Snakenaps

@Valerie Welcome and hello! I hope you love it here!

May I please have a slot for Monday, December 28th?

Thoughts as I go: Pg 1, "I’m an awkward, anxious, angsty @sshole" Ah, brings me back to high school. Already getting a kick. J reminds me of every emo snarky depressed meme out there. Like, please tell me they have a space Tumblr. Pg 2, "Making [stuff] up to make your life way more interesting" Definitely has a space Tumblr. That, or is on space Reddit. Or both. Pg 2, "a mycologist... a chef." This also sounds like the start of a joke. "A mycologist and a chef walk into a bar..." Give me time and maybe I can actually come up with a punch line. Pg 2, "And have you seen my mom’s knife collection?" No, but I want to. Pg 2, "thick and shiny bangs" Shiny as in metallic or shiny as in clean and healthy? Anything is possible in space. Pg 4, " you wouldn’t help me" Suspicious. Do not trust. Pg 4, "wrapped around their finger" Man, this definitely brings me back to some classmates of mine in high school. Thank god I was a late bloomer and missed the whole "crush makes brain mush" phase. Pg 4, " Dr. Mom" I can't get enough of this. I want all the adventures of Mom and Dr. Mom, please. Overall: Personally, I think our edgelord is hilarious. Very strong voice. I could see their "Look at me, I'm edgy and angsty" get old, but as A points out, that's seems to be much more of a persona than the actual character. A front. I pity their overwhelming crush that A seems to be keen on taking advantage of, which makes me dislike said crush a bit. The fact that J's infatuation is primarily based on physical attraction reminds me, again, of high school and certain classmates I had. I agree on your opinion that it takes too long to get to the plot, but, again, you knew that coming in.

A definite problem everyone echoed. You'll get a kick out of my revision outline. At the very top it says "MAKE IR PROACTIVE." At the very beginning of every chapter plan, it says "Ir is proactive by." This is something that is definitely going to change. I'm not sure how yet (too busy fixing the governments at the moment), but that is a massive goal. A minor question that is a major question as of revision, as the early stakes no longer exist. I need to fix this pronto. Now that you've pointed it out, it is very obvious. Whoooo! I did it! Now just to really nail down this one...and repeat the process 39 more times. This is something that is still broken. 1) Charms are too complex to memorize by looking at them. This is my failure of not setting up the magic system properly. 2) I tried only having the rubbings stolen, but then it made a false hullabaloo. So this was me shrugging and going, "Well, let's see what happens if W just steals the entire thing." I think this is stronger than the original...if I set it up right. 3) Originally the crystal was a gift from the former king who...no longer exists and has been cut out. So I have to rethink this. 4) I definitely need to set up why the BK wants the crystal before all of this, preferably through W. You know, that's a really good question. It's always been there...but I may not have ever set it up. I swear that so many of my problems are because I don't communicate facts well to the reader. Like the cannibalism. I think the problem here is I never set up W's magical abilities before this. Which was really stupid of me. Originally, this was their first real introduction in the entire book. Thanks for catching me both on the architecture and the caulking. This is actually a pearl of wisdom from my mother when she used to work for a wine distribution company! Her boss used to say it all the time, which was hilarious considering the price tags on some of their bottles. Considering this world, a valid question. W's human, and previously has appeared as: a woman, a man, a male soldier, and an old woman. W likes to dress up. THANK YOU EVERYONE! I feel like I've made good progress on this chapter. I think Ir's proactivity really strengthened this, considering the original chapter has W forcing Ir to help. Baby steps towards a stronger protagonist.

I literally forgot it was Monday. My brain is like bleeeeeeghhhhhh. I'm keeping this short because my brain is mush and also, I don't want to influence your thoughts. Thanks in advance. Happy holidays and merry Christmas!

