Aspiring Writer

Cool. Also, there si something in my books called the extermination war. Where entire species are genocided.

I don't want to say it, but maybe her corna situation got worse?

In the books or Irl?

Bearer, just watch the great Shad and you will understand.

What, people capable of summoning enough electricity to kill someone in an instance is too scary? Also, don't worry, this is for a different series entirely, SotU will have other ways of giving you nightmares.

The previous line is meant to imply he has already paid and the contact wants more. *facepalm* my bad Technically, he has recovered at that point. he had explosives in previous chapters. As for the toxin, I agree it came out of nowhere, but it's not inconceivable he'd want something that can take someone out quietly. One, they weren't with him when shocked, two, they're not considered a gadget like his Grav boots, and three, you also never see them used. With what gun? They have his main weapons, most of his gadgets are fried, and they can keep zapping him with lightning if they need to. He has been beaten and they know it, He's not getting away from that. Um, trouncing is what he did to the guards. This was a fight, and it wasn't one-sided. I get he seems over-powered, but he is going to put up a fight, and has years of experience of people trying to kill him and knows to be suspicious. As for knowing about his enemies, the AoD are widely known, so he is going to have some information on them, especially when he may become a target. Edit- also, the drug does have a name, it's called a sucker.

Damn it. Should've checked if you had one.

Just once was a dragon and then given god powers because the gods of my universe liked dragons and wanted to make one into a god for kicks.

As Captain, I steal from @Hentient Coins-2 Cards-2 Also, crap, don't kill whysper, we need her updates

*Cackles while watching Shad insult Halloween in favor of Christmas.

Seeing as The Great Shad has helped in the latest SA book, and plenty of people know him here, he deserves his own fan club on the Shard. You can talk about anything Shadivserity, and you can also talk about the other sword channels like skallagrim on here. And to pledge yourself to this club, you must shout one of his many might war cries. @Somebody from Sel @Channelknight Fadran I know you two watch him.

Haven't watched much of Skallagrim yet, I plan to when I dive into my fantasy series. But this calls for something.

You watch the great Shad the Conqerour?

One, you copied me, foolish mortal, I made a thread similar to this, how dare ye! And two, I am actually making a fantasy series with dragons where I try to make them more realistic, so they have incredibly large wingspans to carry their weight, they're basically really evolved lizards, highly intelligent for animals, and just a tad bit of magic. ... I also have a dragon god that can break the rules of physics and be your typical dragon and more, because DRAGONS ARE AWESOME!

Takes place on S VI. Slightly gory descriptions, though nothing horrible. And for all of you worried Q was a Mary Sue, your concerns have now been answered. Edit Why did nobody mention the title was wrong?

@Silk Okay, cool. I am fortunately way under the word limit compared to my previous sub, so that should even out with Snake. And just to confirm, you said every chapter I sub needs a critique or every sub I do need a critique? Because if it's by chapter, I need to do four, but by submission I need one.

Three dead already. Dang. Now everyone aim at Ghander before he kills us! Why is his turn right before me?

To confirm, i have a slot, right?

I am going to Coup @The Windrunner Supreme Sorry my friend, it was you or SoS Coins-0 Cards-2

Well, I'm confused by all the animal stuff. where is that explained? Also yeah, that was me.

True, but my readers will have access to the next three chapters. *wink wink*

PG 1- Interesting. Like seeing how her new position is draining her, and her job makes sense considering her abilities. Also, love how you convey how mind-nubbing it is for her. PG 2- "few who wanted into the palace." This sounds awkward. Maybe add a 'there were' at the front or remove the 'who' loving the descriptions. Great way to introduce that moment, with her having to refocus. "Fear met fear" This line confuses me. PG 3-4 - all looks good. PG 5- nice touch with the painful bow. PG 6- Find another word for thankfully. It sounds off. Maybe gratefully? PG 7-8- all looks good. Pg 9- hmm for my first impression, I'm not liking SB PG 10-11- quite impactful. very well crafted. PG 12- I think you misspelled never as ever PG 13- Hmm so she can bow now. So has it been two weeks? Because the amount of time that has passed has been unclear. PG 14-15 - "Both of them knew that only the worst of flus kept her from working. It was something drilled into her from the restaurant business." Wait what? The restaurant business of serving food taught her to work unless really really sick? That seems like a very poor health standard. I would never eat there if I knew about that. PG 16- Nice way to see the turmoil she is having. All around, pretty decent. Not much to say, as I haven't red previous chapters, but everything seems to check out.

Mary Sues have never been appealing to me, so don't worry, I don't tend to write them. Also, I'm pretty sure Mary Sues have to be likable, which this character is not for both people in world and the Reader.

one, you didn't ping me for some reason, don't know why, and two, yeah, will be on it. I was waiting until I was more free.

Well, he has something to breath out of, the hat is just an accessory, but also yes, it's a special hat. Okay, Each one of you has said this, so I would like to explain. In these few chapters, he is very much OP when compared to everyone else. It is meant to show him compared to 'normal' foes before we rip the rug out. Believe me, he won't be a Mary Sue. They can do both. I did fix the scene to be clearer already, but he wasn't sucked in by that first breach, the Grav boots pulled him in despite that. Definalty understand, and I do plan on going more into Q's background... in a much later book. The fact he is unlikable was not an accident, and you'll see it get worse. He is meant to regress a lot before progressing. As for stakes... you'll see some next sub, i swear.