InfiniteInsanity

Okay, so yesterday I made a cake which meant that I had to do the dishes or at least help with them. And I promised my mother that I would do it before I went to bed.

We get to 11 pm and I had completely forgotten about my promise and was about to go to bed when my dad jokingly asked if I would do the dishes. And then I remembered my promise so I surprised my parents by putting off going to sleep and going and getting most of the dishes done. I would have done all of them but my knee was starting to get really really shaky and I wasn't sure how long I had until it just gave out.

But as I was doing the dishes I went through my mind looking for any other promises I had made that I needed to make sure I kept. The first thing that came to mind was something I had almost entirely forgotten about. When I was 12ish as part of a YW lesson we all signed a piece of paper and promised to strive to always be temple worthy and get married in the temple. And then in the middle of doing dishes, I realized how much I actually wanted that.

I watch my parents, and the people who I babysit for, Bookwyrm's parents too, my grandparents and their friends, and I realized how much I want that. And how much I want to be married in the temple and have the kind of relationship they all have.

Anyways that was random and I don't know exactly why I'm putting this here but it feels right so I am.

Okay y'all I need some help/advice. But first there's gonna be a big long explanation cause there kind of needs to be.

I'm the oldest. I have 3 brothers and 1 sister. The next oldest is my brother whose 10 but he'll turn 11 in a few months. He plays baseball. In my family once you hit the first grade you start a sport (dancing included). So he had a game tonight and he was SUPER nervous because they were putting him in as a pitcher for part of the game. I didn't get to go watch but he got to pitch for part of an inning and he was doing good and there was only one run which wasn't even his fault it was the catchers because the catcher didn't want to be there an didn't care. Anyways, my dad was helping coach tonight and he was going to go give some kids instructions while my brother was pitching. And as soon my dad walked away from the dugout some other kid's dad came and lobbied for his son to pitch. So they pulled my brother out from pitching and put him in left field somewhere so that this kid could pitch. Now my parents are very careful and have never lobbied for any of us to get anything special, they've suggested we try things (like its my dad's fault I'm in colorguard, and my mom's that I did dance, and love dance, and kept going in dance instead of quitting) but they've never lobbied for anything. My brother is a very well behaved kid when he's not at home, he's never asked to play in specific positions, and he's done his best to follow instructions to the best of his abilities. AND HE WAS DOING FINE. and better than most of the other kids were. But they pulled him out mid-inning, which I might add they haven't done for any other kid on his team, and then he kept playing and kept all his emotions in for the rest of the game.

But he's so scudding embarrassed. And he shouldn't have to be. He was crying when he got home! His confidence is so clearly gone.

And I don't know what to do!

I've been in his position. It happened with dance. It's why I wanted to quit. I almost did. The day my mom suggested I switch studios was the day I was gonna tell her I wanted to quit.

I don't want him to quit. 

I like going to his baseball games.

He has another game tomorrow and I want him to be looking forward to it at least a little. But I don't know how to make that happen. 

But I have to. He loves this. I can't let him feel like its not worth the effort and that he's not good enough. I can't. I wouldn't be a good sister. 

But I don't know. I just don't. I have no ideas.

He never talks to me unless he has to or needs me to get his way. He doesn't even want me to be his sister. He says it regularly no matter how hard I try.

But I love him. And I can't let him feel like this.

Sorry for the really long post. 

But please if you have any ideas please let me know.

I can't let this happen to him.

My baby brother thinks that I'm a dancer in a music video.

I can live with that.

It was ballroom dancing!

Okay so the plans for the summer trip straight off of FSY have changed. (because I can't currently hike mountains... and I also have needed crutches more than I'd like to admit recently... and my baby brother would NOT handle that much driving very well.)

We're still leaving as soon as I leave FSY but now we're going to go down to Manhattan, Kansas because their zoo has hyenas and my 4 year old brother is obsessed. Then we're gonna go spend the night at either my dad's uncles house (or maybe his hunting lodge... there are armadillos there...) or at my aunt's house.

Then the next day we're gonna drive the rest of the way down to a place 50 minutes away from Galveston, Texas (I think its in Texas City but I could be completely wrong) and spend about a week down there. And we have a hotel for most of it so I don't have to worry about tents!!! But we'll get to spend time at the beach and such which will be so much fun.

And then after that will depend on how my baby brother is doing with all the driving. Hopefully he'll be doing okay and then we've talked about maybe trying to hit Louisiana and Arkansas on the way back!

I have on single concern about FSY. I've been in the dorms we're staying in. There are a lot of floors... and the elevators were often overwhelmed and people give up on them after about 5 minutes. If my dorm is on the 10th floor again I have absolutely no idea how I'm gonna get up and down because there is no way I can do that many stairs. And the elevators take forever. Literally forever.

My mood has improved greatly in a very short amount of time. 

I'm still not okay.

But I'm better.

My knee and I are not on very good terms at the moment. Its fine.

I've also found alternative ways to get up and down stairs.

We're all back!!

We all came home early cause it was gonna rain all night.

It was absolutely beautiful where we were staying.

And I have pictures!!

 These are all from where we were staying.

And then on the second day we went climbing and then we spent a while in a river/creek thing.

The people with red/orange looking hats are people who were climbing. 

I had to use my crutches way more than I wanted to. But I did okay with what I was allowed to do I think.

Oh and on Wednesday @Ranryu, @The Wandering Wizard, @TheGreatSnail, and eventually @The Bookwyrm just kind of showed up and my house and then we played game for a few hours which was fun.