Certified Gay Disasters

[Hmmm lies she/her]

34 minutes ago, Aeoryi said:

Does anyone have trouble associating with their chosen name different than that given at birth? (especially if other people use it for you or whatever)

not saying that I am struggling to disassociate from my deadname, I'm saying that I'm struggling to associate with any at all

  Reveal hidden contents

Had blood testing yesterday. scary

 

A little tricky at first, but once everyone started calling me it, I got used to it.

[Aeoryi she/her]

Just now, Hmmm lies said:

A little tricky at first, but once everyone started calling me it, I got used to it.

People have been calling me Tess sometimes. It's nice but weird to have people call me deadname. 

also HRT really soon (small amount though)

[Factor She/Her]

1 hour ago, Honors Spectral Image said:

*hugs* welcomeeeeeee 

1 hour ago, Aeoryi said:

well well well

welcome to the club, I guess

 

1 hour ago, Verdance said:

Nice to meet you, again. We are here for you however you choose to identify, and will respect you no 

*hugs everyone*

thank you

so much

1 hour ago, Hmmm lies said:

Ah, Whitepine, I love that.

Hello, new person. I once posted a similar post in this thread, and everyone here helped me so much, so of course we'd all be happy to do the same.

Taking this step is brave, so good job in that. Would you like to tell us more about this or ask us any questions?

*dumps out everything I didn’t put in the previous post because I thought the time to type it out would be the time it took for me to chicken out*

Spoiler

so I remember since a long time ago, the farthest i can definitely remember is year and a half but there could be more I forgot, I would be thinking like

“*sighs* if only i was a girl! too bad I’m not!” and part of me would go *coughs* trans *coughs* but I would dismiss it and stop thinking about it because I thought that, from not quite paying enough attention to my parents, trans people were already born with hormones that didn’t match their body. which I now recognize as a misunderstanding of a seed of not paying attention to the concept or hrt. and during the past school year, it got worse, like “ughhhhh why couldn’t I just be born a girl, or be trans,” and imagining being a girl.

then sometime in March, I started interacting with Lily here on the shard, followed here, and therefore got a bunch of notifications from this thread. and often when not many people are online, I go through the notifications I ignored before because they’re from threads I don’t have anything to do with, like notifications from posting in rps. So I went to the notifications from here, and basically

*thinks vigorously*

the best way I can think of to say it is like being hit by a avalanche. This is a very bad way to say it. It doesn’t match very well. But I’m not good with metaphors.

so

yeah

that kind of pushed me into what I wasn’t seriously considering

and then it was very *word*

I am apparently running out of descriptive words

anyway then it was very… extreme?

it was very very

very

then one time I found one of Lily’s old posts here, I forgot how, where she was talking about signs she saw that she was trans, and it really resonated with me. It was scary.

and then the next was one of lily’s posts here where she said something like “people are wrong when they say ‘cis people don’t question their gender’” and a conversation between Aeoryi and Verdance in a early Yuri of the Day that was something like [I tried typing a summary here for a while, but it was too hard so I’ll just link it] 

and that made me think a lot about if this was just a phase, and if it was a perfectly cis thing to question myself and I would just settle on staying cis, and stuff.

Amd I was surprised when I came to the conclusion that it wasn’t the stuff in the above paragraph

And then I would constantly draft myself coming out here for like a month, but know I would probably never do that. And then today I was doing that again, and just spontaneously jumped on here and posted.

*very, very deep breath*

I’m glad I spoilered that for size

that took me forever to type and I kept getting interrupted

sorry

and so sorry Aeoryi for distracting from your discussion

very sorry

Edited Saturday at 01:18 AM by Factor

[Verdance he/him]

2 minutes ago, Factor said:

*hugs everyone*

thank you

so much

*dumps out everything I didn’t put in the previous post because I thought the time to type it out would be the time it took for me to chicken out*

  Reveal hidden contents

so I remember since a long time ago, the farthest i can definitely remember is year and a half but there could be more I forgot, I would be thinking like

