Snakenaps

Welcome! I hope you enjoy all the different types of zaniness we have to offer!

I'm a substitute teacher and the schools are preparing to extend spring break on a case-by-case basis. The local college is already extending their spring break by three days and is clearing out one of the dorms to use as a quarantine zone. Today while I had yard duty, I was watching these kids play tag. Except they weren't playing tag, they were playing Coronavirus. "Tag, you're it! You have the coronavirus!!! Ha ha ha!" We also had to have a talk about them stealing the hand sanitizer. Kids are special. If the schools get shut down, that means no subbing for me, which means, hey, lots of writing time but no income. Oof. @lizbusby I was homeschooled 2nd-8th grade, and as a credentialed teacher, I have a lot of lesson plans and resources if you need any. Just shoot me a DM. I'm not familiar with Washington's state standards, but they can't be that different from California's.

This thread seems to be half book quotes and half stranger quotes, but the most memorable quote I can think of not from a book came from my high school days. In high school, there was this particular kid, C., that was very good looking but... wasn't the sharpest spoon in the knife drawer. A 6'2" football player. Then there was Ms. E, our history teacher, five foot nothing, in her self-imposed uniform of grey dresses and blue blazers. She had a Chihuahua complex. Once C. called her a witch to her face, but that's not particularly quotable. There was this one day when C. said something so ridiculous that Ms. E came up to him and put a fist a foot above his head and began to tilt it sideways. We asked her what she was doing, to which she replied, "I'm watering his common sense seed." Won't lie, sometimes I wish I could water my students' common sense seeds myself...

Yup, we've had split the party before. However, this reminded me of Emerald Rose's "Never Split the Party" song (which is extremely corny and dangerously catchy): So let's modify this into: 381: Know the roles of each of your party members, and if you have someone with nimble fingers...never let that darn thief out of sight!

Welcome, @Killuthion! I am sure that you find many allies here of similar mind, and perhaps you will use your extensive knowledge to continue to aid us in spreading the lore of the Cosmere far and wide.

I'm a little late on critiquing, but maybe one more point of view will help. I did not read any of the other critiques, so I came in unbiased. Thoughts as I Read: Pg. 1 - first paragraph - My brain is instantly curious on what the deathless are...zombies, perhaps? Vampires? Demons? I had to reread "reverse sunset" multiple times because my brain kept going "doesn't she mean sunrise?" since you wrote that it was occurring in the east, and that is where the sun normally rises from. Limo brings salvation. I like this. Pg. 1 - second paragraph - Deathless look like normal humans, but are immortal. Our savior? Holy city...hmmm...the Villa. Are we on Earth, or a modern fantasy land? Alternative Earth? Future Earth? Pg. 2 - second paragraph - Deathless makes me laugh. Poor. Mr. P. Pg. 2 -third paragraph - Old Asian subcontinent. Cold no longer exists. Alright, we're at least 300 years in the future. (I went back after I finished and found out that our deathless does exist: "Throughout his career, Robinson has been responsible for the production of a broad variety of vaccines for both humans and animals.") Did you mean for that? Pg. 5 - Aw, fox! No, wait...lots of foxes. Ominous feeling dispels the happiness and curiosity I was feeling towards our deathless. By the end of this page, I am horrified that the deathless does nothing while the fire burns. That hits close to home for me, living in California. Emotional gut punch, followed by fury. Deathless is no longer on my good side. Pg. 6 - Moss is a nice twist on the Fountain of Youth. I like this. It is realistic enough to easily be believed, yet vague enough not to be picked apart by scientific readers. Pg. 8 - Hard hitter for me. I could picture this way too clearly with the memories I have. Something I'd like to mention, out of personal experience: ash and smoke. Even when the fire was more than twenty miles from my house, there was so much smoke that it leaked under the door of my apartment. You couldn't breathe. There was ash covering the floor of WinCo and the entire sky was this mix of bruise blue-purple and red for days. You couldn't see to the end of the block. Your eyes itch, your lungs ache, and you begin to believe maybe blue skies were just a dream. It's like the very air itself is dead, everything seems so quiet. Pg. 9 - first paragraph - Sally? Pg. 10 - fourth paragraph - "You have grown to soft." Overall Thoughts: I feel melancholy writing this. The fire touched me personally, which I count as a success from a writing point-of-view. Hurts from a personal point-of-view. The theme of death was simple but well-written, and felt like the gods saying "I think I'll take a nap now, you're on your own." Poor Mr. P.. I wonder what will happen to him next. I would have loved to know his reaction. Beautiful, simple, but hit me right in the heart. I'm curious to see what you could write if you do decide to do Writers of the Future.

