Snakenaps

My first book by her was Dogsbody, which I picked up at an airport during a layover years ago. I inhaled it during that long delay! I should reread it...

I'm glad that you liked it! Let's just say...Telling C about her shop isn't going to be fun. It's going to be very interesting revising this book with new eyes. Writing sudden loss of income, shortages, and restaurant closures is going to be a little easier now that it's something I'm getting real world experience in. Yay. I guess there are some bonuses to a pandemic?

Ooooh!!! Putting these on my To Read list! I recently finished Aurora by Kim Stanley Robinson. It's the first sci-fi book I've ever read that was narrated by the ship itself! If you've got any good sci-fi recommendations, I'm always down for those too.

@CherishLarain I've always had a hard time with short stories, because I always have too much to say! Then again, that's pretty reflective of me in real life. I'm a yapper. If short stories are your jazz, that's awesome! That just means you get to explore more worlds and characters than, say, me! Out of curiosity, do you listen to Writing Excuses? I had a massive problem with worldbuilder's disease until I started listening to Writing Excuses. I've found it has been incredibly helpful in curing me in many of my vices. If you get stuck writing, it might be an interesting podcast you for to start stretching your skills. Not to mention, the writing prompts might inspire a new short story! If you ever need help with formatting or anything, hit me up. I don't bite, and I love to help. Since I'm out of students to pester, I just bug everyone here

I never read the previous draft, so I'm unbiased! Yay! Thoughts as I go: Pg 1, " a high-end pet store" Completely off topic, but my local pet shelter has had all of its cats either adopted or fostered. Happy news! Pg 1, "G grumped" I liked this word play. Pg 1, "If he was leading the [masters] now, then he was going to lead them." I find this sentence kinda awkward, but I also get what you are going for. This is probably more of a personal opinion than anything. Pg 2, "the things were congregating" RIP E and S. Pg 2, "docks near lake T." I think lake should be capitalized? Pg 4, "nor was T.D." I will miss their stuttering. Pg 5, "The victim could be unfrozen once deceased": Thrifty, economical, brutal. I do worry about the future of the universe if the Symphony is militarized...This could lead to some rather dark consequences... Pg 5, "like a spider rolling up its web in the morning" Today I learned about orb weaver spiders. Pg 6, " they could see a multitude of possibilities and pick between them." Hmm...trying to fit in Master Memory Wipe into this...House of Time??? Hmmm.... Note: If you have something preferably over Master Memory Wipe for our BBEG, let me know. Pg 6, " the Council hadn’t wanted to put forward funds for renovations": That is the most government thing ever. Pg 7, "a cold but necessary calculation": I am grateful not to be in a leadership position and I pity M. Dude needs hugs. Pg 7, "He wouldn’t lose anyone else." Guaranteed lie Pg 11, " It obviously perceived what they were doing in some manner." I kinda wonder if it sounds like a dinner bell. COOOOME AND GET IT!!! A musical feast? Pg 11/12, "the Specie F waggled a paw at her." Do you mean waggled a paw at him? Pg 13, " A few seconds more and they would have a captured invader." Alright, what's going to go wrong now... Pg 13, "That was when the void opened." I knew it. It couldn't be that easy Pg 14, " called for its fellows to arrive": Or did MMW? pg 14, "had they been drawn by the concentration of changes": This lends to my dinner bell theory. Pg 18, "His eyes were wet as he stumbled after the others." Oh, poor M! Pg 16, "R gestured O forward." POV change! I don't recall a change in the middle of a chapter before, but POV switches rarely bug me. Pg 17, "a hole dissolved into the metal side" If they can eat impenetrable crystal, I am not surprised they can dissolve metal. Pg 19, "Maybe they could turn them on the Elg." Hah! Pg 19, "raised the repeating crossbow she had gleefully taken with her": I may have to finish this chapter tomorrow. I'm getting towards my bedtime and read "crossbow" as "eyebrow." That sentence gets incredibly weird when you switch those two words. Pg 20, " the safest way to begin with is a dead one": I agree with this statement. Okay, I'm just too tired to give any further quality critiques. I shall come back and edit this tomorrow. Goodnight, ya'll. I have returned to finish. Pg 22, " careful not to show any ankle" Blasphemous! Pg 22, "Fading Hands" You forgot to italicize the F. Pg 22, "She despised feeling helpless." I hate feeling helpless alongside characters... Pg 23, "the unmistakable bulk and huge bushy white beard of M" Whoohoo! I love it when two worlds meet! Pg 24, " far enough away from the creatures' disruption," Pg 25, "Something grabbed her boot, pulling her away from escape." It can't be an Elg...? She would vanish instantly...hmmmm... Pg 26, "Elg grasping her boot,": This begs the question...does the Elg have to touch organic, living material in order to make someone die...or do the Elg know who R is because of MMW hunting S??? Hmmm...Or was R not disintegrated because she was grabbed just as the portal was closing??? Hmmm... Pg 27, "splattered into a smear of purple": Rats! Pg 28, " taking a chunks of the ground": Singular or plural??? Pg 28, "F winced as his knee joints returned to normal." Oh, you poor baby... Pg 30/31, "the Elg could make itself understood to anyone, anywhere" Elg can 1) eat crystal 2) make themselves understood like crystal 3) don't have a typical biological matter 4) are the opposite of the Symphony ... Elg are like opposite crystal creatures of horror. Pg 31, "crest expanded and with excitement," Pg 33, "Behind her were the ruins of City D": This feels like a punch in the heart. Pg 35, "Surely you have contacted the Council?" Awwwwkwaaaaard... Pg 39, "as if a whole group of maji made the change at once" Who is this!? It can't be S...and I don't think it is Re... I hate waiting...if this had been handed to me as a full manuscript, this is definitely one I would have blasted through due to sheer suspense...