“*sighs* if only i was a girl! too bad I’m not!” and part of me would go *coughs* trans *coughs* but I would dismiss it and stop thinking about it because I thought that, from not quite paying enough attention to my parents, trans people were already born with hormones that didn’t match their body. which I now recognize as a misunderstanding of a seed of not paying attention to the concept or hrt. and during the past school year, it got worse, like “ughhhhh why couldn’t I just be born a girl, or be trans,” and imagining being a girl.

then sometime in March, I started interacting with Lily here on the shard, followed here, and therefore got a bunch of notifications from this thread. and often when not many people are online, I go through the notifications I ignored before because they’re from threads I don’t have anything to do with, like notifications from posting in rps. So I went to the notifications from here, and basically

*thinks vigorously*

the best way I can think of to say it is like being hit by a avalanche. This is a very bad way to say it. It doesn’t match very well. But I’m not good with metaphors.

so

yeah

that kind of pushed me into what I wasn’t seriously considering

and then it was very *word*

I am apparently running out of descriptive words

anyway then it was very… extreme?

it was very very

very

and then the next was one of lily’s posts here where she said something like “people are wrong when they say ‘cis people don’t question their gender’” and a conversation between Aeoryi and Verdance in a early Yuri of the Day that was something like [I tried typing a summary here for a while, but it was too hard so I’ll just link it] 

and that made me think a lot about if this was just a phase, and if it was a perfectly cis thing to question myself and I would just settle on staying cis, and stuff.

Amd I was surprised when I came to the conclusion that it wasn’t the stuff in the above paragraph

And then I would constantly draft myself coming out here for like a month, but know I would probably never do that. And then today I was doing that again, and just spontaneously jumped on here and posted.

*very, very deep breath*

I’m glad I spoilered that for size

that took me forever to type and I kept getting interrupted

sorry

and so sorry Aeoryi for distracting from your discussion

very sorry

First off this thread is also for you? So i doubt you need to apologize

after reviewing that thread i would like to apologize however 

my logic does apply to me, but i hate to influence you in a direction that is less than happy for you. This was unintentional but not exactly a good thing by me

i have had several conversations with Tess about this where she has suggested that I may be an egg, and idk if that’s true, but im not going to make any decisions about that until my brain is done developing and i stop having hormones that ruin my mental processes, both in that i dont want to become a detransitioner if i do transition as that would be hurtful to other trans people, that the things that make me suspect my gender really dont matter that much to me and i dont think about them often, and that to be honest i dont want to cut myself off from my family and community, as coming out as trans would do that, and my family will always be more important to me than myself.

but very glad that youve come to this realization and i hope it helps you enjoy life more, sorry for being confusing accidentally and good luck on your trans journey 

sorry if this all sounds awkward i am very much not used to this tbh

[Aeoryi she/her]

3 minutes ago, Factor said:

*hugs everyone*

thank you

so much

it makes me proud to see this thread, this community be perceived as a safe space. So thank you.

8 minutes ago, Factor said:

so sorry Aeoryi for distracting from your discussion

very sorry

No worries! Don't apologize. 

[Factor She/Her]

13 minutes ago, Verdance said:

First off this thread is also for you? So i doubt you need to apologize

Oh yeah, I guess so.

13 minutes ago, Verdance said:

however 

my logic does apply to me, but i hate to influence you in a direction that is less than happy for you. This was unintentional but not exactly a good thing by me

i have had several conversations with Tess about this where she has suggested that I may be an egg, and idk if that’s true, but im not going to make any decisions about that until my brain is done developing and i stop having hormones that ruin my mental processes, both in that i dont want to become a detransitioner if i do transition as that would be hurtful to other trans people, that the things that make me suspect my gender really dont matter that much to me and i dont think about them often, and that to be honest i dont want to cut myself off from my family and community, as coming out as trans would do that, and my family will always be more important to me than myself.

but very glad that youve come to this realization and i hope it helps you enjoy life more, sorry for being confusing accidentally and good luck on your trans journey 

sorry if this all sounds awkward i am very much not used to this tbh

No, it’s okay, Verdance. You helped me realize. Your logic helped me realize it didn’t apply to me. It’s good, really.

