Turos

@Mandamon The funny thing? I actually cut a bit more redundancy from that line before submitting it. Seems I have a habit to break. xD @gwslow Ah, I see. That would definitely flow better. Good points that totally make sense. I am going to fix those. Thanks!

"I'm not used to reading it" translates to "I haven't seen other authors writing this way. They totally should!"

I'm going to try a method I've been seeing used a bit by others and comment as I read: The "crystal cold air" sounds cool, but perhaps "ice cold air" would fit better, unless crystals are all cold in Willow's world. Bonus points for evoking immersion with sensory details! Why does Willow feels like she will drown? Is there a painful experience from her past that these senses are triggering? 'Then we'll go back.' Who is 'we', I wonder. You have a very poetic way of describing how things look and feel. I'm not used to reading it, but sometimes find I write this way, too. It's nice. Example: descriptions of the giant. The same poetry is in her motivations, like the feelings drawing her to inspect the giant. I personally would like to see her approach to the giant. It seems she is watching from a distance, then immediately close enough to touch it. 'Out of nowhere' might not be necessary here. Again, I write like this all the time and am trying to cut out filler like this from my own stuff, though I don't tend to catch all of it. I like the power behind her ability. The picture of a boulder moving to release it is a nice touch. I'm curious what exactly the giant looks like. Does it have human-like skin or is it made of stone or moss? I enjoyed the unspoken communication between them. Is the giant still damaged? You described light escaping from it's chest. Maybe that's normal for a giant. Does she really believe Olga will cover for her? My imagination is able to play in filling out how the temple looks inside, but with your ability to create vivid pictures, it's a shame to let this opportunity to paint the scene go to waste. The little bit of doctrine is intriguing and adds depth. How much time has passed since she started training with Olga? Ah. The giant IS still damaged. OK. I like the dialogue between Olga and Willow. Things are getting interesting. What is night soil? Why do the children raise their hands if the teacher is blind? Kids these days... no respect. EDIT: Oops. I posted this before I was finished. xD I'm confused. If reading the scroll makes them go blind because they were never meant to read God's language, why are they trying to build up a resistance to read the scroll? I guess I don't understand the religion very much, but wouldn't this be blasphemous? Now I want stew-filled flat bread. 0_0 Hungry... Awesome story! I definitely want to keep reading this.

This is really cool. I like how you play with your words while describing the reflections on the water. I really like your characters, mainly Willow and Olga. Willow's thought processes are a nice touch as she thinks about making her lies seem like truth. That tells the most about her background. Was the thought 'And you were supposed to go with her' in reference to Symon or Willow? After reading a bit more, it seems obvious that 'you' is referring to Willow, but I tripped over it a bit the first time through. My favorite part is how you depict the beetles working together and the implications of what is ruined by Sabina. If you hadn't included the beetle scene and just jumped to squashing and Willow feeling bad, it wouldn't have been as powerful. Well done.

Thanks for any feedback.

I meant a map of the Cosmere, like Roshar and Scadrial and what maps we have of other places.

I have been thinking. I'm not much of a facts and sources person. I listen and when I hear the same stuff enough times, I work off of my intuitions. Here's an idea based on some patterns and repeated info. But first, the thoughts leading up to it: What have we seen from all of the shardholders? Each example we have seen more closely and from Words of Brandon, the shard changes the person, to a large extent. Sometimes the intents align, but in general, it seems, the host is subject to much of what their shard is all about. Here's another thought: Hemalurgy has been said to happen in other worlds. That's funny, since Preservation and Ruin are only found on one planet. It's a magic built around both of their intents, right? I don't think it stops there. If this was restricted to Scadrial, where the said shards have an effect, the power would also be restricted, at least in origin and practice. That's the funny thing about hemalurgy, though, isn't it? As far as I am aware, there's no evidence that it is really dependent on the spiker's sDNA. Everything rests on who was killed to create a spike. Even the recipient doesn't seem to matter. Between these two points of reference, is there a similarity? In hemalurgy, a recipient of a spike becomes altered, and the more spikes, the larger the change. Powers from the spike victim's sDNA are passed along, just like with a shard. Other spiritual elements are affected as well, like with a shard. There's a difference, though, isn't there? One who is spiked recieves damage to their soul while the spike remains. Why are they twisted by this? My belief is that the residual pieces of the victim's soul are interfering with the recipient's. What if the spike didn't have a soul attached, only the powers and a bit of directive? My theory is that hemalurgy is actually a byproduct of the Shattering, and that holding a shard, and even a splinter, is a purer form of that art. As far as naming of the magic system, it makes sense it's called hemalurgy. That's a product of hemaglobin and metallurgy. Blood and the study of metals. These are things the Scadrians, specifically the Steel Ministry, understand about the magic. Their world only has one 'focus', metal. If my theory is true, hemalurgy could have a more fitting title referencing focuses in general. On a side note: If hemalurgy is happening in other worlds, whether this theory is valid or not, doesn't that mean that new hemalurgic constructs, such as kandra, koloss and inquisitors, are also possible? Have we perhaps seen evidence of any so far?

