Kureshi Ironclaw

A lot of Blind Guardian's stuff has that epic vibe that I associate with a lot of fantasy books. I also wrote a song called The Storm Lights My Way a while ago which was directly inspired by Stormlight Archive, so I tend to think of that song when I read.

@StrikerEZ thanks for the feedback! Your first line is awesome, immediately grabbed my attention. The idea you've got here is really cool. The second paragraph pulled a bit of the momentum out for me and the writing makes it read like the goddess is actually asleep, which was confusing for me. It doesn't feel like it is super clear in the text why a whole pantheon of gods dying is immensely terrible; there isn't really an explanation of how this impacts the setting, and the flippant references to replacing the gods with new ones takes out the drama of the pantheon's death for me. There doesn't feel like there is much of a reason to care that the gods are dead if new ones can be rounded up seemingly pretty easily. That being said, I love the premise of a detective story where the detective is trying to solve the death of an entire pantheon of gods -- it feels really original to me. I'm excited to see where you take this story. Nice work!

@Jehoiada Thanks for the feedback. You make a good point. I didn't really make it clear why Dorian was cleaning the blood personally, I really just assumed the reader would go along with it. The simplest explanation is that Dorian is the person who most wanted to do it and he arrived at the hall before anyone else bothered to organise a cleanup. The scene after this one shows a bit more of the relationship between the Whistlers, the government, and the general public, which gives more context to this, but it's still probably just a bit of hand-wavium on my part. I'll work on it.

Thanks for contributing, @Nathrangking! What you've written is very dramatic and has a lot of cool imagery to set the tone of your story. Unfortunately, my personal taste is to be put deep into a character's head as soon as possible in a story so I probably wouldn't have continued reading this after the first or second paragraph if I picked it up in a bookstore. That's just my personal gripe with omniscient perspectives though. What you are doing is fine; there are plenty of good scifi/fantasy books that start out with omniscient perspectives like Wheel of Time and Name of the Wind. I think the thing that makes this sort of introduction work really well is to have gripping prose that is clear and powerful. So I would say that my advice for you is that your ideas are great and the opening is dramatically appealing, you just need to tighten up your language to push it to that next level. There's a lot of potential there. I hope you can make it awesome!

Heya writerly types! I had an idea recently for a thread for us writers who are working on the first lines and early hooks in our novels. Basically I think it would be cool to have this thread be a place where we can get real reader feedback on the beginnings of our novels. In this day and age I think it is important to hook a reader early and keep them hooked so hopefully this will be helpful. The way I envision this working is that a writer posts the first line of their novel, followed by the first paragraph and first scene in spoiler tags. If a reader likes the first line and wants to keep reading they can open the spoiler tag for the next paragraph and so on, then they can give some overall feedback to the writer. It would be good to get honest feedback about whether our first lines/paragraphs are hooking readers so even if you don't like it, try to give honest and polite feedback to help us improve. It can be nerve-wracking for us writerly types to put our work on the line for potentially harsh feedback, so please be gentle. I'll go first. This is from my current work in progress, tentatively titled "The Whistler", my attempt at a fantasy/crime thriller: Dorian mopped up his brothers’ blood in silence. There you go. Thanks for reading, if you did. I look forward to some feedback. All you other writerly types, don't be shy about contributing! I hope this thread will be a helpful tool to all of us.

I dreamed an entire feature length film a couple of weeks ago. I'm talking camera angles, soundtrack, and everything. But when I woke up I realised the plot didn't really make much sense and the whole thing was basically action and gratuitous violence.

Doesn't seem to be available in Australia which is annoying...

Seems to me that it's pretty hard to have a sequel that doesn't spoil the first movie, but okay they can do that. I imagine avengers 4 will function like infinity war part 2.

I enjoyed Infinity War but it had all the pacing and tone problems I expected. None of the deaths really hit me because I'm not convinced anybody will stay dead. It definitely feels like the first half of a movie, so I'll probably hold back on my full judgement until I see part 2.

I think this could be fleshed out into a really good novel. All the pieces are there, they just need refinement. Awesome work!

It was good and entertaining but it had all the tone and pacing problems that I expected. Thoughts on the ending:

Shadows for Silence. I just loved how dark the tone was. It was so creepy.

I would lean towards focusing on what the animal is noticing and how they react to it. To make it not sound too human, I think sticking to short sentence structures and concrete words is your best bet. The bit that is tripping it up a bit in my head is that it is in first person. In past tense especially it kind of implies that the animal is recounting the story, but animals don't tell stories in prose. Third person might help you out a lot more to write from an animal perspective and make it feel animal.

