Usseewa
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Everything posted by Usseewa
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So uhhh... How do I know if I'm dysphoric, suicidal, or depressed? Or all three hehe. Cuz like, idk I just feel a bit different and I think I have for a few days. Like depressed, kinda. But like it feels... like not how I usually feel (which is kinda a given lol), but like I feel kinda.. antsy, too. And a little anxious/worried that whatever this feeling is won't go away, at least on not its own. And that anxiety/worry is also a big part of the weird feeling. And like idk, I don't wanna get help and I don't think I need it, cuz idk I'm finneee. i don't like it tho, whatever it is.
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Kids These Days Who Don't Use Libraries
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I wish I could explain stuff like y'all do i already did an "intro" post in this thread a few months back lol but it seems like it's gettin' some activity. to be honest I've been... ... somewhat interested in religion lately even tho I'm an atheist. Uhh Idk what to say but I wanted to say something?
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I sure hope you aren't talking about SH. Plus it violates the code of conduct to encourage self-harm or suicide. https://www.17thshard.com/forums/topic/89568-17s-code-of-conduct/#findComment-975375 And saying it's "fun" may count. Plus, if you are talking about SH, I'm not sure if you truly mean it.. And if u do it's not fun in the end You should talk to someone about this. Sorry if my tone wasn't the best. Also I'm not the best person to talk to about this, but others can help. Especially IRL, like a therapist.
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oh jesus yes i know it's just painful to hear
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am i misinterpreting this, guys?
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nice guitar thing/playing lol. way better than me (which... i mean I've never played a guitar so...) yeah i remember.
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wait clean of what? sh? also ditto verde, you good?
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yeah she's jpop but also kinda rock? idk bro... I also missed the last few days of japanese studying anyway i think we are getting off-topic maybe idk what rules are
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ah yes sorry for reminding you. i was thinking about TMBTE this morning and how it made me depressed last time i listened to it. yes good kid rocks (pun half-intended). so does ado. and a good Lo-Fi when Ado makes me..... agitated, and I need to study. (I need to study kinda..) oh crap, i just wasted my day reading lots of Wikipedia pages for... various things... when i had some great ideas to use this rare free time for.
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what, Sleep? i don't get none o' dat. Also i don't do worship or religion. hah. thank you. I'll just keep swimming, just keep swimming (towards the abyssal depths, drowning, drowning) anyway why am i moping
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it's easy to survive. i can keep telling myself i wanna kill myself every day and not know whether or not i mean it, but I'll survive. it's easy to survive, to get by. doesn't mean it's always easy to live. but it's easy to survive. for me, at least. but yeah. plus, life isn't *always* all that hard.. hehe... and most of the hardship is just self-wrought.
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I have to, since I'm not homeschooled and have.. responsibilities and all that. Otherwise I'm not sure what I'd do.. — whenever someone IRL says how much pain I'd cause them any everyone from saying goodbye to this world, I just.. can't think about it. like if there ever were a reason i wouldn't it might be that. or not idk. but i don't want to ruin everyone else's lives. heh, assuming I matter to them. because I do. I sometimes hide a lot from people. Sometimes specific people who I know worry about me and would worry more if I told them anything. So then.. I tell people online or tell no one or "make jokes".. and what even is it that I'm hiding? — anyway i sometimes feel like crap after saying all this stuff. so idk whatever, I'm fine i think. oh wait i forgot about <insert IRL thing that I'm not getting into> but anyway ..
