RawToast225

That's a really big one. I don't know how I missed that.... These stories are more alike than even I thought. What's up with that? P.S. I accidentally down voted you, so I gave you an up vote. I didn't mean to.

Air has been air for so long that it would probably take it a very experienced soulcaster to convince the air to change. I honestly think Shallan convincing Vin to change to smoke would be a better gamble. Either way, Shallan would be dead before she could get around to convincing Vin to change her basic form.

I'm thinking that Dalinar and Gavilar were both named in a style that is unknown to us. Their names sound like each other. Maybe they were made to sound like Kholinar, their homeland. Adolin and Renarin both have the same last part of the name as well, so I'm guessing it's just a tradition. Jasnah, Jezrien. Elhokar is just weird. Navani is close to that one Herald that's killing all the peeps.

Ah, nice one!

I don't mean to seem contrary, but that doesn't seem very plausible the way you describe it. Would you mind finding the link to it for me? I can't. I must not be searching the right think.

Like, died and Returned to become Kalad?

Well, you get my point.

When the first thing you do in the morning is check the 17th Shard, then check Facebook.

If you could pair up any two shards together, what would be the outcome? For example, Ruin and Odium would be the single most destructive force all of the universes have ever seen. It would probably be called Destruction, too. Shard List: Ruin Preservation Endowment Devotion Dominion Honor Odium Cultivation

This may have been discussed before, but I can't find it. Kalad from Warbreaker actually met​ Kaladin. Can you imagine what he was thinking when he heard that name? "My name is famous enough in this universe to have spread to this world??? Who's stupid idea was that?!" Of course, it wasn't a stupid idea. It was brilliant. Because it's Sanderson.

"Holy names, Batman!" In all seriousness, I think that the names are holy if they sound like one of the Herald's names. I don't know all the names of the heralds, but Kaladin (Kalad's Phantoms anyone?) kind of has a name that sounds like Kalak. Shallan sounds like the one that trashed all the art, Tien sounds like Taln, ect. If a high ranking noble doesn't have a good sounding name, historians will just give him one later (The guy who wrote The Way of Kings being a great example of that).

Respectfully, I want to point out that you have gone off topic before. Every single person on this forum has gone off topic at least once in their lives. I appreciate those who defended me on this (Kurkistan and Elin specifically). If you have a problem with me personally, please private message me so we can work it out. As for the map, I do like it so far! It's really cool. You're doing a great job with it

I love how detailed you went into this critique! I have some editing to do, obviously, but I'm glad you still want to see more despite the editing. Thank you for taking the time to read this!

Silk, do you ever submit things?

All right. The prologue was awesome! I thought she was going to lose her eye and was a little disappointed when that didn't happen. It would have been a great tag for the character to have. The worst thing about the prologue was the terminology; the terms had continuity issues. Is it a federation or an empire? That's an editing thing, though. I loved the masks, I loved the description of the people and how it was directly mirrored on the setting, and I liked the description of the judge. In my head, I pictured him walking against the grain of the colonists with discerning, out of place eyes. I know you are probably going to RAFO this, but are judges exempt from conformity? Chapter 1 was even better than the prologue. The Battle School is pretty cool, but I wanted more in the first chapter than I got. If I were reading a paper copy of the book, I would skip to the next chapter to see what in the world was going on. The current questions I have are mainly about the races and refuges that are in the world. What's up with that? What are Brutes? Are they a mutation of a specific race, or just a race of their own? Why would she have seen tons of fighting? I need more explanations! I am feeling frustrated at this point in the reading. Chapter 2 was extremely well written. I really liked the guy's character and I don't even know much about him. That was awesome. The no pulse thing was intriguing. I want to know why she can still breath, so I'll just keep on reading. One question, though. How did she end up in the caravan with the refugees at all? Chapter 3 leaves me with a little more resolution, but what is up with the power? What is it, really? (hehe) I really liked the culture shock that Eve went through here. It was enticing to compare what she knew of her culture to the one she woke up in. I just feel like it could have been explored a little more. I can't wait to read more of this. Submit more soon, okay? There are some serious punctuation issues that need to be addressed, but again, that's editing. Edit: The genre is kind of hard to pin down at this point because we don't know if you have tech or not. It could just be Fantasy, or it could be Sci-Fi. The only character that I wasn't impressed with was the one in the school thingy. He was kind of just not there. The Brute was better than he was. I think the pacing was a little fast in chapter three, but really quite good in the rest of your chapters. If you slowed down Eve's awakening, I think it would be a lot better. Take the time you need to to explore your character's feelings. Info dumping is not always a bad thing. Info starvation is a almost always a bad thing. Info dumping can be fine in the early stages until you can find a way to spread out the info. Maybe reveal it a little later in the story of the chapter. Just don't forget you have a storyline to get back to when you info dump.

