Mandamon

And me--I was on the previous page.

Thanks, @shatteredsmooth! Yep, emotion is my bane. I'll make sure to concentrate on this section in my next draft to get in E's head more. Trouble incoming in a few chapters!

Thanks @molah! Especially helpful since you haven't read the other books. This is basically still a first draft, so it will get tightened up a lot, based on what you guys see, Good call. I sometimes have complaints that the magic is too complex, so I'm never sure how much detail to go into. This will definitely get tightened up. Good catch. I'll see how I can make it more menacing. Everyone seems to like M's section, which is the part I basically winged. I just find that funny!

Great comments as always, @Robinski! It works majus to majus as well. I think this has been consistent since TTS, so might be WRS. (LOL at all the TLA!) So this was one of the scenes I wrote, but didn't post because I know it needs too much work. I have one vote from @kais to see it, and one here not to! I'll ponder... Yeah, I always have problems with this. Need to find a good way to refer to them. I'm trying to make part of the growth in this book S reaching out and protecting his friends, rather than the other way around, but it's not there yet... I'll have to put in some more detail. It's mentioned once in passing in the first book, but it's one of those things that's like "It's been there for ever, no one knows what it's for..." Yep, I'm going to have to cut a lot of the "walking and talking."

Yeah, I think the first section needs to get edited quite a bit. Anything in particular you were expecting? Thanks @kais!

Definitely! I may well have a suitcase just with books to deliver...

Um...on for next April 22nd? In other news, April 22nd is also the release day for Fruits of the Gods! (But you fine folks, it's also available on the 20th and 21st for $0.99!)

@Majestic Fox - Definitely helpful. Thanks! Agree. Hopefully this is the effect of a first draft. I usually layer more detail in there on the second pass. I think you've hit the nail on the head here. I thought something was off in the first part of the chapter especially. I'm doing more tell than show. I'll try to adjust this on the next pass. Thanks again!

Cool! I haven't received anything yet, but here's hoping...

Lol. I think Dan would actually find using him in a story funny, especially if he gets brutally murdered ;-) Also: Tom, Henry, Will, Fred?

I really enjoyed this! It's got just the right whimsy of a fairy tale, and a good structure to it. I think the only thing it's missing is the payoff at the end. (prescriptive warning) J needs to rescue L to show that she deserves the cape. Right now we have a cool triumph showing J knows what she's doing, but then the cape shows that it knows she cares about her friend. I think with the follow through on this part, the ending will be much more satisfying. (/prescriptive) pg 1: "For seven years they would observe the cunning tricks of the oldest ravens, and for seven years they would seek out the secrets of the dawn hare." --Is this 7 or 14 years, because right after, it says they get presented with a cape after 7. pg 4: ‘If you leave, I won’t any friends.’ --missing "have" pg 7: "for three times seven years" --This explains the beginning. pg 7: "as she with awe " --missing a word pg 9: Ahhh, that's it? I want more!

Hello all, We're on to chapter 10, and almost halfway through! Back to E this week. As always, let me know what you think. Reactions on anything/everything else is appreciated, from character notes, to description needed, to grammar and phrasing. Previously: E coaxed S out of his room after a strange chime went off. The maji are interested in S's new house. R got some information from a source, and M wants to restart the Society. R reveals the location of the Coalition's headquarters, but can't get there, and everyone is called to the Assembly, where the Coalition unveils an ancient being. E and R discuss the revelation, S visits the Eff in a private audience, and M continues recruiting. Re manages to meet with the coalition, learns E and I's true species, and confronts E. E trades herself for I and S takes I in. The rest of the cast gathers at the wall, and meet the Eff. They learn some new things, then the chime stops as something comes through the wall.

@industrialistDragon--Awesome comments! I was just thinking about the who Star Trek aliens thing today while writing. There is a section coming up which addresses this a little, but I do want to put a little more color into the different cultures. It keeps getting pushed aside by the larger plot threads, but I'm going to try to squeeze it in there in the next draft. Sigh. Yes, this is a definite problem with Re. I'm wondering what your reactions will be further on. This is something else I need to squeeze into the next draft. He does get some cool parts, I promise! But I also take your point. Yep. I think I can put more in with this at the beginning, by taking out the part with V. Interesting perspective to replace R's POV with O. I hadn't considered that. I'll have to see what the consensus is later in the book. Thanks as always! You never fail to have great insight to what I need to work on. These comments will definitely drive a better book.

Ready for another week of Facets? Cause I'm submitting unless someone stops me!

*Rubs hands* Just wait....

