"I know."James sighed, "It feels like an unrealistic reaction, but the mind rarely cares what is realistic in matters like these." He pulled the glasses from his pocket, the lenses were cracked. "Looks like I'll be needing new glasses." he noted.
He turned back to Shana, "I don't think I was meant to kill." he whispered. "It just seems so diametrically opposed to what I find fulfilling in life- helping people grow, and get better" then he straightened his back, determined, "But I can't help you grow, if I let you die." He said, in epiphany, "It's a choice!", he rose to his feet, his eyes filled with renewed clarity. "If the gardener wants the flowers to grow, he has to deny the weeds their growth. He has to kill, so that his garden might be the best it can be."
James broke into a wide eyed grin, that slowly faded once he noticed his hand, still tinged with gray. "But all actions have consequences."