kajsa ㅇㅅㅇ

oh my gosh edema that's incredible

Kajsa! That's an awesome looking dress!

Also, Eddie, that's so cool!

IS THAT WALLY WORLD?!?!?

ARE YOU AT WALMART IN THAT PICTURE????

Well it was going to be but Mom made breakfast burritos so I may or may not have forfeited my bagel for that… :3

-_^

BUT THE BAGEL!!!

But breakfast burritos!

It's cool stuff though. I once spent 700 dollars on a Halloween costume...

haha says the guy who just told me he hates on cosplay sometimes  lol xD

i'm just teasing though

i feel that. i'm supposed to be jack sparrow for halloween, which was gonna be pricy, but......................... who knows what i'll do xD

i should just... like...... get a job 

If you have the time, yeah.

OoOOOooo I’ll read it!!

Interesting magic-systemy stuff! 

Oh! I forgot to tell you!! I read it and it was beautiful and amazing and you are incredibly talented!

oooo

interesting writing style 

thank you. it's the first bit of the prologue for Vendetta.

Mira's pov >:D

I (sometimes) hate on cosplay, but I do go to Renaissance festivals in costume, so ig I live in a glass house.

Hahaha. 

I decided to go with like the basic elf forest queen (I ran out of money for a white wig tho…)

honestly though- I felt the same way once I finally arrived at my new house a few weeks back. It's weird, aint it?

So weird. 

SLAAAAAAY

HOORAY!!!!

YIPPEE!!

SPACE

I WANT IT

CURSE YOU, LIGHT POLLUTION!!!!

Haha. Bookwyrm, I actually kept thinking about you last night or whenever we saw shooting stars or whatever—about like how you would have liked it and stuff, ya know. 

Zion like the national park?

have you ever tried journaling?

also, i used to think i always had to be strong so that people wouldn't think less of me. but then a close family friend told me, that if i'm worried about people judging me, then it's more than likely that I'm judging myself much harder than anyone else will ever judge me.

and besides, if someone is judging you for having emotions, then it's most likely because they have their own problems with dealing with emotions to the point where they're jealous with the way you handle your emotions.

sorry if I wasn't much help this time..

I have tried journaling before, yeah. But I guess I’m currently looking for more of an in-the-moment coping mechanism or something, because the waves come so fast and they’re extremely overwhelming. Like they literally make me want to throw a fit like a two year old. Extreme mood swings or something, I guess?

they could be some sort of anxiety attack.

i usually use finger touches/finger taps when i have anxiety and panic attacks

come up with a pattern to tap each finger against your thumb. i always do "pointer - pinky - middle - ring"

Thanks for the advice and support, you guys. 

the only problem is… he doesn’t care what I do, he never will. He will always be my biggest bully. No matter what I do. And trust me, I’ve tried so many things. He won’t stop. 

Even if I physically was the bigger person (which will never happen, since he’s 6’ 3” and has a large frame. For reference, I stopped growing at 5’ 6” and I’m not particularly muscular.), he wouldn’t stop. Part of me thinks maybe he just sees me as another of his buddies to horse around with, but… *sigh* it couldn’t be that because he really means some of the stuff he says or does.

and it’s extra frustrating to compare my situation to how he treats other girls. He used to bring his girlfriend (now ex) around, and I had never seen him so… kind or gentle before. NEVER. At least not that I can remember. 

So why doesn’t he treat his sisters with the same care?

Sorry, that was a bit of a tangent, but back to what I was saying. Even if I was the bigger person, he’d use his words and maybe even still his body to hurt me. And @shortcake, I’ve tried your “thank you” tactic, but he just responds “you’re welcome”, because he knows that as hard as I try, I will always be sensitive and weak, and he will always get under my skin. 

He is my older brother. He should love and protect me. Why doesn’t he? What’s wrong with me? 

My dad watches our exchanges, and I know that if things really did get bad, he would protect me. He’s already as fed up with this kid as I am, maybe more. My brother does not have a good relationship with either of my parents, really. There will probably always be a rift in our family because of the way he treats me and my mother. And that rift will only grow.

@The cheeseman, thank you. I’m glad you read my writing! I just don’t know… the situation doesn’t really seem bad enough to get outside people really involved yet. I think that could escalate it. 

@TheAlpha929, I probably could take self-defense classes, and my parents wouldn’t really care (it’s actually something I’ve been meaning to do for a while now anyways), but I have so much on my plate already—I don’t know if I could fit that in. And I think beating him up would just make him be angrier. Make him lash out more. 

Idk. Thanks for y’all’s advice, I’ll take it all in stride. It’s just… a complicated situation. Lol. 

I've been in pretty much the same situation for... who knows how long now. My brother is kind of the worst sometimes. Maybe it's better because I'm his brother not his sister, but I just do everything in my power to stay out of his way, wondering why he has absolutely no respect for me like he does for his friends (and like you noted, his girlfriend.) He treats my parents (especially my mom) like trash, and I have to pray that there will never be a day when his girlfriend or others never see that side of him.