Cool idea. Ooh, what if someone put together a Cosmere map like this and we could all set out positions on the world and region.

Wayne understands emphatically. You just can't work with a hat that isn't lucky.

Maybe they are just jealous because their world has no birds. xP

I can see something like this helping people get over walls blocking them from emotional recovery, but for cases where the problem isn't chemical imbalances, it should definitely be temporary until they begin building habits to get their state of mind back on track, otherwise it just becomes a crutch. Cool idea, though. Probably a lot less undesired side-effects, too.

I have a very short segment, under three hundred words. Is there room to sneak this in for some pointers?

And a need to focus your travels on locations where future investments can pay off.

Sure! I'm curious what you have in mind for their looks. And no, I don't plan on selling it. Just something for fun.

Oh, Maya should work fine. Sorry, I skipped over the part earlier where you mentioned you have done some modeling. Final effects sound really good. I hope I am not getting in over my head. It's been a while since I last messed around in Blender.

Thank you for sating my version of yourself, Curiosity. Ten points!

Are you interested in starting texturing smaller props for the scene and see how you like it? If you find texturing isn't your style, that's fine. I'm going to take a while to make this, and will attempt to model the characters myself. In the mean time, I'll put together some props and buildings. I like that track. Sounds intense. I might put together a track of my own later, but for now, this one works. Thanks for the suggestion. I'm going to try storyboarding, then get feedback and adjust it to where things look good. Please be patient with me, though. I work fifty plus hours a week, and will be doing this mostly on the weekends. Definitely a slow-process, but that just means we can take time to polish stuff up and all that good stuff. Thanks for your help, Lark! If trying out texturing interests you, I can whip up a couple models for you to play with. Do you have a computer that can run Blender? If not, that's fine, though it could make things a little easier for you to visualize by testing the texture and seeing how it fits. I can always send you screenshots, though.

That winged wolf is awesome! Just had to say that. Progress on the fight scene: The coinshot is looking like he will be a kickboxer and the lurcher a capoeirista. There are some fun little tricks each can use by augmenting their style with their allomancy.

My character's name is Turos. He is a Lurcher/Gasper. He wears a belt which has a few pouches attached, each filled with steel rock-climbing anchors. He also carries a steel clawed hammer, a couple flares, and a non-metallic slingshot on the belt, with straps to keep them secure. The flares have metal caps crimped on the free ends, and are attached from belt loops. When torn free, they ignite. In addition to these, he has a hundred feet of climbing cord. He wears a red-and-black tiger-striped wingsuit and has two bands of cadmium that fit snugly around his hands like brass knuckles, which he has painted with red and black stripes on the backs. The paint has begun to scratch off in places. His wingsuit has exterior pouches to carry pill-shaped pieces of iron. The belt is secured to the back of his suit with straps, and it can be undone easily to allow the 'wing' membranes to open. He also has a spare black wingsuit in a pouch on the belt. He wears hiking shoes without studs. As a last resort, he carries a parachute attached to a single climbing anchor. Turos is a bit of an adrenaline junky. He is a base-jumper, but he does it in his own way, using his allomancy to redirect his falls, even swinging upwards for dramatic landings on distant rooftops. He's broken several bones, and likely will break more. He has gone scuba diving without a breathing aparatus, and almost died from the Bends.

Awesome!

What all do we know so far about these people? I have heard a few things, but am not sure if they are accurate, such as: They are more industrialized than the North Pole; They have a technological variant of North Pole powers; They aren't aware of the North Pole people. Has anyone else heard these things or anything else?

Do we know that Harmony isn't just a new shard of the two combined? I was under the impression they were now one part, but I can't think of any evidence either way. I guess I should stop assuming stuff. xD I wonder if there is an Adonalsium pool.

Do either of you have a portfolio or some examples of your work? 2D would be amazing, but I know how much work drawing out every frame can be. I have some experience in rigging character models and animating them, as well as various objects. Here are some example .gifs:

Do any of you happen to be skilled in 3d character modeling? How about any texture artists? I'm thinking of creating a short animation in Blender featuring a fight between a coinshot and a lurcher from the Mistborn trilogy. Anyone interested?