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maybe just ignore everything i said
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ugh i knew it sigh
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wdym ? — so uhh guys, i kinda just have a desire to find out what's wrong with me or whatever and like when i research random mental disorders or conditions or stuff like that and fine an experience or a term that i relate to, i love it because i feel like it lets me describe what i can't otherwise, or i wasn't even aware was... a problem (or, alternatively, "not a problem" in the sense that... I'm not to blame?) so anyway... been doing a deep dive the last few hours or so into... something that i won't say right now. but like i always feel like if i claim to be something (like, depressed) or i act a certain way, that I'm either faking it, "not as severe/important/real/etc." as others (like... if I'm depressed but not suicidal or self-harming, for instance. Thus, am I really depressed and do I deserve to... "act depressed"?) Plus I just don't know... Like, I constantly feel like I'm just a "normal" person who's simply obsessing over all this stuff, and that... in some cases, being ungrateful, other times being, like,... idk what the word is. Pretending to be in a bad situation? To yourself, and somewhat to others (but not a lot because you don't think you actually are and people aren't, and don't want to lie. And the moment someone actually expresses genuine worry for you, you kinda panic and stop and say you're fine or something. Maybe I just want attention. After all, why am I even writing this?) I think part of the reason I try/want to figure out "what's wrong with me" is because I just want *an explanation* to why my life feels wrong. I want some term or word I can tell people that makes them instantly understand how I feel (or don't.. haha). ADHD is a good start, but I don't feel like it quite catches everything. Or maybe I just.. don't know all the obscure little symptoms. Same for depression/anxiety, and I even used to (and maybe still do) basically denied to myself that what I felt was actually depression, since I didn't quite feel like my life was hopeless and that I was on the verge of suicide or something. And... as I said earlier I think, sometimes I feel like there actually *isn't* much wrong with me and I'm just... doing it for attention or idk. And also, after "reading the symptoms list" (or hearing about it), I relate to some/lots/whatever of them, but then sometimes don't feel like I can claim to feel it anymore, since... that would be lying or something. Plus, sometimes things get so tangled that I don't know what's my memory/what I feel/think, and what's just something I read online and am saying it now because it sounds like the logical thing a <insert something, like "depressed"> person would say. Like I basically have a blacklist/filter for myself, or at least a list, that sometimes I use words/phrases from but usually avoid so I'm not copying others or lying. (Some of them I'm fairly sure I *don't* feel, and others I'm... not sure either way because of the aforementioned tangle and stuff) Stuff like... "I feel worthless" "Life is meaningless" "I wanna die" "I can't get out of bed some days" Idk.. there's more but I don't wanna say them all cuz I fear embarrassment/sounding like an idiot (another common thing for me that I fear...) Basically the list is everything on symptoms lists and any recurring themes/comments in the experiences of those who have/experience that... disorder/thing. Uhhh yeah
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you mean like you're glad i wrote something kinda happy for once? or something else.. as for pfp, thank you! i love it :3 didja go back to the old Grass one? or old Verdance, wtvr
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Folks who can Code
Usseewa replied to KaladinsSenseOfHumourSpren's topic in Social Groups, Clans, & Guilds
i use vsc too, but i can use github too lol -
Folks who can Code
Usseewa replied to KaladinsSenseOfHumourSpren's topic in Social Groups, Clans, & Guilds
fun are you using GitHub never did i realize how useful and addicting it can be (not asking for your github btw) -
Folks who can Code
Usseewa replied to KaladinsSenseOfHumourSpren's topic in Social Groups, Clans, & Guilds
lolll, you *threw* in a try statement (throwing exceptions) also it's not too late how could it be -
Folks who can Code
Usseewa replied to KaladinsSenseOfHumourSpren's topic in Social Groups, Clans, & Guilds
x is a list? trying to see if it's empty? try checking if the length is 0 if(x.length == 0) also make sure the list is actually empty, ya know? -
Her Reflection, It Is She Lily looked up into the mirror above the bathroom sink. Then she smiled. Actually smiled. In this rare moment, the face smiling back at Lily felt... so very right. Not some stranger, but Lily. The water remained running as she stared, captivated. Her black hair... it looked exactly how she had always wanted it to. Her features, her face, her eyes, her... chin. It all looked so right. Lily turned her head slightly, looking at herself from different angles. She was careful not to move too quickly, as she feared ruining this perfect moment. Some time later, a girl approached Lily. "Hey, are you okay?" She said in a worried tone. And just like that, the spell broke. While her reflection still felt right, Lily was once again aware of the world. Oh, the world... Lily realized there were tears on her cheeks, though what from, she could not tell. The girl walked up to Lily and offered her a tissue, which she accepted, nodding in what she hoped conveyed appreciation. Someone actually cared for her. - Lily
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ok so basically im not saying whetehter or not i'm at uni maybe i did say i am idk *shrug* neither confirm nor deny... anwayy... idk i dont rlly want a wig cuz the only experience i have with one is not the best (not in a bad way) ughaagghhhhhhh plus i cant rlly pass until my voice is better anyway gotta go like literally
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(or femboy, whatever) sis i never said i'm at uni i have some people i talk to who will notice see this too
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but like at school ppl will notice i also havent gotten around to dying my hair but my hair looks kinda cute sometimes so it's fine i could pass as a femgirl or smth