12 minutes ago, Aeoryi said:

it makes me proud to see this thread, this community be perceived as a safe space. So thank you.

I will tell you, this is the safest place I know. And I have a pretty good life, with plenty of safe spaces. I feel safe at home. But I feel safer here.

(albeit rather cheesy)

Edited Saturday at 01:36 AM by Factor

[Verdance he/him]

1 minute ago, Factor said:

Oh yeah, I guess so.

No, it’s okay, Verdance. You helped me realize. Your logic helped me realize it didn’t apply to me. It’s good, really.

I will tell you, this is the safest place I know. And I have a pretty good life, with plenty of safe spaces. I feel safe at home. But I feel safer here.

(albeit rather cheesy)

Oh, phew

*uncortisols the verdance*

@Factor wait are you going to update your pronouns 

[Aeoryi she/her]

18 minutes ago, Factor said:

Oh yeah, I guess so.

No, it’s okay, Verdance. You helped me realize. Your logic helped me realize it didn’t apply to me. It’s good, really.

I will tell you, this is the safest place I know. And I have a pretty good life, with plenty of safe spaces. I feel safe at home. But I feel safer here.

(albeit rather cheesy)

Verdance is a good ally.

 

[Verdance he/him]

3 minutes ago, Aeoryi said:

Verdance is a good ally.

 

means a lot

[Aeoryi she/her]

14 minutes ago, Verdance said:

means a lot

no worries

[Hmmm lies she/her]

1 hour ago, Factor said:

*hugs everyone*

thank you

so much

*dumps out everything I didn’t put in the previous post because I thought the time to type it out would be the time it took for me to chicken out*

  Reveal hidden contents

so I remember since a long time ago, the farthest i can definitely remember is year and a half but there could be more I forgot, I would be thinking like

“*sighs* if only i was a girl! too bad I’m not!” and part of me would go *coughs* trans *coughs* but I would dismiss it and stop thinking about it because I thought that, from not quite paying enough attention to my parents, trans people were already born with hormones that didn’t match their body. which I now recognize as a misunderstanding of a seed of not paying attention to the concept or hrt. and during the past school year, it got worse, like “ughhhhh why couldn’t I just be born a girl, or be trans,” and imagining being a girl.

then sometime in March, I started interacting with Lily here on the shard, followed here, and therefore got a bunch of notifications from this thread. and often when not many people are online, I go through the notifications I ignored before because they’re from threads I don’t have anything to do with, like notifications from posting in rps. So I went to the notifications from here, and basically

*thinks vigorously*

the best way I can think of to say it is like being hit by a avalanche. This is a very bad way to say it. It doesn’t match very well. But I’m not good with metaphors.

so

yeah

that kind of pushed me into what I wasn’t seriously considering

and then it was very *word*

I am apparently running out of descriptive words

anyway then it was very… extreme?

it was very very

very

then one time I found one of Lily’s old posts here, I forgot how, where she was talking about signs she saw that she was trans, and it really resonated with me. It was scary.

and then the next was one of lily’s posts here where she said something like “people are wrong when they say ‘cis people don’t question their gender’” and a conversation between Aeoryi and Verdance in a early Yuri of the Day that was something like [I tried typing a summary here for a while, but it was too hard so I’ll just link it] 

and that made me think a lot about if this was just a phase, and if it was a perfectly cis thing to question myself and I would just settle on staying cis, and stuff.

Amd I was surprised when I came to the conclusion that it wasn’t the stuff in the above paragraph

And then I would constantly draft myself coming out here for like a month, but know I would probably never do that. And then today I was doing that again, and just spontaneously jumped on here and posted.

*very, very deep breath*

I’m glad I spoilered that for size

that took me forever to type and I kept getting interrupted

sorry

and so sorry Aeoryi for distracting from your discussion

very sorry

"I wish I was a girl, too bad I'm not" is a phrase I said to myself once lol.

Not really sure what to say which the others haven't. Honestly, I'm not great at emotional support compared to the rest of this thread (huge props to y'all btw), but know that I'm super happy for you, and you've been doing a great job getting this all out.

I tend to excel more in my expertise with trans stuff compared to general emotional stuff though, so I think I can help with gender stuff and other related stuff.