I am still learning how to critique professionally, as I am more used to grading the stories of 4th graders and not adults. Let me first preface that I do not know you (except that you like DnD), but everything I write here is said in a kind and gentle way. It is hard to show the tone of voice when writing, and I want you to know that I'm here to critique, praise, and offer some slight advice. I generally try to critique reactively and not proactively, but I'm going to put on my teacher hat for a bit today. First of all, let me state, keep on writing, because I think you've got the beginnings of a good story and I want to see where you can take it. We have worldbuilding, where humans cannot perform magic, but that once there was a historical figure, A., who believed that humans could. We have two characters, K. and M., who are doing their best in a school that requires them to pass five tests, and a teacher who definitely hits the gym more than I do. What will happen next? Will they pass their tests? Only way for me to find out is if you keep writing Now, let me say that the largest stumbling block that I came across is actually simple to fix. Grammar in the way of formatting. This is where my teacher hat comes on. Humans need white space in order to read well. Our brains get intimidated and exhausted by massive paragraphs and need to breathe. From page 9-11, you have a nearly two page paragraph. Now, go pick up any book - even a textbook - and try to find a nearly two page paragraph. I'm willing to bet you're not going to find one. A single paragraph is not for a scene. It's for a single, quick idea. If I may recommend, read Paragraphs in Fiction. It's a little simple, but it covers pretty much everything. Comb through your writing with those tools from the article, and I think that you'll find that your prologue and chapter are suddenly going to much easier to read. When our minds aren't distracted by trying to sort sentences, then it is much easier to sit back and enjoy the author's world. Keep writing! I hope to see you submit again soon!

Now that I have the time to do my own research, the Church of Scientology is the only thing I can find as well. The contest is intriguing. I might have to try it out once I finish revising my current book. The Illustrator of the Future might interest my sister. I'm a good artist, but I don't think my art is quite the style they would be looking for.

I don't know a whole lot about it, except that Patrick Rothfuss won it in 2002 before he published The Name of the Wind. He mentions it in his acknowledgements. You have my curiosity sparked, though.

I could easily take another season or two. There's just so much they could cover.

Dang! This looks promising!

Absolutely agree! It flew by in an instant! Although, if they are going to vary episode length...maybe we will get longer episodes for the last four?

Hahahaha, I got a good chuckle out of this!

Oh no XD As a DM, I always fear slightly when I hear "very memorable!" There's nothing like leaving your mark in DnD! I, unfortunately, am "very memorable" for accidentally killing one of my players when I set 13 sharks on them in an enclosed trap room... Whoops! I hope the name "Killersquid" has to do with your battle prowess, and not an unfortunate accident!

Welcome! As you have already discovered, the 17th Shard is amazing for discussing anything Sanderson-related!

This morning the World Fantasy Convention sent out at update email saying that Writing Excuses will be recording live during the event in late October! I am incredibly excited for the chance to listen and watch in person, as I have already registered for the event!

For those not aware, Brandon as well as his Writing Excuses crew are coming to the World Fantasy Convention in Salt Lake City, Utah. Brandon was announced as a special guest in January, but this morning an update email was sent out by the World Fantasy Convention: I myself registered for attendance in December. Is anyone else planning to attend?

Project Gutenburg is incredible. What a wealth of knowledge and history.

Recently, for me, it was The Priory of the Orange Tree by Samantha Shannon. It was one of last year's top fantasy books and I waited two months for my hold at the library. Finally got the book, dived in...and got a quarter of the way through this chunker when I realized I just didn't care about anyone or anything. There were cool elements, but nothing sucked me in. I am an incredibly fast reader, and when a good book has its claws in me, I can't put it down. It took me two weeks to get a quarter of a way through this book, and I realized I was never going to finish this book before the due date. So I just returned it.

