Mandamon

Thanks @Sarah B, @shatteredsmooth, and @Robinski! Ah, this is defined in the other books, but I can throw in a reminder. Lol--well, still good feedback. I know I can get long-winded in sections and this will help me trim things down. !! That's about what I was visualizing, so I guess I got the thought across... More of this than I remembered...I'll adjust. I'm thinking this is more on the outskirts of what Strength can do. It's concerned with how things are reinforced and put together, providing stability, so I was rationalizing this as taking the "strength" and "stability" from stone to make it fluid. Sort of inspired by the D&D "stoneshape" spell and by the magmabenders from Avatar. Also, I'll take another look at the blocking around this part to clean it up. A bit of rare dramatic license from R. Can clarify. I more meant they would start exploring the areas outside the Imp. Yep, and so are the characters. I can hang a lantern on this more. Sounds like I need to clear this part up a lot, both in time frame and details. My intent was that there are a whole bunch of displaced people around here, trying to make the best of things. After the immediate danger is gone, not everyone needs to be doing something all the time... Nope, Pan keeps bringing it up. Meant to be a (small) running joke. I'll play around with it. Agree! I'll clean this up. P is the second or third largest city in the N, after the Imp. But compared to the Imp, sort of a sprawling country city. I'm trying to figure out how to juggle references to the Gv. They made contact shortly before things blew up, so they would definitely be in people's minds. I'm hoping the interlude in the second book will be enough to make people recognize them at least. Let me know what you think a few (7-8) chapters down the line...

Thanks @lizbusby! It's great to have feedback from a new reader to see what pops out. Yeah, she's been in five books now (I think) so fairly well represented. This species only drinks--doesn't eat anything solid--so this would be the equivalent of a meal. Still, that does't mean I haven't gotten the point across fully, so I'll update! Yep, I've had some other confusion on this. Will clarify. It's a valid point, and I know it's mentioned in several chapters. I think I just need to expand this term more in the vein of "more encounters with the creatures to figure out what's happening" rather than "research."

Very cool! *imagines @Robinski flying the falcon around a room going "brrrrpprrrrprpr"*

Thanks @lizbusby! I think (hope) that a lot of the confusion stems from coming in at this late stage. There's a lot of setup for what M and his group are doing and why. That said, the first part of this will definitely get cleaned up to have less passive wandering, and I can put in some of the emotion from the end of the last book to help drive them. Good thought about coming up for a name for them. I'll have to ponder on that!

I agree. In fact, doing this with all these introductory chapters might up the tension overall, while reminding the reader what happened, and bringing the two books together.

Thanks @Robinski! Yes, there's a little handwavium involved. It's also what the Lob experience as music vs. what the actual wavelength is. I'm hoping this falls under the "rule of cool." This is why I leave it to others smarter than myself to figure out my magic system ;-) Ha! Glad someone has! I rely heavily on spellcheck. On a side note, dictation is wonderful for strange names, because if you spell it once and train the word, you never have to think about saying it! Ah, thanks for the catch on this. I think I skipped a step. Meaning to imply that R gets kind of annoyed that C takes forever to get their point across. Good comment. I think I agree at this point. Going to also tighten this up, as several have suggested, and put in some more tension. Thanks for the alternate viewpoint! It's quite a challenge to get the level of reintroduction correct between people who've just finished the other books, people who haven't read the novellas, and people who stumbled on this for the first time! Great feedback. I think this is just what I need to spice up the front half of this.