Hello, hello! This is my first time critiquing for you, so I hope you find it handy. Thoughts as I go: Pg 1, "He rode his stallion": Boo-yah, you already got my vote! I am Horse Friend. Pg 1, "And he is good at it." Have you ever read Matthew Stover? I just finished one of his books and your shift from past to present, along with this character introduction, reminds me of his style. Pg 1, "M is the best." I typically get suspicious and on guard when a story starts in such a way, but I'll withhold judgement for now since this seems to be a stylistic choice. This makes me wonder who the narrator is, and whether or not they are biased/unreliable. Pg 1, "chugged the entire gauntlet." I think you mean goblet, although I'd pay money to see someone chug a metal glove. Pg 2, "asked Pope B": Did you know that there are multiple Pope B's??? If you are writing historical fantasy, that's fine. If you are not, I'd suggest switching it. I'm embarrassed to say that I know about the B family because of Assassin's Creed II... Pg 3, "How Romantic." Did you mean to capitalize "romantic"? Pg 3, "M shifted uncomfortably as he sat": Since we obviously just had a scene jump, I'd add a blank line between this paragraph and the last. Pg 4, "Roared H before he bit down" Who is this fellow? Another monster hunter? I'm getting a little lost with all of these characters... Pg 4, "M sat cross legged below H on the floor" Wait, I thought M was sitting next to the Queen? Is this the start of a new scene? If so, insert a blank line between this paragraph and the last. Pg 4, "sat in an empty field" Okay, yes, new scene. Pg 15, "Possibly,” Count A stirred his stolen cup" Frankly, if I was a politician with loose morals, I would have just lied to this man. Pg 18, "He barely blocked the sword that L attacked him with." I always like a good feisty woman. Overall: I feel like this was more like a summary of an entire book than a short story. There was so many characters and so much going on that I began getting lost about a the third of the way through. I found that the interaction with L to be the most interesting part of the story, but that felt so quick and then was summarized at the end. I was much more interested in the few pages with L than with the majority of the story with all of the nobles. No matter what any of us say, don't forget to keep writing!!!