[Aeoryi she/her]

I am quite good at medical or logistical elements of transition, if you have any questions about how things work like I will totally be willing to give a shot at answering them.

 

[Honors Spectral Image She/her]

2 hours ago, Aeoryi said:

Have you looked at birthnames popular in your birth year? That's a good starting point. 

a lot of the time it's just "someone does this name better and it's not *my* name"

So much better than my birthname oh yeah. it fits me well enough. And it does seem very much like me, sounds decent with my last name and it's so so fitting. 

but I do struggle to pick it up perfectly

Oh no I’ve got my names lol Izzy and then eventually changing my legal name to Isabel but still going by izzy

[Ink and Embers Any pronouns]

4 hours ago, Factor said:

*hugs everyone*

thank you

so much

*dumps out everything I didn’t put in the previous post because I thought the time to type it out would be the time it took for me to chicken out*

  Reveal hidden contents

so I remember since a long time ago, the farthest i can definitely remember is year and a half but there could be more I forgot, I would be thinking like

“*sighs* if only i was a girl! too bad I’m not!” and part of me would go *coughs* trans *coughs* but I would dismiss it and stop thinking about it because I thought that, from not quite paying enough attention to my parents, trans people were already born with hormones that didn’t match their body. which I now recognize as a misunderstanding of a seed of not paying attention to the concept or hrt. and during the past school year, it got worse, like “ughhhhh why couldn’t I just be born a girl, or be trans,” and imagining being a girl.

then sometime in March, I started interacting with Lily here on the shard, followed here, and therefore got a bunch of notifications from this thread. and often when not many people are online, I go through the notifications I ignored before because they’re from threads I don’t have anything to do with, like notifications from posting in rps. So I went to the notifications from here, and basically

*thinks vigorously*

the best way I can think of to say it is like being hit by a avalanche. This is a very bad way to say it. It doesn’t match very well. But I’m not good with metaphors.

so

yeah

that kind of pushed me into what I wasn’t seriously considering

and then it was very *word*

I am apparently running out of descriptive words

anyway then it was very… extreme?

it was very very

very

then one time I found one of Lily’s old posts here, I forgot how, where she was talking about signs she saw that she was trans, and it really resonated with me. It was scary.

and then the next was one of lily’s posts here where she said something like “people are wrong when they say ‘cis people don’t question their gender’” and a conversation between Aeoryi and Verdance in a early Yuri of the Day that was something like [I tried typing a summary here for a while, but it was too hard so I’ll just link it] 

and that made me think a lot about if this was just a phase, and if it was a perfectly cis thing to question myself and I would just settle on staying cis, and stuff.

Amd I was surprised when I came to the conclusion that it wasn’t the stuff in the above paragraph

And then I would constantly draft myself coming out here for like a month, but know I would probably never do that. And then today I was doing that again, and just spontaneously jumped on here and posted.

*very, very deep breath*

I’m glad I spoilered that for size

that took me forever to type and I kept getting interrupted

sorry

and so sorry Aeoryi for distracting from your discussion

very sorry

*hugs a lot*

Welcome!!!! Nice to have you here!!!!

The Shard is a very welcoming place to start transitioning!

I can talk about some of the emotional aspects of transness if you ever want to talk about it

Awesome!!!!!!

5 hours ago, Aeoryi said:

Does anyone have trouble associating with their chosen name different than that given at birth? (especially if other people use it for you or whatever)

not saying that I am struggling to disassociate from my deadname, I'm saying that I'm struggling to associate with any at all

  Reveal hidden contents

Had blood testing yesterday. scary

 

Personally not much; my chosen name comes a lot more naturally to me than I had expected pre-start-of-social-transition (still early days) but I do have problems with a lot of negative emotions associated with my birth name, to the extent I sometimes literally flinch when called it (it makes me feel sick).

