Mistspren she/her Posted March 6, 2018 Posted March 6, 2018 Sixth of the Dusk Spoiler Man threatens armed fort with death via bird to keep them from opening a box. Fails. Also there’s telekinesis vultures and demon whales. Edgedancer Spoiler Girl runs away to steal pancakes from insane hyper law abiding killers, saves a stump, hugs aforementioned psychopath in the middle of a hateful storm that turns slaves into devils, and meets a creepy old collective conscience of ants stalking her for philosophical reasons. Shadows for Silence in the Forests of Hell Spoiler Bounty hunter mom kills a group of men in a forest full of color codedly vengeful spirits with bags and glow paste and accidentally hurts one of the men she’s killing, causing the spirits to go berserk until she kills her tax collector with her dead grandma. Stormlight Archive [OB spoilers] Spoiler A bunch of depressed people team up with ideas to fly, make magical illusions, and save the world from long dead evil ghosts and ideas inhabiting rocks and rock/crab people. Most surprisingly of all, no LSD is involved. Just a little firemoss... Mistborn Original Trilogy Spoiler An unstable megalomaniac criminal mastermind hold a mutiny, trains a shy girl to be a murderer, dies, becomes a god, the girl kills a bad god, frees a bigger badder god to rule the world with body piercings and volcanos. A man believing ‘all the religions’ decides they are all lies. Then to prove them all wrong, he becomes god. Both of them. Mistborn Wax and Wayne [BoM and SH spoilers] Spoiler A lawman, kleptomaniac, detective girl, and pragmatic girl kill the lawmans immortal friend. Then God has the lawman kill his dead ex. A family reunion ends with 3/3 parties dead, but 2/3 are only mostly dead. God has company. The kleptomaniac has a hat. Oh, and steals a feruchemical nuke. Oops. The aforementioned megalomaniac refuses to be dead and instead thaws out people with masks and planes. They also have chocolate. Theres always another secret. That’s all I’m doing for now. This is really fun! 12
Farnsworth Posted March 6, 2018 Posted March 6, 2018 Shadows For Silence Spoiler A bounty hunter lures in criminals by running an inn that is haunted by the spirit of her dead abusive grandma. She thinks about her dead abusive grandma while killing a guy without stabbing him. Ghosts give her daughter a serious dermatological issue, and she calms down her phsycopathicly vengeful adopted toddler. Then her dead abusive grandma helps her out. 1
Wyndlerunner he/him Posted March 8, 2018 Posted March 8, 2018 Star Wars TLJ: Hey look! Theory subversion!
Personification he/him Posted March 12, 2018 Posted March 12, 2018 (edited) On 3/5/2018 at 11:17 PM, Mistspren said: Sixth of the Dusk Hide contents Man threatens armed fort with death via bird to keep them from opening a box. Fails. Also there’s telekinesis vultures owlbears and demon whales aboleths. I think this is more accurate. Edited March 12, 2018 by Personification 1
Zelly Posted March 12, 2018 Posted March 12, 2018 (edited) These are hysterical! Sixth of Dusk Spoiler A man who traps birds on a predatory island has to learn how to talk to girls Oathbringer (I mean, spoilers I guess?) Spoiler Alcoholic rage machine gives himself magical amnesia to forget he was an alcoholic rage machine. Edited March 12, 2018 by Zellyia 4
Unlicensed Hemalurgist he/him Posted March 20, 2018 Posted March 20, 2018 Star Wars Legacy of the Force: Revelation
ghajan monk Posted March 20, 2018 Posted March 20, 2018 The dictionary. Spoiler A book shorter than oathbringer. 9
Quickbronze he/him Posted March 22, 2018 Posted March 22, 2018 (edited) Deltora Quest Spoiler Overall Spoiler Seven magical gems go on a quest to reunite with each other and defeat the Dark Lord, escaping many dangerous situations and wicked foes. They also enlisted a few humans as transportation. Will do the individual books later. The Emperor's Soul Spoiler Magic postal stamps allow you to import things from alternate timelines Allomancer Jak and the Pits of Etania, episodes twenty eight through thirty Spoiler The epic tale of one man's struggle to stave off the twin demons of misquotes and exaggeration. Also there's an adventure in there somewhere? Fablehaven & Dragonwatch Spoiler Overall Spoiler Macguffins are king Fablehaven Spoiler Seth gets tricked. Causes problems. Fablehaven: Rise of the Evening Star Spoiler Seth gets tricked. Causes problems. Macguffin one is found Fablehaven: Curse of the Shadow Plague Spoiler Seth actually helped! ...by getting better help. He immediately gets into trouble that he needs to be bailed out of by the new help. Macguffin two is found Fablehaven: Secrets of the Dragon Sanctuary Spoiler Seth's recklessness works out one more time. Macguffin three is found; by the enemy Fablehaven: Keys to the Demon Prison Spoiler Seth loses his win streak and gets tricked, causing problems. Macguffins four and five are found. The enemy has number five, and the good guys lose number four. Oh wait, now they've lost all of them. Seth saves the day by finding another macguffin though, so it's all good. Dragonwatch Spoiler Seth's recklessness pays off once more; however, this time he puts someone else at risk. Wonder what'll happen when he inevitably messes up again? Edited March 22, 2018 by Quickbronze 7
Sunbird she/her Posted March 22, 2018 Posted March 22, 2018 @Quickbronze Your Fablehaven descriptions are fantastic! I LOL'd so hard.
