The Longest Thread (Misadventures)

[Snipexe he/him]

So he burned Lift’s store to the ground, screaming DELICOUS NOODLES(tm) Forever!!!!!

[Devout Pathian]

Lift then sued him for arson.

[Nerd3.14159265358979 he/him]

He counter-sued for copyright infringement.

[Devout Pathian]

Their friendship collapsed like a toy block castle meet by a three-year-old, as they both searched out for the best lawyers in the cosmere.

[Apollyon he/him]

Butt eventually settled on having Rock as his lawyer.

[Toaster Retribution he/him]

Lift settled on Odium. 

[Nerd3.14159265358979 he/him]

Rock called Odium an airsick lowlander, and Odium ran off, passionately crying.

[Devout Pathian]

Thereby Rock won the first round of lawyering.  They were playing best three out of five.

[Toaster Retribution he/him]

Odium won the second one by Everstorming Rock to Braize. On Braize, Rock encountered an evil spren named Emma. 

[Hemalurgic Headshot he/him]

Since the next round of lawyering was going to be unfathomably intense (and would be broadcast throughout the Cosmere), they needed a judge. Ham became the judge, and Emma was bailiff. 

[Devout Pathian]

Before Ham let anyone begin he asked them all to answer what justice was?  Not what they thought it was, but what it truly was.

[Nerd3.14159265358979 he/him]

Odium said it was a world where what he said went, and Rock said that it was a world where everyone like soup, and since neither of those made sense, he almost said that they both lost: therefore they both won, creating a paradox which they had to solve for the point. Then he decided otherwise (he now had no faith in their intellectual capacity to even begin exploring a paradox) and chose Rock, since he liked soup.

[Devout Pathian]

Rock now had two points and Odium had one.  If Rock were to win, then the whole contest would be over and Rock would win and thereby Butt would also would win.  The heat was up.  No time for messing around.

[Gancho Libre he/him]

it was tense.

then again, we've all experienced tense.

its everywhere in the past.

Edited June 4, 2018 by Gancho Libre

[Apollyon he/him]

It was very intense, in the way that it was in the tense. Which tense you ask? Every tense.

[Devout Pathian]

It wasn’t just tense in the present, future, past.  It was also tense in the simple present, simple past, the future, present continuous, past continuous, future continuous, present perfect, past perfect, future perfect, present perfect continuous, past perfect continnuous, and future perfect continuous.

Sorry I couldn’t resist.

[Apollyon he/him]

This hurt Butt’s mind in every tense.

[Nerd3.14159265358979 he/him]

It also hurt Rock's mind in every tense. But that was Ham's secret challenge: Make Rock and Odium think through all of the tenses, and then measure how successful they were, how fast they were, and how much their brains hurt at the end. (And in which tenses.) They were almost tied, but Odium, being a Shard and having much more mental capacity than Rock, didn't have a headache, so he won.

[Apollyon he/him]

That was Odium’s 2nd win. Since the lawyering was best 3 out of 5; this next round was the tiebreaker.

[Hemalurgic Headshot he/him]

Emma, the bailiff, was not amused with Ham's confusing judgery, so she proposed that the tiebreaker be resolved by a best 2 out of 3 round of Rock Paper Scissors.

[Devout Pathian]

For the first round, Rock choose rock (which he figured was the best option there was) while Odium picked scissors, because it can cut things.  Rock figured that since he won the first round of Rock Paper Scissors, with his name if figured that it would work again.  Odium saw through his clever ploy and choose paper, thereby winning the second round.

Whoever one the last round of Rock Paper Scissors would win it all.

[Apollyon he/him]

So the two battled it out, always somehow tying on rock and scissors. They never chose paper. 

Eventually Odium thought that this was ridiculous and chose paper, praying for Rock to choose Rock. The hands changed, and Rock chose scissors.

[Guest]

Helleu (pronounced helloo) I haven't posted in this thread (yet) but I just wanted to say that it is an awesome idea and I like it very much! As I read this, I realized how it was sometimes annoying and confusing to read in this format of posting, and so I (by hand) copied and pasted everything into a google doc and wrote a program to try and fix formatting. This is the product:https://docs.google.com/document/d/1alzgzw_ZHV-sLHPe3jg_XPCP2VOud3sY5eozOUdeiII/edit?usp=sharing I hope you all like it and find it very useful! I will try to update this every day (unless I'm on vacation or dead. Or both.) Anyways keep having fun writing, and for new readers (dunno why they'd go all the way to the end first) it may be easier to catch up on the many (awesome) pages of backstory by reading this first. You all can totally pay me in upvotes. (jk I don't need upvotes to feel validated ha! Oh wait. Yes I do...)

Edited June 5, 2018 by Guest

[AonEne he/him]

15 minutes ago, theRoyalDingus said:

Helleu I haven't posted in this thread (yet) but I just wanted to say that it is an awesome idea and I like it very much! As I read this, I realized how it was sometimes annoying and confusing to read in this format of posting, and so I (by hand) copied and pasted everything into a google doc and wrote a program to try and fix formatting. This is the product:https://docs.google.com/document/d/1alzgzw_ZHV-sLHPe3jg_XPCP2VOud3sY5eozOUdeiII/edit?usp=sharing I hope you all like it and find it very useful! I will try to update this every day (unless I'm on vacation or dead. Or both.) Anyways keep having fun writing, and for new readers (dunno why they'd go all the way to the end first) it may be easier to catch up on the many (awesome) pages of backstory by reading this first.

Ha! This is great!

[Toaster Retribution he/him]

Odium lost, and got mad. He told his evil spren Emma to murder Rock and Ham for him. He couldn’t do it himself since he needed to rest after his intense lawyering.