[GG0z He/Him]

HI guys! Thought I would pop in here, after I wanted to know why Factor waas changing her pronouns field. It felt wrong not to say hi, so…

[Honors Spectral Image She/her]

1 hour ago, GG0z said:

HI guys! Thought I would pop in here, after I wanted to know why Factor waas changing her pronouns field. It felt wrong not to say hi, so…

Heyyyy how’s it going

[momadrac they/them]

yo hi guys i return

my school computer blocked everything with the keywork 'queer' 'gay' 'trans' 'cis' in it so i haven't been able to get on for a while

just got a new account tho!

sorry

whats been going on? 

Edited Saturday at 04:11 PM by momadrac

[Honors Spectral Image She/her]

3 minutes ago, momadrac said:

yo hi guys i return

my school computer blocked everything with the keywork 'queer' 'gay' 'trans' 'cis' in it so i haven't been able to get on for a while

just got a new account tho!

sorry

ACTUALLY???? That has to be illegal

[momadrac they/them]

3 minutes ago, Honors Spectral Image said:

ACTUALLY???? That has to be illegal

apparently not

its such bs

it also means things like the queer trans project are blocked so kids with queerphobic families cant even get help with transitioning and such

the us is such a [redacted] place right now

[Honors Spectral Image She/her]

1 minute ago, momadrac said:

apparently not

its such bs

it also means things like the queer trans project are blocked so kids with queerphobic families cant even get help with transitioning and such

the us is such a [redacted] place right now

Not even my town in Arkansas is that bad good lord

[momadrac they/them]

1 minute ago, Honors Spectral Image said:

Not even my town in Arkansas is that bad good lord

yeah holy rust

edit: i love how they change my cursing lol

Edited Saturday at 04:19 PM by momadrac

[Ink and Embers Any pronouns]

31 minutes ago, momadrac said:

yo hi guys i return

my school computer blocked everything with the keywork 'queer' 'gay' 'trans' 'cis' in it so i haven't been able to get on for a while

just got a new account tho!

sorry

whats been going on? 

Welcome back!!!!! Good to see you!!!

Spoiler

Have you changed your pronouns recently or am I just ignorant

I would like to threaten your school computer but can't do anything affective, so storm it

How are you doing?

2 hours ago, GG0z said:

HI guys! Thought I would pop in here, after I wanted to know why Factor waas changing her pronouns field. It felt wrong not to say hi, so…

HI!!!!!!!!!

[Aeoryi she/her]

32 minutes ago, Honors Spectral Image said:

ACTUALLY???? That has to be illegal

The "don't say gay" rule strikes again. 

[SpartanBrigade He/Him]

1 hour ago, momadrac said:

yo hi guys i return

my school computer blocked everything with the keywork 'queer' 'gay' 'trans' 'cis' in it so i haven't been able to get on for a while

just got a new account tho!

sorry

whats been going on? 

Ayyye you're back

Oof
Not even Texas has done that yet

We got a new person (Factor)
Aeoryi has a girl she likes
So does Usseewa
Honors Ghost is going strong with her gf
And I'm still tweaking out over the same person as before

Anything new with you?

[momadrac they/them]

2 hours ago, SpartanBrigade said:

Ayyye you're back

Oof
Not even Texas has done that yet

We got a new person (Factor)
Aeoryi has a girl she likes
So does Usseewa
Honors Ghost is going strong with her gf
And I'm still tweaking out over the same person as before

Anything new with you?

i think I'm pan *gay crashout*

i like a person but its weird bc i'm super bad at like social interaction but we talk about movies and games and crash out over the amazing digital circus finale (Which i recently discovered and am now obsessed with Glitch!!!) 

yayy hi Factor!!

We love the transbians

umm I got a job finally after i quit my last one

yeah but my small town was even progressive! i don't understand the rust that is going on with the school district

3 hours ago, Ink and Embers said:

Welcome back!!!!! Good to see you!!!

  Reveal hidden contents

Have you changed your pronouns recently or am I just ignorant

I would like to threaten your school computer but can't do anything affective, so storm it

How are you doing?

HI!!!!!!!!!

Heyyy I'm doing decent!! How are you? Thank you for the violence 

yeah I'm trying out they/them pronouns right now because thats what feels good but I definitely have very feminine days sometimes so idk

*gay crashout*

missed you guys 

Edited Saturday at 07:42 PM by momadrac