Am I the only one that sometimes feels an underlying depression? Like unless there’s something actively making me feel something else I just feel depressed.

 This has been going on for…a week? Something like that.

It's been a while...

1

It's been a while...

1

Here's some rapid fire life updates: 

Feeling somewhat agoraphobic as of late. I'm pretty sure that's the right word. 

Tired. I am also that. 

I'm learning piano! It's going pretty well, I'm not too bad at picking up on new pieces.

And then the biggest one, which some of you know already: I have a girlfriend! So that's pretty great.

Here's some rapid fire life updates: 

Feeling somewhat agoraphobic as of late. I'm pretty sure that's the right word. 

Tired. I am also that. 

I'm learning piano! It's going pretty well, I'm not too bad at picking up on new pieces.

And then the biggest one, which some of you know already: I have a girlfriend! So that's pretty great.

Guys!

I went to dinner

and wrote a poem

this is how I write when I'm literally dying.

my heart great was 106 bpm the ENTIRE time T-T

I love restaurants guys-

hey peoples

i'm in Delaware. 

that's cool ig

my hands are shaking for no reason

I'm with children

who decided to trust me with their offspring I have no idea

but I'm with children

*sigh*

hey peoples

i'm in Delaware. 

that's cool ig

my hands are shaking for no reason

I'm with children

who decided to trust me with their offspring I have no idea

but I'm with children

*sigh*

hey peoples

i'm in Delaware. 

that's cool ig

my hands are shaking for no reason

I'm with children

who decided to trust me with their offspring I have no idea

but I'm with children

*sigh*

ok guys stop wait this is crazy

im actually in like genuine shock right now

so basically lately i’ve been feeling like i’m in an art block and just not making any progress

abd then i looked back to a piece i did a year ago

and—

and—

and i literally was dying 

and i’m gonna publicly embarrass myself and post them here (even though most of y’all have already seen them)

they’re actually of the same character

this was april 1st 2023 

this was april 8th 2024

the iMpRoVeMeNt like BRUH

Yall. I have a few books I want to plop on my TBR, but don't know the appropriateness of them. 

Things I want to avoid: the F word, sex scenes, described nudity.

The books I do not know about: The Book That Wouldn't Burn, The Rage of Dragons, Project Hail Mary, The Life of Fire, Godkiller.

If you can help me with these, that would be awesome!

Yall. I have a few books I want to plop on my TBR, but don't know the appropriateness of them. 

Things I want to avoid: the F word, sex scenes, described nudity.

The books I do not know about: The Book That Wouldn't Burn, The Rage of Dragons, Project Hail Mary, The Life of Fire, Godkiller.

If you can help me with these, that would be awesome!

Yall. I have a few books I want to plop on my TBR, but don't know the appropriateness of them. 

Things I want to avoid: the F word, sex scenes, described nudity.

The books I do not know about: The Book That Wouldn't Burn, The Rage of Dragons, Project Hail Mary, The Life of Fire, Godkiller.

If you can help me with these, that would be awesome!

That

Was the coolest thing

I have ever seen.

Current Totality Count: 2.

Let's see how many more I can fit in my time on this planet.

Hey people who I haven't interacted with for a year.

My life has finally gotten less stressful (kinda) and I now have the time and sanity to be on here sometimes again.

Yay! 

It’s 3am…huzzah!!!

I’m going to NYC, so uh I might not be here a for the next few days

You just passed 12,000 posts!

so...

yk how i was the only freshman cast in the fall play and then i got into the musical? well now we've closed the last show and casting has begun for the spring play (much ado about nothing)

i auditioned, obviously, because 1. it's fun 2. i love theatre and 3. i've made so many friends there (many of whom are seniors and who i want to spend as much time as possible with)

the audition went so well and i was so happy with it but i noticed that there were many others who weren't in the cast the last two shows

but i was having a lot of fun as i read the sides... the director even laughed as i preformed a joke

i got a callback and went on friday, but that was when i realized the sheer amount of people who had auditioned... much more than there were characters

the rule at our school is that if someone needs to be cut the first to go are the freshmen (because we have many many more productions and chances to be on stage ahead of us)

so i already had a bad feeling

but i thought to myself "hey i got the last two, maybe i'll get something small like first watchman or something"

because i didn't want to think about being cut

so i go in, do the callback, and i feel it going terribly

the scene is losing energy, it's dragging on, the director isn't laughing and the stage manager is staring us down

she dismisses us after that one scene.

