Mandamon

Thanks @Snakenaps! Yes, this is a good point to add in some emotion and panic. That might be a good way to add something more to this chapter. Cool! Uh...Yah. Just wait. Yep. Need to increase urgency here. This comes up in a few chapters. Lol! Ha! Yeah, I was imagining something like that as well. Yes, there are some issues with this chapter. I really want to keep the worldbuilding elements, but It's not really working as is. I may need to move it around or shorten and combine with next chapter.

Thanks for the LBLs, @Robinski! Very helpful. Yeah, I originally wrote these chapters before everything turned to poop, but reading back through them is eerie. Good point. Will adjust. Yep, my brain pinged this as clunky when I read but I didn't fix it... Agree. I'll adjust. Good suggestion. I also felt this didn't have enough of a punch. Ah, yes, that helps. I think I'll do just that!

Well, I certainly can't object ;-)

If there are no objections, I'll get both chapters ready for Monday, then.

Definitely! I thought that was actually going to happen with the chapter with DM on a train..

Also in for Monday. I think I'll hold back on two chapters this week. Chapter 8 is only about 3000 words, but might get longer when I re-edit. However chapter 9 is almost 6000, so hopefully I can slip that one in for the 20th if there are only a few submissions? Unless everyone is really eager to read another 10k words from me this week...

I think that would work a lot better than introducing D. He was an interesting character, but you could easily give his background to K (before he joined the police) as a way of making him a little more 3-D It could work, but I'm still not sure. I think I had more problems with the switcheroo and TOM not ever showing up, and DM dying offscreen. We're given a new enemy we didn't really know about before except for cryptic glances. I appreciate that a lot of this was hinted at/set up, but I just have this feeling there's a more elegant solution to bringing it all together to give us some resolution with the genetic creations, the original murder, and TOM/DM's plot with the company. Not much help, I know. Hopefully others have some better ideas on this one.

Thanks @Sarah B! Glad this is working for you! I was thinking about that myself. May change the name for this chapter. Oops! Thanks for catching. I'll take a look at this.

Thanks @Sarah B!

Thanks so much! Yeah, that was the one sketch he did that I had no comments on. It's perfect!

Ah! Good idea!

HI everyone! A bit (lot) self-promotional this morning, as I just opened up the Kickstarter for Facets and Fall, which you kind folks have been reviewing.You can find the campaign here:https://kickstarter.com/projects/spacewizard/the-dissolution-cycle-books-2-and-3-science-fantasy-lgbtq You can also get a look at a few of the characters, as I have the first illustrations posted in the campaign: G sitting on K, and one of the Elg! Any social media shares are appreciated!

Thanks @shatteredsmooth! Good point. There are a lot of similarities. Glad you liked this. Guess we'll see what the overall feedback is... Yep! Just wait...

Thanks @shatteredsmooth! Seems a consensus on this one. I'll probably shorted it a lot and suck it up into the next chapter.

Thanks again, @CherishLarain! Yep, they're specifically for this story. Heh...I think some of this is missing the magic system and world building both from the earlier part of this book and from the previous two books, but I'll see if anyone else gets lost here. Yep, I think I'm going to do this. HD's house was a fun scene, but it's basically just worldbuilding with no plot. Maybe I can turn that chapter into a short story or a bonus scene. Hmmm...I'll see what others say. I was hoping to add some new information here, especially with the Gr. I think this comes from feedback last time that said she wasn't having enough concern over O. Not it's not fitting together right. I'll see what the other reactions are. Good point. I will try to adjust this the next time around. Yeah, that was the end of the last book when they tried talking and one ate the Eff. Heh...I just threw this in. Maybe it's like tomato sauce... I think I'm channeling R from Tuning...I'll have to adjust this. Yeah, I think the substance of this is eluding me. I want them to be proactive rather than reactive, but just jumping back into the city will get them killed. Thanks @kais!

Thanks @CherishLarain! Glad to be your first review! I'm happy the nonhumans came across well. There are a lot of them in this book! This is actually something from the previous book, so you wouldn't know about it. Ha! HD is pretty harmless, but I can see how that would come across for a first time reader. basically like "magi." Thanks @kais! Yep, looking back on this, I think this was mainly a re-introduction, but the next chapter will serve better for that. Hmm...I'll have to see what the consensus is on this. O&R are an interesting couple... I think I may just roll this into the next chapter and shorten it a lot. yep...6 chapters in. Going over to the next chapter...