Quickbronze he/him Posted March 22, 2018 Posted March 22, 2018 8 hours ago, Sunbird said: @Quickbronze Your Fablehaven descriptions are fantastic! I LOL'd so hard. Good
AonEne he/him Posted April 16, 2018 Posted April 16, 2018 This thread isn't too abandoned for me to post, is it? Sorry if it is. Elantris Spoiler Some people die; then the dead people die again and later become gods. More people die. The Hope of Elantris Spoiler See the above. Except not the kids. Also, pregnancy. Mistborn Spoiler A man teaches a girl the joys of murdering. She falls in love and murders someone who was her love's lover. He loves her. WOA Spoiler Murdering occurs. On the scale of a war. HOA Spoiler Two gods die. There is more murdering. AOL Spoiler Murdering...with guns! SOS Spoiler Essentially the same as above, with extra Wayne. BOM Spoiler See the above with death. Oathbringer Spoiler One god is confused. Another is confusing. The last is murderous. 7
ScarletSabre he/him Posted April 18, 2018 Posted April 18, 2018 Shadows for Silence - Spoiler Woman with an abusive grandmother uses glow in the dark paste to make horses urinate in order to pay off her inn's debts. Sixth of the Dusk - Spoiler An alien choking to death causes a shipwrecked girl to learn about birds from a man who has a love/hate relationship with his father, who happens to be an island. Elantris - Spoiler Zombies stub their toes until they go insane, try to become not-zombies, while a girl becomes a technical necrophiliac. 3
ScarletSabre he/him Posted April 18, 2018 Posted April 18, 2018 (edited) Warbreaker - Spoiler A princess needs to be impregnated by a god, but they can't have sex due to him havng no tongue. Her sister meets a homeless man who talks to little creatures he makes out of straw and learns from him about love, and tying people up. Edited April 18, 2018 by Rawrbert 6
Ink he/him Posted April 24, 2018 Posted April 24, 2018 Ender's game a kid is bred to be a supergenius and goes into space to fight bugs. Then he plays a video game and kills the bugs but the video game was real. He then goes to a part from his game and takes the last bug egg. Eragon a kid becomes friends with a dragon and learns to speak a new language Fablehaven kids drink milk and see magic creatures. (What was in that milk?) 4
ScarletSabre he/him Posted April 24, 2018 Posted April 24, 2018 Hero of Ages Spoiler Bad accessorising stops the protagonist from becoming a god, while a depressed man is imprisoned alongside ancient blobs of goo. 4
Kidpen he/him Posted April 24, 2018 Posted April 24, 2018 5 hours ago, ScarletSabre said: Hero of Ages Hide contents Bad accessorising stops the protagonist from becoming a god, while a depressed man is imprisoned alongside ancient blobs of goo. *As an ancient blob of goo.
Weedolfin she/her Posted April 24, 2018 Posted April 24, 2018 On 4/18/2018 at 7:40 AM, ScarletSabre said: Warbreaker - Hide contents A princess needs to be impregnated by a god, but they can't have sex due to him havng no tongue. Her sister meets a homeless man who talks to little creatures he makes out of straw and learns from him about love, and tying people up. I ran out of likes I can give to posts, but this is so great lol - so consider this a little thumbs up 2
Windrunner2319 Posted April 24, 2018 Posted April 24, 2018 (edited) Stormlight Archives Spoiler Way of Kings/Words of Radience: Shallan: A woman kills her parents, who are involved with secret societies, grieves for her brother, who was involved with another secret society, is poisoned by her boyfriend, who is in a secret society, Survives an assassination attempt by a secret society, and joins a secret society. Edited April 24, 2018 by Windrunner2319 I realized I went past the end of WoK... 8
Weedolfin she/her Posted April 24, 2018 Posted April 24, 2018 1 minute ago, Windrunner2319 said: Stormlight Archives Hide contents Way of Kings: Shallan: A woman kills her parents, who are involved with secret societies, grieves for her brother, who was involved with another secret society, is poisoned by her boyfriend, who is in a secret society, Survives an assassination attempt by a secret society, and joins a secret society. I love it, alternate title The Way of Secret Societies
Windrunner2319 Posted April 24, 2018 Posted April 24, 2018 On 3/21/2018 at 9:14 PM, Quickbronze said: Hide contents Magic postal stamps allow you to import things from alternate timelines My understanding of that magic system just tripled. 2
Khyrindor he/him Posted April 24, 2018 Posted April 24, 2018 Farseer Trilogy (though I'm not done the first book yet): Spoiler A boy grows up losing every fight, and breaks more promises than he keeps.