This is MUCH better. The tension is increased greatly by the gunfight, escaping, and then the reveal at the end. I feel like I'm starting to get some payoff from the story finally. I'm with @Sarah B, though I didn't think about it while reading. How did DM get down there? Did he sneak past the guards on duty or did they let him down? In the latter case, the fight doesn't make as much sense. Notes while reading: Pg 2: I really like the vividness of M's description of DM, but I almost think it's...too much? I kept checking to see if it was E's POV. M has reason to hate DM, yes, but not so much on this personal level. DM's gone after E and Q, but I don't think he really knows M exists. pg 3: "I’ll paste the little girl’s face " --yeah, this strikes me as he knows M matters to Q, but he has no real stake in M whether she's alive or dead. She's just a tool to him. pg 4: "don’t believe for a minute he’ll let me walk away" --this is good. Gives us some more of what DM is thinking and what he'll do next. pg 5: The standoff is much more tense. The gunfight is great! pg 7: "“Have you seen the light" --I was confused what he meant for a moment. The later sentences make it clear Q's asking about DM, but I think the switch from escaping to asking about Dm was too quick. The flashbang(?) was actually too quick for me. I want a couple more reactions in the smoke and more "what was that" before turning the talk to what DM was doing, and on top of that, asking about the robot. pg 8: "Won’t K track this truck?” --but wouldn't he also have realized DM was the bad guy? This still seems like it's setting K up as helping DM. pg 11: "We have a so-called helper inside G" --This is a helpful reminder to pin down MC some more. pg 12: Nice. We finally have a reveal. I think it really helps the tension, too, as it ups the stakes for Q.

Chapter 5 of book 3, following Ri and Co again. Still looking for if you think this chapter and #4 should go before chapter 3 with Man's POV. Now I'm thinking I should keep it as is... All comments are welcome. Still working on personalities with a larger cast of characters. Anything else you see as well! Previously: S, E, and I arrive in the other facet and tell the inhabitants what's going on. E and I learn a little about their species, but they all decide to go back to their facet to learn more, but when they get there, E still has issues from her imprisonment that keep them from leaving. They instead work with the leader of the Ari group, until the Eff faints. Man comes to the Imperium with his new Society, to learn what happened after they tried to bring something through with his device (at the end of books 2). We switch to Ri and Co, who have escaped to HD's homeworld, at an installation of their art, where they regain their bearings.

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Thanks @lizbusby! Great comments, and they seem to be in line with everyone else's. This and first chapter will be getting a big revision in plotting and character decisions. Thanks for calling this out. I generally fall down on the emotional beats, so that gets ironed out in the next draft. This will help a lot with it! Definitely. I plan to put some more in foreshadowing this in the first chapter.

Thanks @lizbusby! Good call. I'll work on this to make it snappier. Also a good catch. This will help me flesh out the parts that need to stay. I think this is mostly explained (or at least built up) in the previous two books, but I'll take a look at it. Yep. This will get a major overhaul. Yes, this likely comes from the events that just happened in the last book. She's not very stable at the moment.

I guess I'll start this off. I'd like to submit Monday the 13th.

The Society of Two Houses (Click in the signature below to go to the Amz. page.)

HD is actually named after the musical instrument they play! I think you asked about TD in the last thread. They are named for the "stutter" caused by their fingers touching too much while they sign. Good catch. O and R know each other really well. So much that R can tell what O is thinking and what he will do. As to their romance, they are definitely back on after book 1. I need to put some more indicators in book 2. I've tried to make it stronger in book 3, so let me know if it lands right. Ah, no. I need to vary the number of Elg that come through, They don't always come in pairs, so they aren't paired instances. Yep. This is something from the novella prior to Seeds, and I need to put a reference to it into Book 2 as well. Cool. I'll take another look as I do the next edit, and see what others say as well. Good points on the lack on tension and circular planning. I wrote this chapter because 1) I REALLY wanted to do something on this homeworld, and I think everyone is enjoying that aspect 2) It is sort of a sequel to the cliffhanger of the last book. I"m playing around with this format, hoping people will start reading #3 directly after #2. 3) It gives this group a chance to catch their breath and I can reset descriptions and personalities to remind the reader. That said, I think this does go on too long. I'll see if I can roll this in with the next chapter, or come up with something more tense to fill this one out. Thanks to @Lightbearer, @shatteredsmooth,@kais and @silk!

