Explain a Plot Badly

[AonEne he/him]

12 hours ago, Fully_Invested said:

Guys, I can't even. This is gold.

Such a pure alloy of it that you could store health. 

The 17th Shard's History In Relation To The DA and TUBA 

Spoiler

A bunch of nerds and book fanatics talk to each other about murder and cookies. 

 

[Quickbronze he/him]

1 minute ago, AonEne said:

Such a pure alloy of it that you could store health. 

Such a pure sample. If it was an alloy, it would, by definition, not be pure.

[AonEne he/him]

My bad. That's what I meant. 

[Windrunner2319]

These are so much fun.

Bands of Mourning

Spoiler

It starts with wedding, ends with a wedding, and there is a really blood family reunion in the middle.

 

[Angsos]

Alcatraz 1

Spoiler

A book about a boy complaining and interrupting himself. There's also dinosaurs

 

[Wyndlerunner he/him]

On 4/25/2018 at 8:05 AM, Mistspren said:

Elantris

  Reveal hidden contents

Two dead guys spend a whole book trying to fix a dor.

 

I'm laughing so hard right now

[Archer he/him]

Shadows of Self: Despite the title sounding like a luddite's name for selfies, the book is about some giraffes who live in the Roughs. Their lives are occasionally interrupted by noisy humans. 

[Zath he/him]

Spoilers for the original Mistborn trilogy (TFE, WoA, HoA).   

Spoiler

Mistborn TFE: A teenage girl named Vin finds that she enjoys wearing dresses and going to parties.  And also using magic to kill people.  Her mentor's brother Marsh gets a complete makeover.

WoA: Marsh is angst-y.  Vin's boyfriend Elend gets a complete makeover.  The eunuch Sazed falls in love, but a horde of eldritch monsters creates a lot of unnecessary drama. Vin and her crazy stalker flirt with each other by trying to kill each other.  This ends badly.  Vin takes a bath, dooms the world.  

HoA:  Vin's friend Spook gets a complete makeover, becomes freakin' awesome.  Elend grows a beard and thinks about mist.  An eldritch monster makes a clever pun.  Sazed gets a complete makeover.

Warbreaker spoilers.

Spoiler

Warbreaker: It turns out that almost everyone is color-blind.  A cheerful sword is everyone's favorite character misunderstands basic concepts of morality.  Lots of things are awake, even though they're not, really.

Alternate Warbreaker.
 

Spoiler

Warbreaker:  Eleanor Estes' "The Hundred Dresses" adaptation by Christopher Nolan.

 

Elantris spoilers.

Spoiler

Elantris:  Should've taken a double major in calligraphy and cartography...

 

Edited April 28, 2018 by Zath
Adjusted my Warbreaker bad plot summary and added an alternate one.

[AonEne he/him]

You WoA and HoA are SO GOOD. 

[Zath he/him]

Thank you!  I thought so too, but it was like midnight when I posted, so I half-suspected that it only seemed funny to me because I was loopy from sleep-deprivation.  Glad to know that's not the case (at least, not entirely the case )

[Apollyon he/him]

Alcatraz spoilers:

Spoiler

A boy who hates himself does cool stuff with his collection of monocles.

Reckoners spoilers:

Spoiler

Steelheart: Superman kills himself with a kid’s pen.

Firefight: An adolescent boy whines cause he can’t swim and kills his girlfriend.

Calamity: A giant glowy star is really salty.

 

 

[Truthweaver she/her]

Avengers: Infinity War

Spoiler

Your childhood heroes are beaten, tortured, killed, and emotionally broken by a giant purple alien with a bejeweled oven mitt. Oh, and there's also a wizard.

 

[Ashspren]

Steelheart:

Spoiler

Gives a new meaning to “the pen is the mightiest weapon.”

Firefight:

Spoiler

Mizzy better get her sparking cookie.

Calamity:

Spoiler

A bunch of people die and everyone’s sad.

Also, everyone is caught third-wheeling David and Megan. No Sanderfans are sad.

Final Empire:

Spoiler

A man is so overprotective of his teenage adoptive daughter that he tries to kill her boyfriend.

Well of Ascension:

Spoiler

A girl’s boyfriend’s mentally unstable brother hits on her even though the creepy voice in his head is telling him not to.

Hero of the Ages:

Spoiler

Made a bunch of teenage Sanderfans a lot more excited for their Sweet Sixteens...

Also, a man trying to become atheist becomes God.

Warbreaker:

Spoiler

A super grumpy guy has a super awesome sword that also doubles as a wingman. His name is Vasher.

