Snakenaps

I should make this more of a struggle. Ir tends to be of an honest nature, especially around her family and friends. Keeping a secret for her should be incredibly difficult and I'm missing that throughout the book.

The old government is DEFINITELY getting a makeover, and how the BK's monarchy works is going to get a new fresh coat of paint too.

I swear half of the next revision process is going to be sheer cutting. I am repetitive. It's going to be a joy to learn how to say everything I want to say in less words and with less rambling. I like a good challenge.

First of all, thank you all! I'm going to tackle these comments together. Let's tackle the anachronistic terms! I completely agree. I definitely have small anachronisms everywhere that I need to track down and kill, but this chapter is full of them. Thankfully, I can easily replace all of them with something that can mean the same thing but that isn't a modern term. Such as @Robinski's example of turning the non-disclosure agreement into a Contract of Confidentiality. I like that better than "Oath of Secrecy" or something campy. I guess the nice thing is is that I know what I was aiming for and can now give all these words a twist and a new name.

Elg teeth Seriously though @Mandamon, would that work???

Usual disclaimer, didn't read other comments. Thoughts as I go: Pg 1: My boy Re is back! It's been a while, bud. Pg 2, "except serve a as a snack" Pg 2, "little more than a plaything," Oh, absolutely. Something amusing to watch. A pet maybe. Or maybe like a cow. You pet the cow and think the cow is all cool and stuff, until you want a hamburger. Then, bye cow. Pg 4, "play with these Snakeys?” Revenge? Or because it is fun? Pg 4, " splitting it into a gaping maw" This is going to end up as an awkwardly short chapter with a happy, full Ari. Pg 6, "to show them the error of their ways." I'm thinking motivations lean much stronger towards "vengeance for genocide" than simply "revenge is a dish best served by playing with your food." Pg 7, "Yer could lead them head-on into a fight with them aliens, eyah." That's one way to kill off all your enemies. Send them to be slaughtered. Pg 7, "I refer not only to his flesh, but to our desire for revenge." he he he Pg 8, "he was of no more use" Pg 8, "Here he was alone most of the time" This contradicts that he was watched 24/7 to prevent portal making. Pg 10, " they are looking for something," My guess is S? Or maybe S is just a very annoying hindrance that they wish to remove while they search for something else... Pg 12, "her face contorting in rage" Uh oh. Pg 16, "We/I am must have/want/find the energy/power offered/taken." This is going to get much worse, isn't it... Pg 16, "two granddames arguing in different languages about whose kids were prettier." This is why I like Re's POV. Pg 16, “This, it was merely a misunderstanding." Or you are a crazy, fanatic fool. Pg 17, “Us, we try again,” Unwise. Pg 17, " the guards had not interfered" I have a lot of respect for the guards. They're crazy continually saving this old bat, but it takes a lot of guts to stand up to an Elg once you know that, hey man, negotiations are working. Pg 18, "It struggled and reached toward them," Effective for the moment, but I doubt this is a solution. Pg 18, "exploded like a squished hopper" Huh. Maybe it is a kind of solution. I admit I am very surprised. I want to know exactly what they did with the Symphony. Pg 18, “Me, I must have the answer,” Let's just kill everyone until you are satisfied, Z. Thrilling idea. Pg 20, "Us, we invite you to our homes.” This is arguably the most terrible and stupidest idea I have ever heard of, and yet, I can think that an old loonie fanatic would actually do this. Pg 20, " It walked through as if the circle of blackness was a mere shadow." Oh, thank heavens. They're trapped. That at least means the worlds are safe, for now. Pg 22, "Where had P gone?" RIP Pg 23, "bits of it disappearing" Not the best weight loss strategy. Pg 23, " No time to check." I'm finding this chapter quite tense. I'm getting all jittery. I'm not sure if Re will make it, and I am very fond of him. Pg 27, "They turned into the next alley, the guards following." Out of danger, for now. I'm relieved. I didn't think Re was going to make it for a hot sec.