I finally made it! I ignored the grammatical hiccups. Thoughts as I go: Pg 1, " did not like fungi" Well, I do. Pg 1, "well beyond those boundaries." Uh oh. Pg 2, " watching M cabaret." Heeheehee! Pg 3, "It seemed appropriate." I am having fun with this panic. Pg 4, "Three years of lightspeed travel" For a hot sec I thought you had meant it had taken three years when I realized you meant it had been three years since the technology had been discovered. Pg 5, "She lifted the edge of her collar." Poor A. Such a stark contrast between G.F. and A. Confident and flirty...terribly awkward and bumbling. Pg 6, " Nothing to worry about, okay?” Funny how this feels like a lie. Pg 7, "she’d slept through it. Which was possible." Ah, yes, A, queen and god of administration. Pg 8, "do I just keep flirting with you" I don't trust G.F. not to have an ulterior motive to said flirting. Not when she knows A is in a relationship. Pg 9, "she should definitely not do that" Do not trust. Do not trust at alllllll. Do not liiiiiiiike! Pg 10, " The other woman did not let go" I know she's your idol, but tell that creep to buzz off. You are taken. Grrrr. Apparently I'm the jealous one in the relationship. Pg 11, "You want to go for a ride," NO. Pg 11, " You don’t have to stay here." There's something fishy going on here. I don't like it. What is G.F. playing at? What does she want? Pg 12, "E wants me to relax, that’s fine." Mmmm, I trust A and I trust E and I trust their relationship, but I would like to send G.F. back to Planet N now please. Pg 13, "I can’t do this alone." Yes, go help S! Pg 13, "She opened her eyes, her tone overly sweet." This lady just walks in here and all over A and I do not like. Pg 14, " You were not meant for godhood." How does the planet N and G.F. profit from A leaving? What is G.F.'s stake in the game? Pg 14, “I can’t." Nope, no way. You don't like anybody push you down. You tell them to buzz right off, right now, even your childhood idol. I don't think there's anything for me to add that everyone hasn't already said, but I currently do not like G.F. I do not trust at all, no sureeeeee. If you wanted me to dislike her, you did your job well. If I'm supposed to like her...mmmm.

Thoughts as I go: Pg 1, "they set fire to the previous Emperor" Starting with a burning at the stake, are we? Pg 1, "his pyre" I was wrong. Pg 1, "the dreary purpose" I would not generally think of funerals as "dreary." It almost makes it feel like this pyre is more of a chore than anything. Pg 1, "it was not my place" Hmm, so the MC is important enough to stand right next to him but not close enough to be a confidant. I'm getting the feeling that the MC is older than the Emperor. Pg 1, "caravan" A caravan is traditionally a line of wagons. I sincerely doubt they are climbing into a travel trailer. If you want help figuring out exactly what kind of carriage you are looking for, hit me up. I am Horse Friend, and therefore knowledgeable in all accessories. Pg 1, " feel a constant storm of waves" Hmmm, adoration or fear? Pg 1, "woefully handsome" Adoration then. Pg 2, “What is gloomy about it?” Somebody doesn't miss Dad much. No wonder he seems bored. Pg 2, " he was smiling softly" I'm dying for some info on our protagonist. Gender? Age? Name? Just a drop of their title will be a wealth of information. They appear to be an attendant? Pg 2, " The trees swayed above us" This is the perfect time to start tell us the setting. At the trees oak? Pine? Palm? This is historical fiction, but there have been many Emperors over many countries. Reincarnation and pyres makes me lean more Asian, since there isn't a mention of Christianity. Unless this is pre-Christianity. But November makes me think European... Pg 2, "I was still a foreigner, unfit to serve the Emperor." Confusion. They appear to be serving the Emperor now, from a close position. Pg 3, "my country" With historical fiction, it might be handy to drop some country names. Pg 3, "you must cut off its head" It'll still die, just...very slowly. But I'll overlook this. Again, hint at setting with what type of snake this is. Is it a cobra? Or something else? Pg 4, "He was unfit to rule and unfit to be a father" Tell me how you really feel. Pg 4, "as long as he wished" I get the feeling this is definitely adoration and lust, and A is actually a humongous jerk. But I may be wrong. Pg 4, "the magnificent citadel of R" As with my habit with historical fiction when I can't get a grasp of the setting...I Googled this. Not a lick. Are you sure you are writing historical fiction and not just fiction-fiction? Historical fiction means a fictitious story set in the past on Earth. For example, any of Sarah Dunant's works, A Thousand White Women by Jim Fergus, and Nefertiti by Michelle Moran. Pg 5, " the roof of the gates" Confusion. Gates have roofs? Pg 5, "It all seemed to happen so slowly." There's got to be a way to twist text so your words make things feel like they are happening slowly without having to say so. Unfortunately, I'm not experienced enough to know these tricks. I should learn, though. Pg 7, “H,” she said." We have a name! Still no gender, which is definitely not something to assume with this writing group. Pg 8, "From the roof" The roof from the gates???? Confusion. Overall: I personally like a quiet protagonist that is shoved into insanity. Reminds me of Kemet in Thick of Thieves by Megan Whalen Turner (highly recommend The Queen's Thief series). I like a character who is thrown out of their depth. You've definitely got the start of something here. I think giving more details so the reader can build an image up in their mind will make a huge difference. I don't know the gender of H, or what country I'm in, so my brain essentially flips through tv channels, trying on different settings and character designs.