Okay, here's clarifications on the worldbuilding and setting! Thank you to all who have been pointing out my lack of clarification!!! I'd rather have you confused than future readers. Ir and her family are fully human. In this world, there are human/animal hybrids (referred to as "therios" which can mean any combination of human/animal, from animal-headed therios, to sphinxes, harpies, centaurs, and more), there are definitely mythical creatures, and standard Terran animals. However, more notably, there are three distinctive classifications of intelligence, which I do talk about later on but definitely need to be broadly hinted at for clarification at the beginning. Fey: These species are trapped up north and are essentially considered demonic monsters. They are massively magically powerful, but notably are unable to feel compassion and are not inventive. Civilized: These species are the cast of the book. These are essentially people that may or may not be a mythological creature, human, or a standard Terran animal. They talk, think, and act just like people. They open doors (doorknobs are horizontal and not round), they live in houses (of various sizes and structure), and have dietary needs matching their specie. A carnivore or omnivore eat our next classification, mundane. Mundane (mundies): These are Terran animals, which the same level of intelligence as the animals we interact with in our reality. Certain species can be either civilized or mundane (i.e. horses, dogs, cats, birds, rats) but cannot produce offspring with each other. They are considered two very separate things, and for a civilized horse to mate with a mundane horse is considered bestiality. This leads into a lot of problems for those with mental disabilities, because in a lot of societies in this world, they are unfortunately assumed to be mundane or close to mundane, and are usually killed (sometimes followed by their entire "cursed" family). This is not my own opinion, I literally have a degree in special education, I don't condone that. Fish, insects, and other bug-like creatures (looking at you, spiders), are always mundane. Mundane animals are typically used for eating, not for labor, as the labor can be filled by civilized creatures. Pets are uncommon, but not unheard of. There's little need to own a cat for rat control when you can hire your neighbor. It is easy to tell a civilized creature from a mundane animal, as a civilized creature typically wears clothing or accessories and, well, acts like a person. They talk, look at the world around them with interest, smile, frown, and generally act like people. Specism does exist, but it is more likely for someone to be discriminatory regarding the size of creatures than towards one exact specie. Some common species in this region include: humans, Terran animals common to the northern Mediterranean region/California valley, theriomorphic crosses of humans and these Terran species (i.e. restaurant owner C), griffins, unicorns, and two species of dragon. 1550's, give or take. I break the rules occasionally, but for the most part, I used the 16th century northern Mediterranean coast for reference. Mostly Italy. The world is mostly a blend of northern/mid Italy with a good dash of the California valley and hints of others. Architecture is a mesh of Roman, Renaissance, and classic Islamic. There are arquebuses (an early long-barreled gun), cannons, printing presses, caravel ships like Columbus', clocks, cranes, and more. Telekinesis: The ability to move solid objects. The average creature can move about 5-20 lbs max. Hydrokinesis: The ability to move liquids (usually water-based, depends on the creature). The average creature can move about 3-30 gallons max. There are many forms of kinetic abilities, although telekinesis and hydrokinesis are really only the main ones in this book. Ir's mother has photokinesis (can control light) but that is never mentioned by name, I believe. Another character has thermokinesis (can control temperature), but I know I never mentioned that one by name. I refer to the different abilities by showing them, but not necessarily giving the proper name. Ir, for example, is a nominascio - literally, "I know names" in Latin - but I don't use this term outside of my notes and the website. Someone moving tables and an entire pool's worth of canal water...??? Now that's unusual. I need to emphasize that. Creatures tend to have one or two magical abilities. A creature without magic is called a "null" and is not affected by iron/silver. There are definite cases of civilized creatures having more than a couple abilities. Fey tend to have around five, Greater Fey maxing out around 15-20. Mundane animals very rarely have magic, but it is not unheard of for a fish to suddenly turn invisible. Poof! I'll definitely make all of the worldbuilding clearer on in Draft Three. Trimming the unnecessary will leave room for the answers to necessary questions. Let me know if there is anything I can further clear up!

I definitely have an issue with "Oh ho ho, I've done all this research, now let me show it off." It makes for a lot of unnecessary details. Thankfully, I'm writing something much shorter than the usual fantasy epic. All pacing feedback is handy, because not everyone only reads a certain genre. Not everyone who reads my book if/when it gets published is going to be a specialist in the fantasy genre. Therefore, it is important to be able to write something that appeals to a broader market. Your feedback is still very important to me. Have any recommendations for historical/political fiction? I'm about done with People of the Book by Geraldine Brooks and I'm currently more interested in reading historical fiction or sci fi than fantasy at the moment. I switch genres a lot. You're totally correct. I drop words and mix up words all the time. My brain and my eyes don't always work well together, especially considering how fast I type. This was an issue in Draft One as well.