Usual disclaimer, didn't read anyone else's comments. Thoughts as I go: Pg 3, " I have missed the presence of another prophet." I am sure WW makes a very productive co-worker, but I feel like xyr would be a drag at office parties. Pg 3, "Who could ever replace the Eff?" Frankly, I can't see M doing it by himself. The man has different aspirations. Will there be one singular leader chosen with a council, like how it has been? Or will a new form of government rise? Hmmm... Pg 3, "the C-shaped ring" Okay, this popped up in my mind because of the email this morning with the illustrations sneak peek. The diadem is C shaped in the illustrations. So is the ring. Coincidence...or not? Pg 3, " the ancient temple" Ancient temple being the location in the wall with the revolving timey wimey bookcase, si? Pg 3, " he was could feel it," Pg 4, "I have seen no records of them ever before." Because they come from another universe...how many universes are there? I'm trying to jog my memory. I believe my last theory was that the Apocalypse caused some species to accidentally get placed at different planets, which was how the humans ended up on a different world than Earth. I remember that was my thought how the Ari got to Facet #2, but that one I know was proven false. I can't remember if my human one was proven false or correct. In all honesty, I'm having a hard time focusing on anything other than Words of Radiance, which I just finished. Pg 5, "WW and her teacher may have thought" Do you mean "xyr"? Pg 5, " sheltering the temple" Okay, yup, confirmation on my brief memory lapse on page three. Pg 7, "There have to be some you haven’t seen" I feel like WW is going to take offense to this. I imagine that WW does not like suggestions that xyr is wrong about xyr specialty. Pg 10, "at least know what’s coming" I wonder if you can just somehow make it skip forward through its iterations, like clicking "skip" on a CD until it returns to the song you wanted. Pg 12, "His lessons with Master C had been fragmented and random" Something about WW makes me think xyr would probably write very regimented and detailed lesson plans if xyr had the time. Pg 13, "What information had been lost?" Considering how technologically advanced Facet #1 is compared to Facet #2, there might be an ever more advanced Facet somewhere. Pg 16, "figured out how to get rid of them?" Where is my exterminator god? My ant eater species? Pg 16, "why was it happening again?" A natural occurrence, maybe, like the Big Bang happening on loop? Or hurricane season? Pg 17, "How would any warning stay intact for so long?" I'd have just scratched instructions onto the crystal wall somehow...although that doesn't count for language shifts and general stupidity. Pg 17, "the warning would scare those it wasn’t supposed to warn." There goes my crystal graffiti idea. Pg 19, " A dead language?" Maybe my graffiti idea wasn't so bad after all? Pg 21, " this facet had it together." Nobody ever has it together as well as they appear. Pg 22, "It was very close to the same time." To quote the Incredibles: "Coincidence? I think NOT!" Pg 22, "the block disappeared." What a rude piece of furniture. Pg 24, "What if there is only one House?" What is this was where a three house master was hiding? Or can the entire temple be used as a time machine??? Pg 26, " occurred right before number one" Iteration zero, or 24? Pg 30, "The ring is the key" What will it unlock?

I started listening to season one in August, right when I started writing my first book. Writing Excuses became invaluable, because those words "You're out of excuses, now go write" continually kicked me into motion. I first started listening in the car, while doing my chores, and while painting. Now I listen to at least two or three episodes each morning during my walk, if I don't chat with Mom the entire time. I have learned so, so much since I began listening. Unlike @Robinski, I don't take notes (since I am always on the move), but I'm good at emailing reminders to myself (this week's: check manuscript for any "!?" as these are a sign of amateur writing most of the time). It's been interesting, because I'm able to continually look back and see how far I've grown by recognizing my own mistakes. I don't see this as a "Oh my gosh, my writing sucks." but as a progress bar of "Look how far I've come!" Considering how quickly I'm plowing through episodes with the quarantine, I'm thinking about listening to I Should be Writing and Ditch Diggers by Mur Lafferty to replace Writing Excuses as my binge podcast once I catch up.

In truth, I'm just starting this thread so @Robinski and I don't bog down the submissions thread in Reading Excuses.

I personally would be down for it. I personally have never done any of the prompts (I should change that) but I'd be very curious to see how you tackled one. I'm slowly catching up...I'm on WE 7.13.

May I please have a slot for Monday, May 25th as well?

