Usseewa

Did anyone do... It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia :3 (never seen it) It's Never Gonna Give You Up (sorry i dont really know how this game worsks i just wnated to say that(

To be honest, I use the word "dissociation" because I think it describes or is similar to what I experience, but I also have a sort of perfectionism for definitions in that I feel I must perfectly understand the word/term I'm using before using it, or provide clarification or uncertainty ("or something") because I don't want to be wrong and I don't really know if I'm using the thing right or if I can claim it, etc. Even using the word "perfectionism" and claiming to have it is subject/victim to this... But aaaaanywayyyy, yeah I'm on meds- in general. I don't know if any ate specifically for dissociation feelings - if there even are any for that - or if the general ones like depression meds or whatever help with that in general. I don't know if I relate specifically to that ('nother planet, lost pups), but... I guess it (or something) feels like I'm withdrawn to/in my mind, and don't interact fully with the world/other people. I feel depressed perhaps then, and don't want to interact cuz then they'll probably notice. I'm thinking a lot, I can get sick or maybe dizzy or... idk. Maybe it's "just" ruminating- though even that I don't know much about, or what it is or if I experience it and how to tell. How do I remember things- thoughts, specifically? While writing this, I've been (trying) to think back to a specific situation I had sometime last week or the one before, and maybe I'm just distracted and can't devote my focus to it since I'm writing at once, but I can only remember a brief glimpse before my mind moves away from it. I have a single flash and then it's gone, and I can return, sort of, but it just goes away again after that same flash. I can create some memory of it, but can't examine and remember if it is accurate- if I *actually* thought, felt, etc. that. Oh, I suppose I didn't - and should - say the situation. It was in group [therapy], and I barely participated (as has been the case more recently...). And I was tired and drifting and such, and - not just in that one day, it was more a collection of days I'm remembering - I realized a few times that "these people are real, what they are saying has actually happened- it's not just some distant or fictitious tale from some stranger; it happened to someone who is alive, like me." Of course, I don't always feel alive - or at least I like to say I don't (i.e., I like to say I feel dead or am not / don't feel alive) - but... idk, it was odd. Perhaps empathy, I'm now wondering. Or sonder. Or derealization, or anything or nothing or everything. I don't know if I *wanted* to know/feel that it was real, though. I don't know, the memories and thoughts are slipping thru my fingers. For your last paragraph, sometimes I just can't focus on the audiobook or movie or whatever, though. I do write - though have done little to none in the past days or week or however long. I occasionally do art, though I rarely if ever have intent or meaning behind it. I have trouble deciding whether or not something - something I do, a medication, therapy, etc. - helps or not, which is kinda annoying/hard when I meet with my Dr. about meds. I thought about what I was going to say next a day or more ago: I do things that are harmful but I either don't know or I enjoy it or something, then sometimes I realize it's harmful when I thought it not, or I knew all along. Sometimes it's even reversed. But anyway, this leads me - I think - to question things... Both "how do I know this is *actually* helpful, or I just like doing it?" and "how can I take the sum total of my experiences and thoughts - both past and recent and present - to come to any conclusion about the effectiveness (or lack thereof, or opposite thereof) of this medication?" And sometimes I just think there are alternative causes for any change present after starting a new med. Sigh. So, I don't know. I write, maybe it helps maybe not, maybe sometimes it does and other times not. I'd like to think it does, but.. yeah. So uhmmm yep.

@Honors Spectral Image holy farts (hehe) those are epic nice tchaik 6 graffiti and holy ado that beach kewl flewer too the second one was taken through a windshield at night in rain

Photography clubb bbbb yioeeeee basically talk about and share photography if u want keep in mind safety stuff if you care about digital privacy concerns

?hm?humwdym?

not sure which thread to put this but I feel like dissociated and weird and off and sick and bad and self-loathing or worry or something and distracted when watching movie sometimes, at least in theatres. I'm watching it but I'm not really paying attention or Invested and can't focus or relate or connect to characters and everything just feels wrong like I shouldn't be there or doing wrong thing or the movie is wrong and it kinda brings back the doubts and feelings of not knowing who I am quite or who i want to be and things feel unreal too, and i feel the thing i feel other times where like people don't feel real and it's familiar only by knowing not feeling, disconnected sort of and i hate how i look even though i can't see myself (im not looking in a mirror or anything but i picture my face abd i hate it). i wanna not be that thing because it's a horrible person and looks crappy and bad as a person. but u can't get rid of my face

yay relatablity :3 (typed that a day or two ago, autosave'd, decided to keep) uhh sorry i kant reply to rest rn cuz of my mind but uhh does anyone else sometimes just feel like an awful person or something because of the things that bother them that are probably unfair or whatever to other people but it still bothers you but what do you do, if you tell them they might get guilty or mad making you guilty but if don't you get mad or upset or it continues to trigger or overstimulate or something or hurt and.... sigh and then when you bringing it up or something or getting the bad feelings triggers *them*?..