I doubt my brother is as bad as yours though, because I genuinely love him, even when he'll never see the two of us as equals. I'll always be beneath him. But even still, we went to a concert together a few months ago, and screamed the lyrics of our favorite songs together. He came crying to my mother when he broke up with his last girlfriend, he didn't want to talk to anyone except her. Even when I want to hate him, I know I won't be able to hate him forever.

If there's one thing my brother has taught me, it's that people are complicated. Terrifyingly complicated. And... I don't know my own brother. 

Beyond that, I will be forever grateful that he's shown me how my relationships with my siblings could have been if I'd been that type of person. Me and my younger sister have a better relationship than I ever could have imagined when we were younger, because one day I decided I couldn't be anything like my older brother.

Anyway...

@Kajsa :), just remember that you are an amazing person and that he's the problem here. Not you. I wish I could help somehow. *hugs*

OH MY GOSH I LOVE THAT SONG (me wearing a Billie Eilish t shirt right now)

I actually listened to that song while drawing her o_o

are you a mind reader??? ^_o

Possibly.

*gasp*

nope

its hot fire woman

even better

Do you draw these by hand or with a program?

lol @shortcake I might

@The Bookwyrm nope, just my evil OC 

@The cheeseman YES HOT VILLAINS ARE THE BEST, and also, I generally do the initial sketch on paper, then upload it into Procreate to render/color it

also, I did a different background one, maybe I’ll post it later

VULNERABLE HADLEY MOMENT PLEASE

Mira is finished. I’ll do vulnerable Hadley moment next

HOORAY!!!

neurodivergence plus perhaps depression? what you’re describing sounds like what i have/had.

im most definitely a little bit neurodivergent, there’s no way in hell i ain’t, and it definitely makes things interesting a tad.

but we’re here for ya (everyone else is… im on no-therapist-self time)

I feel the loneliness bit very powerfully because I feel that way every day too.

Very glad that you were able to find some enjoyment in your day today 

My dad WORKS for the national parks.

Wow. 
my dad just works for himself xD he has a contracting company

My memories of Mesa Verde are incredibly positive, as they include actual showers, the most gorgeous sunset I've ever seen, and all-you-can eat pancakes, in addition to the amazing cliff dwellings themselves.

I'm glad you got to go!

peopleing IS hard

dear gosh it is so hard

:hug:

peopleing is quite hard, yes

:many hugs:

That is... wow. I've been to Colorado before, but it was raining the whole three days I was there. I guess that Black Canyon of the Gunnison is another place on my bucket list to go to. Dang.

YES CHEESEMAN.

It’s absolutely… just… there are NO words. None. Zero. 

just… go there. You’ll know what I mean. 

Well, that's gorgeous.

Happier Than Ever is an absolute banger.

and honestly yeah, preach sista, tell him to screw off.

I will (nicely), if he ever texts me back xD

Also I’m actually wearing a Billie Eilish shirt today hehehe

AAAA I WILL DEFINITELY TRY THIS  (even though it's in the middle of the summer but hot chocolate works in every season)

also i'm sorry you don't have any mini marshmallows i might've stolen them from you bc they are the best 

ok but we have too many mini marshmallows so you're free to raid my pantry any time 

I WILL TAKE YOU UP ON THAT OFFER

awe slay

Sweet boys are awesome. Especially if they dance too.

I know right 

Kajsa, here is what you can do. You can carefully explain that you can't continue your friendship with him, say that if he wants to be your friend again he can actually care, he can stop annoying you about everything and he can stop being a hypocrite. Of course, don't say it like that. Say it a little more gentle, if you can manage it. Or, maybe, start it with "I didn't know how to say it in a gentle way, but I wanted to, I really did." That is the most extreme thing you could do, the most brutal. There are better ways, definitely, but that's the first one that crosses my mind.

For a less brutal and harsh approach, you could say "Hey, I really like you, but... I don't think we can really be friends anymore. I wish you luck with everything and I hope you can find good friends who really understand you. I just can't right now. I hope you understand." And, if he continues to go like that and all, maybe move on to the harsher words if he keeps insisting and nagging and all.

Others will probably suggest better things to say, but you get the gist of what I'm suggesting, I hope.

What Thaidakar said was very helpful!! Here's just a few more notes I have that might help. You don't have to use this.

If you want to break away from him in a kinder, soft, & more gentle way, I suggest the following:

Tell him, in a more casual, friendly way, that you'll be going on a break for a bit and won't be able to text as frequently. He'll understand that, I'm sure, especially as it is summer and all that. If he pushes for why, don't respond, he'll think you logged off or had something else to do. Don't specify when you'll come back from the break.

Then, drift away. If you see him in person sometime soon, stop hanging out with him or talking with him as much. Sit with other people at lunch. Distract yourself from him, etc. If you will see him at school/afterschool/camp sometime later, do the same thing. Disassociate yourself from him.

Don't come back from that "break." Now, I'm not advising you to 100% ghost him on text, but if you texts you every now and then, reply curtly, using minimal words, and just simple responses. Slowly, he'll stop texting you. Don't start up new conversations or in any way signal that you are open to becoming his friend again through text/social media.

As long as you enforce the drifting away, it will happen pretty quickly I promise.