Do we have any Adventurers out there?

There are three very good things that I will change when I go back to revise this! I am going to keep Kieth the same because I need him later on; it was a conscious choice to make him a cruel leader. Originally, he was just someone that was employing Kyd, but didn't have any claim over him. I am going to change the way that Jacks convinces Kyd that he is actually offering freedom. Before, it's just an assumption that Kyd made, but you are right in that he would be more distrustful. There will have to be a good fight/flight battle inside Kyd's head while he is talking to Jacks. I'm also going to change the scene down in the lair. That still needs tons of work. Thank you for helping me figure out why it needed work, though. Thank you so much for the positive review! I was a little nervous that it didn't make much sense because it was a quickly written piece that I wanted to get in for this group. I do have one question for you, though. I didn't mean to pattern the city after the caste system in that link, but that's almost exactly how it is, isn't it? Wow! I might have picked it up somewhere subconsciously before, but I don't remember ever seeing that before in my life. I will explain the magic system in depth in four chapters. It's not extremely important until then, but it will happen. Be warned that it is a little like Micheal Vey. When I came up with the magic system, I hadn't read Micheal Vey yet, but I was explaining it to someone and they were like "That sounds familiar." I was freaked out because I thought I had stolen someone else's ideas until I went and read the book. It's not too similar, but there are some ideas that should feel familiar if you've read it.

Okay, so I kind of want to write the theories that come out of my head without editing them. I think it will be fun. If you can prove me wrong, please do. Major spoilers for almost every book. 1. Thunderclasts are made out of the stones themselves. I believe that the Shin actually worship them. It would explain why Szeth was pissed that the Alethi were walking on it. They were walking on his stone gods. 2. Spren of Odium are responsible for the Thunderclasts. We know that they fought in the Desolations against Honor, so they are probably from Odium. 3. Eye color probably won't change for the squires. The darkeyed officer in Dalinar's vision of the the Recreance could be a squire and his eyes were just dark. 4. Lopen will be everyone's favourite character in the next few books. That's just the most probable thing. He'll probably die with the impact of Dobby's death. 5. Taln will snap like in Mistborn and regain his cognitive functions. He will be so badass when he does and save everyone. It will be like The Tapestry when Bram comes back. (That's an obscure reference, sorry) 6. Vasher loses Nightblood in a game of chance, much like the Millennium Falcon. 7. The Returned can change their form to something non human which will be awesome to see in the next book. 8. Sazed will probably visit Roshar in the last book to wipe the floor Odium. That probably won't happen, but I would love to see that. 10. Number nine was too stupid, so let's just go to ten. Kaladin will live to see all of his family killed. This time, however he will not be drowned in sorrow because of it, but he will he good enough to move on. 11. What if Firstborn was part of the Cosmere? The Ones Above would be the people from Firstborn! It's perfect, I say! Except it's not. Tons of holes in that. 12. The cast of Friends will appear in Yolen and Chandler will give Hoid a run for his money. 13. Alcatraz found the Talent entity thing and recaptured it. He will used it to open a wormhole to the Cosmere and break it. Adolnasium was shattered because of Alcatraz. He really is not a good person. 14. I am going to theorize that you people are sick of reading these increasingly ridiculous theories and stop.

I think it was a device to get Renarin out of the arena so that he couldn't jump in to help right away.

Yeah, fair enough. I can get behind that. I won't change my post, though. I still like how I expressed my opinion.

Lol, a cognitiv translator, so a surge binder? "So, Mr. Chain. I hear that you are in fact a chain. Can you tell us more about that" Translator thinks for a moment. "I am a chain." "No, I said more." Translator pauses before speaking again. "I am a chain." "Okay, look buddy. If all you are going to say is that one sentence, we are going to have a problem. I am trying to conduct an interview with the illustrious Mr. Chain and you keep getting in the way. You either get me something else, or you are fired." "I'm sorry sir," the translator said. "Thank you. Now, how was your childhood, Mr. Chain?" ".... I am a chain," the translator said reluctantly. "Get out."

At the time, I actually couldn't have. It was just a rare occasion when I had to chose one or the other. I made the right choice.

When you are more excited to get on the 17th Shard forum than eating ice cream. I need Sanderfriends bad, guys.

Thank you. I'm very glad you've decided to join us!

"So, Mr. Chain. Where were you on the date in question?" Chain says nothing because it's a chain. "Playing hardball, are ya? Well, how about we get your friend the Lucky Rope in here to jog your memory?" Chain again says nothing. "I suppose you have the right to not speak without a lawyer, but innocent chains don't need lawyers." Chain sits there. Doing nothing. Inspector throws his hands up in despair. "Get out." Chain doesn't move. It's a chain, after all.