Thanks @kais and @shatteredsmooth Haha. oh, I and S. I'm glad bits of this are hitting at least. I keep trying to add more with Inas, but it hasn't congealed yet. There are some more moments soon, and I will be adding more in as soon as I figure out what I's deal is... This section will probably stay. The M interludes seem to be self-sufficient on their own. Thanks very much for the feedback on this! I try to get this right, but still fall in holes here and there.There will be more of this later, so I'm certain I'll probably mess up again. On the agender note, that's a really good point. "doing a gendered assignment" is a much better way to put it. This is connected to the last point. Yes, they are different nonbinary labels! I use "they" as agender and "zie" as a third gender here. There will be, er, more of this very soon. I'd love for you to see if it gets too confusing with more genders. I've been having fun discovering new gender names! Yep! Cool. I'd love to put more of this in there. This may be a good point, or I can elaborate on it elsewhere. It will give the R POVs a little more heft. I really miss O's POV here too, but had to cut it when I started. There were just too many, and R and O would just cover the same perspective most of the time. Yeah, this was part of what I skipped submitting. It's in there, but like Ch 6 and 7, it wasn't working yet, but it does exist! Cool. I'd love to keep it in, if it has a chance of working. It felt rushed to me too, but I couldn't put a finger on what it was. Great comments. As always, if you see parts where the anxiety is off, let me know. There is something like this is a couple chapters, but I can add it here as well. This would be something, and I was thinking he was going to go, but if something is coming out of the wall, then why would be go in? Hmmm...I'm wondering if the next chapter will address this enough. Awesome comments, and they will help a bunch!

Thanks @shatteredsmooth! Yeah, that seems to be the consensus for this chapter. I have a feeling several of these last chapters will be spliced together. Great comments. I think this will help me pinpoint what to change. Also very helpful! Yep. I'm going to have to figure out how to do that without just recapping the last chapter of Journey..

Thanks @kais! I think from this point you're going to see a lot more of the dynamic between the three, in a sense, as well as longer POVs. As you say, at this point I'm finding my feet. I will probably end up combining 3-4 of the early chapters and taking out some of the parts that don't work. Yeah, I need to work on this a lot. Timewise, Journey ends about 10 days after this one starts, so I need to figure out how to reference it correctly. Great points. I'll work this in. Agreed. I'm really excited for you all to read her later parts in this, starting with chapter 10! Great. Glad this works.

Hello all, given the problems in chapters 6 and 7, I'm skipping over most of chapter 8 for now. I think it can be combined in some way with the last two chapters to speed things up. Feel free to read the M section of chapter 8 I've included, but that brings the submission to almost 6000 words, so no problem if you skip over it and just read chapter 9. What you missed: E, with Re in tow, trades herself for I. He's in bad shape. Re helps I to meet up with S, who takes him and helps him get cleaned up. I is acting strange and makes random changes to his body, but perks up seeing S again. He says E wanted this to happen. As always, let me know what you think. Reactions on anything/everything else is appreciated, from character notes, to description needed, to grammar and phrasing. Previously: E coaxed S out of his room after a strange chime went off. The maji are interested in S's new house. R got some information from a source, and M wants to restart the Society. R reveals the location of the Coalition's headquarters, but can't get there, and everyone is called to the Assembly, where the Coalition unveils an ancient being. E and R discuss the revelation, S visits the Eff in a private audience, and M continues recruiting. Re manages to meet with the coalition, learns E and I's true species, and confronts E. E trades herself for I and S takes I in.

Oh, yeah that's fine. Send it on and I'll look over it this week.

I can try--what's the timeframe?

Interesting comment, and thanks for pointing it out! I'll take another look at that exchange. Yep. I had a lot of trouble putting this chapter together. I knew the two stories would overlap timewise and I'm trying to make it satisfying enough in this book, while not completely spoiling Journey and also making people want to read that novella. Not an easy task and it obviously need some more work. I'll have ponder this section. This might help... I thought about that and then forgot to put in it! I'll change it. I'll try to clear it up. Thanks for the catch. This gets more development later, but I'll see what I can do about making it more satisfying here. Yeah, I think I may need to break this one up into a couple chapters. Thanks for catching this. There is some explanation on this in three chapters, but I think you have the right of it that there's not enough emoting that they're separated. Yes, that helps. I'll see if can work that in. Thanks @Robinski and @industrialistDragon! I knew this one needed work, but you highlighted a lot of where I need to focus. Much obliged!

On for next week...hope people aren't getting fatigued on my stuff!

Hello all, There were some issues with the chapter last week, so hopefully this one will show what it was setting up for. Let me know what you think of the revelations this time around! As always, let me know what you think. Reactions on anything/everything else is appreciated, from character notes, to description needed, to grammar and phrasing. Previously: E coaxed S out of his room after a strange chime went off. The maji are interested in S's new house. R got some information from a source, and M wants to restart the Society. R reveals the location of the Coalition's headquarters, but can't get there, and everyone is called to the Assembly, where the Coalition unveils an ancient being. E and R discuss the revelation, S visits the Eff in a private audience, and M continues recruiting. Re manages to meet with the coalition, learns E and I's true species, and confronts E.

Thanks @shatteredsmooth! Good point. When I go to shore up this section, I'll address that. Ha! Excellent. I'm glad this is coming across. Got it. I can clear this up. About three chapters until things go off the rails. I'm really excited to see what you guys think!