kajsa ㅇㅅㅇ

I remember my last night at my first girl's camp was INSANE. I was super dehydrated and about to pass out, someone drank battery leakage, my friend started hyperventilating cuz she lost a super expensive flashlight and thought her parents would kill her for it (lol), and there were a ton of spiders and stuff in the tents, etc etc Nobody slept before 1 lol

Girls' camp was one of my fave things about the church! I'll miss it :)

Haly says:

Hahaha I don't even know how she did it. I should ask for a picture

Done! And she says to tell you that, "[she] made a shrine for all of you out of toothpicks and golden twisty ties"

Ofc! It was the least I could do lol

Yes. Parents are sometimes obnoxious. But she asked me to pass on any important info, and I promised to. So I made this thread for her friends to still be able to talk to her

Perfect. I didn't like the "gilded" adjective, so I'm just going to take both options out and leave it at "A crimson blaze". I did my best to work with this, though I feel like I could do a bit better of a job with hinting that she "expects/worries that the feelings will surge". I do want to hint at it, but I'm not sure how to work it in yet. Any suggestions? I did my best to unpack and sort out this sentence better. I wasn't able to maintain the breathless tone very well, sadly, but I think it's a lot easier to follow now. Good point! Done! Why isn't there a thumbs-up emoticon? Hmm. As ever, thank you so so so much for your help. Here are the edits:

Hey guys! This is for anybody who is friends with @The Halcyon Girl. Since Haly's leaving the Shard for now (*incoherent sobbing*), I thought I'd open up an opportunity for anybody who wants to talk to her. I talk to her almost every day, so if you have anything you'd like to tell her, post it here on this thread and I'll pass it on. :-) Thanks! Kaysa --> out

Here are the edits I was able to make. I think it looks alright. This added a hundred or so words, so I have 143 left to work with (though I don't have to use them if I don't want to). Your help so far has been invaluable, @Returned!!! I cannot thank you enough.

Your feedback is so incredibly valuable. Thank you so much! I feel like I should send you some cookies or something, haha. I have a free period at school, so I'm going to work on this now. Again, thank you SO MUCH!!!!

Alright. I'm back. I need help going over this. My brain's fried and it's not taking in anything I write--NOT good for revising or editing. - _ - I have 261 words left. A gilded crimson blaze flares across my palm. I stare at the flickering light, but my mind is not with the illusion. My heart is pounding hard. I can’t believe this. I’m supposed to be preparing to protect Steelheart, the guy I was supposed to be working for the whole time, right? But all I can think about is the Epic nerd from Newcago who sucks at metaphors. Like, really sucks. I can see him so clearly–he’s wearing the same ugly heather blue T-shirt he’s worn forever; his obsessed-over, brand-new, black leather Reckoner jacket; his worn rifle slung over his shoulder; and those extremely unattractive cargo pants (though of course he’d wear them. Nerd). But above all, I can see that I miss him. Which bugs me. Because as soon as he knows I’m an Epic, as soon as he knows I have the powers that turn us all malevolent… I think he’d hate me. I make the fire burn brighter, reminding myself that I’m not supposed to care about him–I’m supposed to hate him. Supposed to kill him. But… he did say he was in love with me the day I died. I flick a few of my fingers, and the fire, in turn, leaps. Who am I kidding? This is stupid. The Reckoners will be at Soldier Field when dawn breaks to assassinate Steelheart, which, for the sake of Newcago, is the last thing we need. The economy will collapse, and so will the government. I just wish David would see it that way. But no, he wants to avenge his father who died at Steelheart’s hand. Not that that’s bad. It’s just… I don’t think he gets how many people’s dads have died because of Epics. It’s not like he’s some special chosen one who’s going to kill Steelheart and gain glory for it just because he spent the last ten years of his life reading encyclopedias–for fun–to gain any knowledge about Epics he could, so he could swoop in at the last second and “save the world”. Good. This is good–I’m getting myself ready to fight him. I have to stay mad. I scoff just for good measure, snuffing the illusory fire in my palm with a whoosh and start for the door, strapping my mobile to my arm and reaching for my red Reckoner jacket. Huh. Didn’t know I still had it. I shake my head. No. Stay mad. I don’t want this jacket. It fits all wrong, and the color’s too bright in my dusty, dark, dirty (not to mention damaged–nothing works in here) overstreet apartment. Okay. Well. It was worth a shot. The best I can do is pull on the jacket anyway and glower as I lock my shiny steel door, keeping my head low and my scowl painted on my face as I jog across the street, my hands lingering near my holsters. I guess it’s time to finish this.

Thank you SO MUCH, @Returned!!!! This was more helpful than anything I could've hoped. I'll get to work and let you know when I finish!!! Thanks again!!!! <3

Calling all Reckoners fans! Hello, I'm Kajsa (KAY-sa)!!! I'm entering a local writing contest, and my entry is based off of Megan from the Reckoners! I have an idea of what I'm writing, but I need to beef it up by 559 words. Suggestions and critiques are so helpful! I would love to know what to add for more content!!! (Also, this is taking place right before the climax of Steelheart. This contains some mild Steelheart spoilers. Do not suggest anything that has spoilers either! I haven't finished reading the series myself, haha. Thanks!!!) So, please enjoy, and don't be afraid to offer feedback! It is so helpful and crucial to this process!!!! Thank you so much, friends!!! -KajsaDiya

Oh I totally should so they can give me tips!