The usual disclaimer: did not read previous comments. Thoughts as I go! Pg 1, " it just wasn’t as satisfying as eating fourteen slices back to back" I don't wish for this stomach on a normal basis (those food bills!) but I WISH I could do this when I wanted to. Pg 1, "He’s a Mi, isn’t he" It sounds like this name is cursed, and not just by Dad. Or maybe just by Dad. Wait...is Dad the archangel Mi???? Probably not...I've just been reading a lot about religion lately for a story idea... Pg 1, " M’s father was very different from the version of him portrayed in statues" Wait, hold the phone, is Dad an archangel???? This girl has lineage. Pg 1, "I’ve never felt this way about one person, let alone two people." This just may be me, but I have felt more chemistry between M and Mi than M and T. I have definitely seen the lust on T's side, but I feel like I haven't seen that interest on M's side. Pg 2, "the weapons room" Ah, yes, the weapons room. Every house has one. Doesn't yours? Pg 2, " red and blue, with a gold star in the middle," Captain Marvel! Pg 2, "The replies were quick." At first I thought that she texted them all as a group, but realized after reading replies it was probably to each of them individually, or A and T as a group. Pg 3, "with a sinking feeling she wasn’t going to the masquerade after all." I have no clue who Grandpa is, but he immediately strikes me as a General sort of fellow. Pg 3, “I’ll be there” I do wonder where we are going. I assume monster hunting is the activity of choice. Pg 3, "It’s complicated." Buddy boy is going to end up being one of the lost backpackers of something. Although lost backpackers can't text. My point is, Mi is going to get himself into trouble like a kid who sticks a fork into an electrical socket after being told not to. Pg 4, "They had been going up to some place" I revise my last statement. It isn't Mi who's a lost backpacker. It's his friends. Genius. Pg 4, "A few hikers disappeared this week.” Scratch that, looks like I'm wrong. Pg 4, " an really old Elf-hybrid nun" I never knew I needed this. I want to get to know this nun. Pg 4, " In BSP, the air felt so clean" Googled location. Absolutely stunning. I wish I could visit there! Pg 4, " Grandpa’s apprentice," I'm going to guess he isn't human because his name is in a completely different font. Pg 4, "J was human" I was wrong. Font is probably because of the "é" now that I think about it. Pg 5, "said Grandpa." As I haven't read any of the connected books (which I would like to do once I get the cash), I don't know Grandpa. If he being sincere? Is he the type to pretend to be sincere? He doesn't seem to be all business like I first thought. I'm trying to get a good read on his character but struggling. Pg 7, " Demons were drawn to her energy like moths to a flame." Because of the Angel blood, or because of something I don't know about? Pg 7, " It’s your boyfriends missing ghost hunters!!" Okay, so it is his friends! Pg 8, "panting like a golden retriever" I love golden retrievers! Pg 8, " A burned down candle stood in each one, and a circle of blood" These idiots actually summoned a Demon, didn't they... Pg 8, "These morons must have summed a Demon." Yuuuuuup. I like Nun Lady. She is not a stereotypical nun. Granted, I have also never known a nun before. Pg 8, "what is drawn to our flame." Both the fire, and M. Pg 9, "She was almost certain he’d be there tonight." This sentence makes me almost positive he isn't. Pg 9, " three demons" One for each triangular stone? Pg 9, "They chopped up their victims and ate them." RIP Mi's friends. Pg 10, "the wound closed in the demon's forehead" That is bad. Pg 11, "healing the concussion she’d just gotten" Handy! Pg 11, "back to the rest of the bone while she was out," This whole "breaking the body and then magically healing it" reminds me of a potent episode of Steven Universe Future. Her body might heal from all of this damage, but what is it like mentally being broken over and over again physically? What about constantly saving her friends and family from wounds? What does that do to a person, knowing sometimes you're the only thing standing between them and death...? Pg 12, "falling forward as sweet darkness swallowed her." Hey man, what happened to not dying from over-healing people. Pg 13, "He was sitting cross-legged on the summit of a mountain" This girl just landed herself in either Heaven or Purgatory or just Not Earth, didn't she... Pg 13, "Light bulbs burn out" I am reminded of one of my favorite sayings I stole from the Internet: Don't light yourself on fire to keep other people warm. M doesn't just light herself on fire, she pours gasoline on herself first and then gets the biggest box of matches she can. I struggled to put what I felt about this chapter, so I went back and read previous comments. I find myself agreeing with @Robinski's overall thoughts. I'd really like to get to know Grandpa better - he seems to hold a lot of weight importance wise - and Sister Elf (Ma looks weird to me, because I think of "mother" not "demon hunting nun"). The idea of an Elf hybrid nun hunting down demons intrigues me. Does holy water and rosaries work on demons? Is she, like, their supplier??? I am incredibly intrigued at what happened at the end, but admit I am disappointed about the lack of masquerade. However, I would therefore argue that it is well-written, because that means I am echoing M's disappointment. I want to know how M is going to get back...or if she just starts haunting everyone as a telepathic, healing ghost.