Well, this blew up while I was asleep! I'm going to address the pronoun thing first, and then critiques. This is a great comment, especially from someone who hasn't been following through all three books. I'm hoping if you read them in order, the buildup will not be as hard to follow. But this tells me I need to do a little more reintroduction in the first few chapters. I do have an appendix of species in the full book, in which I detail what gender each one has, so it an be used for reference. Maybe I should have also included that in the summaries I posted. For now, here's a quick rundown of pronouns I use: He/She - used for most characters. Several species are predominately binary. One uses a dominant and subordinate version of he/she as well (for a total of four genders). Zie/hir - used for one's specie's third gender. All three are required for reproduction. Xy/xyr - one of five genders in W.W.'s species. Two are for reproduction, and the other three for growth and development of the species. Xy gives a rundown in both books. The one in this book is a little later on. Them - this one is trickier. I use it for both nonbinary (in that the person using it does not fit within the major genders for that species), for an agender species, and for certain cases where there are literally multiple identities within one body. The species in the next facet have more exotic gender types, which I don't really go into in the text, except for W.W.'s If I get into them more in a later book, I'll have to do some buildup around them. As several people have said, there's a fair bit of worldbuilding behind these, over two books,four novellas, and a novellette. I love playing around with how species might define themselves both physically and mentally. Hope this helps!

Thanks @Lightbearer and @shatteredsmooth! In general response to your concerns, I definitely need to speed this chapter up and put more excitement in along with the dynamics of a large group. It will be a challenge for the next edit. Things aren't going at the right pace to keep up with the tension of the chapter. Will work on this and thanks for insightful feedback! The end seems to be working, but I need to make the characters suffer a but more to get there. Will do! Very glad it's flowing well for you! Fortunately, there's an entire novella already published about M, G, and K's adventures about 50 years before this! Glad this is catching you, though. I'm hoping this and M's arc in the last book will make people want to read the novella. Glad you like M as a character. I hope S will grow on you as well through the book. Let me know as we go...

Thanks @Lightbearer and @shatteredsmooth! Agree. I really need to clean up the first few pages to make it clear there are lots of strange aliens, and to give some more blocking to the scene. I think there's a note about this in the first and second books hanging a lantern on it. I don't precisely call it out, but if you look carefully there are specific morphologies in one facet vs. another. Heh--yeah, there was a discussion about this with the first book, a few years ago. Suffice to say the Nether is...problematic in the way it enforces that everyone understands each other. It's a bit of handwavium and a bit I just don't go into it. Thanks! I was trying to buy a nonbinary character in (in a predominantly binary culture), and this seemed like the right place.

Okay. If I can ask a supplementary, Is there something in particular that makes you disbelieve it? Yeah, good point. I've cut the line. Mainly that these two things are connected. The MC can get into everything, but can't make the line secure. Also, the MC can get into everything but still isn't revealing information when it's beneficial to all.

I had a very similar reaction to @Lightbringer. I thought this was a good fairy tale/children's tale, where things are simplified to a general moral (which in this case I guess is: don't let pompous idiots get in your way?). I liked the ending, which wrapped everything up nicely. We get an interesting relationship, but simple enough for a kid's story (though me with an adult mind sees some, uh, exotic possibilities there...) To your questions: -- Anything that you didn't understand or that I wasn't clear about. I was also unsure what cognitive ability the horse/girl had since she didn't speak. Then she began learning magic, so I assumed she was as capable as the girl. -- Anything I might have hinted that would happen but didn't (promises I made but didn't keep) Sort of random, but which was the one who was actually in the carriage with the prince? Whichever one did not didn't really get an equal share of the wedding, though everything else was shared. -- Is the queen okay? She's fine. Moving in the shadows and setting up her son for success, which is pretty cool. -- How much do you hate those guys? Eh, they're villains, but not competent. I almost feel sorry for them because I knew they had no chance between the queen and the girl/horse. They were going to get tricked or defeated in some way. -- Am I bashing around too much with the clue hammer at that one point? No idea what this is. One comment while reading: pg 5: "blackened copper instead of blackened bronze" --I can't really visualize how different, if any, these would be. I think that's the point, but then I also don't know how anyone else would spot the difference to call it out.