As a fellow writer the best piece of advice I can give you is to keep writing things that you enjoy. The more you practice, the better you'll get, so keep doing what you're doing

Lately I've been digging Pink Lemonade by Closure in Moscow. It's the sort of album I can get to the end of and then want to listen to again because the end is so cathartic and refreshing. The concept is a bit wacky and lighthearted but all the songs are pretty killer. The style is a cool mix of funk and prog-rock with some electronic/pop influences. The Dear Hunter Acts are all amazing in how interconnected they are. Melodic themes are constantly reprised and reworked and new melodies tend to be foreshadowed. A lot of that stuff is pretty subtle so it leaves more to discover with every listen. The story is one of the most cohesive I've listened to, which is pretty remarkable because it currently extends over five albums. I also don't think there are many genres these albums don't delve into. Avantasia albums like The Scarecrow and Ghostlights are really cool power metal albums with some of the theatrical drama of Meatloaf's Bat Out Of Hell. Although I find I don't necessarily notice the story is happening. Metal Opera I and II have the story at the forefront, but those albums are pretty cheesy even though there are some killer songs like Reach Out for the Light and Farewell. The Wall by Pink Floyd is my favourite concept album of all time. It just takes me on such a beautiful journey every time I listen to it. I'll extend my recommendation to include Roger Waters' solo albums as well, such as Pros and Cons of Hitchhiking, Amused to Death and Is This The Life We Really Want? Nightfall in Middle-Earth by Blind Guardian is a must for fans of Lord of the Rings. It roughly followed the events of the Silmarillion. Dark Matters by The Devin Townsend Project is a fun, goofy, over-the-top, theatrical romp, featuring aliens warring over coffee beans. The album also has a 2000 piece choir singing on it which is pretty cool. Scenes from a Memory by Dream Theater is really good. It was the first album that got me into prog-metal. The story is a murder mystery about a guy trying to figure out how he was killed in a past life. Misplaced Childhood by Marillion is a really good mid-80s neo-prog, pop-rock concept album. It can get broody and over-verbose at times but there are some beautifully uplifting moments. Very emotional and evocative, but still somehow good to play Skyrim to. The Similitude of a Dream by the Neal Morse Band. Neal Morse is a genius at creating concept albums and this is probably his best. Imaginaerum by Nightwish. Theatrical, gothic and dramatic. This was an instant favourite for me when I first listened to it. The Whirlwind by Transatlantic. The whole album is technically one 78 minute long song. It's a cool revival of that classic 70s prog-rock sound. I guess that's a semi-exhaustive list of my favourites that I would recommend. I didn't originally plan to list so many, but when I get started I can't stop haha

My thought was that it was Apocalypse Guard. They mentioned David's metaphor thing from the Reckoners in reference to it. Doesn't necessarily prove a connection, but still. I'm pretty sure most writing excuses episodes get recorded a while in advance, so I think this one was probably before the newest Secret Project. I'm pretty sure Skyward isn't set on earth either.

Definitely Rashek. He just had such a cool dark and mysterious aura, and managed to live up to it when he did appear on screen. He also knew how brutal and cruel he was but he was doing it because he thought it was necessary.

It was about the third time she used a colour metaphor that it fully clicked for me. I thought I was so clever for figuring it out but then as I kept reading I realised Brandon was leaving clues all over the place and I had actually missed a lot of them.

Aurell looks like she would be the strongest POV to build the story around. There is more conflict and stakes inherent in her plotline that you've outlined in your character synopsis. If she fails in her quest something bad will obviously happen to her country, but she is already at a disadvantage by having to sneak into the capital and possibly become a fugitive in that city. A story about her overcoming that disadvantage and searching out the right strings to pull in the city to get her the help she needs could be really fun. I can't help so much with the magic. I tend to discovery write magic for a big chunk of a book then firmly define all the rules and limitations before the climax based off what I've already used the magic for. I wish I had more time in my life right now for writing, because trying out something collaborative looks really fun. Unfortunately I hardly get time to even work on my current novel any more, and I'm only getting busier. I hope all goes well for you.

Elsecaller. Nothing too surprising there.

As beautifully tear-jerking as many books and things have been for me, none have yet made me cry, but some have made me want to. The end of the main quest in the Witcher 3 came very close for me though

Ah yes, I remember Stormstock

Kureshi is a character in my first novel. I think his name sounds pretty cool, even if he is an absolute piece of trash. It's especially cool with Ironclaw added to the end, though the addition of that surname is probably a mild spoiler for the sequel to that novel. So yeah. Kureshi Ironclaw because it sounds cool, not because I'm a violent, power-hungry mercanary.

My immediate thought was that it would help keep dust and stuff out of their eyes during storms or whatnot, but that's what eyelashes are for. So I think I'll have to agree that it is probably some quirky thing from deep in their ancestry.

Always good to see a fellow Aussy on here. Rural Victoria has similar problems with decent bookstores.