If you have never read A Cook's Tour, Bourdain has some incredibly wonderful things to say about Scotland. I'm sure you would find much more familiarity in it than I would, though, since, you know, you actually live there.

@Robinski I thought of you today while reading A Cook's Tour by Anthony Bourdain. Not only was this chapter about Glasglow and Scotland, but it mentioned your Irn-Bru.

Thanks, @aeromancer ! I haven't heard of this site before! I'll check it out!

This is the longest chapter in the entire book. Most of the chapters are somewhere around 2,500-3,500 words, and this one comes in at 5,015. I hope you all don't mind me going over the limit by fifteen whole words. We're getting into the meat of the story now... thankfully, this one isn't as painful and boring as last week's submission, at least in my opinion. All comments and opinions are welcome in this strange, wacky world! Previously: Ir attempts to get a job or a loan to somehow begin paying for the restoration of the burned down restaurant, which was destroyed when a unicorn was attacked. What should have happened in the last chapter: Ir gets the feeling that someone or something is preventing her from succeeding in job hunting, but ends up shrugging off this paranoia as stress and grief. She refuses to start finding conspiracies in everything like her sister.

This is an incredibly important and underappreciated skill.

Yo-yo fact one: There are three main types of yo-yo's: 1) Responsive: the classic yo-yo, which comes back up with a tug. 2) Unresponsive: the yo-yo's which do not come back up with a tug, but need a "bind". A bind is a move that reverses the spin of the yo-yo's axle to allow it to move up the string and back into the hand. 3) Off-string: a large yo-yo that isn't attached to the string at all, and is lassoed. Yo-yo's are actually really awesome and complex, but I am not good at it. I AM good at getting knots out. Adult Tip: Today I learned that the California tenant guidelines suggest replacing the carpet every 8-10 years for normal wear and tear. Now if only I can succeed in convincing my apartment complex in replacing mine...

I haven't updated my resume or written a cover letter in a year, so at the very least this is good practice to get back into the game. And you are completely right, good experience. This is the first time I've applied to a job that wasn't purely educational since working retail (fun fact, I know way too much about yo-yo's). Considering I don't think I want to become a teacher now, it's important to start stretching myself. *deep, dramatic voice* I'm becoming a real adult now.

As per usual, did not read the previous comments. Chapter 15: Pg 1, introduction: Why do I feel like I have read this particular passage before? Getting deja vu. Pg 2, "Their arms were outstretched to the Ari" Awwwww!!! Pg 3, " there were more important matters at hand" Like the Apocalypse. As much as I wish they had the resources/ability/knowledge to look for R, we are not watching Saving Private Ryan. Pg 3, "I would greatly like to be speaking with my apprentice again." Poor ol' bird. Pg 5, "had not removed his hood," Someone get this Ari a hat, pronto. Pg 10, "She gestured to I. "We can..." Forgotten quotation mark between I and We. Pg 11, "Ari living, hmmm, peaceably..." Forgotten quotation mark at beginning of sentence. Pg 16, "estate were than better this" Pg 17, "That sound was very familiar." Elg!? Here!!!!???? Pg 17, "riding his mechanical chair" Whew! I had thought that the Elg were mostly silent, but the click-click of many legs would have suited them... Pg 22, " His crest was spiking in all directions" I am thoroughly enjoying this chapter as everyone comes together and begins revealing their secrets. It is very satisfying. Chapter 16: Coming tomorrow! Pg 25/1, introduction, "with affordable morals." And portals, not doubt. Pg 25/1, " how they would strike back" I am excited. It is all coming together! There will hopefully be a plan! Pg 26/2, "I love you" Awwwww. Pg 29/4, "they are to be faster at changing form than you are" And have looser morals, and are a little unstable mentally. Great folks to have running around unsupervised and uncontrolled. Pg 31/6, "any information with which may be of" Pg 32/7, " they looked like difference different species" Pg 33/8, "him. "That is enough reason" Missing quotation mark between "him" and "That." Pg 33/8, "Both had signaled they were female for this meeting." I am so excited to have everyone together, including HD and TD. I am very fond of this species. Pg 35/10, " they can’t do is fly" Wait a minute...aren't there System Beasts that can fly? Like a beetle? From the species that lives on the top of the Nether??? Pg 35/10, "have a new ally in the G" Yes! Oh my goodness, are we going to get an air force together!?!?!? Yeeeeeees! Why did I not think of this earlier! Pg 38/13, "there is another hand against us" Master Memory Wipe! These were both such fun, satisfying chapters! To quote Hannibal from the A-Team:

As per usual, did not read previous comments. Thoughts as I go: Pg 1, " You’re mom isn’t an Angel." Hmm, so is M half angel, and 16.6% each of human, elf, and I forgot the fourth? Wasn't there a fourth? Also, I would be incredibly disappointed myself if I thought I was going to have wings, then discovered I would never get them. Pg 1, "the Green Building" I Googled this building. That has to be some of the most uninspired concrete architecture I have ever laid my eyes on. Pg 1, "She liked this roof," I believe M is fully capable of breaking open a door to get onto a roof, but I do wonder what abilities she has that lets her be able to. Pg 1, " if the Millenium Millennium Falcon was faster than the Enterprise" A quick Google states that: "The Millennium Falcon is (approximately) 58,000 times faster than the USS Enterprise-D." Today I learned. Pg 2, "It had been too windy for them to stay and watch him." Them as in C and M, or is this a pronoun mishap for C? Pg 2, " And the glamour would only hide her from his sight." Missing word? The glamour only works on sight, or does it block scents too? Pg 4, "he couldn’t easily reach out and touch her." In an alternative universe, M sits too close and Mi, an evil mastermind, shoves her over the edge of the building. Pg 4, "Isn’t there a reddit thread for that?" Hehehehehe. My all time Reddit thread would probably have to be Cookie Monster's AMA. So wholesome. Pg 4, " ***whole" That extra "w" made me chuckle. Pg 5, " I was oblivious to the flirting at first." Me. Pg 5, " she crossed that line again" Hmmmmmm....interesting..... Pg 7, "sounded kind of borning boring." Okay, so I stopped to put this one in my notes, because Google Docs didn't flag borning as being spelled incorrect. Turns out borning is some weird variation of being born. Pg 7, " my cousin would light them on fire just to watch them burn." My sister and I. Pg 10, "do you want me to walk to the elevator?" Poor T. Rejection is never fun. Pg 11, "cheeks flush before fru" Dropoff! I do this all the time!!! Pg 11, "Just pretend I’m not here" Mood killer. I'm so glad my dorm roommate never brought men over, and that I didn't. We never had to do that awkwardness. Pg 13, "she was going to burn through her meal plan" Man, she would have loved my college dorm. Once you were in, it was all-you-can-eat buffet. Pg 15, "T taken his seat." Either she doesn't remember last night, or the girl is good at handling exhausted rejection. Either way, I am relieved. I don't handle awkwardness residue well. Pg 15, "T laughed nervously" Uh oh, I think she remembers... I didn't nab any of the missing words or the random floating quotation mark unless it caused me confusion or made me chuckle. As a Marvel fan, I loved the geek talk.

It's a hard life when I have to read for research I would assume that they are trying to win, but the job description says, "The student's specific goal is participating in the Scholastic Writing Awards contest..." It seems to be an incredibly popular middle school/high school contest. Mobile won't move you quote down about the kid's skills! Frankly, I have no clue about who the student is or whether they can actually write. There is none of that in the job description. I'm honestly on the edge about this, because the pay rates are screaming, "Too good to be true." The minimum payment per hour is double what I charge normally, and it goes up with experience. But this is also too good to pass up without regret, so I've got to try. If the kid is unsalvageable, I simply won't accept the job. With the number of teachers and substitutes needing a little cash, this job is like a gold mine. I assume there are a lot of people trying to get this position, and my lack of experience will quickly drop me out of the race. I mean, hell, I only graduated out of college in May 2019. I don't exactly have years of experience. But if you don't try, the answer is already no.

I'm just learning about it myself. Here's the most helpful link I have found: https://www.artandwriting.org/what-we-do/the-awards/categories/#55

I'm looking for short story resources. I'm applying for a private tutoring position for a 7th grader attempting to win the Scholastic Writing Awards contest. I want to be well prepared if I get an interview and, further more, if I get the job. Unless the student is aiming to enter in the novel category, most categories are maximum 3,000 words. Any good resources out there?

May I have a slot for Monday, May 18th if there is one available, please?