Ripheus23

If Sanderson wrote the Bible...

23 posts in this topic

1. How long would it be?

2. How many times would God become Incarnate?

3. What would the magic systems be?

4. Would Ruin manipulate the prophecies?

5. Would Jesus be a woman who became transgender?

6

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

1. It would make the Mahabarata look like a pamphlet by comparison

2. Sixteen?

3. I don't even know where to start with this one... time to skim the texts and look for various spins that Sanderson could put on things.

4. Undoubtedly. And various sub-sects of Judaism and early Christianity could be influenced by competing Shards to make things really chaotic.

5. MeLaan is Jesus now? Does this make Wayne the Bride of Christ? xD

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Well, one thing's for sure, I would read the bible way more if Sanderson wrote it. :D

5

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

1. same length

2. Just once ... draws finger across throat

3.  All prayers would work instantly and perfectly... according to the rules found in appendix vii of the bibles arcanum. 

4.  No, who would dare mess with the word of Brandon

5.  and then queen

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

1. War and Peace x1000

2. Sixteen, obviously. 

3. Hemalurgy and the Selish arts.

4. In all the ways he could.

5. Jesus would be Lightsong, but transgender twice over. 

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

10 volumes of 16,000 pages.

A multitude of autonomous beings.

Manipulation of the building block of natures forms.

Never.

No.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

1. Who says it'd ever end?

2. A bunch

3. Things too complex for our simple minds to understand

4. Maybe not the prophecies themselves, but rather the prophets...

5. No. Jesus would obviously have to be Kelsier.

2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

1.An Omniolgy, with a total count of 100,310,581

2. Thirteen

3. The magic is based off of a stormlight metallic arts combo

4. In any way possible, via planting evil in the hearts of pierced peoples

5. No

2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Brandon is Christian, so...

The exact same thing.

5

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

1. How long would it be? Originally one book, then two, but eventually three (Brandon writing Memory of Light reference)

2. How many times would God become Incarnate? Until seventy times seven

3. What would the magic systems be? Each time one follows a part of the Law of Moses +1 Attack and Defense. Sin=-1 Attack and Defense 

4. Would Ruin manipulate the prophecies? Prophecies are tricky thing...they would be fulfilled in a unexpected way.

5. Would Jesus be a woman who became transgender? Whatever he chooses it would involve a elaborate back story that is revealed in flashbacks

4

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I would just like to point out that there's no such thing as a "woman who became transgender". Trans people have always been one gender, they just thought otherwise for the first part of their life.

That said, I do like the idea of Jesus being trans.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

This thread is hilarious. And the title is one of the best elevator pitches I’ve read in a long time. Kudos to all of you.

If Sanderson wrote the Bible, he’d write the Old Testament in reverse order. It would take him several years, and he’d drop hints about what will happen in Genesis as he goes, but he’d keep enough secret to keep his readers guessing. Then he’d get bored of that, write the New Testament on a bus ride to Idaho, and spend a few months doing book tours.

Only after all that would he finally write Genesis and answer everyone’s burning questions. But even then, it would probably just be to stop people from writing so much Moses fan-fiction.

11

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I think the magic system would be based off the idea that 

If following the devil, you can consume your own souls investiture to perform magic.

If following God, you can pray to him, and he may use his power to grant your prayers. BUT, he doesn't grant every prayer, because he needs to stay more powerful than the devil? I don't know, maybe the devil is Odium, and God is Harmony, or whatever.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

If I’m being boring about it,

it’d probably just be the Book of Mormon but longer

2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, Bacon said:

If I’m being boring about it,

it’d probably just be the Book of Mormon but longer

The Pearl of Great Price becomes the Black Sphere of Great Mystery...

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

1. He would write a page every day and that page would be longer than any book you've ever read.

2. One for each prophet, as they probably hold the Earth equivalent of a shard.

3. Probably surges, I remember Jesus using at least regrowth, soulcasting and probably something with cohesion.

4. Why, of course. Where do you think all those Christianity branches come from?

5. Only if she can find another secret.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

 

1. Longer than Tor is capable of printing

2. At least once per chapter

3. All of them. Jesus's blood being wine is actually an extreme form of soulcasting. The nails used on Jesus during his Crucifixion were actually metalminds he'd stored with health. 

4. Yes.

5. Possibly.

 

The real question is, could Brandon complete the lost texts of the library of Alexandria?

5

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 10/24/2018 at 2:17 AM, Pagliacci said:

the lost texts of the library of Alexandria?

DO NOT BRING UP THAT ACCURSED EVENT!!! IT SHOULD NEVER HAVE HAPPENED, AND IF TIME TRAVEL IS POSSIBLE THAT WOULD BE THE FIRST THING WE SHOULD DO IS STOP THE BURNING OF ALEXANDRIA!!!

sorry I’m just really upset over the lost knowledge. Thousands of years of human history lost to spite and negligence.

3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, Inklingspren said:

DO NOT BRING UP THAT ACCURSED EVENT!!! IT SHOULD NEVER HAVE HAPPENED, AND IF TIME TRAVEL IS POSSIBLE THAT WOULD BE THE FIRST THING WE SHOULD DO IS STOP THE BURNING OF ALEXANDRIA!!!

sorry I’m just really upset over the lost knowledge. Thousands of years of human history lost to spite and negligence.

I feel your pain.

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 10/23/2018 at 11:00 PM, Eluvianii said:

I remember Jesus using at least regrowth, soulcasting and probably something with cohesion.

Walking on water could probably be accomplished with careful application of Lashings, I think.

2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 10/17/2018 at 10:15 AM, Archer said:

This thread is hilarious. And the title is one of the best elevator pitches I’ve read in a long time. Kudos to all of you.

If Sanderson wrote the Bible, he’d write the Old Testament in reverse order. It would take him several years, and he’d drop hints about what will happen in Genesis as he goes, but he’d keep enough secret to keep his readers guessing. Then he’d get bored of that, write the New Testament on a bus ride to Idaho, and spend a few months doing book tours.

Only after all that would he finally write Genesis and answer everyone’s burning questions. But even then, it would probably just be to stop people from writing so much Moses fan-fiction.

Can I just say that reading the words "Moses fan-fiction" made my day? :D

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

The Trinity would be: God the Stormfather, Holy Spirit the Honorspren, and Jesus the Soulcaster (miracles, turning water into wine, feeding the 5,000, etc.). His crucifixion would be similar to Kaladin being left out during the highstorm, and the pain he experienced in the Bible could be him unbonding from his spren. Also, his disciples would be the equivalent of Bridge Four, and Judas would be Moash.

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm now picturing several different scenarios of jesus' crucifixion with hemalurgy :o:o:o

1) jesus get hemalurgic powers when nailed to the cross. the pivotal scene is where longinus stabs him with the spear, but jesus, having acquired Allomantic steel, burns the speartip for allomantic power [EDIT: whow, I wrote a-steel all together, and the forum automatically completed it for Allomantic steel. Wasn't aware of that]

2) jesus is nailed to a wooden cross with aluminium nails by a troop of hazekillers. It was the only way to stop him regenerating.

3) longinus was actually hoid, and the spear was made of whatever metal steals connection. the resulting spike is thus imbued with the connection of being son of god. Actually, hoid wouldn't stab, so it's more likely longinus was acting on hoid's behalf

4) centuries later, saint waxillia think she can hear the voice of god. That's actually because her earring is made with a splinter of the original crown of thorns.

 

Edited by king of nowhere
1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.