@Silk is it too late to nab a slot for tomorrow?

I don't qualify...yet!

To tag in late on the Star Wars discussion, I agree on the obscure lore, disagree on the overrated-ness of the original and prequel trilogies for one simple reason: da memes. I absolutely adore Star Wars for the same reason I love Harry Potter: nostalgia and years to memorize the random little things. I was eleven when the Clone Wars show came out, and watched it religiously. That was and is Star Wars for me. When Rebels came out, it was corny and filled with plot armor...but it had just the right number of references back to other material (THRAWN!!! I love those books), had characters I adored (the Dysfunctional Family), and at the end built upon the mythos (The World Between Worlds! Morai!). Then in comes The Mandalorian just as Clone Wars finished ripping my heart out uuuuurrrrggggghhh- I live for my weekly adventure of Metal Dad and his Little Mean Green Eating Machine. Although can we talk about Mayfield from last episode, please? I look at the sequel trilogy much in the way that I look at fan fiction. Like, it exists, but I don't put a whole lot of stock into it. The original trilogy feels like a warm hug of childhood. The prequels...are the memes. I spent too long - much too long - absorbing prequel Star Wars memes back in my Reddit days. For me, Star Wars is Filoni. You tell me Dave Filoni is involved and I will be there. If Filoni and Carrie Beck are involved together, I'm pumped. You add Jon Favreau on top of that??? Shut up and take my money. It's all about trust, and time and time again Filoni and Favreau have floored me, while Carrie Beck has helped produce some of my favorite work. I don't trust others to understand what Star Wars is...but these guys get it. So, yeah, the market might be oversaturated with Marvel and Star Wars...but if that means I get a little bit of an escape from *this chaos* I'll take it as long as the content is popcorn worthy. I'm not looking for art, I'm looking for a good time. And if it isn't a good time...then I'll honestly forget it exists and it isn't a problem until someone brings it up.

Thank you ahead of time! Happy holidays!

I'm, like, biased on this, you know this. Thoughts as I go: Heehee, ho ho, it's S! Pg 1, "It had writes up on the nine sentient" Write-ups? Pg 1, "Yesterday it had exploded" Whoops, I don't think it was supposed to do that. Pg 1, "It hadn’t triggered any alarms" I thought this odd until I realized the explosion likely destroyed any alarms. Pg 1, "I’m Wearing Shoes, Damnit" In a society that has a tendency not to wear shoes, I'm intrigued. Pg 1, "her boyfriend/lover/it’s complicated" Good summary. Pg 2, " to die with contraband in his hold and whiskey on his breath" This feels like coming home for me. I feel like I'm mentally settling into a squishy chair that knows my butt well and I'm like, "Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhh, this is the life." Pg 2, " ‘love handles, space edition.’ I slapped my forehead while laughing. Should this be in ' ' or " " ??? Pg 3, "I’m certain it's A'sfault" It is, it's. Pg 4, "SINCERELY," Hmmmm, the story truly begins. We have our invitation to adventure. Pg 5, " probably the planet, to lead" I can't tell if this is setting off my clunky radar or my "Latin verbs go at the end, just like this" radar. Has it been four years since her freedom? Or five? Pg 6, "WE CAN PAY YOU." I don't think that is going to work. Pg 6, "WE CAN PAY IN INFORMATION." Oh, but that might. Pg 6, "YOU WILL NEED SOMEHWERE SOMEWHERE TO LIVE" Pg 6, "WE ARE OFFERING YOU THE ENTIRE MOON" Dang!!! Pg 7, "I don’t want another adventure." You just keep telling yourself that, honey. Pg 9, " We need to start stockpiling again." How do we survive this adventure? Booze. My overall reaction:

Thoughts as I go: Pg 1, "She looked back down to her clipboard and frowned." If sister is just visiting, why does she have a clipboard? Pg 1, "had to get up early every morning to paint them on" God, I'm too lazy for normal makeup. Having to get up every morning to do a very specific and probably complicated pattern would drive me bonkers. Does she use a stencil or is it by hand? Is it considered sacrilege if you cry and smear the pattern? Pg 2, “Neato mosquito,” I think I'm going to have to steal this to go with my "No prob, Bob" I took from Steven Universe. Drives kids crazy. Pg 2, “I would never do something so stupid.” Tell me how you really feel about your sister's religion Pg 2, "hadn’t enabled her" Okay, not sure what her habits are, but I assume those would probably come up earlier since I know you are kind of skipping ahead to this chapter. That, or they'll come up later this chapter. Pg 2, " His eyes didn’t linger." Not sure if this is supposed to suggest that he is not particularly respectful, or that she is not particularly eye-catching. Pg 5, "Come with me." Her kindness towards this automaton endears her to me. Pg 6, "Money?" A word that encompasses much of the problems in the world. Pg 8, "using a marker to draw a line down her cheek." That answers my earlier question. Is there a better word than marker? Otherwise I think of Crayola, but that might only be because I teach kids. I don't wear makeup myself (outside of using an eyebrow pencil to give myself wrinkles for the 100th day of school), so I can't help you on suggestions. Pg 12, "mind started to wander." I stopped going to church around the age of eight or so, but I distinctly remember the boredom that comes with sermons. Hopping in on previous comments: While I think @shatteredsmooth covered pretty well needed carefulness of portraying mental health, I can actually add in a little bit of personal experience on this one. Obviously, everyone is different and mental illnesses can vary in form. My friend of nearly six years (my roommate for four of those) was diagnosed with OCD for intrusive thoughts when she was very young. Hers are self-centered, not aimed towards others. Despite this, she is a happy-go-lucky woman prone to bouts of crippling self-doubt and depression...and the most giving, kind soul I've ever met. I can honestly say I don't think I have met anyone as naturally selfless as her before, who is willing to drop anything at any moment to help you. Who'll show up at your place at 3am when you panic or need to celebrate, or makes you a cup of tea before you need it, or knows there is something wrong before you even open your mouth. I would have never considered OCD if you hadn't said something. When it comes to writing the "other" I'd follow the advice age old advice of: talk to people who live that life, and find out what it is actually like. I made that mistake very early on with my severely visually impaired character J. Early versions of him carried some very dangerous and harmful stereotypes and it wasn't until I joined groups like the National Foundation for the Blind that I realized this. It was a rough awakening. I definitely got a more depressive vibe. Not necessarily autistic, but autism is a huuuuuuuuuuuge spectrum that varies massively. I'm going to echo this. I have to remind myself that sometimes the first thing that comes to mind isn't what I actually think but what society has led me to believe. When I notice someone who is very thin, I personally notice their collarbones jutting out and my first two thoughts are generally, "They look like they need a good meal" and "They look very uncomfortable to hug." The lips caught me off guard too. Pretty much the only time I think of lips is when they are so injected with botox they look like balloons or they look like they've been doing the Kylie Jenner lip challenge. Here's generally my thought process towards breasts: Big breasts: "Dang, my back aches just looking at her." My aunt's sister actually had hers surgically reduced because the weight was literally causing back issues. Average sized breasts: Actually, I don't notice them. Maybe because this is the category I fall into? Small breasts: "I bet they aren't even wearing a bra. I wish I could get away with not wearing a bra more often. God I hate bras, they itch." I'll echo Silk echoing everyone else. I personally am down for a techy steampunk-sci-fi-renaissance-era if you can lay the foundation on strong. I love tech and magic. I enjoyed these chapters, which you can probably tell by my lack of comments with confused questions. Good job, my dude.

May I please have a slot for Monday, December 14th if available?

Hi!!! Welcome! Your English is much better than my Spanish! If at any point any of us say something you don't understand, please let us know.

What an awesome teaser. Sizzler? I am floored by how much content Disney announced yesterday and I am pumped. Feels good to have so many different new things to look forward to in the upcoming months and years!

Hello and welcome!