Well this is unprecedented! I've checked with the mods, and am taking two slots this week as I'm intending to publish this book in a few months and really need to get feedback on the whole thing. And of course I review and edit the chapters before I post, which meant the second one bloomed up past 6000 words. *grimace* Sorry. The two together are still less than 10K, however... SUB 18 Chapter 7, Continuing Ri's POV and group. Here's where stuff hits the fan, and they find out what's happening in the Imp. I've added more emotion here (and made the chapter longer...), so hopefully the relationship parts come across better. Let me know! Previously: S/E/I arrive in the other facet with their news of the Elg. The Eff and court are there, E has problems with trust, and E/I learn about their folks. The Eff faints shortly thereafter. E battles the voices inside her as they travel to the Ari, and attacks S. In the Ari enclave, I struggles with his image, we learn of the Ari, and E and I use each other's houses for the first time. M arrives with the society to the Imp and is attacked by Elg. People die and Man finds himself with more and more responsibility as they attempt to figure out what's going on. They learn the Eff is also killed, and M makes clever use of a portal to save his life.

Well this is unprecedented! I've checked with the mods, and am taking two slots this week as I'm intending to publish this book in a few months and really need to get feedback on the whole thing. And of course I review and edit the chapters before I post, which meant the second one bloomed up past 6000 words. *grimace* Sorry. The two together are still less than 10K, however... SUB 17 Chapter 6, Which introduces Ri's POV. This is a bit of a shorter, gathering chapter after last week, and before the longer one next week. I think I've cleared up most of the issues from last time. Let me know what you think! Previously: S/E/I arrive in the other facet with their news of the Elg. The Eff and court are there, E has problems with trust, and E/I learn about their folks. The Eff faints shortly thereafter. E battles the voices inside her as they travel to the Ari, and attacks S. In the Ari enclave, I struggles with his image, we learn of the Ari, and E and I use each other's houses for the first time. M arrives with the society to the Imp and is attacked by Elg. People die and Man finds himself with more and more responsibility as they attempt to figure out what's going on. They learn the Eff is also killed, and M makes clever use of a portal to save his life.

Fine with me! Also, having discussed with the mods, I'm going to take two spots this week as a special circumstance. I'll be submitting two chapters, the first of which is pretty short. Both together are about 8500 words. This book will be coming out in a few months and I want to make sure I can pass the whole thing through this forum in time to publish it. Hope everyone is okay with that!

Ha!

Submitting chapter 6 on Monday 04/06

Thanks for the quick read, @Snakenaps! Yeah, this is one of those things that gets fixed up in later drafts. Technically, if it's "House X," then it's capitalized, but if it's just talking about a "house" then it's not. Guns are around, but pretty rare (worldbuilding-wise). They haven't developed because of a dependence on the maji. Yeeep. He can be pretty ruthless, but is more caring than WW. This is me not getting enough emotion in this draft... Check! We see a little bit of this later on. Interesting! Good take. They're pretty strange...sort of like drones with individual intelligence. Noted! There is something to this that will be developed in the second half of the book. Basically, yes. That's similar to what I was thinking. Great comment. I'm guessing some of this is that I haven't fully fleshed out emotions in this chapter. But this gives me a good indication of what to change. Thanks again!

Yep, @Robinski picked up on this too. I meant it as being from a textbook or something. Maybe I'll just throw that in so people don't get confused. Glad you like them! Awesome! Ick. I hope to continue inspiring your nightmares ;-) Glad this is coming across! They weren't creepy enough last time. Well now I want to write a short story about that. Yay! Blame @Robinski. He suggested more death and destruction! I am greatly enjoying all your reactions! You keep giving me ideas, @Snakenaps... Keep reading! These are all great responses, @Snakenaps! It's great getting a blow by blow reaction to what I've written. Thanks!

@Snakenaps, just wanted you to know that I stuck a kernel about the diadem being used to wipe memories in *checks notes* chapter 13, so thanks!

There will be more of this! Interesting thoughts! I feel like it gets too much into a magic answer to a problem rather than the characters working through it, but there could be some potential there. Thanks @Snakenaps!