Usseewa

We actually skip 67 apparently So fix that or unbold it 68- Too late Oh nvm I can't count twice in a row (bold emphasis mine)

66- What's with the rhyming kids?

Okay I just wanna say that I've been opening up in therapy about... basically everything, and even figuring out stuff I didn't know about myself. Recently I talked about SH-related and other "big" stuff, and they were supportive. Like Taln (I think) said, they can only help you if you tell them stuff. I used to... not get much of anything out of therapy, but I was also largely unwilling to talk abut depression or idk, stuff. Idk *shrug* But for me it was hard to talk in therapy but I also think it just wasn't the right therapist or smth, or right mindset, idk.. Don't know where I was gonna go with this but yeah reaching out to therapist is good or something sorry lol

Yeah, I kinda feel ya man. Tho... what's with the title of the first one? I originally read it as 'Endorphins,' but... The last one, to me, is about the struggle to... create, to be original, to find inspiration, etc. I think it's cool how even if that wasn't what you intended, I still got a meaning from it, you know? As for Souls, the last line was jarring lol. Unexpected, but cool. The "I". Also am I goin' crazy or did you say you believe everyone is resigned to hell from birth or something? Or maybe that no one deserves heaven? Idk.

always? This is very sad but somehow relatable in a way, like it makes me imagine it.

Uhm... sorry in advance for whatever I wrote. I barely remember it all tbh. CONTENT/TRIGGER WARNING: I don't know, honestly. Besides probably self-harm (or allusion thereof), depressing stuff/mental health stuff, maybe suicide idk, probably some gore unfortunately, ALSO IT'S 30 PAGES LONG WHAT THE STORMS WAS I THINKING. Or maybe 40+ pages. yeah 40+. Okay so I removed the worst of it, but still probably has some TW-worthy stuff, idk. Also it may be incomprehensible at times. I also put CW/TWs within this spoiler for extra- ones (since idek if the rest warrant a CW/TW aside depressing probably), but I could've missed some so yeah keep in mind !!! Note that there's a somewhat hopeful/happy message at the very end of this post, above my sig.(nature). I know, I should write more "happy" stuff. The thing with happiness is it makes me sick sometimes. Others I'm too depressed to write it or bear the thought of doing so. Sometimes I have no inspiration, since I mostly write my stuff from personal experience (*sob*). I may write some hopeful ones or something. Maybe today I'll write them (tho you won't see them until I post the rest of the backlog). I mean like, I've just had a rough time lately (both in the past few weeks especially, but also... for a while...) So idk, I could always just... not post, I guess? But I don't necessarily want to do that. A way I could write happy stuff is to write what I (day)dream of. The "girl" I mention, the life I want, wish I had had, etc. Yeah. Sorry for posting depressing stuff though. But it's also all I wrote... aside from a few stray random stuff about, like, pencils and pens or whatever (you'll see this poem when I post it eventually...) (Okay, wrote a hopefully-happy one.) Don't worry y'all... I'll remove/edit the bad ones, and try my best to provide content/trigger warnings when needed. - Lily

oh... i forgot about that one extra-unhinged extra-gory extra-dissaciative-y extra-unreality-y extra-insane one i wrote mostly while staring into space uhhhhhh i;ll... uhm post tomorrow i guess and edit that one out dont feel pressure to write but also inspiritation is good

no time bro that's not how it works ill spread out a little also what i meant was 40 pages one day i probably wrote like 100 pages in past week

DO I POST 40+ PAGES OF UNHINGED INSANITY FROM A WEEK AGO??? (IN ONE DAY) (I wrote it in one day) it has TW/CWs and is kinda disturbing probably

challenge i dont know how maybe soon, maybe soon... i just dont want to right now

why wdym (about the ribs) tw sh probs

Watching, Always. Behind you, Beside you, Can't move, Can't speak, Can't look, But you know it's watching, Watching you always. From the dark window, From the dark room, From... something, anything. Always. Can't move, can't speak. You freeze, lie still. You know it's watching, Moving is unthinkable, Or it will notice, It will see. Run, hurry, Through the dark, To the light switch, Into bed, To safety, To comfort. You can't escape it, It watches through the windows, It lives in the dark, It hides in objects, It... emanates from your mind. Everywhere you go, It follows. It hides in the trees, Where you cannot see. It hides in the store window, As you pass by. It lives in the crowd, Anyone could be an eye. And when you are alone, Enclosed, In a closet? It's there with you, Closer than ever. Always with you, Like a shadow, That moves on its own. Yet sometimes it's not, Sometimes you hide, In a small space, A dark comfortably tight closet, You hide from it. Just don't move a muscle, Don't make a sound, Don't breathe to loud, Stay away from the door. Sometimes it fades from your mind, But it's still there. It comes and goes, But never disappears. You can forget it, Until you remember. You can try to ignore it, Yet find it impossible. All you can do is survive, Wait it out, Freeze, Run, Not get caught, Not get seen, Not look into its eye. - Lily