Thank you @Turin Turambar ! That is not something I have thought about before...hmmm...good question! Out of the way. I'll make this clearer. In Latin, this would be called the imperfect tense! It is in the past but still continuing (was/were verb-ing). Here is a handy reference guide for passive voice: https://writingcenter.unc.edu/tips-and-tools/passive-voice/ The passive voice can usually be spotted like this: verb "to be" (is/was/has been/were) + verb-ed. For example: The cat's fur was brushed by Marie. If this sentence was not in passive voice but in the active voice, it would read like this: Marie brushed the cat's fur. Another way I remember it, is that the subject of the sentence is not the one doing the action, but rather being acted upon. In my example, in the passive voice sentence, the fur would be the subject, while in the active voice sentence, Marie is. I'm not sure if that helps or not. I learned about the passive vs active voice in Latin. Actually, I learned most of my English grammar through Latin...

Thank you @kais Agreed. I actually nearly cut them before deciding to leave Draft Two how it is currently, because I couldn't tell if it was just slow to me, or if there was an actual problem. I'm glad to see my intuition is on point. I definitely need to clarify the species of this world in Draft Three. It's something that flew by my radar because I take the world for granted. I'll make a separate post on this thread clarifying this and the magic system. This was one of my biggest worries: action scenes and things getting confused. At least the pacing is mostly there. Az is a hydrokinetic, which means he is able to control water with his mind. Outside of Ir knowing his name, all magic in this chapter is his, which I need to clarify harshly. I need to either delete this line or make it clearer that Ir's more shaking off any imaginary followers. I mean, if I was just attacked, there would definitely be a small part of my brain convinced I was being followed, even if I know logically that's unlikely. Hopefully, in Draft Three I'll clear out all of the confusing parts!

I thought this was fitting because Luke is hanging off of a kind-of cliff, and that's where you left me.

Here is Chapter Two, where the action kicks off. I want any and all opinions, good and ill! Chapter One began with Ir working at the restaurant, which is akin to her second home, where she used her magical ability to know names. When Ir went home, her older sister, Su, announced that Su and her husband were joining the Revolutionaries.

Late...so late. Did not read everyone else's critiques, the usual, yada yada. Thoughts as I go! Pg 1, "We couldn’t have been in there that long," This makes me wonder about my theory of Master Memory Wipe being a time traveler. Pg 2, "How many have come through while we’ve been safe and relaxed?" I would be feeling major guilt here... Pg 3, "Lack of luminescent light does not hinder Specie N": Noted: WW can see in the dark. Pg 3, "infested with them without being able to see them clearly" I feel like that is a poor idea even when one can see. Pg 3, " It is as if they do not show in the V" Do they eat the time stream? Are they somehow out of it? Do the Elg not count as living creatures? Pg 3, "from making things...disappear" What have the Elg made disappear with S watching? My brain is fuzzy, I can't remember. Pg 4, "They are like a disease which the N has not yet figured out how to fight." This reminds me of my comment that I made last time: the darkening of the N wasn't like it was worried, it was like it was sick. Infected. Pg 4, " There’s no telling what they’ve done." They've definitely killed a lot of people... Pg 6, "The three of you will protect me." I believe this, because E and I will protect S because they love him. WW will protect him because it is in xyr (xy's?) self interest to not kill xy's kind-of apprentice (I feel like I butchered the conjugation of that pronoun). Pg 8, "Xy waved her rightmost claw." Pg 9, "So we can’t leave that set path," And it appears Master Memory Wipe may know this...Is MMW having the Elg eat through this "bridge" through the crystal, to infect the next Facet? Or it is to simply block S and Co. from coming through? Pg 11, "a strain of thundering base" Would this be bass? I don't know much about music... Pg 15, " like lizards bathing in the sun" This is a surprisingly nice way to describe the Elg. I'm picturing worms lying on the sidewalk or crocodiles lying in wake. Pg 15, "I SEE YOU." Uh oh! Pg 16, "I WILL NOT LET YOU PASS." But E passed...did E agree to something, maybe that she was not aware of...? Hmmm... Pg 16, "THIS ENTIRE UNIVERSE USED TO BE MY PLAYGROUND": Well, shards, the Diss isn't a what, it's a freakin' who. I have some very choice words going through my brain at the moment. Pg 17, "THEN YOUR SERVANT WILL DIE." E was allowed to pass through because she is BAIT.... D: Pg 18, "No." I agree heartily here. My stomach hurts. I don't like this. How about we return to happier times, please? Let's go back a few chapters to Ari festivities. Pg 20, "to the same physics as the rest of the" Pg 23, "he fell." CLIFFHANGER!? CLIFFHANGER???? Thank God I ended up critiquing on Sunday night. At least I don't have to wait a week for the next chapter. A CLIFFHANGER!!!! UGH!!!! I'm stressed and worried and I want to know what happens next. @Mandamon you are currently not one of my favorite people!

