The Longest Thread (Misadventures)

[Borio Singaldi he/him]

But the Lord Ruler defeated them with pickles made from Wayne's number sense.

Page 101, yeet!

Edited August 28, 2018 by Firerust

[Wondercat]

The Pickles were quite poisonous, and only found in hidden regions called Pickle Swamp. 

Edited August 28, 2018 by Wondercat

[whattheHoid she/her]

Even with the pickles, the Lord Ruler didn't think much of the ghanderflaffles rebellion. This was after all the ghanderflaffles 50th rebellion. The Kandra just laughed at the ghanderflaffle. 

 

Edited August 28, 2018 by whattheHoid

[Gancho Libre he/him]

The ghanderflaffles felt bad that the Kandras were laughing at them.

[whattheHoid she/her]

So the ghanderflaffles decided to start a rebellion against the Kandra. The Kandra still laughed at them and employed Kelsier.

[Kidpen he/him]

Kelsier went along with it until he realixed he was on the side that wasn't the rebellion this time.

[whattheHoid she/her]

So, Kelsier did what came natural to him. He started a religion about himself.

[Gancho Libre he/him]

It was called kelsierism.

[BitBitio he/him]

Everyone but the ghanderflaffles worshipped him. They worshipped Nose Pickins and Hagrid.

[whattheHoid she/her]

Butt was starting to feel left out, so he created a religion of his own where he is god. The Shades and koloss followed this religion. It was called Fartisim.

[BitBitio he/him]

Arnold was the head priest of this religion and Brandy was the soupmaker.

[whattheHoid she/her]

Soup was the holy/kosher food of Fartisim. This is mainly because that was all Brandy could cook decently. The Shades didn't mind as they didn't eat. The koloss on the other hand...

[BitBitio he/him]

....preferred eating dirt. They are koloss, after all.

Oh, did I mention that Brandy was paid by Butt to make butt soup, and was paid in vodka?

[whattheHoid she/her]

This then came as no surprise as to why the soup was just barely tolerable. Butt soup and vodka was what Butt and his followers are and drank. The butt soup was made with the butts of non-believers.

[Ink he/him]

Many of Butt's followers enjoyed the soup, not understanding what it is.

[whattheHoid she/her]

This was because most of their taste buds were duds. The few who could taste the soup, were markedly more intoxicated.

[Kidpen he/him]

They began slurring their words, causing many hilarious misunderstandings.

[whattheHoid she/her]

They kept trying to repeat Fartisms Creed, which was "Farts are stored in the Butt." - an essential principal in  Fartomancy. However it came out as, "Pee is stored in the Heart."

[Silva]

Then the thread’s residential Jew commented that the soup was supposedly kosher, but butts aren’t kosher. 

Therefore Brandy must have been using certified kosher ingredients such as vegetarian butts, made of soy and vegetables. 

Butt wasn’t happy when he found out.

 

[whattheHoid she/her]

The thread's residential, I dunno what the bleep is out there, Alien god? Odin? Cthulhu (storms, I hope not!), didn't even know cosmere butts weren't kosher. Even Brandy didn't know, he got all his ingredients half off in the Elendel Basin. Butt fired Brandy from kitchen duty and put Arnold in charge instead. This time, Butt wrote down the butt soup ingredients. Unfortunately, Butt can't write very well and Arnold can't read. This produced some interesting results.

[Silva]

These included chickpea stuffed spiders.

Time machines save lives. AKA edit buttons.

Edited August 29, 2018 by Silva

[Kidpen he/him]

*chuckles evilly*

There were very explicitly no chickpea stuffed spiders, because it hasn't been said canonically before now. There may have been ice cream.

[whattheHoid she/her]

Thank goodness there were no chickpea stuffed spiders as that sounds gross and horrifying. In addition to ice cream, there may have been some haggis in there as well. Luckily, Brandy realized he need something stronger for the people than vodka, so he got some Everclear and 151.

Edited August 29, 2018 by whattheHoid

[Kidpen he/him]

Unfortunately, many narrators were children, and had no idea what the heck that is.

[whattheHoid she/her]

Haggis, yo, is this...Scottish dish consisting of a sheep's or calf's offal mixed with suet, oatmeal, and seasoning and boiled in a bag, traditionally one made from the animal's stomach. It looks and sounds gross.

The people who ate this new concoction called "soup" were disgusted and decided to create their own branch of Fartisim. A religion without constant eating soup, they kept the liquor thing going though.