InfiniteInsanity

I was gonna post a regular SU earlier today but then it turned into a poem and... yeah. It was a rough day. But I have some tiny little miracle like things I found!

• My pollen allergies kicked in yesterday so I took one pill for it last night which for some reason we have two things of... I don't know. Anyways I woke up this morning and felt just as, if not more, miserable as I had last night. I was just sort of wandering around upstairs thinking about upping the dosage because I couldn't remember how many to take. And then this tiny little thought popped into my head. Maybe I should look and see if it has an expiration date... So I did and turns out the ones I had taken last night expired and you shouldn't take more than one pill a day. The other one was still good but I'm really glad I didn't just up the dose and keep going.
• I finally figured out something that was causing me trouble in the guard audition routine... kind of. Enough that I'm pretty confident for tomorrow. Which is what I need.
• I told that one person I didn't want to be friends anymore. Where I found the courage I have no idea.
• My mom knows everything. I don't know how she does it. She face timed us from Utah today. She talked and showed us around BYU campus for a little while and then it started rain so she hung up cause she was outside. But a little later I got a text asking if I was doing okay. Which honestly truly I wasn't but I got to talk to her a little about that which was nice.
• My mom is also prepared for everything. I can't find the lid for the kettle so I couldn't make an herbal tea to help with my throat stuff from allergies but I did find apple cider packets. So I now have some nice warm apple cider that feels very nice on my throat.
• In English our final is a passion project which is something I'm actually excited about. I'm planning on doing it about something music. I haven't quite figured it out yet.
• In choir I could actually sing and still was able to sing high notes. Like A above the staff. Its a lot of fun and I could do it even with all the allergy stuff.
• hugs.

So yeah it was rough but I found tiny miracles and things feel a lot better.

Now I go to brace myself for whatever tomorrow may bring.

I feel rather numb

and small

Its my fault

my brain

interpreting things

wrong

cause she

she wouldn't

want to do

this to me

right?

She said

she cares

she said 

she understands

she said

she respects

my efforts

so she wouldn't

she said she wouldn't

sink so low

as to hurt the way

other people think

about me

but would she

try and hurt

the way

I think about

me?

Aren't I 

a bad friend

for even

considering it

Cause people

who are good friends

aren't supposed to 

decide they don't

want to be friends

anymore

People who decide

that 

shouldn't be worthy

of having other

friends

cause they'll just 

hurt them too

That's me

I'm gonna

suddenly

cut her off

and then

I deserve 

the lash back

Cause that 

makes me

mean

and not nice

and not a good

friend

or at least

that's what

she'll say

and that's what

my brain says

Help.

I'm being mean to people.

I shouldn't be mean to people.

No matter how mad I am at them or how stupid they are being.

1. Guard things are happening! Tryouts and such! There's a thing after school today but today school gets out at 2 and the thing starts at 3. SO I'm gonna go exist and maybe practice the dancing stuff they're making us do in the little park area connected to the school. All the flowers are blooming on the trees and its beautiful. And we do actual flag work stuff today!
2. My mom is going to the BYU Women's conference and she leaves tonight. I'm not old enough yet and with all the color guard stuff I wouldn't be able to go anyways. So instead I'm going to be here doing school and watching small children while my dad does his bishop and lawyer things.
3. Band leadership and guard lists are supposed to come out this weekend and the band directors are pretty good at sticking with when they say they're gonna put up lists.
4. My school friends made me cry again today. I think I might be crying too much recently.
5. I want to write a poem poem not a color poem but I don't know what to write about does anyone have any ideas?
6. Protein shakes and such are surprisingly sweet.