Sorry I'm so late! I didn't read any of the previous critiques, as usual, so forgive me if I beat any dead horses. Thoughts as I go: Pg 1, "Maybe xy had.": Does WW sleep? Hmmm... Pg 1/2, "My kind does not sleep as such." Well, that answers my question. Pg 2, "it’s sort of creepy you’re spying on me": Somehow, I doubt WW ever thought about what S would think about that. Pg 3, "they’re changing the area from how I remember it?" But if that is true, how is that affecting Area D? Are the Elg at Area D as well? Pg 3, "But how did they stop the portal to Area D?": I love it when a character asks something I am wondering. Pg 3, "brusque tone and lack of empathy": It's funny how WW originally rubbed me the wrong way because of this, but now I like WW for the same reasons. Pg 5, " I’m not leaving the ones I love to possible death at their hands...feet": God bless you, S. I can understand WW's point, but I would have been incredibly surprised and disappointed if S had chosen to stay behind. Pg 5, "the tendrils of doubt writhing up through his brain": Ugh, this reminds me of the Elg. Not sure if this is purposeful or not, but it worked for me. Pg 5, " It wouldn’t help to worry about them now.": Reminds me of Newt Scamander, who said in Fantastic Beasts, "My philosophy is that worrying means you suffer twice." Pg 6, "This city had a lived-in feel": I really like the next few paragraphs, because it makes me feel like I'm the one walking through the world. I appreciate a slow down in stories to give me a glimpse of the world around the characters (and me). Pg 9, "Silent for the past day,": $5 says that this isn't going to last. Pg 12, "hundreds of spawn until the least qualified of the little things die off.": Tactful, WW, tactful. Also, I would hate to be the caretaker of hundreds of babies. Pg 12, "Thank you for sharing," Yah, I'm not too sure how I would have reacted beyond this myself. WW is so beautifully tactless. Pg 14, "that curmudgeonly old bird": My favorite. Pg 14, "H.D." Another favorite! Pg 14, " And R." Oof. Pg 15, " it was worried."...Worried...or sick? Pg 16, "feeling the resistance of the crystal": I still wonder if the N is sick, not worried. Like a creature infected by parasites. A house being eaten by termites. Pg 17, "There were shadows against the other side of the wall." Hmmm, the Elg? I am worried... Pg 18, " Not one, not five, or ten, but hundreds." I thought something very much not accepted by this forum's code of conduct. Pg 18, "a set of teeth bit off a chunk of the impenetrable crystal" Uh oh...Elg eat 1) Symphony 2) Crystal 3) People. That is not a good trifecta. Pg 19, "there was no way to pass through" So...S can change matter...can he Pg 19, "THEN YOU HAVE FOUND" This sentence isn't cut up. This isn't Elg. This is Master Memory Wipe. I am immediately concerned. I'm pretty sure that S, I, and E have good plot armor to survive...but not WW. So I fear for my tactless friend. Pg 20, "Xy could hear it too!" My fear for WW has increased. I'm afraid xy will die, and S will left without answers on who Master Memory Wipe is. Pg 20, "THE BRIDGE": Now I am worrying about M and the Society. They better not accidentally build a bridge for MMW trying to bring back a Three House. Pg 20, " what part of this conversation xy heard": I wonder is xy hears the same converstation or another? Pg 21, "who was closer to her" Do you mean xy? Pg 22, " It was unbreakable." Apparently, it's edible, though. Pg 24, " the other end of the wall": Can the Elg eat all the way through the wall to the other facet? Pg 24, "like a three-legged stool rolling on its side.": HAHAHAHA, oh my gosh, I love this. What a visual! Pg 24, "S finally slowed to a halt" Pg 25, "Xy was getting to xyr feet," Please tell me xy rolls back and forth first like a tortoise to get enough momentum to get up. Pg 26, "It was…fun.” This is when S turns into an adrenaline junkie. Pg 27, "It said it was their creator." That wasn't what S heard... "Then you heard something different than I did." Oh, well, there we go. Pg 28, "It gives me the creeps": That's an understatement. Pg 28, "Is it something of the House of Time?" Maybe MMW is a part of the Apocalypse from the past? Can the House of Time be used to achieve immortality? Is MMW reaching forward from the past, like a time machine??? I don't expect any of these questions to be answered now, obviously. But this is what is going through my brain. I am incredibly curious to see how they managed to get home to everyone else!

