than many protagonists of adult shows. The worldbuilding is innovative and deep, far more so than that of adult-oriented science fiction shows like Revolution. I was introduced to MLP during my junior year of college, by a guy in my Classic Lit class. He wasn't embarrassed. He wasn't ashamed to like the show. No, he walked with me until we had to part ways, telling me his theory about how Celestia was actually a tyrant who exiled her own sister for beginning the Great Lunar Rebellion. I had no idea how he could get that from a kid's show….so I watched it. 

 

And then I knew. 

 

It's hard, living in a family where people don't want to break out of their own boxes, but it's their loss. They're the ones missing out on an awesome show, and countless others, if they'd broaden their horizons. I wouldn't suggest watching it in front of them—I've received more than one lecture for sharing my love of "kids' shows" with my parents—but if you have consistent and somewhat private computer access, watching it online might be a good alternative. All episodes are free on YouTube; I don't think I've ever watched it on TV. 

 

As for how I'm doing, I'm glad I'm staying home sick from church. My mom threw a tantrum because my sister wanted to use the straightener at the same time she needed to use it, stormed into the bathroom and said she'd use mine. Without asking me, of course. Why should she?

Edited June 28, 2015 by TwiLyghtSansSparkles

[Kaymyth]

Everyone in my whole family has already expressed disgust at the very existence of the brony Fandom. If i were to reveal my bronieness, the looks on their faces would be priceless, but the aftereffects would be. . .

 

Well. . .

 

I don't know what the reaction would be. And I want to figure that out before I do anything drastic.

 

Should you ever decide to come out of the Brony closet, I recommend doing it in spectacular fashion.  Wait till everyone's out of the house, and then decorate the whole thing in MLP themed stuff.  Wear MLP clothes.  Bonus points if you pin a cutie mark to your hip.  Then start blasting MLP:FiM on every screen in the house for when they return.

 

It is common for couples without children to think themselves ill-suited to raise young kids. When it comes to parenthood, whether we have children or not, we keep on comparing ourselves to the other people. You know, the perfect parents (on appearances) that seem to do everything right whereas you struggle to do one thing right? 

 

What I usually tell to people who do not think they should have children because they think they won't be good parents, is they will be the parents to their children, not the neighbor's. In other words, your kids, you raise them with your values and your own personal style. You will be your own kind of mother and that kind is not any worst than anyone else, unless you fail at providing for their base needs (which you won't).

 

There is practically no way to be a perfect parent, but there is a 1000 ways to be a decent one. 

 

As to whether you should have a child now you are nearing on your forties? Well, in 10 years from now, are you going to regret not having made that child? If the answer is yes, than you pull out your calendar and start counting      Another true fact about kids is once we have them, we wonder why we didn't have them before 

 

None of this is new information for me.   I honestly could go either way; I'm OK with having a kid, and OK with not (though the notion of trying to keep up with a toddler at my age-appropriate energy levels is food for trepidation).  I do have an elementary ed degree, and while I'm not teaching now, I did it enough to know that I like kids.  Generally speaking, though, I find them a lot easier to relate to/communicate with once they reach about 3rd grade or so. 

 

But my husband is another story.  He is comedically uncomfortable around small children.  He doesn't even know what to do with his own nieces (though it is getting better now that they're getting old enough to hold a conversation).  And he has confessed to me that he doesn't think that babies are cute.  My feelings on the matter aren't strong enough for me to want to push him into something life-changing that he's not sure he wants to do.