Sooo...I guess I'm first again. I was ready to call out more standing around when the chapter opened with eating and drinking in a bar, but I ended up enjoying this chapter more than the last 3 or 4. There were some good character building moments, and we finally get some inkling of what the real strategy might be behind everything. It all gets pretty tense toward the end, and my only complaint is that it's taken 24 chapters to get here. The two K's are playing a more important part, but I'd like their personalities and the political side to be built up a lot more to get to this point. Prescriptive, but I think switching out some of the traveling for learning about K&K and what how TOM ties in with politics would shore this chapter up a lot. pg 3: wasn't really expecting a break from the running and shooting for a conversation on philosophical implications of decentralized communities... pg 5: "My animals always watch the door.” --good line pg 7: “In a different narrative,” --also a good line pg 8: "And I'm half-serious about that job, by the way" --I would read a Q & M & E adventure... pg 8: "But I do kinda wish we’d met when I was still bi-sceptical.” --nice pg 9: The realization about whatever the political party is doing falls flat. E seems to know, but I don't understand enough about the political situation to get it. TOM is interfering in an election, sure. But what are the consequences? pg 9: "for galactic stakes" --vague. What exactly might happen? Make me fear it. pg 10: Wait--why did they wake everyone up to talk again? Couldn't they have just done it in the morning? pg 11: "interstellar terra-forming company” --Oh yeah...forgot about this. Might be good to reiterate somewhere in the intervening chapters. Pg 13: the ending definitely got more tense. I guess the president is in on this somehow and suspending the election is part of it? I think the villainization of Koo needs some more buildup. I couldn't tell the two K's apart before, and now Q is questioning whether he's working with DM. There needs to be something in the middle.

Chapter 4 of book 3. Yes, I know it's a new POV, but you'll be with this one for two chapters at least! However, in reading back through this, I think it may be better to put this chapter and the next before the Man. POV you read last week. Let me know what you think. All comments are welcome. I've tried to work on bringing personalities out for a larger cast of characters, so let me know if it lands. Anything else is fair game. Previously: S, E, and I arrive in the other facet and tell the inhabitants what's going on. E and I learn a little about their species, but they all decide to go back to their facet to learn more, but when they get there, E still has issues from her imprisonment that keep them from leaving. They instead work with the leader of the Ari group, until the Eff faints. [MAY MOVE TO AFTER THIS CHAPTER]: Man comes to the Imperium with his new Society, to learn what happened after they tried to bring something through with his device (at the end of books 2).

Thanks @Robinski! Great comments as always. I think you've figured out why the pacing on the first half feels slow. This is a big issue, but easily fixed! I can make them spring into action much sooner. I think this the key. I've provided a bunch of extra "fodder" and then not carried through. Will fix. Messily. Yeah, I hate assuming a male standard, so I've taken to assuming "they" until the POV knows the gender. I think it fits with this universe, but hopefully it's not too off putting. I at least try to be consistent! I think this may work much better as an organization, or even forming up this way after they see the first creatures, with M taking immediate command. Great suggestions, and I think they can tighten this up a whole lot.

More pictures! We've put together most of the outside of the gate, and gotten I think all of the characters. We're about half done with the first booklet! Marlowe is standing in as a T-Rex...

Honestly? Because I can get more money by selling two books than I can by one.

I'm not adding any new POVs that weren't in the last book, so I'm hoping if people are reading straight through,they'll have less trouble with investment. For M, he already had a novella which gave some of his background. He's going to be a lot more in-tune time-wise with the rest of the cast in this book. That's partially why he's in here, to provide cool things from someone with a lot of experience. On him and S meeting up...that will be much later on, but hopefully S's arc makes up for it! I will admit there is a lot of expanded cast in this--secondary characters who aren't that important, but sort of have to be around. I've played around with how to use them as I wrote. Let me know how it reads. Thanks, @industrialistDragon!