The Longest Thread (Misadventures)

[Mat he/him]

A shop that, when opened, would spawn an empire

[xinoehp512 he/him]

A restaurant empire.

[Jaywalk he/him]

With a real catchy slogan.

[xinoehp512 he/him]

Written by a famous consultant.

[NameIess]

That inspired millions to overeat.

[Jaywalk he/him]

Named Fred the Frog.

Ninja’d 

Edited May 31, 2020 by Jaywalk

[NameIess]

Everyone who was named Fred the Frog lived in constant terror.

[Silva]

There weren't many people who fit the qualification.

[xinoehp512 he/him]

And soon there were even less.

[+Doomstick he/him]

So they hired a consultant 

[Truthless of Shinovar he/him]

This consultant waged war on the consultant whose idea it was to inspire people to eat everyone named Fred the Frog.

[Silva]

A third consultant won.

[NameIess]

Who inspired everyone to eat the earth.

Edited May 31, 2020 by Nameless

[xinoehp512 he/him]

Record amounts of dirt were ingested that quarter.

[Truthless of Shinovar he/him]

Eventually, people discovered the core of Earth was actually made of chocolate.

[Zephrun’s Imperium they/he]

Because that made sense.

[NameIess]

They only realized their mistake after they all died in space.

[xinoehp512 he/him]

It had been good chocolate, at least.

[Jaywalk he/him]

*bzzzzt* 

We now interrupt with breaking news from Universe Hexagon.

[Truthless of Shinovar he/him]

“Plants have suddenly gained sentience and are demanding vengeance for hacking down millions of trees. Goodbye, and thanks for tuning in.”

[xinoehp512 he/him]

The Hyxali nation has been completely wiped out, and survivors are now fleeing the subverse.

[NameIess]

We contacted the narrators, and one of them, @The Awakened Salad, has sided with the plants. Narrator Nameless replied to say that he would look into the problem.

[Jaywalk he/him]

His research was extensive.

[NameIess]

In the end he concluded that there was definitely something strange going on with the plants.

[Lunamor she/her]

They aren’t normally able to operate flame throwers, you see.