Certified Gay Disasters

[Aeoryi she/her]

16 minutes ago, momadrac said:

have crushes on 2 or more people at once and i'm not sure if thats normal

having multiple crushes at once doesn't make you poly, but having multiple relationships at once may

Edited 18 hours ago by Aeoryi

[momadrac they/them]

7 minutes ago, Aeoryi said:

having multiple crushes at once doesn't make you poly, but having multiple relationships at once may

huh okay thanks

[Kansas Stormcursed he/him]

1 hour ago, momadrac said:

one of us

one of us

one of us

welcome

good more or less

its gay month

i figured out i have enby tendancies

i might be poly? idk i'm fine with 1 person relationships but i also tend to have crushes on 2 or more people at once and i'm not sure if thats normal

help

Huh nice

Not to object to poly, idgas, but yes that's fairly normal. *Cries in single bisexual crushing both ways*

[Usseewa]

3 hours ago, Ink and Embers said:

Awesome!!!! *hugs*

Don't worry about names!!! Your name is supposed to be good for you, so whichever you feel most comfortable with is best.

Do you want us to try and call you another name on the Shard so you can try it out? (the Internet is often a good place to trial names, and if you don't want to do it on a public site, you can try things such as changing what your calendar / Spotify account / YouTube account (if you just lurk) calls you)

Uhhhhhhhhhhh

yes

hehe

 

Ash

 

Porfa call me Ash

To try

Heheheh

 

I'm honestly having some very confusing feelings in the past few days. Past two maybe. Or three. I lose track of time, I thought multiple times today that it was already Friday...

I journaled about everything a fair amount (I've gotten back into journaling as of a few weeks ago and have been doing it every day or nearly since). Like... where to start

I mean also there have been changes that could be impacting it. I got a new med around the same time or a day before I started thinking about this. I also changed my presentation a bit (dyed hair, finally wearing shorts, other stuff too). Like also I'm wearing what i call to myself my depressing hoodie cuz it's black and either makes me more depressed or dysphoric when i wear it or that's just my imagination.

oh yeah im depressed again tehe

now that the worst anxiety has lifted im tired and depressed. yay...

or maybe i was already tired and depressed idk.

but uhh.... im just questioning everything about my gender and sometimes i hate it and idk

and like for maybe an hour or less i felt strongly like Ash and was even gonna test run it with my dnd group, but then i backed out and like didn't feel it *as* strongly/intensely? And everything is weird *gahhhhhh*

i considered genderfluid but idk

i worry im just thinking im enby cuz im depressed or dysphoric or something else

but i also have never liked having gendered terms used on me

at least not the feminine one and

i for the life of me cant remember/know if the masc ones bothered me or not, and

that makes me worry im actually just cis/male

and that all of this was a waste or smth

even though ive changed SO much, for the better and some for the worse, but I finally feel human

so that's good

but i used to, and sometiems still, disliked when people used they/them pronouns on me (in a good-intentioned way, ofc). Then other times it was nice. Though also that was before I was out, and it was an alternative to the other...

Sometimes I kinda want no pronouns or gendered terms, and sometimes not even a name. Maybe just cuz I don't like whatever i was/am using in that time.

and i know there's such a thing as agender, and im not sure

And i could be enby but they/she or she/they, right? (as opposed to they/them, or something else.) What if im masc...

i feel a sense of either masc or like.......  fem and enby, or masc enby or masc fem (like a girl but kinda masc. I think there's a word for that, demiboy or demigirl or smt or demiguy, right?)

but......... idk

cuz i just feel like im switching everything up every so often

from music taste to clothing to my name or username or pronouns ughhhh

my music taste has went from sabrina carpenter olivia rodrigo katy perry etc. to nirvana grunge stuff to j-pop to indie rock and random new stuff rock/metal (or, back to?)

and my clothing/style is shifting too, and like... idk. And same with what colors of clothing i like, what types, and ughh it feels like nothing is real/permanent so why bother and why commit and why enjoy it too much if it'll go away/change?

How can I say I'm a girl or an enby or whatever? How can I say "I like _____" (skirts, purple, fingerless gloves, hoodies, black, etc...)?

My interests, too. Everything I like and enjoy or once did. Who I am.

I'm so confused...

 

[Adonalsium Will Return He/him]

@Usseewa-

Both Can Be True by Jules Machias

IDK, but this is something I read a bit ago. Might help, might not, just figured I'd send it.