Yah soz ty don't make assumptions bro haha also you reminded me i was gunna write an earlier Lily, like high school lily or something. i came up with that idea a few hours ago. that way u get more of lily's life besides her depressing time at uni. u get her depressing time when she still lived with her home! cool, sounds good sometimes its good to.. get things off ur chest maybe, idk also... TW/CW SH EDIT THING: TW/CW SH and eating stuff edit bro I wrote 31 poem stuff on the 24th when i said i was prolific i forgot

i was gonna say something... hmm.... got distracted uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh what was i gunna say damn

Did I use that word right? ("Maladaptive") Anyway... CONTENT/TRIGGER WARNING: Depressing stuff, self-harm, potential eating disorder trigger/content, and maybe more I forget (I wrote this like a week ago) - Uhhh, Lily?

i think so it also really helps to talk about stuff, just to get it out. i basically.. had something of a panic attack a few nights ago because i had literally no one to talk to. Literally no one. and i also had to do this damn assignment, so i ended up half-succesfuly supressing my overwhelming emotions just to get that thing done. And a few before that, I felt overwhelmingly anxious and depressed and god i just needed to talk to someone. I ended up talking to therapist the next day or something. Luckily dumb reddit brought me up to cheer in the hours following. holy deja vu that's nauseating somehow anyway ....yeah ima post some mfd but do u think i can post SH ones but with TW? i have a longer Lily one I wrote the 2026/04/22 (day after I left the shard, i think) "To be [F]rank..." Hi Frank, how'r'u? "To be Lily..." Is to suffer eternally wdym withuut church and stupid and stuff also read my "No one to cry to" or whatever poem from a while back that's basically what i felt recently

Yeah ur probably r— Oh. I thought you meant on the Shard. You have no idea what I've missed. You probably missed it too, to be Lily. I have bad social skills, I had like no friends until very recently (and even they feel... different, somehow). I don't remember, like, any social interaction growing up. Well... I had some, probably more than I think, but honestly some of it was very awkward and I couldn't fully.. be there. I couldn't fully be human then. Couldn't fully be in reality. Now I'm a(n) ___-year-old.. thing... overwhelmed with the idea of life, overwhelmed with a yearning to live, yet somehow being something suicidal at the same time.

oh also i FINALLY talked to my therapist about SH stuff and "big" stuff and omg it's both great and like there's a loooot to unpack so yeah talk to therapyist usually helpful

The thing is for me it's just "I want to be a kid." No "again." I think I mentioned that in the poem too. Oh also I've been doing this crazy drawing lol. It's not like drawing drawing but it's.. interesting. i was too lonely. i just want a life i missed out on so much it makes me sad and empty inside and longing.

I feel so stuck omg.. I have so many themes I've wroten about and so many thoughts I've realized about myself lately. So much.. self-exploration? I think it was earlier today, I longed to be a child. I probably wrote a poem about it. nice lyrics btw ive thunk about song lyric making but yeah idk maybe

for real for real i feel so disconnected from the shard, have for a bit. i have 633 notifications and i don't want to read them all, cuz most i don't need to, but FOMO + there are probably a few nuggets there that are important. Plus I missed so much, plus I.. can't be as active here. Or won't. Plus even this doesn't feel real. I'm also sick and haven't gotten enough sleep in a few days. plus depression. sorry about whatever happened with your dad.. i hate parents. they make me sick. i know this is maybe seen as exaggerated and definitely not true for everyone but i feel it. i also feel sick. not just from being sick. also i *did* write MFD every day, and was .... very prolific some days. i wrote a 10-page rambling poem about... i forget lol. i also wrote a *lot* of... stuff that I probably won't post because they are depressing, talk about SH or suicide, or are just... think of how i was back in march or whenever that was

oh god please no

i have not read orv also there could be multiple orv threads... just different types an rp one, whatever yours is, and a one for discussing orv or whatever. unless yours is that haha

anywayso..... uhh things didn't really get better for me for a while- they kinda got worse. The details are MHC stuff that I might post there if i feel like it. But the last day or two have been better, surprisingly (new meds, kinda). Not totally better, but the... veil has been lifted, a few times. I'm still suffering tho but yeah. what was i gonna say... oh yeah I just came back now cuz ive basically been withdrawing from social life both irl and online and figured maybe that's not all good, yk? plus it's been a week

whoa ofc social groups and cults