Whenever I stumble across anything with three wishes, my brain immediately goes to a incredibly dumb joke I stumbled across on Reddit once: (Edited for language and content) Three men are hiking through the woods when they come across a lamp. One of them picks it up, rubs it, and out pops a Genie. It booms, "You have finally freed me after all these years, so I'll grant each one of you 3 wishes." The first guy immediately blurts out "I want a billion dollars." POOF, he's holding a printout that shows his account balance is now in fact 1,000,000,003.50 The second man thinks for a bit, then says "I want to be the richest man alive." POOF, he's holding papers showing his net worth is now well over 100 billion. The third guy thinks even longer about his wish, then says "I want my left arm to rotate clockwise for the rest of my life." POOF, his arm starts rotating. The Genie tells them it's time for their second wish. First guy says: "I want to be married to the most beautiful woman on earth." POOF, a stunning beauty wraps herself around his arm. Second guy says "I want to be good-looking and charismatic, so I can have every girl I want." POOF, his looks change and the first guy's wife immediately starts flirting with him. Third guy says "I want my right arm to rotate counter-clockwise until I die." POOF, now both his arms are rotating, in opposite directions. The genie tells them to think very carefully about their third wish. First guy does, and after a while says "I never want to become sick or injured, I want to stay healthy until I die." POOF, his complexion improves, his acne is gone and his knees don't bother him any more. Second guy says "I never want to grow old. I want to stay 29 forever." POOF, he looks younger already. Third guy smiles triumphantly and says "My last wish is for my head to nod back and forth." POOF, he's now nodding his head and still flailing his arms around. The genie wishes them good luck, disappears, and the men soon go their separate ways. Many years later they meet again and chat about how things have been going. First guy is ecstatic: "I've invested the money and multiplied it many times over, so me and my family will be among the richest of the rich pretty much forever. My wife is incredible, and I've never gotten so much as a cold in all these years." Second guy smiles and says "Well, I built charities worldwide with a fraction of my wealth, I'm still the richest guy alive and also revered for my good deeds. I haven't aged a day since we last met, and yes, your wife is pretty dang incredible." Third guy walks in, flailing his arms around and nodding his head, and says: "Guys, I think I screwed up."

I have absolutely no experience with neopronouns. I'm familiar with using they/them, but I can understand how this wouldn't work for your species. I haven't read any books with neopronouns, so I'm excited to give it a try! Glad that my critique was helpful, especially since I haven't read the previous two books.

This is my second critique for Reading Excuses, so tell me if I break any rules. I obviously have not read any previous chapters, so let's see what I get out of this. I'm going to copy @Mandamon above me and do page numbers. I purposefully did not read her critique, because I don't want it to influence mine, but I saw the page numbers and liked that. Thoughts As I Go Along: Pg 3: Okay, we have M. in a onsie (I am picturing a onsie from Walmart) with a Glock. I get a chuckle from this visual and want to keep reading. Pg 3: Velociraptors, people with peculiar names, a girl with a onsie and a Glock, in a warzone. I have absolutely no clue what is going on, but I'm ready to dive into this madness. D.'s words about the G. system remind me I am missing an entire book. So, hey, not sure if you are going to get anything out of this, but I get to practice critiquing! Pg. 5: I have no clue what the TF is and can't guess from the abbreviation. Not sure if this is common knowledge or not. Keep talking. Curses. Excellent. It is tense, I am worried for this character I have just met shimming towards this madness looking for a manhole. And yet, I get to have a chuckle at the...inventiveness of the curses. Pg. 6: I have noticed how much you vary the length in your sentences and I like it. It keeps things interesting and you have a clear style. Pg. 7: M. is okay! - M. is not okay, nobody is okay, there are mad beasts about. Out of the frying pan and into the oil. Pg. 7: Wait, the velociraptors are controlled by an app? Like, a phone app? Confusion. Pg 8: It was M. yelling "Ahhh!" Right? Pg 10: Abbreviations. VL's are our dino buddies, while MT's are the slavering dog beasts from hell? Pg.10: Pseudo-dinosaurs controlled by an app. I want to know more. Are we talking little velociraptors, or are we talking Jurassic Park style velociraptors? Pg. 10: "Kill! Kill!" M., I don't know you, but I like you, you feisty girl. Pg. 11: I didn't know the source of conflict, but I know that there are hostages, somebody bad that rhymes with Norton and his buddy T., and that the government is incompetent, just like always. Pg. 11: "Pogram" Do you mean program? Pg. 15: Cliffhanger! Noooooo! Overall: Not sure how useful this is going to be, since I haven't read any of the previous chapters. I'm not going to dive into what I understand of the world, because by the time any other reader gets to this point, they are going to know the world, the conflict, and the characters, unlike me. So I'm just going to give my impressions, as if I am some random reader at Barnes and Noble who chooses books by flipping to a random section. I don't know if M. is in a literal onsie (I'm guessing more of a military, useful onsie, now), but I was immediately interested by a trash-talking woman with a voice-activated Glock and app-controlled velociraptors. Despite not knowing what the conflict is about, or even who the characters are, the action was easy to follow and tense. M.'s remarks allowed me a moment to breath without losing the intensity of the situation. This chapter flew by, but I am sitting here immediately wanting to know what happens next, despite having no previous emotion attachment or really understanding of the situation. I wish I was actually at Barnes and Noble flipping through this book, so I could purchase it and go back to the beginning.