Edited 14 hours ago by Adonalsium Will Return

[Aeoryi she/her]

1 hour ago, Usseewa said:

Uhhhhhhhhhhh

yes

hehe

 

Ash

 

Porfa call me Ash

To try

Heheheh

 

I'm honestly having some very confusing feelings in the past few days. Past two maybe. Or three. I lose track of time, I thought multiple times today that it was already Friday...

I journaled about everything a fair amount (I've gotten back into journaling as of a few weeks ago and have been doing it every day or nearly since). Like... where to start

I mean also there have been changes that could be impacting it. I got a new med around the same time or a day before I started thinking about this. I also changed my presentation a bit (dyed hair, finally wearing shorts, other stuff too). Like also I'm wearing what i call to myself my depressing hoodie cuz it's black and either makes me more depressed or dysphoric when i wear it or that's just my imagination.

oh yeah im depressed again tehe

now that the worst anxiety has lifted im tired and depressed. yay...

or maybe i was already tired and depressed idk.

but uhh.... im just questioning everything about my gender and sometimes i hate it and idk

and like for maybe an hour or less i felt strongly like Ash and was even gonna test run it with my dnd group, but then i backed out and like didn't feel it *as* strongly/intensely? And everything is weird *gahhhhhh*

i considered genderfluid but idk

i worry im just thinking im enby cuz im depressed or dysphoric or something else

but i also have never liked having gendered terms used on me

at least not the feminine one and

i for the life of me cant remember/know if the masc ones bothered me or not, and

that makes me worry im actually just cis/male

and that all of this was a waste or smth

even though ive changed SO much, for the better and some for the worse, but I finally feel human

so that's good

but i used to, and sometiems still, disliked when people used they/them pronouns on me (in a good-intentioned way, ofc). Then other times it was nice. Though also that was before I was out, and it was an alternative to the other...

Sometimes I kinda want no pronouns or gendered terms, and sometimes not even a name. Maybe just cuz I don't like whatever i was/am using in that time.

and i know there's such a thing as agender, and im not sure

And i could be enby but they/she or she/they, right? (as opposed to they/them, or something else.) What if im masc...

i feel a sense of either masc or like.......  fem and enby, or masc enby or masc fem (like a girl but kinda masc. I think there's a word for that, demiboy or demigirl or smt or demiguy, right?)

but......... idk

cuz i just feel like im switching everything up every so often

from music taste to clothing to my name or username or pronouns ughhhh

my music taste has went from sabrina carpenter olivia rodrigo katy perry etc. to nirvana grunge stuff to j-pop to indie rock and random new stuff rock/metal (or, back to?)

and my clothing/style is shifting too, and like... idk. And same with what colors of clothing i like, what types, and ughh it feels like nothing is real/permanent so why bother and why commit and why enjoy it too much if it'll go away/change?

How can I say I'm a girl or an enby or whatever? How can I say "I like _____" (skirts, purple, fingerless gloves, hoodies, black, etc...)?

My interests, too. Everything I like and enjoy or once did. Who I am.

I'm so confused...

 

I mean I've kinda given up at this point; I say I'm transfeminine so that way it encompasses a broad area rather than a specific point. Also easier for other people to understand.

bigender also exists and no it is not necessarily exclusive to binary genders, as does genderflux. If I'm playing devil's advocate here, you're not really looking at agender as different than non-binary. Also, non-binary encompasses a lot of different gender identities, kinda like the term "queer". 

Pronouns are unrelated to gender; anyone has the right to use the pronouns they want regardless of other labels. for example, I still use he/they/she pronouns but that doesn't make me genderfluid or whatever. 

 

[Deception He/Him]

10 hours ago, momadrac said:

but i also tend to have crushes on 2 or more people at once and i'm not sure if thats normal

That is "normal", or at least it isn't a guarantee of being poly by itself.

But if you really think you're poly then you're probably right.

[Aeoryi she/her]

being polyamorous involves multiple partners at once, which means that you don't just want any of your crushes, you'd want more than one at a given time, or like especially if you already make relationships while being already in relationships (with no intention of discarding either), then that would be a pretty big indicator of potential polyamory. 

That being said, I'm not really polyamorous or involved in a polycule. but it is a pretty... confusing thing. 

a lot of people go "hey I'm feeling this, does this mean I'm <insert term here>" and the answer is typically just going to be irrelevant because at the end of the day whether or not you call yourself gay or straight is completely dependent on your personal preferences. Those preferences should be prioritized as defining your preferences is more important than finding the right sticker to fit the job.