it's 3:45.

callbacks started at 3:30.

and they usually go until 6:30.

the freshmen were all dismissed at 3:45.

but i'm still comforting myself, blasting I Will Survive through my air pods, painting my nails

and the cast list doesn't come out

for two days

it's sunday night, finally she sends out an email about how sorry she is and that she'll send it monday morning

i am so stressed, because it's set in finally that i might actually get cut

which is crazy because theatre has been my life ever since school started... i couldn't imagine what it would be like without going down to the basement every day for 3 hours with my favorite people. i would have so much free time, but in a bad way-- all my friends would be busy working on the show and having fun.

now i know not to take it personally because the way this theatre works is that the freshmen need to be cut and the seniors need to be cast (it's just a tradition. they have less time, so that's the rule.)

but once the cast list came out this morning, i still felt as much shock and devastation when my name wasn't on it.

it still hasn't set in, really

but i don't know what to do

this is it.

my last time on the stage as a freshmen was closing night two weeks ago, but i didn't even realize it

and those seniors that i was getting to be friends with will graduate before performing with me ever again

i just got cut off from my friends

in one email.

I think Imma compile a list of COMPLETELY random song quotes. 

Lethargy got a hold of me
And I don't know how to shake it
Got these itchy feet for a change of scene
Do anything to escape it

There's an English man up in space these days
Floating in awe and wonder
As he floats away from the atmospheres
All of us non believers

Get up, get up, pressure, pressure
Run away as fast as you can go
Everyday our friends and lovers
Give the answers everybody knows

---All from Lethargy by Bastille (they just have too many good songs ok???) 

Stories told to me and stories told to you
Did you ever feel like they were ringing true?

And all their words for glory
Well they always sounded empty
When we're looking up for heaven
Looking up for heaven
Way down here upon the ground
When we're lying in the dirt
There's no looking up for heaven
Looking up for heaven

---Glory by Bastille (ok at this point I'm just copy pasting their songs so you should just go listen to them ok) 

Don't you love it, don't you love it?
No, I ain't happy yet
But I'm way less sad

I've been countin' sheep but the sheep all died (this one's just funny xDD)

---Way Less Sad by AJR

Goodbye, goodbye
I said to my bestest buds
We said that we'd keep in touch
And we did our best

All my new friends
We smiled at party time
But soon we forgot to smile
At anything else

---Sober Up AJR

And there are other songs but ykw just go listen to Ship In A Bottle by i forgot his name but it's a good song. 

60,000 words    IM SO CLOSE GUYS AND I JUST KILLED OFF A CHARACTER MMY FIRST ONE ACTUALLY AND IT WAS SO EMOTIONAL AND AWESOME AND ONCE I POLISH IT UP IS GON BE SO GREATTTTT

Guys help

How does one communicate with people without spending 90% of your time insulting them

Why are humans so scudding scary dude

WHY CANT WE ALL JUST BE HAPPY LITTLE TAYNIXES

WOULDNT THAT BE SO MUCH BETTER

Last night I got a bike for college. Soon I've got to figure out housing and classes. 

I honestly am so freaking excited I can't wait and it's only six months away!!!

Last night I got a bike for college. Soon I've got to figure out housing and classes. 

I honestly am so freaking excited I can't wait and it's only six months away!!!

Post count…

sorry i havent been active!! i've been checking notifs though... ping me if you absolutely NEED me

@SmilingPanda19 i will get to HG signups this weekend, i promise

@The Aspiring Archivist i don't even know where we are with Starfall but we can pick up next week

as many of you know, i have a show opening this week, and i'm really stressed. the cast + crew (46 people!) are staying at school every day until 9pm, and then 11pm on show nights. i also have tests, quizzes, and the same academic load of work, along with a piano national federation of music clubs coming up. oh also my puppy is still just 8 weeks old. so that's a lot of additional work. and i have a kitten.

so it's a bit of a tight spot.

but after i survive this week.

(if i survive).

i will return.

i promise.