Okay, this is my first critique on Reading Excuses, so please let me know if I'm doing anything wrong. I did not know of your books and your universe until this very morning, so now I am very eager to download the prequel on your website. I'm hoping that my local library carries the Seeds book (see, this is where I'm stumped. Can I say the name of already published works, or does that go against the rule of using abbreviations???). So, as someone who has had the misfortune of not reading any of your other works, here is were my thoughts as I read: By the first paragraph, I knew that we weren't on earth, there were several different species, and that S. has a hard time with being the center of attention. I was not 100% sure if this was a fantasy or a sci-fi book at this point, because the world made me believe this was fantasy, while the species hinted sci-fi. Judging off of this chapter and your website, it appears that this universe is both sci-fi (in the fact that it is intergalactic) and fantasy (fascinating magic system!). I am totally down for this. Pronouns: Had to reread the second paragraph because at first I thought xyr was a name. Realized it was a pronoun on my second read through. "Cool," I thought to myself, before instantly looking up how to pronounce said pronouns on Google. When S. closes the portal, I began to suspect that this was a sequel or a book in a series, due to the lack of explanation on what the notes were. I immediately became interested. Music? Magic? Smashed together? Introduction of the twins: what I initially believed to be their last name is actually their specie, correct? Girldfriend. Boyfriend. Poly relationship? A poly relationship in a world with alien-like creatures, fluid pronouns, and a music-based magic system? Sweet, I'm down. That just means there's more to love. When it said that they were finally together again was when I was sure I was reading a sequel or a book in a series. Next paragraph mentions A. species form. This was when I began to suspect if the twins weren't human/weren't all the way human. I spent the next several paragraphs trying to dissect what was going on, due to having no prior knowledge. Stumbled on S.'s italicized thoughts because I first thought W.W. was speaking with telepathy (don't know if the world has telepathy, so). Reread it in S.'s voice, then continued on. When S. wanted to melt on the floor, I didn't blame him. Being the bearer of bad news is never fun. Weird gap of words on first line of page 4? Or at least on my side. What is the mysterious diadem? What are the protrusions? What did it used to represent, before the E. specie? I loved the two paragraph's of S. reaching into the magic system. I immediately became intrigued and jealous. If I'm thinking, Ah, man, I wish I came up with that idea, it means for me that it really captured my attention and interest. This is a sign of a good book. Whoops, stuck in the N. world. Can't travel. Something's wrong. What's wrong? When the green of the I.'s House is mentioned, I began to wonder, do different Houses have different colors? When S. thinks with italicized words again, I do not mistake this for telepathy this time. E. has a yelling match. I do not know E. but I want to give her a hug. Even if she is not human/all the way human. Poor girl obviously has some trauma to deal with. Curious about the eye. Ends with character going unconscious. This is bad. What happened? What I Know: S., I., E. are in a relationship, with I. and E. being twins. I. has long hair, E. has a purple eye. E. did not have a good time recently. I don't know what S. looks like, but haven't read any previous work. S. does not do well in crowds or having attention drawn on him. Poor dude, not a good trait in a hero, but makes for a compelling flaw. We've all been there before. A number of interesting species that have Houses, prophets, and titles that begin with M. Their world is being destroyed by Drains that are breaking apart the music magic system. That's bad. Specie A is surrounded by conflict, both in the worlds and by the characters. There is a mysterious crystal diadem and an unconscious character that needs help. Overall: I am heavily intrigued and want to go find the Seed book to see if I can catch up. There is a hero with a compelling flaw, there is a peculiar world with alien beings, and there is a magic system that is making me jealous. I hope I get to find out what happens soon.

My friend is truly the one with all of the weird talents (jack-of-all-trades kinda fellow), and one of the most useless but wonderful skills he taught me is how to punch out a candle. Makes me feel like a firebender. I can also draw 30 horse heads in 5 minutes. A talent I developed in high school as a TA while grading.

I absolutely adored that entire sequence. I feel bad for poor Rex caught in the middle!