I haven't enough time to comment on everyone and anything but I laughed my rump off at this. Dude, I cut half of the mushiness that originally existed. You would not believe the sappy crap I came up with. There was an entire scene of Ir crying in a tent trying to make sure M didn't wake up and see. I feel so bad that I actually made people read that...Another trim will definitely do this good. Also...that dog. Beautiful. Stunning. Gorgeous. You always know how to make me laugh. If I ever illustrate that scene, I am absolutely using that photo for reference. Thank you to everyone who has so far commented. Love you dudes.@ginger_reckoning @kais @Sarah B @shatteredsmooth

Thank you all ahead of time because I'm bad at showing my gratitude but I really love you guys. I am a trifle over 5,000 words. Sorry :/

May I have a slot for Monday, December 7th?

Thanks for pointing this out. With the introduction of so many different characters with so many powers last week, this one little detail flew over my head since a possessive spirit grabbed more of my attention.

Dude, this game is the bomb and I love it. It is so much fun. Fantastic combat system that is stupidly fluid, even for someone with fat thumbs and the reflex time of a sloth. Thankfully, clarity issues can be easily solved! Just a little tightening here, a little tightening there...

My favorite motto as a 20 year old was "I need an adultier adult." Left the stove on for nine hours and everything. Real good at adulting. Now I'm going to turn 24 in February and my motto is, "I need a nap."

I have not personally, mostly because I was never looking for a writing group. I stumbled into this one completely on accident, because I was a fan of Mistborn and Writing Excuses. But I can tell you what I've found about each group: Absolute Write Water Cooler - With over 68,000 members, this is a large and highly active community. Here you can find threads on every genre imaginable, as well as discussions about freelance writing, the publishing industry, pop culture, writing prompts and exercises, and much more. Critique Circle - Feedback should be a vital part of any writer’s process, and this is exactly what Critique Circle offers. This members-only site allows authors to post stories in exchange for feedback on other people’s writing. You can also find storyboarding tools, writing prompts, workshops, name generators, games like hangman, and much more. Chronicles - As the world’s largest Science Fiction and Fantasy online community, Chronicles offers writers the opportunity to get together and discuss the latest books, news, and pop culture in the Sci-Fi and Fantasy world. This is an active community with thousands of threads that include genre-specific challenges, workshops, critiques, and even publishing and industry information. TheNextBigWriter - This is an international forum where writers can receive feedback on their writing and support on every other part of the creative process from drafting to publishing and marketing. The critiques are often thorough and many come from published authors. Keep in mind that there is a monthly cost associated with the membership, but it might be worth it to be able to bend the ear of published authors. Scribophile - One of the largest communities in the world, Scribophile offers workshops, tutorials, and critiques for authors in just about any genre imaginable. While it is free to join, only users who pay for a membership get access to all their features. Critters Writers Workshop - The ultimate goal of Critters is to help improve your craft, not only by having your work dissected by other members, but also by learning to dissect your own work (by, of course, dissecting others). The value of the latter is often overlooked by beginners. The Internet Writing Workshop - A set of mailing lists (groups) that communicate in English by email. A community where writers can submit and critique written works, a forum to discuss and get help on all aspects of writing, and a public service educational organization, staffed by volunteers and free of charge. The Workshop is open to all styles and genres of writing: literary fiction, genre fiction, poetry, children's writing, essays, newspaper articles, scripts, you name it. Members do not need to be published writers, only to be serious about writing and about wanting to improve. Because some of the posted material may be controversial or adult in nature, all members must be 18 years or older. Reddit (warning for content, this website is really screwy in certain circles): r/writing — for general writing purposes. r/writingprompts — for user-submitted writing prompts. r/destructivereaders — beware, if you don’t like harsh criticism this may not be the best fit. But if you are willing to endure it, you will come out a better writer at the end. r/worldbuilding — user submitted fiction worlds. r/fantasywriters — for anybody interested in the fantasy genre. r/characterforge — the place to be for character building. r/writerchat — for those interested in talking with fellow writers. r/selfpublish — for anybody interested in self-publishing. r/logophilia — “the love of words and word games,” and that’s exactly what you’ll find here. r/freelanceWriters — for anybody interested in a career in freelance writing. r/books — because reading is just as important as writing if you want to be a successful author. I avoid Facebook for everything except for model horse auctions, but I found 22 Online Writing Groups on Facebook.