I'll have to see if I can nab the first three at the library once it reopens! The premise definitely intrigues me. As to books 4 and 5...well, this is what I get for not doing well in Spanish in college...I just won't be able to read them. Oh well!

Thank you! I knew it had to do something with critiquing but I wasn't sure what. I am not good with acronyms.

Oooh, I haven't heard of Blacksad! It reminds me of Lackadaisy Cats. And I've heard LBL twice now. What does this acronym stand for?

No worries! Mistakes happen all the time!

Oh, man! This image is awesome! Thank you! That's exactly what I needed. I can be this forum's horse friend, if everyone else can get me up to speed on everything LGBTQ+. I'll definitely look into a sensitivity reader. W's gender identity isn't something I dive into too deeply, but it is something I want to do right.

You were not the first. I need to fix this. I agree with you. The Revolutionaries are still half-baked, since they are new to this draft. Everything needs twist of the Danger Dial, because nothing feels tense and threatening. Also, polite reminder to use acronyms for names. The Revolutionaries and the Black King don't matter too much because the names aren't fictional, although I would still prefer BK for the Black King. When people Google any of these terms, I want it to pull up my website, not here @CherishLarain Thank you! You're the topping on the cake on seriously cutting or readjusting this chapter. I appreciate your feedback!

That means you're my new baseline: if a chapter is too slow for you, I have serious problems. Unfortunately, this isn't a classic epic. I don't get 400,000 words to slowly jump into a story. As it is, 126,000 words is longer than I want it to be. Thank you for the catches on my grammar and word choice! I am great at typing too fast and not noticing my own mistakes. L probably found a tricolored felimare sea slug (not my photo): In Kauai, I got to hold a hexabranchus pulchellus (not my photo): I love L, and you guys have given me an idea for a scene that might build a stronger relationship between a couple of characters. Thanks for critiquing!

Thank you @kais ! I hope I clear up a little of the worldbuilding below. The fact that you are actually asking these questions makes me aware of them as reader promises for answers. I need to make sure I answer them in the book. Yes! Success! The family members sounding the same was a major problem in the first draft. There are solid rules - both biologically and socially - regarding this. Agreed. I think the most important take away for me is that the characters are able to stand on their own this time. Mostly no, but also yes. It depends on how you classify a furry. If you classify a furry as any creature with an animal head and human body, technically, yes. If you classify a furry as a creature with an animal head and a human body, that typically has human hair and exhibits unrealistic colors, no. There are definitely no sexy anthro scenes, sorry. There are no sexy scenes at all. I'm afraid I'm going to disappoint you, @kais. Last draft proved I can't write romance or even flirting. At all. *shutters* This world has a lot of mythological creatures. Animal-headed humans appear in mythologies all around the world, from Egyptian to Celtic to Indian to Chinese and more. Minotaurs like C's best friend/ co-worker G. These various mythologies are why therios like C appear, although I did take liberties by opening it up to almost any specie of animal. You will notice that I refer to C has a "therio." I believe it is Chapter 4 that I refer to G as a therio as well. I very specifically use "therio" or "theriomorphic" throughout the book. It isn't because I'm trying to be special. I can't use the word "anthropomorphic" because that word refers to any animal with human-like traits, like conversing. Considering that a good chunk of the cast are literally talking animals...anthropomorphic does not work. Unless you're human, everyone is technically an anthro. Theriomorphic is a word that typically refers to gods that have an animal form...but can also refer to gods who are part animal, part human. I just took out the god part. However, therio does not automatically mean furry in this world. A theriomorphic creature is any creature that is a cross between a human and one or more creatures. A huge chunk of mythological creatures have human parts, so I pushed them all under the therio category. Animal-headed humans, like C, or a minotaur like G, are therios, as well as harpies, sphinxes, centaurs, and more. As my sister puts it, "You can call them whatever you want, Katie, but when I look at C, I only think furry." I'm quite fine with hitting that market. Girls of Paper and Fire managed to do it, so why can't I? My painting of C, which can be found on the website on her bio: (If any one is curious, no, I am not a furry.) I have never heard of this book! Something new to read! I'm glad this makes an image, because I did not foreshadow this at all first draft. This has been a concern from day one with this chapter, and why I have rewritten it so many times. I'm hoping that by shifting this chapter around and slipping in this information more slowly, it will work better. If you think it is bad now, though, you should have read Draft One when absolutely none of the family members had enough personality. It was...bad. So bad. My sister had some very scathing things to say about how nobody had any personality and she couldn't tell them apart. I'm hoping that once introduced slowly, the characters will be memorable. But introducing nine characters and name dropping three more in the first chapter (technically introducing eleven if you could the two Ir name knows)? I knew that wasn't going to work from the get-go. I needed experienced eyes to show me some methods on how to turn this beginning into something not so...overwhelming but blah. Which is where you all come in, thankfully!!! Considering how many times I have rewritten this, it definitely has become an authorial exercise. It's turned into a very helpful exercise to figure out what each character believes in regards to the war and the BK. I actually have a page about this. I'll summarize: yes and no. A unicorn and a dragon cannot interbreed, as they are completely separate species and not alike at all. A horse and a unicorn can, but it will likely result in a sterile half breed foal (like mules, hinnies, zedonks, ligers, etc). A griffin cannot breed with either a bird or a cat, while a horse can breed with a pegasus (again, sterile half breed). A minotaur cannot breed with a human or a bull. Hanky panky, whether it is between two species that can interbreed or two species that cannot, is considered as bad as bestiary in the province the first book is set in. Different cultures have different opinions in the world. I want to state right now, since I know we have a diverse group of writers, that some of the opinions that this society has do not reflect my own opinions. The province the first book is set in is, in many ways, an old-fashioned agricultural society. Homophobia is not uncommon. What is rather horrifying for me, as a teacher with a minor in special education, is how they view people with special needs. These beliefs are not held by other parts of the world, and I plan to explore this in the future two books. ...I just realized I have two inciting incidents, one for Plot A and one for Plot B. Huh. I never thought about it before. No. Need to fix this! MC only has one magical ability.