ScarletSabre he/him Posted April 25, 2018 Posted April 25, 2018 (edited) 14 hours ago, Weedolfin said: I ran out of likes I can give to posts, but this is so great lol - so consider this a little thumbs up Haha, thank you! Glad you like it ^^ Harry Potter The Philosopher's Stone Spoiler An abused orphan goes to boarding school, makes friends, helps a staff member cover up a crime, and after taking a long look at himself in a mirror, decides that the way to save the day and stop the murderer after him is to touch his teacher inappropriately. The Chamber of Secrets Spoiler A boy on the cusp of puberty learns he can talk to his snake, and plumbing problems cause a ghost, a cat and several students to stiffen. To find out what's causing it our hero and his friends drug classmates and in the process discover their female friend is a furry. And a celebrity develops sudden amnesia after going into the bathroom for his young female students. The Prisoner of Azkaban Spoiler A new teacher forces a class to reveal their deepest fears, including that one student is both amused and scared of an abusive teacher crossdressing. Time-travel shenanigans allow our hero and his friends to save an animal that gored a student (simply because they don't like this fellow student), and a temporal paradox becomes a life saving plot point. Meanwhile evidence to exonorate our hero's godfather is lost because it's that time of the month for the new teacher, and our hero gets a piece of paper, created by his father, that invades the privacy of everyone in the school. Plus we find out one of our young heroes has been keeping a much older man as a pet and letting him sleep snuggled up to him in bed. The Goblet of Fire Spoiler A story that starts off with a gardener being murdered by a foetus progresses to inter-school sporting events, which stress the friendships of our heroes. Teenage hormones help crossing the language barrier at a dance, and our hero gets spied on in the bath by someone younger and at the same time older than him. Plus it turns out they never really knew the paranoid, flask-swigging teacher who showed them mind-control, torture and death on animals in the classroom, thanks to the issues with his luggage he's been having all year. Oh, and one of our heroes keeps a human being trapped in a jar in the shape of an insect for the heinous crime of being a journalist. The Order of the Phoenix Spoiler Our hero learns never to trust government appointed officials as the new teacher makes him literally carve propoganda into his own flesh. Meanwhile he has private lessons with the headmaster, which turns out to be the very old man recounting the past disjointedly, which leaves our hero even more confused. Oh, and probable offscreen centaur gangrape and the trauma it causes is used as comeuppance to lighten the mood after misinterpreting dreams causes people to die. The Half-Blood Prince Spoiler Blindly following the advice of scribbled notes in an old textbook causes our hero to get good grades, become lucky, and shiv his rival. Said rival has a year long struggle with helping friends come out of the closet, and in the end while he can do that, he can't go the natural step further and commit murder. And it turns out that the person who stalked and had an obsession with our hero's mother even years after her death, had a hobby of murdering insects in the school holidays from boredom and was abusive to our hero from the moment they met was evil all along. Who'd have thunk it? The Deathly Hallows Spoiler Three teenagers go on a quest to murder magical Hitler one piece at a time. But quitting school a year early to live in a tent causes one of our heroes to make their parents forget their very existence, another to get a good chunk of his flesh ripped from his body as they run from trying to infiltrate the government, and the third to use what's essentially mind rape on someone unsuspecting and just doing their job. Our heroes manage to complete their quest thanks to a weapon given to them by his mother's stalker, help and a passage revealed to them by a goat molester, friends dying for them, and our hero being given a literal extra life like in a video game. And in the epilogue we find out our hero decided that he'd rather name his son after the person who murdered his mentor, stalked his mother and verbally and mentally abused him for years, rather than his godfather or the friend who took him from his abusive home for the first time, brought him his first birthday cake, bought his animal companion who was a dear friend for years to him, risked his life taking him from his abusive home for the last time and literally wept over him as he carried his dead body. Oh, and there are at least six people our hero knows who now know exactly what he looks like naked from the start of the book. Edited April 25, 2018 by ScarletSabre Typos 10
Mistspren she/her Posted April 25, 2018 Posted April 25, 2018 Elantris Spoiler Two dead guys spend a whole book trying to fix a dor. 12
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