This super awesome princess with color changing hair replaces her big sister as a sacrifice to this scary king dude, who actually turns out to be the BIGGEST SOFTIE EVER.

Elantris:

Spoiler

People who used to be gods are now scared of paper cuts.

(I don’t blame them.)

Sixth of the Dusk:

Spoiler

People with no originality like talking about spaceships and have big fancy pet birds.

The Emperor’s Soul:

Spoiler

Tables have feelings too.

White Sand:

Spoiler

Sand Castle Building Contests 2.0

Shadows for Silence in the Forests of Hell:

Spoiler

A lady kills people for money and keeps her grandmother in a closet.

STORMLIGHT ARCHIVE

Kaladin’s Plot Arc:

Spoiler

A super gloomy man has a super cheerful imaginary friend that also doubles as a wingwoman, and all Sanderfans love them.

Aka, Vasher the sequel.

Shallan’s Plot Arc:

Spoiler

A girl gets bested by a stick.

 

Renarin’s Plot Arc:

Spoiler

A guy who’s always been less than his brother now gets to see stuff from the future. Does that count as better yet?

Jasnah’s Plot Arc:

Spoiler

Everyone has a gigantic debate over how to pronounce her name. Turns out it’s YOSS-nah.

Does a bunch of kick-butt stuff like a QUEEN. Slay girl slay.

Lift’s Plot Arc:

Spoiler

An awesome girl uses her awesomeness to steal people’s breakfast.

Sadeas’s Plot Arc:

Spoiler

Can he just die already?

*Adolin kills Sadeas*

We love Adolin even more now.

 

Stick’s Plot Arc:

Spoiler

“I am a stick.”

What a legend.

 

Edited August 27, 2018 by Ashspren

[AonEne he/him]

But the greatshells aren't the Parshendi gods.

Also, I will forevermore pronounce it JAHs-nah. And no one can stop me.

[Mistspren she/her]

Ooh, just thought of an even better one than my last one for Shadows for Silence.

Spoiler

Everyone is so shocked when grandma comes out of the closet, the tax collector dies.

 

Edited May 1, 2018 by Mistspren

[Ashspren]

2 hours ago, AonEne said:

But the greatshells aren't the Parshendi gods.

Also, I will forevermore pronounce it JAHs-nah. And no one can stop me.

Thanks, I fixed it. And I pronounce is JAZ-nah, and no matter how many times I tried to correct it, it just goes back. Same thing with Sarene: I will always say Suh-REEN and not Suh-REE-nee (or Sun-RAY-nay, Sanderson said either one of those was correct).

 

Edited May 1, 2018 by Ashspren

[Ashspren]

1 hour ago, Mistspren said:

Ooh, just thought of an even better one than my last one for Shadows for Silence.

  Reveal hidden contents

 

Sorry for the double post, but there was weird formatting...

 

THIS. IS. GOLD.

[Quickbronze he/him]

I always pronounced Sarene "sah-REN" 

JAZ-nah for me as well 

[Rebecca she/her]

Really? I pronounce them YAS-nah and Sah-REE-nee, but I’ve been corrected by a friend on Sarene’s name. So I always thought I was saying it wrong.

[Ashspren]

23 minutes ago, Rebecca said:

Really? I pronounce them YAS-nah and Sah-REE-nee, but I’ve been corrected by a friend on Sarene’s name. So I always thought I was saying it wrong.

Sanderson has an official Elantris pronunciation guide on his website... that’s how I learned it. Check it out! It’s cool.

Edited May 2, 2018 by Ashspren

[AonEne he/him]

1 hour ago, Ashspren said:

Thanks, I fixed it. And I pronounce is JAZ-nah, and no matter how many times I tried to correct it, it just goes back. Same thing with Sarene: I will always say Suh-REEN and not Suh-REE-nee (or Sun-RAY-nay, Sanderson said either one of those was correct).

 

I think we have the same pronunciation on Jasnah's name. I also say SAHR-een. 

[Zath he/him]

On 5/1/2018 at 3:32 PM, Mistspren said:

Ooh, just thought of an even better one than my last one for Shadows for Silence.

  Reveal hidden contents

Everyone is so shocked when grandma comes out of the closet, the tax collector dies.

 

 This is the best.  @Mistspren, if I could give you more upvotes for that, I would.

[Mistspren she/her]

Thank you, @Zath and @Ashspren. 

Edited May 2, 2018 by Mistspren

[Xtafa]

A garbageman stalks a potplant to save humanity from AI

[Quickbronze he/him]

1 minute ago, Xtafa said:

A garbageman stalks a potplant to save humanity from AI

what is that?