I'm definitely going to test drive both in June and figure out which one is best, or try another solution these might inspire. Which is really good for me. It'll help me shore up any worldbuilding holes. Before I knew what worldbuilding disease was, I spent more than two years razing my original ideas and developing the entire world before outlining. It was pure Katie overthinking for two years. I have so many design sketches for toilets. I am not kidding. I have a good dozen sketchbooks filled with concepts. And then there's the website, which has over 130 pages at this point. I get worldbuilding disease something terrible. But at the same time, the simple fact is, this world does begin to split apart if looked at too closely because it is a civilization run by talking mythological creatures and animals. It's like Brandon says, it's all smoke and mirrors. I need to make sure that it appears like everything works, even if it is fundamentally flawed. I don't think a single person hasn't told me about the lack of danger at this point, which is excellent. You're all helping me focus on what problems the city should be having and what is not there. The city didn't make the shift from slice-of-life to political intrigue well. Stories run on conflict, and luckily, I have a lot of potential to stir up more. Mwahahaha! I'm going to make a fictional city miserable. The previous monarchy is new to this draft and...it does not work. I tried to make it a driving force for one of the reasons why the Revolutionaries want to form a parliamentary system. However, all it does is undermine the BK. The Revolutionaries are also new to this draft (I pretty much switched out a poorly written romance for rebels) and they are constantly mentioned but don't do enough. There needs to be some serious arson, destruction, sabotage, etc. Honestly, this is probably what I needed to hear the most. Logically, I know this. I tell myself this so often. Emotionally, I have those days where I want to toss it in the trash. Then again, who doesn't?

I'll nab the grammar errors that bug me the most then. Also, I am totally stealing "my brain and eyes don't always get along" because that is so me. I am an elementary substitute teacher for both general and special education! After I got my teaching credential last spring, I decided to sub for a year or two to learn what schools I wanted to teach at and what grades were my favorite. More importantly, I wanted one year to breathe and write. Which was how I finally sat down and wrote the first draft of NotK last semester. You have my respect. I'll sub middle school if I must, but I won't touch high school. Considering I just finished college, I have no desire to interact with college students for a long, long time. The fact that you teach freshman English...you have my eternal respect. Children I can do...adults? No way.

May I nab a slot for April 27th?